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i will be sooo happy when i die

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,731
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:23 AM in Matters of the Heart
bringing that day closer in everyway i can
the best day of my life will be when its over YAY!


  • We are here for you.
  • hey things cant be so bad , we are here for you >:D<

    Angie x
  • Is that your cat in your avitar? I will bet that he will not be so happy when you are gone. I bet lots of other people will not be so happy either.
  • Why are you in such a hurry to give up the one and only life that you have on this earth? Of course I've have thoughts like that but I'm still holding out hope for my future! And I'm also just not ready to let everything go. My abilities may be extremely limited now, but I still have plans. So many places to go, so many things to see. Life is short enough without us wishing it away.

    And I'm with "painintheback". Is that your cat in the picture? What will she do without her mommy? I have a kitty of my own and when I leave town for a couple of days she refuses to eat. AT ALL! I also have people who love me and I just can't do that to them.

    Martha, we are all here to listen. Just talk to us. Send any of us a pm anytime you feel the need. We understand where you are, I'm sure that most of us have had the exact same thought that you are having so we CAN understand.

    I'm here to listen if you need me,
  • I just randomly popped into this post; sometimes I feel like flipping the switch off myself, I'll admit, I'm having a hard time lately, but I know that, collectively, between my kids, my wife, my parents, brother, friends, etc., the pain I would be putting them through collectively would dwarf the pain I would be 'saving' myself by a selfish act.

    If those people in your life don't quite support you enough, we will here; life isn't easy and being a spiney doesn't help.. but WE can help.

    Wishing you the best

  • that may come you way,martha try to look forward to those things,look forward to the day there maybe a cure,the day you meet the love of your life who loves you for you, even with all the baggage, all these things and more are possible,but if you choose to look forward to death rather than life you may not notice all the good things that may pass you by ,and i promise they are there if you look hard enough for them and keep your mind and soul open to them,always believe things are possible and they may just come true
  • Hiya Martha..Martha u have gone through too much to just throw in the towel now, i know its not easy for u..but i really really understand where ur coming from, well im trying to m, u have always been so helpful to me here on, and listened many a days in chat, and i know and have seen u helping others.come on martha, u cant give up, U CANT.come on martha :X :X
  • Martha, I too will be happy when I die. Floating around on wings amidst ethereal softness and comfort sound promising. Even more enticing are the 72 virgins that supposedly await, according to a fellow engineer named Abdul.


    But, there are still things to and places to go here on earth. Sure, you get to meet those who already passed in Heaven, but you just haven't met nearly enough people in this life to make this worthwhile. I'd say you have many decades to journey this world, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    Come on Martha, as others have noted, we have been down this road before. And just like then, pick yourself up and have faith that we have faith in you. You are a beautiful young woman who has a lot to offer some lucky guy. Don't deny him that opportunity.

    God bless.

    Cheers, Mate
  • Hiya >:D<
    Martha do you have any family? Think about all the good things in life and all the things you enjoy :H

    Angie x
  • with shame i admit, i have tried myself in 2003. I was hopeless, helpless, felt like no one cared, or even tried. Failed marriage, failed career..... basically just a failure in general. i woke up in hospital, completely strapped to my bed, with hoses coming out of me everywhere in phsyc ward. In short, it's a miracle i don't have brain damage, and even survived. But what i put my family through was and is not worth it. I never thoughts of suicide, i just did it. Even though i struggle everyday to keep going, i thank God i am still here, simply because of what i would of missed, and the pain and suffering that would of happened if i was successful. One of the hardest thing i have ever had to do was to see my sister taken off of life support Feb 13, 2006. She is my best freind, and the rest of my family could not do it. I held her hand as her life passed, and to this day i still grieve, because she was the one who truely cared, and had the biggest heart I have ever seen. She died due to complications of schleroderma, yet stayed strong to the end. To this day, the only comfort we have as a family is that she is not suffering anymore, but we are. That is the reality, those left behind continue to suffer. I suffer because i miss her so much, and i always will. It's not a matter of if a crisis happens in our life, just a matter of when, and how we handle it.
  • >:D< >:D< >:D< after reading your post it had me in tears, but it also shows no matter how hard life gets, life still goes on . you are an inspiration >:D< >:D< ;)

    Angie x
  • I have considered the odds of being dead or alive. But I remember when I used to hate one of my aunts. And on this certain day 12 years ago, she played a Yanni cd in her car. I loved it. Even as a young teen! Even though I still dont get along with her, I still to this day listen to Yanni. Then I think of all the subtle ways my life has changed another's. I have been a medic for 6 years and Army for 7. Now I cant do either one. I sucks because thats all I know how to do. But I know that my life has purpose even if it changes on life for the better. I dont consider death as an option. Just something that might happen someday. Because I live by my saying.
    ****My impact on others can last a lifetime.
    Will it be a positive or a negative one?****
    And if I were to kill myself, it would have so many negative impacts on others, from friends and family, to the EMS, fire and police personel that will have to be involved.
    So just remember, on any action you take whether it will be negative or positive will impact someones life.
  • Martha,
    As I've mentioned before, I too have had these same exact thoughts. But how can I do that on purpose? My beautiful and loving husband lost is equally beautiful 20 year old son in a car accident 18 years ago. It's something that never should have happened. I loved this young man with all of my heart and to this day my heart remains broken because of it. I can't even imagine how my husband feels. What a waste of life! To have it taken without any choice at such a young age. Who are we to throw it away on purpose? When I'm feeling especially low I think about the children who are in cancer wards around the country fighting and for many, losing the battle for life. If they can do it, and with such little complaint, then why can't we fight for our own lives a little harder? Could any of us look one of those children in the eye and say "it's too hard"?

    What an honor it must have been to be able to hold your sisters hand during the most important time in her life. What a treasure that you will always have. If only we could all share the same experience. Bless you.
  • Has anyone thought maybe this person is just yanking our chain? They do only have two posts. Just an observation from being on multiple forums.
  • We have had a few posts like this, where no one returns to let us know they are ok. All we can do really is send our support, and hope that this person is truly ok.

    I guess I'd rather read a prank, then think of other reasons why this person doesn't come back and tell us they're ok.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,740
    and we have seen it here already.
    This person is a seasoned Spine-Health member.
    In fact she is a very smart and talented young lady.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Ron, have you tried to contact her?
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,740
    her several times over the past 18 months. Like I said, she is a very smart person. Have to leave it at that
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • i have also had these thoughts and even if this is a prank it's something we all think about every now and then and i think it is helpful to address these thoughts on here. I read thru all the posts and it made me stonger just by taking a couple minutes to learn how people keep faith and hope alive when times are tough. It is something I am stuggling with because chronic pain is extremely frustrating and sad. We must remain strong together, and talking about the hard stuff is how we can accomplish something positive.
  • I once tried to break the 5th floor window in the Hospital, and did not realize that it was triple bullet proof. I woke up on the floor still clutching the chair in the morning. A year later I thank God I did not make it out that window.

    However the idea is always some where lurking in my head. Just being able to admit it to yourself helps. When things get that bad (and they do!) You just have to have tricks to do till it passes. I usually dial a hot line, or any body who will talk to me, but never about wanting to end it all. Just having a conversation takes your mind off of the pain. Lately I have pain plans like ice packs, certain meds, my "pro-tens"unit. Biggest help is the "PAINGONE" Pen size tens unit (need no batteries). It is right next to my bed next to the light. If I cant wait I start giving myself paingone treatment and I usually go right back to sleep. But with out PLANS I would be lost.
    Plan ahead and ask for ideas.
    Take care of yourself, Eric
  • thats what keeps alot of us going,im lucky in the respect that i have a good family and my pain is finally abit better, but family,no matter how good they are don t always realise how depressing the constant pain can be,thats why SH is so good,everyone here does realise this and they give you the support that we all need from time to time .

    So what is your next big plan eric,mine is to return to Rome it might be quite a while off ,but just looking at pics of the places that i want to go gives me joy and hope,Rome is my favorite place went there 2 years ago in january and it was just lovely, not as many tourists then
  • If you know someone that mentions suicide to you,and only to you..nobody else,and you ask them to get help..but they don't..they only just bring it up to you at moments in YOUR life when you are going through bad times of your own(not suicidal-just bad times).Do you not think that is selfish and mean,even cruel?

    I do,and it really bothers me.Well it bothered me,now it just irritates me

    I've offered help,and talked about counseling..but also said that I cannot counsel as I am not schooled in that profession,and could cause more harm than good.This person looks through me as if I never spoke and continues talking as if I had not just said a thing.I suppose I sound cold and unfeeling,but I'm not..anyone that knows me could tell you that,but this is flagrant disrespect IMO~not only to me but to themselves.

    Honestly,Im fed up with this person(not the poster),and I feel that if it continues I may have to burn this bridge for my OWN sanity.

    Just a thought... :|
  • Robin,it can be so hard to be know who is really feeling suicidal and who wants sympathy.In my expierence its the ones who quietly say little or nothing who are the ones that need help and its the professionals who can read between the lines and hopefully give the help that is needed.Then there are those who cry wolf so many times that its hard to take them seroiusly.My friend was only 30 he was such a kind person and with a smile for everyone but his wife had found someone else and he simply could nt cope, (it had started off his depression that he had when he was younger) he planned everything without saying a word he got his affairs into order so that his family would be taken care off and hung himself in the garage,it was such a tragedy that soneone could nt help him,I saw him a couple of days before and he was his normal happy self,or so i thought,Thats why it upsets me then the poster makes these threats time and times again,i have tried to help her as i know countless othere s have and she will not get help,i also get emails from her(That i now don t open for the sake off my own sanity) so I know that she is alright.
    Eric this is in noway directed at you,i know that you are geniune and you seem to be coping well,and are wise enough to direct your thoughts else where when you have too.i hope that i can help and support those how are willing to ask for help but also accept it
    Take care
  • I meant no disrespect to anyone here at all either... :S

    I'm sorry,I should have specified that earlier.See,I WAS being selfish :))( Ahh well,no I was talking about someone in 'real life'..I saw the thread get active again with people caring about Martha,and your earlier post about emails and it got me thinking.

    I really hope everyone understands what I meant by that.. >:D<

    I should be more careful posting when I'm tired.. @)
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