Hello again. You've all been so helpful and supportive and I want you to know how much I appreciate it.
I'm 56, 10 days postop for a L4-5 fusion, Laminectomy and separate incision for bone graft. My husband and I are empty nesters. We have owned and operated a service business for 20 years in the Atlanta area. My surgery was Nov. 18th, almost to the day that my mom died a year ago. You've all been so reassuring in terms of my physical recovery......but I almost think my emotional side is the worst.
I cry at the drop of a hat. Or, I loose my temper which I really never do! I'm extremely sensitive and feel like I've become the biggest PIA for everyone around me. My son and daughter have taken turns staying with me for the week after surgery since my poor husband has to do his job and my job at work! Nobody complains - I know that we are a close family and we share a great deal of love. Intellectually I know that everyone is happy to help. But right now that doesn't really make me feel better, for some reason.
Let me give you a for instance of my new found schizophrenia. The other day I went to the fridge to pull out a slice of cheese. I dropped the whole pack (my 2 dogs were happy to take advantage of the situation) and I just burst into tears. The day before I decided to take a shower and "attempt" to make myself a bit more presentable (I look awful because I'm anemic due to blood loss during 6 hour procedure). Well, all of a sudden I realized that the outfit I wanted was in the bottom drawer and I couldn't reach it. Again, I sobbed. Ya'll - I really almost NEVER cry.
Every time I have to ask my dear sweet hub to pick up something or carry something or even vacuum the floor I feel so GUILTY and inadequate. On top of it all, I miss my mom so much. She was my best friend and my strength.
These behaviors are anything but typical for me. I am very strong, very active in community and church and have a strong faith. But I just can't seem to hold it together and the emotions just wash over me at the most upredictable moments.
Has anyone out there experience these feelings of helplessness, depression and crying at the drop of the hat? My neighbor across the street is an ER nurse and she says it's primarily due to drugs and anesthesia plus a weakende physical state. True??
Thanks for listening. Kathy