Sent you a PM.

hi and welcome to the forum! we are here to offer you support and answer what questions we can. i am sorry your plans have not worked out the way you and your wife envisioned.. it is hard to give up on a dream when it is because of chronic pain.. thinking it will get better tomorrow, no more pain tomorrow!!! i wish i had a magic pill to fix your problems but that is not the case. take care of yourself.. you have love and it is the truest of all things... hold each other close and you can still have your dreams come true, just differently!!! L, Jenny

and that you feel as if your dreams are gone. Sometimes God steps in to remind us WE are NOT in control. Maybe this is one of those times when you have step back and regroup and look at what is truly important. Being gone 300 days a year it ALOT on a family. I am military spouse and I know from experience. What matters is the here and now cause tomorrow isn't a guarantee. So today hug your wife a little tighter. You blessed beyond your imagination, you family is still together and together you will get through this. I hope you get relief from your pain both physically and emotionally. Best of luck to you and your family!
S~

Whoah. You're feeling way down low today, arent' you? I get that low sometimes myself too. I know it's different for women; they aren't considered the Man of the House = The Breadwinner, etc. As wives, we are in the background keeping things together. Our family relies on us to do those things, but it's more stressful for men, I think because their whole outlook is based on what they can do for their family; what they bring to the table.

This is going to sound so mushy, but - inside you are the same person you have always been. The physical you is different, but you still have that same resolve. That same tenacity. That same work and family ethic. Your family still loves you, or at least will love you as much as you allow them to. I wish I could have spent more time with my Dad. He was gone alot - working, and when he wasn't working, he was hunting or fishing. Your daughter is fortunate she has extra time with you.

You said: Its just a hard road to see for someone who belived they could come from poverty and make something of thier lives by hard work and see the change it brought only to be able to not live by those same principals now and really have no answers or ways out.

Why can't you live by those same principals? I don't know how old your daughter is, but kids learn by watching the adults. You just can't give up on your dreams, your life, your family... And from the posts I've read from you, I understand that is not your style.

You're experiencing a set back. A big one, mind you, but it's just a set back. Adversity is what makes me stronger, and my set backs are what made me the person I am today. I'm limited, true - but I'm still a fighter. I have learned to laugh at myself, and still manage to have some fun in spite of things. I understand what works for me is not for everyone. The way I deal with my situation is my perogative. Just like the way you deal with your situation is up to you.

I'm glad you reached out to us today. I hope things brighten up for you soon. Nothing on this earth can compare to the love of family. A hug from your child just because.

Hang in there buddy. I wish I could take away your pain for you.

Anelson,
You are more of a man that you were in having endured pain every single day and acknowledging our limitations even to ourselves is one of the most difficult things to do and at times seems defeatist. We have all done what is expected of us over time and none more so that for our family, we all wanted to be the healthy persona of old and in attempting to reclaim that at times unreachable goal, we forget to live in the here and now and cope with what we can do rather than what we feel we should be able to do, encouraged by that little voice in our heads that this is again achievable, when it may not be.

Your epitaph is who you have become and that mountain we climb every day, only to wake again at base camp and start all over again. Your inadequacies are how you surmise your situation and not how we perceive you, all chronic pain patients have at times insurmountable challenges, we cope with pain every day knowing what the next day brings and still offering an outstretched hand to those treading in our footsteps to ease that journey.

All our loved ones feel those ripples of our condition, they live in a situation of constant apprehension and the feeling of not being able to do anything for the person that they love the most and wish with all the power that they had, that things were different. The expectation they had are broken also, the hopes and dreams, it is not a life that they would pick and for the most part support us without question, favour or recognition.

Survival for us is progression and you will not be measured by what material things you have, but in what you said and did, with the knowledge that in your assessment your wife is depressed, what are you going to do about that, I as you keep some things to myself and do what is expected, this is a partnership and requires that we share our goals however limited with each other.

This is my 20th year of chronic pain and my wife’s love and nurturing has never waivered, we are in this together however metaphorical that is, in all things you are the leader, your family look to you to lead them forward and will follow, you are stronger than you think, it is only you that is not aware of this. I think you are doing a great job and the future is what you make it, good or bad.

Nobody here is having the future they expected and they doing the best they can every single day, your future is ahead of you and not reflective of the past, pain cannot be addressed head on, we have to be inventive, your family have dreams for the future and you are part of that process. Look to what you can change, your children deserve that. Your wife needs you, for better or worse, use the skills you have to get her some help and support.

Good luck John.