I know you have so much going on and plenty to worry about. I don't why this time of year makes us feel worse. I was watching tv and it's barely November and I'm already sick of the holiday commercials. I feel like crap because I can't bake a damn turkey either. Anyway, I wish there was something I could say to cheer you up my friend. You know we praying for you that something can be done to help you out. And don't worry about your clothes. All that matters is that you are comfortable and if someone has a problem with that well...you know the rest You do what's best for you and don't worry about anything. You ARE a strong person. Don't let anyone get you down. Deal with one problem at a time so it doesn't get overwhelming. That's all we can do. Pamper yourself- you deserve it. Whatever makes you feel happy. Maybe you and your wife can order in some takeout and have a nice quiet candlelit dinner. Watch a funny movie afterwards. Distraction is like gold and you can never have too much of it.

Tomorrow is another day. Let's start over and hopefully it will be a little better. Hang in there buddy. Hugs, Meydey

You have every right to feel the way you do. You've been through so much and still you suffer 24/7. I hope that the mri shows something that can be fixed. It's good for you to let out all these feelings of frustration and we're here to listen and support you no matter what. I know that it's harder to deal with all this during the holidays. I've already started to worry about all the things I have to do and how I can handle the pain. We've just got to have faith that everything will turn out okay in the end. I have to remind myself how much I have to be thankful for. I know this doesn't help you Tony but I just wanted you to know that I understand and if there's anything I can do for you let me know.
Debbie

and make it better buddy, but You know I can't. I'm in a similar situation, with the wainting and hoping on this next surgery. And I'm not good at wainting!
We just have to hang in there and hope for the best. I should be telling you to do something to take your mind off of it. But that's what is being said to me right now, and it's just not easy to do! Maybe we need to try harder?
Good luck, Jim

I read your post, and my heart just breaks for you, and for so many on this forum. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hoping for the best for you, and a Christmas Miracle. I know someone that had a ADR on the disk in the upper lumbar, and he is doing great, so keep the faith! sweetpotatoe57

I know exactly how you feel it is going on 2 years for me also since the first surgery I have had 4 total and nothibng is better, I now have no feeling in either leg from the knee down, also I have a burning sensation in my foot that feels like it is burnt and anything that touches it makes it worse, I do not care at this point what people think of my appearance or what I wear. I am doing the best I can and if they want to judge me so be it,judgement day will come for them also.I always remember the saying dont throw bricks at a glass house. We are special and we have to believe that, if we dont we will go crazy, ( I already am ) LOL my point is I am just like you and I understand where you are coming from we care about each other and how each of us is feeling, yes the holidays are rough because we can not do what we used to.But we have to go on and we will make it through because we are survivors. Please dont let this pull you down any further, we are here for you and we will not let you down. I am tired of all of the mess to and every time I get my hopes up because they ssay if you go have this done it will help, I try it and it doesn't work. I am here if you want to talk. See ya soon Linda

and it takes people like you kind folk to understand just how much crap we go through on a daily basis ..yet again i am awake after 3 hours sleep .its a very lonely existence ,,the wife is out 12 hours a day and when she comes in she is straight in to her tv programs and a beer or 3 we even sit in separate rooms ,i feel like a pity husband .i am not stupid and i can see that i am tolerated .then there's my ex wife i just can't understand her ..let me explain ...they live in the isle of man but they have money so they can leave the island anytime and do stuff ..for the last 4 weeks my ex and daughter have been ringing me to say that they are having to come over and go to a wedding do but my daughter was not invited and could she stay with me ..no problem i said .my daughter is 13 ..and her and her mum are inseparable ..but as usual the ex rang me and now the daughter is invited so the planned dad visit had been reduced to the usual flying visit..bloody typical !! she had always done this ..the 11th hours change has been a fetcher of out divorce ..its as if i am being tested because if i say anything ..i will be in the wrong.the last time this happened i did speak up and all i wanted to do was see my daughter and a regular basis and my ex went nuts.and did not speak to me for 12 months ..and it was me that had to do the crawling back...its a long story and too complex for a forum post .but Basile i am the one that is left on the shelf i am the one with no opinion and i just feel powerless ..i see little of my girl as it is {and she is not bothered about not seeing me }she has her mum and all her money and a step dad so i am just an inconvenience .and no it was not my fault i did not leave her she dumped me when i got sick ..if you were wondering.i am just a quiet man i don't drink and i dont make life unpleasant for anyone .i just feel so bloody useless .and a thorn is everyone's side .living with pain is 541t as you all know but to be treated as an invisible man on top is not fair,i am in a bad way at the moment both in mind and body .i miss my gran like mad she was my best friend and the only person that truly loved me .sorry i am starting to go on and on so i will stop .i will be ok ..i always am ..i must have an iron will .thanks again it good to have people that care
tony x

Oh Tony...I so wish I could do something to make you feel better. I know how much you miss your daughter and would love to see her more often. Hopefully, when she gets older she will realize that she really needs her dad in her life no matter what your condition is. I can't imagine not seeing or talking to my father (I live next door to him).

On top of everything else you have to deal with, you are getting messed over by your ex-wife again. She must be a very selfish woman to keep jerking you around like this and coming in between you and your daughter. It's just not right.

I'm so sorry to read that you are still in so much pain and so unhappy and uncomfortable. I know how you feel. I feel so unattractive and disgusting in my big frumpy clothes. When I do have a rare good day and do my hair, makeup and wear "real" clothes, I have to take a picture. My new default pic was from this Monday when I had to run some errands and decided to make an attempt to look nice. That's why I'm hesitant to do the skype thing cuz I look horrible most days.

I'm really hoping and praying you get some good news with this MRI. I know it sounds weird but I hope they find something on there so they can go in and fix it for you. If it were only that simple for us spiney's. Being in this constant severe pain all the time really wears on a person's mental and physical health. I know this from personal experience. I'm tired, miserable and don't want to do anything or go anywhere. My husband forces me to get out of the house and to do things around the house. If not, I would just lay in my bed or recliner or on the couch. Sitting, standing, walking...it all hurts unless I'm in a reclined position. My kids nor puppy would settle for me laying around all day and night.

Hang in there, buddy. You are a great person and I beleive good things will come to you in time. I just wish it would be sooner than later for you. Feel free to send me a PM or email if you'd like. Here's some spiney (((HUGS))) for you.

you are a diamond .i dont care what you look like {regarding skype} i would love to talk and see you at the same time .i think it dose people like us good to talk to each other .because when you post something on a forum you have to wait for a response and you may just want to talk to someone now!!
tonyx

I'm sorry that you're going through so much psychological pain in addition to your physical pain. For a lot of us spineys, we don't have our bodies to rely on so we have to have our minds be our best asset. And when that's compromised, it makes the entire body just want to crumble.

I hope you can find some relief when the new MRI comes in and that your daughter can spend more time with you. If we don't have support from our families, what do we have? Just us, as broken as we are.

I'm thinking about you today, my friend, and wishing you a rainbow of good things to come.

Take care and I'm sending a great big gentle hug.

Cath

Tony, I read your posts and wish there was something I could do for you. You're in such misery and I can't even relate to how bad you must feel because I haven't been there, but I can send warm, healing thoughts your way and prayers that one of these days you'll have the relief you so desperately need!

Linda

Don't have many words, don't know what to say.

When we are in that limbo land of waiting for a test or surgery or most anything that could mean a major change we get a little bit anxious. Stack that on top of our normal ills and it all gets to be a bit much.

Kids don't know squat, I was once told by my then 14 year old son that I had used up all my sympathy. They tend to grow up to be good people anyway, least mine seem to be getting there anyway.

Pain in all forms, just plain hurts.

Hang in there.

oh, yeah, my wife watches TV elsewhere to as she does not agree with much of what I watch...

I started to cry because it hurts me to see such a kind soul as yourself suffering this way. It's not fair that you have so much pain. It's not fair that you can't see your daughter as much. It's just not fair at all. It really struck a cord with me. A person like you deserves all the happiness in the world. Let's see how the MRI looks like; maybe something can be done for you. I'm still recovering from my pain pump surgery and I was wondering if it might be considered in your case. If you think about it, please make sure you read all about it because there is more risk with it compared to a stim, and you'd have to be absolutely sure if this is something you'd want to try. I really hope that they will be able to do the ADR for you too. I'm the type of person that has to have a Plan B if A doesn't pan out. Something must be done. Anyway, I'm here if you want to chat or vent. Take care my friend.

Hi Tony,

How are you feeling? I haven't chatted with you in a couple of days. I pray you are doing well and wanted you to know that I was thinking of you.