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when do you stop giving up???

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,900
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:25 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
I know by being on this post that I dont have it has bad as others.I had a lambar laminectomy,disectomy L4-5 S1 5 weeks ago. I dont know if I exspected to much or was not informed enough to know what expect. I dont want to get out of bed I fill like thers nothing to look forward to. I will have to go back to work soon and that scares me, leads to loose job, loose house, loose life, etc. Its not that the pain is that bad but I amfraid of it comeing back and maybe worse. My family is not there for me and I am a single parent of a 16 year old girl. I catch myself wishing that my life would just end so I would'nt have to deal with this all on my own. Is this normaland how do I make it go away?
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Comments

  • 5 weeks is not enough time to heal. Give it time and try to reach out for help. Don't be afraid to ask for help or look online for support. You need to be there for your daughter and set an example of how to work through tough times. Perhaps a trip to your primary care doctor to explain how you feel is a great idea. They can help you, talk to them. Sometimes after an ordeal like surgery can lead to emotional issues but you MUST seek help and I highly suggest an appointment on Monday morning. I don't know your religious affiliation but clergy can also be a great help. Just my opinions and suggestions... Get Well Soon
  • I completely agree with Pika. >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D<
  • I'm sorry you're feeling down :( It doesn't matter who had a bigger surgery and who had a smaller one... Nobody is ahead or behind anyone else. We all have our own separate issues and our own separate pains and our own separate lives. So NEVER view your problems as any less worthy of sympathy, attention, advice, or even being heard... Than anyone else's.

    It's a scary thing to return to work after surgery. To return to your "normal" schedule. The fear that pain might return is something we can all sympathize with. It's understandable. Be careful, though... Sometimes we can cause psychosomatic pain due to our fears... And also depression can cause physical pain. So maybe asking your doctor about an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med would be beneficial. I take Wellbutrin SR, and it's AMAZING. Without it, I am miserable and paranoid and angry and straight up MEAN to everyone. You can't help a chemical imbalance... And that could very well be what you are feeling. Not saying you necessarily should be put on Wellbutrin, but I do know that I've been on it for a while, and it works very, very well and has gotten me through the last almost 2 years of this hell, and I'm only 22, also a single parent... I have a 5 year old Autistic son... Money is so tight I can barely pay the bills and have money for anything more than cereal and sandwiches for dinner. I can tell you right now... If I didn't have my meds... I'd be a huge mess. HUGE. They have helped me stay sane through this entire ordeal. I know some people feel like, too prideful to take medicine and think it's some sort of conspiracy and the world is overmedicated... But think about it.. People in pain take pain medicine. People with epilepsy take meds to prevent seizures, etc... There is no difference between that and taking meds to restore a chemical balance to your brain. I doubt you're too prideful, because you are to the point where you are expressing yourself and asking for the thoughts of others. I'm not a med pusher, but I just understand where you are coming from and know what helped me.

    I hope you find some solution to your situation, and something to give you peace of mind and solace. Just know that we're all here to listen any time you need someone to talk to or vent to... Judgement free.
  • That's when to give up. I just spent most of my morning having a pity party because I hurt so bad and have so many tasks and just didn't think I could take much more. Then I started making some phone calls. I called my best friend and cried and cried. This is a woman who just had back surgery a week ago. And I am turning to her for support!?? But she was there for me. Then I called my Mom just to talk not to complain and that reminded me that she needs me. She's getting older and needs help sometimes. Then my 17 yr old son walked in the room and kissed me on the top of the head and told me he loved me. (He does this every time he comes by me in my recliner.) Pity party for me is over for today. I had my moment which by the way you are absolutely entitled to. Pain sucks the life out of you and everyone around this board knows it. But now look out Christmas tree here I come!
    If you don't have a support system of your own then consider us your extended family and use us like we are. We understand and will help.
  • :) having a happy state of mind is so important to a successful recovery. :D one goes with the other. you sound very depressed but also very fearful and fear can stop your life short. ~X( you have many reasons to feel this way but it is your chance to work around these fears and develop a new life. it may be you cannot go back to your old job. you may have pain forever and you might be alone with your daughter. you know what the future MAY hold so now is the time to develop strategies and ways to cope with these changes. there are others besides me who want to hold you up. your physician, hospital support groups, and most likely your neighbors. please be patient with your recovery. count on your daughter as you need her now, i am sure she will be there for you!! i am, so remember you are not alone!! just press the key and i will be there.! >:D< Jenny :)
  • In my experience, with pain comes depression, with depression comes pain. They battle back and forth with each other and are a vicious cycle. Please contact your primary doctor if you are feeling hopeless. There are many antidepressants that are also helpful in relieving pain from nerve damage, fibromyalgia, anxiety and other things. I suffer from depression and anxiety in addition to my pain. Some days are better than others. I do notice that if I am all tenses up and upset or depressed, my pain is worse. Please talk with your primary doctor about your concerns. I've been in your shoes and some days just want to go to sleep and never wake up. This site is a very good place to express your feelings, share your stories and read other peoples success stories. I wish I had found this years ago.

    Back surgery is a major surgery and your body needs time to heal and recoup. Don't rush yourself back to work as you may do more harm to your body and may result in further surgeries which you don't want.

    My prayers are with you.
  • vuno

    i had plenty pity parties too. but my sister always said to me---suck it up and deal with it. whether u deal with it by crying, sulking, pity partying ect ect u deal with it.

    i had this relevation one day and decided that i am going to make the best of everyday because tomorrow might not be there. every morning i get up and thank God for letting me get up again. i thank Him for my support system too.

    i have a seven yr old son and i do most of this for him. he has seen me hit rock bottom this past six months and now he will see me live, strive and survive for as long as i have left.

    make the best of everyday. work will always be there. outings will always be there. u need to make sure u heal well so u can be there too.
  • At about 4 to 8 weeks post surgery I felt like I would never get better. I really did not expect the recovery to be so long and slow - even though I was told it would be. I was so sick of being tired, feeling like an invalid, not being able to do anything or go anywhere, etc. etc. The days seemed unending and I spent what felt like much of each day in tears. But reading the posts on this site helped me to understand that what I was going through was normal and that things would get better.

    Pika is so right about your daughter learning so much from watching how you handle this situation that is hard for you. It gives her the chance to see your strength even when you are vulnerable.

    You are doing the right thing reahing out to others for support.
  • Please talk to your doc about the way that you are feeling. It really sounds like a case of depression. It is much easier to treat in the early stages than when it becomes advanced. I know it is hard to do anything about it when you just don't care, but think of your 16 year old and do it for them if thats what it takes. This forum is a wonderful place to find support and understanding. You can talk to us about anything and we will understand and support you. Please keep us posted.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,714
    or anything negative like that. No matter how gloomy and dark things may be, if you give into that, it will consume you. Now, if you maintain a positive outlook to it all, to the problems you have, etc, that demonstrates a degree of fighting and resistance.
    For us, the spinal patient, we NEED to keep things positive and always understanding that no matter how bad we feel or have problems with, we still march on!
    If we give up on out situations, we are basically just throwing in the towel!
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • what has been said.
    1) you have been through a lot and dont be hard on yourself.you are entitled to feel sorry for yourself sometimes.
    2) see your primary care Dr as it may be that a short stint on anti- depressants may spark you up again.
    3)remember that post surgery is like post-natal and our bodies and hormones have gone through an awful lot. Even the anesthetic messes with our bodies so it is not suprising that so many of us develop depression post surgery. Then pain just makes it worse, the inability to do things and it becomes a tumbleweed gathering the longer we leave it.

    Please know that you are not alone and you can get help for it.
    ALso it would be good to set yourself some goals each day and that could be to walk 1 mile 3 times each day or whatever makes you feel good.
    Walk to the DVD store and rent a comedy.

    Big hugs >:D< Sara O:)
  • You have your daughter. Get online right soon and buy her some gold stud earrings they're really reasonable at a walmart or deparment store online. Take an interest more in her life. Family may not be there have you asked them to bring over a casserole? I also agree that with physical illness comes depression and many of us have to take antidepressants some for a short while, some forever. I hope you get to your Dr. tomorrow to get something to help you sleep maybe too. Of course none of us are Doctors so we can't really make a diagnosis. We're just sharing personal experiences. I think some get depressed because it's done: this problem with the backpain now what's going to come next? Time to think of one day at a time and make one goal and reward yourself.Make another goal get a reward. Time out for yourself. Get your Dr. to have you off work for 12 weeks to recoup then get better slowly. Anyways we care about you. Take care. Prayers help too. O:) Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Kudos to you for being the parent of a 16-yr. old girl. That alone is daunting enough!

    I was at about the 4-month mark when the depression hit me...I felt like I would never feel any better and one day was just like the day before--horrible. Fortunately, I have a good friend that made me her mission. She would come pick me up and take me to lunch or just take me to her house for a couple of hours just to get me out of the house. She did this at least twice a week. And it sure helped! My children have been absolutely no help to me! I guess they are just so absorbed in their own lives that they don't think about me. But, I'm learning that we can't depend on anyone else to make us happy! That has to come from within ourselves, and we have to want that for ourselves. I would agree with others who have mentioned asking the doc for an anti-depressant. Having a 16-yr. old girl can be depressing enough all by itself (having raised 2 daughters myself). =))

    As far as worrying about it happening again, thank the Good Lord that we don't have crystal balls where we can see the future! Just worry about getting through TODAY, tomorrow will take care of itself. >:D< >:D<
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