Depression and Coping
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Dad

We wait the hours until death comes to take him. There is no stopping the tide as it washes over his wasted body.
Mine is to feed and change him as he did me 42 years ago,
to comfort him in his waning hour. where did time go?
my lifetime so far hasnt been enough.
A bright new dawning waits for his passage into that final dark.The clocks ticking, eloquently obscene in the night.
I cannot fight for him
I cannot defend him
I cannot protect him from the pain of life
I cannot wait at the door for this wolf to come, for he has already passed my guard.
So Here I wait.

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I hope you have and wish you

I hope you have and wish you fondest memories of your Pa, and that your time together is is warm and caring.

My thoughts are with you.

Eve

_____________

acdf C5-6 & C6-7 with all the fix'ins
Myelopathy
Tarlov Cynst S2

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Sorry Ranch

A poem wrote with tears in your pen. Take care. Charry

_____________

My 2nd MRI showed no herniated disc and no stenosis. Mild loss of signal intensity in intervertebral discs L1-S1 and mild loss of height from L1-L4. Mild DDD throughout the lumber spine. Still have back pain and some leg tingling, numbness though. 3rd opinion Neurosurgeon Oct. 6, 2009.

1st report last year Feb. 2008.
L5-S1 herniated disc with annular tear with disc material in contact with L5 exiting nerve, arthropy facet joints L4-L5. 5 Epidurals. Facet joint injections and 64 trigger point injections. Off work 21 months due to back and leg pain. Not a surgical candidate x 2 Ortho opinions. (history C5-7 osteoarthritis and DDD)
Infrared Platinum heating pad 4x/day and while sitting.
MS Contin 120mg, Cymbalta 60mg, lasix 20mg, Diovan for B/P . oxazepam 30mg for sleep. Excercise ball, recumbent stationary bicycle 30 mins. day, posture-pump for lower back. Tried PT, accupuncture, traction. Pool therapy Oct. 27/2009
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14700-self-affirmations/
Charry

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Ranch

I felt the same way back in March and April. My Dad finally gave up the fight 4/6/09. He was buried on Good Friday and the only thing that kept me from feeling all was lost is the fact that maybe (just maybe) he would rise up on the third day just as Jesus had...

I have no profound wisdom to give you at this time. I only wish your Dad peace, and you my friendship...

Jeaux

_____________

JEAUX

I am not a medical professional. BUT, I DID stay in a Holiday Inn last week...

Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

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Peace...

Peace...

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I have no words of wisdom.

Your father is so lucky to have you by his side as he passes into the night.

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What a profoundly deep and

What a profoundly deep and thoughtful prose. My prayers are with you and yours on this, your last minutes, hours, days with your father, your teacher, your medic, your nurse maid, your strength.

Stay strong.

_____________

~kat (my posts are from my own experiences only, I'm NOT a Doctor!)
"Whyme" previously known (or unknown) as "Jusserfinn"
Where did my sig go? Sad (user error?)
For some history, I guess just click on my name Sticking out tongue

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I will say a prayer for your

I will say a prayer for your Dad..you take care...

_____________

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ranger

we are all with you at this difficult moment and wish you and your family the best. peace be with you
sincerely, pete

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Ranch-My prayers are with

Ranch-My prayers are with you.

It is so quiet
this morning
there is no sound
on the wings

_____________

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the spirit is bright

taking charge of the body as it wanes it so hard when you love the spirit inside.. Love Struck remember, it is only the covering and the things you do support what is left of the physical body.. his spirit is bright and waiting to finish it's journey.. Big Hug i hope all the memories will carry you through this difficult time!!! Big Grin all the best,, Jenny Smile

_____________

Double laminectomy L4-L5, bulging discs, DDD, Bone spurs, nerve damage in left leg and hip, DJD, and that to familiar visitor,arthritis

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As always your posts have a lot of deep meaning

I am sorry for your loss. No matter how old we are, the passing of a parent is difficult to take.
My father was very ill for about 10 years and finally he told us he was tired and didnt want to go into a hospital again. So we honored his wishes and he stayed at home while we could be there along with all his grandchildren. To him that was heaven.
He passed away shortly afterward.
My father was a big part of my life, he helped mold me into what I am today.
Thank you for posting , I am sure it wasnt easy

_____________

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Never easy

At the age of 8 my mother died and my dad soon after, my sister's recent passing has made me the head and none of this is easy. My thoughts are with you and your family at this time and son's need hugs.

I will always carry a part of him in me as those who have gone before, our debt needs few words just understanding.

Take care John

_____________

DDD.1990 Laminectomy, Failed spine fusion, hartshill rectangle RLS. 3 stents

Pain is inevitable, misery is optional. Sternbach et al
Pain is a more terrible lord of mankind than even death itself.
Albert Schweitzer 1953.
“It’s not things that trouble us but the views we take of them” Epitectus

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Thank you all

The sadness ambushed me. My faithfull side is at war with the physical and visceral side of me. I love what is the true essence of dad, the soul and what actually make him up. The corporal mortal shell is the part I can hold and behold fully, the part ime gonna miss is what is on the inside. My faith is stronger than my physical longing for him to stay.
He has suffered enough all my life that release will be a wonderfull blessing, He will rise and go on to his brothers and family,Of that I have absolutly no doubt. God will open the way and Jesus will take his hand and take him home when his time is done...here.
which is where we still are and will be when he is gone.
The physical side of me is watching him fade, and im helpless to ease the way or to stop the natural course of life.
One morning i will wake and he would have gone on. I am happy the suffering is going to end.
I am going to be sad too.
Thank you guys for the shoulders.
William.

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William

I know there's nothing I can say to make this difficult time easier but you're in my thoughts and prayers.

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Ranchhand

On angel's wings to God's hands -- so sorry for your heartache.

Judy

_____________

Herniated disk (L5) no surgeries to date, super nasty nerve pain, left leg. 3 epidurals (Jan, Feb 09) (Short term relief) June 09, Second opinion from Ortho doc with new MRI -- not a surgery candidate -- referred to pain management doctor.

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...

I'm so sorry for your loss Ranchhand. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

_____________

Past history: L4-5 central disc herniation, left lateral HNP L5-S1, L4-5 recurrent post op herniation, L4-5 Grade II retrolisthesis,
Current history: Post laminectomy syndrome, scar tissue, permanent nerve damage, severe DDD, facet arthropathy, DJD, OA, chronic degenerative endplate changes

Back Surgeries: Microdiscectomy/ laminectomy,
2 level TLIF/Laminectomy w/ instrumentation
Meds: Methadone 30mg, Oxycodone 15mg, Dilaudid, Cymbalta, Zanaflex, motrin.

Spineys Rule!

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Ranchhand

My thoughts and prayers are with you, my friend.

Cath

_____________

October 21, 2008 - ACDF, 3-level (C4/5, 5/6 6/7), with hardware and eight screws. C4/5 and 5/6 fused, still movement at C6/7.

February 2009 - Lower back pain and sciatic pain.

January 6, 2010 - Scheduled for TLIF at L4/5.

----------------------------

Each forward step we take we leave some phantom of ourselves behind. ~John Lancaster Spalding

----------------------------

I am in no way affiliated with the medical profession. Any recommendations I make are based on my personal experiences only, so do not take my comments as medical rules.

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The Next Room

~~ The Next Room ~~

Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped

away into the next room. I am I, and you are you.

What ever we were to each other, that

we still are. Call me by my old familiar name,

speak to me in the easy way which you

always used. Put no difference in your tone,

wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes

we enjoyed together. Pray, smile, think of me,

pray for me. Let my name be the household word

that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect,

without the trace of a shadow on it. Life means

all that it ever meant, It is the same as it ever was;

there is unbroken continuity, Why should I be

out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere

very near, just round the corner. All is well.

For I have gone to a city where the roses never fade.

~by: Canon Henry Scott Holland~

_____________

JEAUX

I am not a medical professional. BUT, I DID stay in a Holiday Inn last week...

Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

Suicide Help Resources

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Ranchland, You are the one

Ranchland,
You are the one now doing right by your father, facing one of the most difficult challenges of your life. You are now providing peace, strength, love, support and your very self. That, my friend, means more than anything else.

You, your father and your family are all in my prayers. Keep the faith and continue to provide strength for your father and family.
Jay

_____________

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Also, please do not ask for assistance reading your MRI report, I am NOT a doctor!
===
C3-C4-C5-C6 bulging with stenosis, L5-S1 annular tear and bulge, L3-L4-L5-S1 facet joint syndrome, OA: nothing severe enough to cause problems. Multiple MRIs, EMG & NCS tests, lumbar ESI's, facet injections, medial branch block injections, RF rhizotomy L3-L4-L5, discogram. Scheduled for LP mid October.

Now be a good boy and swallow all these pretty pills..... Ibuprofen, Valium, Baclofen, Avinza. Vicodin & Tramadol for BT pain.

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Dear Ranchhand...

Dear Ranchhand,

May God's presence be felt during these long minutes, hours and days. Angel

I pray for continued strength for you... physically, mentally and spiritually. Angel

May God supply your physical pains with comfort and warmth more than ever right now, may He fill your thoughts with the happier days spent with your Dad and may your faith in Him reassure you of the eternal love He has for you and your Dad. Angel

As He holds your Dad's hand to welcome him home, heaven will surely be celebrating. Angel

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please know we are here for you today, tomorrow and the many days thereafter.

God bless,

Tammy Big Hug

_____________

11/08: Fell 8 feet from daughter's playhouse. Suffered multiple compression fractures, T2 through T10. Unstable dislocation fractures to T11-T12. Surgeon performed posterior thoracolumbar wire fixation with hardware fusion (pedicle screws, rods and harvested bone grafting). Confined to TLSO brace for 3 1/2 months. No BLT or above the head reaching until spinal re-evaluation in 2010.

Prescribed: Oxycontin, Percocet and Lyrica and a host of other medications. Self-help measures: Daily heating treatments with Platinum Infrared heating pad, lots of stretching, daily walks, low impact dance exercises and I have created my own anti-inflammatory diet.

I am 42 years old and married to my "hunka hunka burnin' love" hubby Mike (51). We have three awesome kids... Nikki (9), Zach (15) and Michael (21).

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Thank you ALL!

I so appreciate the support, the moments come and go where all my defenses go down, but right now its ok.
Dads fading away as Tolstoy put it. seemingly disregarding his old body because he is going to be fitted with a new one, this one with a pair of wings.
Thank you again for the love and support and I'll see yall later.

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Ranch, you have such a great

Ranch, you have such a great way of putting words,,,

Keep the spirit you have shown us, the words, and the care.

Hugs,
Eve

_____________

acdf C5-6 & C6-7 with all the fix'ins
Myelopathy
Tarlov Cynst S2

SUICIDE HOTLINE:
USA: 1-800-784-2433
UK : 08457 90 90 90
ROI: 1850 60 90 90

Canada,, here is a link with the different procinces, and city's
http://www.suicideinfo.ca/csp/go.aspx?tabid=77

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Ranchland, what a great way

Ranchland, what a great way to put it! (I may use that in the future, don't worry I'll credit you! Smile )

Your father is obviously in good hands right now!
Jay

_____________

For help in posting pictures on Spine-Health, see the following posts on using Photobucket and Flickr:
http://www.spine-health.com/forum/water-cooler/photo-installment-1
http://www.spine-health.com/forum/water-cooler/photo-installment-2
Sorry, had to take the email off my signature because of the spam (bob@mypharmajobs.com this means you and I hope every spider and bot causes you to get spammed until your email is smoking!), so if you need additional help with photos I will not hesitate to provide it though via PM.

Also, please do not ask for assistance reading your MRI report, I am NOT a doctor!
===
C3-C4-C5-C6 bulging with stenosis, L5-S1 annular tear and bulge, L3-L4-L5-S1 facet joint syndrome, OA: nothing severe enough to cause problems. Multiple MRIs, EMG & NCS tests, lumbar ESI's, facet injections, medial branch block injections, RF rhizotomy L3-L4-L5, discogram. Scheduled for LP mid October.

Now be a good boy and swallow all these pretty pills..... Ibuprofen, Valium, Baclofen, Avinza. Vicodin & Tramadol for BT pain.

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You and your dad

are lucky to have each other. The best part is, when you see each other again, it will be for eternity without any pain or suffering. Please know that you and your dad are in my thoughts. Big Hug

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William

my friend , I am so sorry for what you are going through but please remember that I am always a PM away and I will always be there for you....no matter what. You and your family will be in my prayers....much love....Miki

_____________

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. E.A. Poe

So Live Your Life And Live It Well . There's Not Much Left Of Me To Tell , I Just Got Back Up Each Time I Fell!!!!

6\2007 MRI...C4-C5 Disc Degeneration..C5-C6 Central disc protusion effacing the ventral aspect of the thecal sac..right foraminal encroachment. C6-C7 Osteophytes.7\2007 ACDF C5-C6 with Titanium Plate and Screws..Donor Bone..Bone Spurs Removed. 11\2007 Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and RLS. 1\2008 MRI..Scoliosis of the Lower Thoracic. 5\2008-6\2008...Medial Branch Blocks and Ablation.
7\2008..Myelogram..C4-C5 Disc Degeneration with Disc Bulge\Herniation..C6-C7 Broad Based Disc Bulge\Herniation..Tune into tomorrow for the next episode of....10\2008...UPDATE:First time having a Pain Management Doctor and I am trying a different medicine regime , waiting to see what will happen next!!!!!!

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For Ben....Rest In Peace My Friend....We Love You and Miss You!!!!!!

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Thank all of you

Dad finished up his business here sunday. You could say he was a wee tired. it was a peacefull passing with all of us around him singing him home.We were blessed as well as he with an easy passing. sorry I was incomunicado this week. Bless you all and happy day to ya!

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...

my heart goes out to you and yours...thankful that it was with ease his passing, and that he had those he loved around him. take care...

_____________

MY SSA DX:
DDD involvinging one or more lumbar discs(L2-S1)
spinal stenosis T8-T11, and L3-L5
neural foraminal stenosis from L4-5 and L5-S1
cervicalgia, and gait imbalance due to lumbar surgaries
*note these are from 2007 mri and reports*

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Thinking of you

I've been thinking of you. I'm glad he had his family around him and that his passing went peacefully.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take care, my friend.
Cath

_____________

October 21, 2008 - ACDF, 3-level (C4/5, 5/6 6/7), with hardware and eight screws. C4/5 and 5/6 fused, still movement at C6/7.

February 2009 - Lower back pain and sciatic pain.

January 6, 2010 - Scheduled for TLIF at L4/5.

----------------------------

Each forward step we take we leave some phantom of ourselves behind. ~John Lancaster Spalding

----------------------------

I am in no way affiliated with the medical profession. Any recommendations I make are based on my personal experiences only, so do not take my comments as medical rules.

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Ranch, another chapter ,

Ranch, another chapter , another stage of life, one door closed, another open,,, only your Pa knows what is on other side now, as he waits for those he left behind to join him one day.

It is so great that you were all able to be with him as he entered his new life, your great memories of good times will caryy you through

Hugs
Eve

_____________

acdf C5-6 & C6-7 with all the fix'ins
Myelopathy
Tarlov Cynst S2

SUICIDE HOTLINE:
USA: 1-800-784-2433
UK : 08457 90 90 90
ROI: 1850 60 90 90

Canada,, here is a link with the different procinces, and city's
http://www.suicideinfo.ca/csp/go.aspx?tabid=77

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Cath

I was with him from friday to the time he passed. I was doing the "Long watch" giving mom and sis a rest, Its easyer coming to terms in the long silence.
I understood Immaculate Marys smile, Its sad coz she knows what Ime going through, but after a while it was a knowing smile because She knows what was in store for dad when he reached the Gates.
Where does time go?
there I was a child holding his hand when I was scared, Now Ime holding his hand ressuring him its goin to be alright.

We put him in the same ground he had worked as a young man. All we are is ashes and dust. We go back from where we were initially made from, and so he returns.
The part we miss is the soul, whats on the inside,, this imperfect shell we inhabit is only here for the journey between.
his body was worn and tired but his spirit was undefeated.
As mine is,
As yours is.
Keep your chin up and keep the good fight in your heart and your eyes on the horizon, thats where the real prize lays.
William

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William

We all know and understand that its the cycle of life but the human part of us hurts for the one we love and lost. I wish you the peace that comes from knowing you did all you could. I'm sorry for your loss and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Debbie

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to the poet's heart

I understand your loss, and am sending you blessings and peace. Good job, faithful servant and Son.

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William

I'm glad that you were able to make your fathers last days better ones- how could they not be with a son like you?

Please know that you have my condolences and prayers to make it through these tough times to come. You are a fine son indeed and your father was a lucky man to have you in his life.

Griff

_____________

1/07 ACDF C5-T1 with hardware, ended up with more spinal cord compression causing myelopathy which affects both my legs and arms
5/07 ACDF Revision All Hardware removed and partial corpectomies done on C5-T1, about 75% of each vertebrae removed and hardware replaced. Further spinal cord damage halted.
2/08 Thoracic Outlet Syndrome surgery- Both Anterior and Median Scalene Muscles removed as well as the first rib. Scar tissue removed as well and nerves wrapped to prevent more scar tissue from forming. Lost most of the use of my right arm. Still hoping for function to return.
All this caused by a battle with a semi. Apparently the semi won.
No use dwelling on it, right?

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Ranch....my thoughts and

Ranch....my thoughts and prayers and with you and your family...I know how difficult it is to loose a mother or father...You will be give the strength to continue on Ranch..Many Blessings to you.

Cynthia

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I have to say, I only hope

I have to say, I only hope that when the time comes I can do as good a job at being a son as you have.

I could wish no more of my own sons.

Hope all feel peace in this time of passing.

_____________

"Make a life plan, if you don't, you'll end up following someone elses"
NOTICE: This guy ain't no doctor. Please consult a real DOCTOR before doing anything that may hurt yourself or others! All advice is intended to relate this guys thoughts on the matter only. These thoughts may be under the influence of meds of various natures! Please be careful!
Medtronic SCS Placed May 4, 2009. Cervical, for chronic right shoulder, upper arm pain.

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Thank You All

For the kind words, shoulders and support. This chapters closed.
and another one is unfolding, change happens and we either ride the tide to somewhere better or founder on the shoals.
The winds at my back and the tide is running so why not come along? I think I will see what is beyond the far horizon once again.
coming?

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William

Chapters close and chapters open: They close too soon and open too slow, but what lies before me I'm soon to know.

I'm coming with you with the wind at our backs and with the tide. I'll bringing the binoculars so we can try and get an advanced peek at what lies ahead...

Let's roll my friend!
Cath

_____________

October 21, 2008 - ACDF, 3-level (C4/5, 5/6 6/7), with hardware and eight screws. C4/5 and 5/6 fused, still movement at C6/7.

February 2009 - Lower back pain and sciatic pain.

January 6, 2010 - Scheduled for TLIF at L4/5.

----------------------------

Each forward step we take we leave some phantom of ourselves behind. ~John Lancaster Spalding

----------------------------

I am in no way affiliated with the medical profession. Any recommendations I make are based on my personal experiences only, so do not take my comments as medical rules.

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Ranch/William

Don't know what to say. I do feel your pain because I was in this same scene March and April... Saying so-long to someone so important and strong is never easy. Knowing you will meet again is a little bit comforting.

Cyber hugs, prayers, thoughts... know I have you in mind when I type those words.

_____________

JEAUX

I am not a medical professional. BUT, I DID stay in a Holiday Inn last week...

Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

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Jeaux

well... I spent an hour writing a magnum opus, and some where near the end, I pushed a button and I lost it...dang.
All those near and far, those held close and those now stars, I am humbled by the outpouring of love. Me and mine appreciate the strength and courage you gave us.
Thank You
William

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Cath

Theres plenty of room for all of us, "Well pluck and pluck the silver apples of the moon, and the golden apples of the sun" well take a big bite out of life while we are free no?

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Ranchhand

You have been a good and faithful son and your dad is above the clouds, watching over you with pride and joy! I, too, have been in your shoes, the tides come and go, as well as your feelings of loss, sometimes happy memories, sometimes sadness of your loss takes over, but always, the unconditional bond and love in your heart, memories you will always have to sustain you through the days ahead. I hope you will accept my deepest sympathy in the loss of your father. My thoughts and prayers will be with you today and the days ahead.

Kathy

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William

this is definitely a ride that I want to go on....like Cath and you said....the wind at our backs and us looking toward the horizon , toward our unknown yet beautiful future.....and the silver and golden apples sound heavenly.

My friend , I just want to be there for you as you have been there for me. You have given me strength when I had none and your beloved words always amazed and astounded me , they reached down to my very soul and brought comfort to it....so let's take that ride and let's find our happiness....I wonder who else would like to come.

All my best to you.....Miki

_____________

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. E.A. Poe

So Live Your Life And Live It Well . There's Not Much Left Of Me To Tell , I Just Got Back Up Each Time I Fell!!!!

6\2007 MRI...C4-C5 Disc Degeneration..C5-C6 Central disc protusion effacing the ventral aspect of the thecal sac..right foraminal encroachment. C6-C7 Osteophytes.7\2007 ACDF C5-C6 with Titanium Plate and Screws..Donor Bone..Bone Spurs Removed. 11\2007 Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and RLS. 1\2008 MRI..Scoliosis of the Lower Thoracic. 5\2008-6\2008...Medial Branch Blocks and Ablation.
7\2008..Myelogram..C4-C5 Disc Degeneration with Disc Bulge\Herniation..C6-C7 Broad Based Disc Bulge\Herniation..Tune into tomorrow for the next episode of....10\2008...UPDATE:First time having a Pain Management Doctor and I am trying a different medicine regime , waiting to see what will happen next!!!!!!

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For Ben....Rest In Peace My Friend....We Love You and Miss You!!!!!!

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Amazing group

Some day we'll all be free of these prisons our bodys become, and we'll stand shoulder to shoulder,
and People will look and say I wish we would have stood with Titans such as these.
All of You guys at S/H,my friends, my future friends and those we have seen along the way are an amazing group of people.
As our little signal wends its way in space into eternity, there will be some one some where thinking who were these people? these intelligent, compassionate loving being who rush to comfort and aid their fellow man at the drop of a heartbeat?
Then they will know one true thing...
Hope exists,
you cant stop it and you cant kill it
Thank you all again for the support!

Some where someone is looking up to you guys, there is a place for them here, that is hope for those whove no voice...YET. to come forth and share misery and delight alike! thats who you...we are.
who would not like to stand among those people such as we have here?

As dad wends his way through eternity, maybe he will hear a signal along the way, and know its gonna be all right.
I think with people like you guys this world will KNOW, that everything is going to be all right,

Because,
you love and give love, and who or what can stand before that raging sun and not be humbled before that?

You banish the darkness with the light you give.
William

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