I am struggling. I am a person who thought he could get through anything, i always saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I worked offshore 300 plus days year gone. My wife would cry and I always just rienforced we were doing it for a goal, it was gonna get better after we get through it ( getting her through college so i could go back). I never waivered because I really could see it working out if I just kept on working hard and stay focused. But with this pain the harder I work to rehab the worse I am. Its like the ability to make a difference and change your life (american dream, which I used to preach to death) was taken out of my hands and put in doctors hands, as now surgury is pretty much my only hope. But to make it worse it has taken a huge toll on my wife, she is so depressed and I can tell wants me to say its gonna be alright we just got to keep working, but I really don't belive the words I so readily spoke a couple of years ago. I want to but a few years with everything out of your hands, money from disability, crappy insurance, help from everyone to function, i am not a part of the picture. My life seems so artificial, i try to do things and act the way I used to be because thats what I know makes my wife and daughter feel better ( hell it makes me feel better to but its hard I had a great life before) , but I just am thinking the whole time how much pain i am in, i want enjoyment. I just want to be the man I used to be and could tell her its gonne be alright and just talk about how great our life is gonna be when we get through this but being up against this almost unsurmountable force of chronic pain just leaves me worn out and without hope or lives will be good again. Its just a hard road to see for someone who belived they could come from poverty and make something of thier lives by hard work and see the change it brought only to be able to not live by those same principals now and really have no answers or ways out.
Sorry you are dealing with such a rough time. Most of us at Spine-health have dealt with these issues; whether it is an insurance problem, a sad spouse/family due to our suffering and changes to our future plans, etc.
Unfortunately, so much is out of our control, our body didn't ask permission of us to have this happen.
However, we do have control on how we deal with these circumstances; ha! Easier said than done.
You will find many caring, informative and supportive people on this site and hopefully we can help.
Have you read this thread?
http://www.spine-health.com/forum/depression-and-coping/useful-advice-a-...
It has some good info on how to cope and relearn the new "us". Nothing about any of this is easy. At some point it usually becomes more "normal". We just have to learn that this really is it, and accept our needs to learn new coping skills. Spend our days living life as best we can.
Listen to me, uh, don't read my threads though...I often don't do as I say! Been all over the place mentally the last 3+ years. Make sure you fully investigate your options if surgery is still a possibility.
The last thing, maybe. I hate to give advice like this, but maybe, instead of telling your wife it will be ok. Hold her and tell her how you feel. A good cry never hurt anyone, to my knowledge. Sometimes the fear is overpowering, especially when you try to not admit it is there!
"I have been told my statement or statements are not logical. Would Mr. Spock ride a bicycle down a wooded mountainside when there was a perfectly good stationary bike at home?" NOTICE: Please consult a real DOCTOR before doing anything that may hurt yourself or others! Please be careful!Medtronic SCS Placed May 4, 2009. Cervical, for chronic right shoulder, upper arm pain.