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November 21, 2010 - 10:07am
Chronic - a poem by Stephen K. Cooper (c) 2010 Please comment
Chronic
By Stephen K. Cooper © 2010
In the comfort of my dreams, I feel no pain.
No heartache. No hurt coursing through this unpredictable frame of mine.
I’m clear like a stream, questing for the blue ocean’s warmth
But Time, my subtle enemy, rushes me unwillingly towards the moment I awake.
I struggle to smother all the small prickles of fear that the coming transition will bring.
The warm comfort of my dreamscape fades.
I wake into a world of tattered thoughts, unkind nerve endings and the edge of memory.
Still, I hope it might be a good day.
Maybe no rain in the forecast, bringing chronic pain.
No mysterious body movements that spark instant regret.
I fill my lungs with the sweet life of morning and hope.
But then, like a death-row denizen, I exhale.
Slowly I breathe out hate for the pinch of thorns shackling my release.
Hot, dull, deep, unrelenting, and unforgiving pain greets me.
In between each breath, I debate the sacrificial bargain awaiting my acceptance.
Do I swallow each small capsule at every appointed hour?
With just the right combination of rainbow tablets, I will be granted the power to bring this disaster under control.
I summon the strength of will to exchange my cool intellect for a dulled, foggy existence haunted by the grey specter of pain.
For just one more day, I agree to do less, think and be less.
In exchange, the thorns will be blunted just enough for me to remember.
When true night falls, I will dream again.
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OMG Scoop....thank you for that!!That was SOO TRUE and BEAUTIFUL!!!
PLIF L4-S1 on July 28 of 08'. With all the bells and whistles-titanium. MVA has cause cervical issues with numbness and weakness. I am scared!!
Nice words, you have captured a moment of time, very well. I enjoyed your vision!
I am here - do I really need to explain this more!? LOL
I enjoyed this very much.
Thank you, for sharing this with us.
Tammy
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference". Reinhold Niebuhr
That was awesome, thank you for sharing.
11/2007- equestrian accident. Fractured L2, 90% loss of height, retropulsion, bone fragments. Moderate-severe chronic pain treated with epidurals, facet ablation, medication.
12/15/2010- L2 corpectomy and L1-L3 fusion via thoracotomy. Posterior plates installed next day. Total surgery time 9 hours!
"For just one more day, I agree to do less, think and be less.
In exchange, the thorns will be blunted just enough for me to remember.
When true night falls, I will dream again."
Great poem! Shudder, the closing, soooo true! Thanks for sharing Scoop!!
Brenda
ACDF C5/6 2/08 - C6/7 8/09 - Neuropathy right arm and both legs - Cervical Myelopathy
10-11-11 PCF C4-T2 - C4-C7 Lamies; Surgery #2 Emergent removal large Hematoma!
L2/3/4 & L5/S1 fusions and Laminectomy on hold till neck fused.
For the full "Cliff Notes" please click my name!
"Life can knock us down, but we can choose whether or not to get up!!"
Great!
Debbie
ACDF C5-6 October 4, 2010
Very nice' but sad.
L4 L5 disc replacement in 2004=causing nerve damage'Flexicore disc. 2006 fusion same level leaving adr in. Fusion did nothing to releive the nerve pain.Pain clinic=every injection procedure avalable inc,razadamy, ablation, nerve stimulater trial,morphine pump trial all failed. Pain can be described as burning pain in lower spine penetrating in to left buttock,down left leg. Refuse to take lyrica or nuorontin do to its side effect,Leaving me with norco,valume,and flexiril at night.Which these medications only help with the muscle aches and stiffnes does nothing for the nerve pain from the nerve damage sustained from the adr surgery.Coming up nov.19th 2009 Lami, and hardware removal from fusion,for hardware just causing more pain in other areas.Hardware block comfirmed hardware is also causing pain in diferent area aside from the severe nerve pain on left side.Emg showed some posible problem above surgery are at L3 L4.
Great poem. Really poignant, spoken from someone who knows. May I share it with credit to you?
Its a wonderful sharing of the experience!
more!
Suicide Hotline
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This is too true, this lovely poem. I long for sleep because then I don't have to think about this degenerating neck of mine, the need for a job, the troubles that each day can and generally does bring.
Thanks for sharing, even though it brought a tear to my eye today.
Very prophetic and beautiful.
Cathie
~ October 21, 2008 - ACDF, 3-level (C4/5, 5/6 6/7), with hardware and eight screws. All fused and hardware is stable.
~ January 6, 2010 - TLIF at L4/5, two rods and four pedicle screws.
~ July 2010 - New CT and MRI on cervical shows further problems above fusion at C2/3 and worst at C3/4.
I am in no way affiliated with the medical profession. Any recommendations I make are based on my personal experiences only, so do not take my comments as medical rules.
Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. I knew I would find people who could relate to this.
/scoop
As with lots of you this poem captured my reality,
Thank you for putting the words to paper that we feel
so deeply everyday.
Thanks Scoop
I was wondering if you would like to be a guest poster on my blog? and in exchange you could include one link the post? Please reply when you get a chance and I will send you my contact details - thanks.
curt
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