but I really do not know what your spinal problem(s) are. What are your spinal problems? What kind of medications are you currently taking?
The more information you provide us here, the better type of responses you will get.

I have had low back pain for 4 years now. Spread into my hips and low pelvic area. I was had a SCS implant done several weeks ago...4 I think now and pain is better but not totally gone. Just so down. Have had more operations than I care to think about and I feel that no one will every see the beauty in me.

to understand. When we are down as a result of our chronic pain, everything looks so gloomy and dark.
Just getting up in the morning becomes a chore. And to think about establishing a new relationship seems impossible.

There are so many people on this site that in one way or another express words similar to yours. I am sure
we all know the coined phrase
Love is only skin deep
but there is a lot of truth behind that. Some members here are bound in wheelchairs, had to give up work, can no longer do the things they used to love to do...
But they all have something in common:
They dont give in
And that extends to relationships as well as so many other parts of their lives.
Who you were before 4 years ago when you started having back problems, has not changed. You the person did not change, what changed is having to deal with back pain and what goes along with it.
I can only say based on what you mentioned, that you have been dealing with this for 4 years now.
For many here, that seems just like yesterday.
Believe in who you were before these problems surfaced and you might just be surprised

I'm sorry you're feeling sad right now. I know you have qualities to offer in a relationship with someone else. Just being a Mother must be so rewarding also. Please see my signature link for positive affirmations. You can get in a relationship again but love yourself right now and feel your self worth. Chronic pain can bring us down more and make things seem more intensified. Please follow up with your Primary Dr. they maybe able to help too. Take care. Charry

I agree with Charry. First you have to love yourself again. It's hard when you're in pain and every day is a struggle. It's also common to be depressed after surgery and it sounds like you've had a few. Give yourself time. Easier said than done, but this time next year things may be entirely different. In time the antidepressants will help you see things in a different light.

Being a mother alone is very difficult. Ideally it takes two parents to raise children. I was a single mother for 10 years and it was the hardest work I ever did. And not always rewarding as in the books. There are a lot of myths surrounding motherhood.

Do you have parents/siblings/neighbours/friends who may be able to help you? I have learned that people are very willing to help if asked. Some just need that request before they act because they think they're sticking their noses in. Ask, and accept some help while you need it. Let someone make your day and it will make theirs too. I'm talking emotional support as well as practical. Some day you may be able to pay back.

Good luck!