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I Am So Angry I Am Balling..... I Need To Vent

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,731
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:23 AM in Matters of the Heart
FIRST and FOREMOST.... THANK YOU SO MUCH for the Happy Birthday's!!! It meant the world to me and I appreciate the kind thoughts.... I really mean that.

BUT.... it hasn't been the best of evenings. i will try to keep this as brief as possible without leaving out anything important. This has NOTHING to do with my back, and EVERYTHING to do with my heart breaking.

I know on the old site I had mentioned my father on more than one occassion. He was an amazingly handsome man who I am fiercely proud of.... he was a career Marine, a Sheriff's officer. A Man's man if you will. But, he was also and alchohlic who was terribly abusive both physically and emotionally. I know alot of you know about my 1st husband's suicide... he took his life with a gun and I found him. Well, my father made that a fear of mine at a very young age as he would call me up at night, drunk, when I was only 10 and tell me that he loved me but that he was going to shoot himself. What kind of thing is that to lay at the feet of a child? Anyway, so suicide by self inflicted gunshot was always something I was terrified of.
I'm sorry if I;m rambling. I'll get on with it.

About 9 years ago, after not hearing from my father for almost 7 years, he was run off the road by an overloaded 18 wheeler. His truck flipped 7 times and landed upside down. He sustained severe head trauma and was almost killed. If other drivers had not stopped to help him, and to cut the seatbelt that was choking him to death, he would have died. But he lived, and was lifewatch lifted to a hospital in Tyler Texas. At this point I jumped in my car and was right at his bedside every moment until he was out of intensive care. I felt like God had used this horrible accident to give me a 2nd chance at SOME kind of relationship with this man... my father.

Up until the past year and a half his SISTER (who used to not want to have ANYTHING to do with him) has moved him from the Assisted Living Facility that he WAS at and will not tell me how I can find him. She is KEEPING my father from me. I have tried to do people searches to find him with no result and run into the same dead ends.

So I called her this morning, taking a chance that maybe he was living with her and that maybe if I blocked my phone number from the caller ID that MAYBE I might get to at least talk to him and know he is ok. Well, she answered the phone. I tell her it's me. I tell her that I would really love to talk to my father since it is my Birthday and he has been on my mind. She said that maybe she could get my phone number and have him to call me later. I said "like you said last Christmas"!?? (I called her then trying to reach him to tell him I loved him and Merry Xmas). but I never got a call back.

WELL, this evening, right after Mike went in to work,the phone rang at 815pm and it was her. She CALLED HIM BY 3WAY and sat on the phone with us. I said "daddy is that you"?? I told him how much I loved him and how I have been trying for over a year to find him. I said do you still live where you used to? SHE THEN SAYS THAT WE WON"T BE ASKING HIM ABOUT HIS PHONE NUMBER OR ADDRESS!! I said "I don't need you to referee" and to pipe down so that I could speak to my FATHER not her! He was CRYING after I said that I had been trying to find him!! CRYING!!! Once dad hung up the phone and it was just me and that bitch I told her a storm was coming and it's name is AMY!!! That one of these days very soon that she would be dealing with my attorney and with the police. If I had to go down there and go to the police and tell them that she is keeping my handicapped, mentally "challenged" due to a closed head trauma, father held hostage in some other location refusing to let me have a method of reaching him, that that was what was coming... and soon. I told her that I would meet her in Hell as she hides her actions behind the bible. I told her that God doesn't like people who meddle in families and who cause others pain for her own enjoyment. I told her what a hippocrate she was and that this is only the beginning!!

I KNEW she was keeping him from me but I didn't REALLY know until she made the comments about the "rules" for our phone conversation. I am furious and deeply hurt all at the same time. I am SO glad that I heard his voice and that he heard mine. He is MY FATHER!!! She has NO BLOODY RIGHT to do what she is doing.

I called my older sister and just balled about all that happened. she along with the rest of his family, doesn'thave anything to do with him anymore due to traumatic event after traumatic event with him.... I AM THE ONLY ONE beating down his door to be in his life and hearing him cry like that just broke my heart and infuriated me at what she is doing.

SO, i will be calling a girlfriend from Junior High and High School tomorrow. She is married to an attorney and his father is a retired judge. My sister suggested that I contact the VA Administration as he is getting benefits sent somewhere. I have his social security number and DOB. ARE THERE ANY SUGGESTIONS FROM AN VETS???? WHO SHOULD I CALL? WHAT SHOULD I ASK??

I am just a 9 year old girl right now who wants her daddy, however silly that might sound. I need this FOR ME. I need to beable to pick up the phone and know he is ok.

Im so sorry for going on and on but it is just pouring out of me right now.... Down my face and in words right here.

Please, if any one can offer me some suggestions, legal or otherwise, I just can't tell you how much I would apprecaite it. I know there is a large Veterans community here and right now I need you.... the daughter of a 28 year career marine. Please help me if you can.

God bless and Im sorry again,

Amy
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Comments

  • :) Bongobuns, those are not happy faces!!! i meant that sincerely and that is all there was to it!! enough said! Jenny :)
  • Amy,

    I wish there were something that I could do to help. Do you have any idea why she would be hiding him from you? Do you have the means to hire a Private Detective? They for sure would be able to locate him. If I were in your shoes, I would call around to nursing homes in and around the area of his sister. Just call and say, "Yes, I am calling to speak to my father (insert name here) I believe he is a resident there" If that doesn't work, I would then call the police in her area. I am not sure how much the police would be able to help you, but its worth a shot. I think at least you would be able to get them to do a welfare check. One more thought, is it possible that he is living with her, and she is only leading you to believe that it was a 3 way conversation? Maybe he was in the next room?

    Good Luck Amy, Let us know what you find out.

    Amanda
  • Amanda,

    Thanks for the reply. For starters why she is keeping him from me is mostly because of her need to be in control of his life, although I am his next of kin. His side of the family is the poster "DYSFUNTIONAL FAMILY" as they are manipulative and mean. She is doing this because she can. She lives in the same town in TX as he does and I live 5 hours away in Kansas.

    Yes, I am considering a PI but am first going to contact my friend and her husband who is an attorney. I have tried calling other Assisted Living Facilities but here is the rub... because of HIPPA they cannot tell me if he is a resident or not. Go figure. WFT. On one hand I understand but on the other hand its really frustrating as I am not right there and am doing this all byphone. Its time to make a trip to Garland.

    I am trying to calm down and take the emotion out of it, but it's a losing battle tonight. There is nothing I can do... tonight. So, I am trying to make a plan of attack... one that makes sense and one I can follow realistically. He is my father and i love him and I will find him. I know I will.


    Thank you VERY much for the post and the words of encouragement and support. Like I said, I am just an open wound right now and feel like I did when I was 9. I know tomorrow will be better and things will be clearer then, it just broke my heart.

    Kindest regards,

    Amy
  • I know that it was a 3 way call as she put me on the line as she was ringing his phone. So I KNOW she is hiding where he is.

    Good grief!!

    Amy
  • i sent you a pm ...please check your inbox
  • Amy,

    I wish I could offer you tons of advice about how to go about dealing with your aunt, but unfortunately I'm clueless. But, I can, and will, offer you support, and a (metaphorical) shoulder to cry on.

    Is there any way to find out if she has legal guardianship over your father? If she doesn't, can you somehow try to fight for that right?

    I can't imagine what you're going through since I have never dealt with an issue like this, but I really hope that someone can help you figure out how to deal with this.

    Again, I offer my shoulder, and I am thinking about you.

    If there are any new developments, please keep us updated.

    Lots of hugs,
    Amanda



  • Amy,
    I read your story and I can feel for you. Luckily I never had a father with a substance abuse problem but I did lose my father when I was only 18 and he was 47. He passed unexpectedly from a massive heart attack. My husband's father passed away many years ago and he has decided to do research into his family tree. He knows very little on his fathers side, so we got onto the Internet and found the officail web-site for veteran's. I'll try and find that name for you so you can contact them. It may yake a day or two, I'm not sure if I bookmarked it or not. I'll see what I can do though. I'll get back to you!
    Jewels
  • Either his sister or the state has legal gaurdianship. That may be one thing for her to do!
  • I just woke up.... and with foggy, swollen eyes I logged on. I am so greatful that I posted here. I just know that somehow, someway I am going to be with him again. I DO know that I need to make the drive down to Texas very soon. I am trying to get a duck or 2 in a row before I do that, and I am not going alone.

    I would greatly appreciate it ,Jewels, if you are able to find it.... please oh please pass it on to me.

    It has been awhile since I have posted in some state of need and I am once again humbled by the outpouring of support from new friends that I have just met. God bless you all.

    From the bottom of my (broken) heart, thank you

    Amy
  • Amy...If Dad's getting any type of social security, I'd try calling the 800 number for SS, and see if he's I getting benefits...perhaps they will say if they are mailed to an address. Or it could be direct deposit...which wouldn't help either.
    Am saying prayers for you that this will end soon and you'll find your Dad.
  • The Attorney will have resorces to be able to trck Papa ! ok!
    Next do find out where his checks are going and WHO is cashing them! FRAUD is the operative thought here.
    Nextthe veterans administration has websites amvets, VA.GOV etc. be wary and strong and be ready to fight smart,that means not rushing in headlong and both arms swingin! you know who your fighting, Next find out if you dont know what bank if any he is using to cash the checks, then explain to them that if someone is cashing his checks and using them for thier own benifit, what you can do?
    Luck to ya and will be looking for more resorces!
    Be strong baby and know wegots your back!
    ranch
  • THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Please, if anyone else out there has any advice please keep it coming. I am writing down every word. I am waiting for my friend's hubby to call me back... the attorney. He says that there are several things that I can do. That gives me hope. All of you have given me hope.

    This morning my vision is clear and the tears are dry. Now I am just determined to get some answers.

    God bless and many hugs,

    Amy
  • Just a thought, but I would not give this gal any warning that you're doing anything. It might make her more wary and she could move your dad, herself, etc. and try to cover her tracks. He might not be so easy to find if he were recently moved. This was my experience trying to find my deadbeat dad ex-husband.

    Sounds like your attorney friend can give you a plan of action.

    I wish you the best of luck finding your daddy.
    Teri
  • Hey Teri,

    I'm way ahead of ya there!! She is manipulative and sneaky. I would never tip my hand to her, in any way.

    BUT...... guess who called me last night? SHE DID!!! She called to tell me that my father has my phone number and will call me when he wants to..... um, yeah right. I asked her then why did she interject in our phone convo when I asked dad if he was still at the same Assisted Living Facility and said "no talk of phone numbers or addresses... mine OR his"???? Hmmmmmmm. I think she is scared and rightly so. The conversation ended with me telling her that what she is doing is WRONG and she cannot keep him hidden from me. OH>>> get THIS!!! She is drawing a SALARY off of his benefits because she pays his bills!!!! She is a CPA and I remember him telling me this many months ago. He thought it was wrong, and now I KNOW it is. I went to the SSA fraud section and read just that..... more ammo for me. I before she hung up I said that I have rights.... she cannot do this to me OR mostly to HIM!!!!

    Thank you for the advice and I will take it fully. The gears are still getting warmed up and getting ready for full steam ahead. This is going to be a very trying time for me so I expect I will be here a bit more than usual. I hope that's cool with my Spiney family.

    God bless and big hugs,

    Amy
  • I love your change of avatar Amy. Obviously a reflection of how you're feeling. Go get 'em girl!

    Yup, it do sound like you've got her worried and she called to feel things out.

    Can't wait to hear how this one pans out.

    Teri
  • I cannot believe her behaviour. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I just don't know what to say. Except that you are in my thoughts and I hope you can work this mess out.

    Good luck with everything, Spicey
  • Miss Mary,

    Thank you for the emails lately and I'm sorry I haven't been in touch for awhile. As you already read above the shitsky is about to hit the fansky!!! I am not going to just sit here on my hands and let this go on if there is anything I can do about it..... and there is LOTS I can do. Already talked to Social Security and left a long long message for the VA Administration. The ball is rolling. My family means the world to me, even my father. Even with all of the years of abuse I love him, and have forgiven him fully. It doesn't mean I think its ok, and he knows that. But I don't want to be one of those miserable people who hold onto bad feelings and memories if at all possible. I don't want to be bitter. I want to know and love my father and I know he loves me, too. It's MY turn to stand up and take care of HIM!!! And dammit, I can do it!!! And I will.

    I just wanted you to know that I think of you and hope that you are doing ok. Mike told me that you came on IM while he was surfing on my laptop just so you know he gave me the message! I promise to keep more in touch.

    You are still one of my very favorite people, missy!

    Big huge hugs coming from across the pond,

    Love ya,

    Amy >:D<
  • That avatar is called "mad machinegun kitty"!! LOL!! I thought how appropriate! LOL!! I AM feeling empowered and have the resolve to see this thing thru until justice is done for me and my father. I am tough as nails dammit!!!1 MEEEE - OOOWWWWW!!!!

    Love ya,

    Amy 8}
  • Sorry I don't have any words of advice but I really do hope you're able to find him soon. It sounds like you've got some great suggestions on how to go about this and I wish you the very best. Just remember, paybacks are h*ll and this woman will get her dues one way or another. Keep us update. >:D< to you.
  • hope things are looking up for ya! didya get in touch with the local VA? love your dad and youre loved ones as hard as you can while you can,everything else is just details. i hope things look up soon. ime still lokking for ideas an things ...us spineys we got ya back baby!
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