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Chronic Pain, Bipolar, Family fally apart

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,731
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:25 AM in Depression and Coping
How does a person deal with so much at one time? I currently see a Pyschiatrist,a PM ,an OS. I'm on so many meds some days I feel like I'm in a haze but if I don't take my pain meds I can't even walk. Without Lamictal and Xanx I'd go off on everyone. With out Lunesta I cant sleep. Now me and my husband's marriage is falling apart. We're talking divorce after Christmas. I have always felt that God only gives you what you can handle but geeze I can't take any more. Just needed to vent. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
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Comments

  • Hang in there. We never know the good stuff for us could be around the corner. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN

  • It seems like the weight of the world wants to sink us sometimes, but don't lose hope it does get better in mysterious ways.Divorce is rough having been through one myself and I am sorry that your having to go through all this.

    Take care and remember to breathe deeply each day!!!
  • I was talking to my father-in-law yesterday on the phone. he's out of state. I told him this past year there were so many highest of highs, and so many lowest of lows. but... I wouldn't change any of it... cuz it helped shape me into who I am today.

    I got re-married earlier this year. what a high! I married a wonderful man who loves me like crazy and whom I am crazy about. he's amazing to my kids. I was previously married for 13 year. the divorce took forever cuz my ex was in and out of rehab. I swore I would never remarry. I wouldn't even say the "m" word (marriage). so to pledge my life to a man after what I'd been through was nothing short of a miracle!

    I had my fusion in July... and got a MRSA infection from it. had that surgery less than 3 weeks later. 5 more days in the hospital. then I had a third surgery 2 weeks later cuz my incision wasn't healing. that was only 2 days in the hospital... but wow, the pain from being opened up 3 times in 7 weeks. I had an IV in my arm... and had to take antibiotics twice a day for 1.5 hours each time... for 6 weeks. I was really a mess physically. I was so weak. I'm little and I just got littler.

    my recovery was seriously rough. the pain was intense. the depression was deep. one day at a time I made it. the past three years have been so hard physically. my pain continues... but again, one day at a time.

    yesterday, I was surrounded in my home by 25 of my relatives and closest friends. what a perfect day... except for the pain! but still, it was my favorite Thanksgiving ever.

    somehow I made through the year... with a lot of help from them... and my husband. and believing that God won't give me more than I can handle with Him.

    know that a lot of us have honestly walked in your shoes. the pain sucks. taking meds suck. today I'm beyond tired. I'm so sore. my husband had to go to work and I wish so badly he was here to make me a turkey sandwich. how pathetic is that? but I'm so tired I don't even want to make me a sandwich. but I know I gotta eat!

    I will force myself to go downstairs and eat...

    I know you will find the strength to make it today. even if you have to stay in bed and sleep and rest. venting on this board is good. so many of us can relate.

    take care of yourself and believe that better days are coming. remember the night is always darkest right before the dawn.

    sending a prayer for your!
    G.
  • Yeah, life just sucks sometimes! But I like the comment that G made: cuz it helped shape me into who I am today. How very insightful! And the old saying that "life's experiences make you bitter or better" applies, too. As for me, I choose Better! Because of my terribly disfunctional childhood, I am truly more sensitive to others' pain. Because of moving to about 6 different schools, I'm not afraid to meet new people. See the pattern here? We learn as we live and apply what we learn. Also, trying to stay in an "attitude of gratitude" applies as well. No matter what our circumstances in life, there is always someone who is worse off than we are if we just take our eyes off ourselves and look around. Depressed? Try doing something for someone, get involved in charity work. Sometimes, just taking the time to pray for someone else's misfortunes is all we can do. It does require us to try to lift up out of our fog, but it really will help.
  • I have been through so many ups and downs with this disorder that it is scarey :T :T .

    Why are you nearing a divorce? I am so sorry for this :( .

    I can tell you that when you are in the depths of severe depression, and despair, there is NOTHING that makes the pain go away :''( :''( . The only thing I have to hold on to when I am like this are my children,my husband, and my faith. I am here here if you need someone to talk to. I truely know what this disorder can do to you!!!!!! >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D<
  • I'm so sorry you are struggling so much right now. How long have you been married? I have some advice in that regard and I really hope you can consider it and get your hubby to consider it. I really recommend a marriage retreat called Retrouvaille. (http://www.retrouvaille.org). It is for marriages that are struggling and is a Friday night to Sunday morning retreat. The experience is simply amazing. (There is no cost if the couple can't manage it, but donations are welcome.)

    Around 2001, our marriage hit a really tough spot (long before any of this pain business started). We really thought it was over, but decided to try "one more thing". We found this retreat, found a friend who would watch the kiddos, and decided to devote one last weekend to "us". If I could find the words to tell you what it did for our marriage, I would. I can only say that I found the husband I never knew, one that was even much better than the "guy he was when we first married. The weekend is about communication, and creating a safe environment for even the most reserved of spouses an opportunity and encouragement to open up and heal. I hope you can look into something like that before you officially call it quits. Do you have any kiddos? We told ourselves at least we could promise them we had tried everything, and then we came home with 2 of the happiest, most in-love parents they could have every wanted. We will celebrate 22 years in March. Such a blessing and if we had not gone to Retrouvaille, we would be divorced and have never known what we were missing, what we were holding inside.

    ~~~~~~~~~

    As for the meds, I am very sensitive and just could not tolerate Lyrica, Neuronitin or Cymbalta, the 3 main meds used for nerve pain. I don't know how my personality might have been affected had I kept taking them, but then I haven't had any relief from the nerve pain, either. I take a long acting med, breakthrough meds, muscle relaxers and Ambien (or I don't sleep) My doctor believes daily Ambien use can cause rebound insomnia, so I only get 20 a month. I tried Lunesta and didn't work for me. So I have 10 days a month that I must find a way to sleep with no help. That doesn't work so well, as the nerve pain burns 24/7 and when I lay down and try to go to sleep, it's just me and pain, magnified it seems. I have started to use a product called Natural Calm, which is a magnesium/calcium effervescent (put it in hot water and it fizzes, such a nice warm drink). The magnesium really calms my nerves, my entire body.

    When my pain is really bad, I also get anxious and the only way I keep myself together (and not "going off" on my family as you say) is to practice self-calming. Several thoughts I say to myself each day are:

    "I will not get over this, I will get through it." (This keeps me grounded and not expecting the impossible.)

    "What we focus on, expands." This is such a powerful affirmation. As we all know, if we sit and dwell on our pain all day, our pain only gets worse. If we focus on how awful our kids are acting, don't they just act worse? (Examples). So as Joy advised, if we focus on positive things, focus on others, focus on what little positive thing we can find in our day. How do I not focus on my mind-numbing nerve pain? Distraction is my greatest weapon - the internet, reading, etc. Distraction is the number one thing I do for myself and it works amazingly well.

    I really have an idea what you are talking about, as I have had a really bad several weeks and despair can attempt to overwhelm me. Finding someone who truly understands, trying not to whine and complain too much and overwhelm my loving family - such a struggle sometimes.

    I do have Xanax and have for years, but rarely take any. Here is what I do: When I am losing control and think I need one, I go get that bottle. Sit it in front of me, and give myself 15 minutes to calm down. If I don't calm down, I promise myself I will take one. But I don't want to take one. I try to take as little meds as possible. So this works for me - setting up a scenario, promising myself relief if I need it, but giving myself a chance to self-calm. Have you had a chance to try anything like that?

    I know I was told if I needed to take Xanax more than 3 or 4 times a week, then I needed a different long term medication. I wonder if Xanax if giving you some side effects that end up giving you rebound anxiety? Do you think it's possible that any of your meds together are working against you? (Side effects, mental health effects)?

    Is your husband tired of your limitations? Or is it something else? I know my husband and I try to keep open communication about it. Just this weekend, we had another chat. I could tell he was getting really down again. He missed our life, the old Cheri. Having a wife reclined 23 hours a day at age 42 isn't what he signed up for, and it is human and normal for him to get down. He does his best to understand when I am testy, emotional, etc. He knows that on those days, my pain must be really bad for me to lose my ability to be loving and polite. (And on top of it, I am going through peri-menopause, so fun fun fun! lol)

    I know that there is a huge lesson I am to learn through this pain nightmare I am living. I will come out on the other side of this a better person. My old, hyper always busy self is certainly learning patience as I have nothing else to do but be patient. Tough to be so stubborn!

    So, many many gentle hugs your way. I will pray for you and send you positive thoughts. Please use us and this board to vent and get things off your chest (and spare your family a little - sometimes they just get overwhelmed and don't know what to do, wish they could help take away the pain, and then wonder when it will be over, all in the same hour.) I think the basic emotions you are feeling are normal but just getting out of hand.

    Facing yet another surgery can really push me over that cliff, so to speak, so is this triggering you? Feeling so out of control and wanting the pain to just stop.......

    ( ( (HUGS ) )

    Cheri

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