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Lack of support and understanding from hubby

MingMMing Posts: 1,127
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:25 AM in Matters of the Heart
I am feeling very down today. I just sit here and evaluate how crappy things are. I don't have any support or understanding or compassion from husband for the problems I am having with my back. He just doesn't understand what I have going through. It's always been my job to do everything around the house including grocery shopping, running the kids to sports, appts etc and now I need his help. I even got to where I was doing most of the yard work too. This was in addition to working full time and going to school part time and he was lucky to work a full week with his business. Each day he seems to lack more and more motivation for life and doing anything for anyone that doesn't benefit him in someway. I asked him to drive me to the store the other day because I had taken an extra dose of pain meds and was in a lot of pain from my PM dr appt and he flat out said no so I went alone, got the groceries, carried them in the house and put them away...alone. That just made the pain worse, not to mention I am PO'd at this point which adds to the pain. Then he thinks I am lazy because I am laying in bed in pain. It is like this everyday.

I've considered leaving him but how I am supposed to do that when I can't hardly move, don't have a job and no where to go since this is my house and I can't get him to leave.

He now verbally abuses me by telling me how fat, lazy, useless etc I am so this just compounds to my depression and anxiety.

My daughter's grandma died on her dad's side and my husband is being a jerk to the whole family today instead of being loving and compansionate to her because she is sad. She is only 12 and really is taking it hard. He has such a hard time being loving, understanding, sympathetic, compassionate etc. I know his parents weren't very nice to him when he was younger and I think this has affected him however that's no excuse to treat me lousy. I feel like I got the short end of the stick because when I got married we were so much in love and I thought this man is going to take care of me. When it came down to the time for him to start taking care of me, he can't handle it. I am a very independent person so it's really hard for me to come out and ask for help and then to be told no when I do makes it even harder to reach out for help so I do everything myself which is only causing more pain and problems with my back.

Thanks for listening to me complain about my lousy day. I just needed to get this off my chest. I am so lucky to have found all of you as you have been so helpful, kind and understanding.
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Comments

  • I'm sorry about your situation and shocked at your husband's apathy and behavior. I am also so sorry for your loss and it is heartbraking to hear about your daughter's grieving. I wish I could put into words the agony that you go thru each day dealing with so much and on top of that the verbal abuse. I understand you're in a tough bind, and feel like you can't leave him because of your disability. But it sounds to me that you have been doing it all by yourself anyway. You don't need this in your life. You are way better and deserve much better than what you're getting out of your spouse. How dare he say those things to you. Nobody asks to have chronic pain and it's downright cruel for him not to lift one finger to help. Can you separate and live with your parents? Like I said, you seem to be an independent, driven woman carrying the weight of the world and your pain on your shoulders, and your husband's not doing a @#$damn thing for you. I'm sorry, is just that I've seen a lot of that growing up and will never stand for it, and I will be your most vociferous advocate. PM me if you wish; we all care for you and are here 24/7 for you to vent your frustrations. Take care and don't listen to any of that derogatory attacks because it's BS and you are 100x's better than him. People will put you down because they are worthless and want to drag you down with them. Always remember that.
  • I am sending you tons of hugs and love your way today. I just don't know what to say about your situation other than I am so sorry that you are having to deal with so much all at once, and having NO support from the man who is supposed to love and support you "in sickness and in health" is unimaginable and he should be ashamed of himself.

    But YOU HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH!!! You are deserving of all of the good this world has to offer and you are doing all you can to get by. I think you are one strong lady, as we all are, but even the strongest of us need love, affection and support. You will ALWAYS have what you need in that department from your family right here.

    Peace love and hugs to you,

    Amy
  • Thanks for your support. I really look forward each day to login and chat with everyone.

    The hardest for me to accept is what's been addressed above. In sickness and in health and he should be helping me through this as this is the time I need him the most. I just want him to hug me and tell me it's going to be ok, we'll get through this together. Instead he doesn't even want to listen to me talk about my problems. I can understand it is aggravating to hear someone constantly complaining about being in pain so that's why I try to keep to myself.

    It really does make me feel better knowing you guys are so supportive. Before I came here, I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone who understood.

    My parent's live next door but I wouldn't stay with them. My dad is a heavy smooker and that bothers me since I quit 2 years ago.
  • I fill for you, I have no support my phone has not rang all week from anyone to check and see how I am doing Then I see what your going through and I dont know what is worse. Every body here is great but sometimes a hug and somebody saying its going to be ok would be nice. I hope your husband starts to understand and support you. My thoughts and prayers are with you...
  • >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D<
    That's it. You both needed them so I'm glad you're here so I can send them.
  • I understand what you mean. I try and thank my husband for driving me for cooking for me. Try to leave the room when he gets like that. I understand what you're going through. It's scary. Stay safe. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I used to have a boyfriend just like your husband and i kicked that jerk to the curb about a year and a half ago. I put up with him for eight years and he's lucky he can still chase women after i finished with him! :jawdrop:

    I also moved to another state and left all my belongings behind. I am so happy now, sure i have a few minor problems but leaving made a world of difference. I pray that your pain and all your other problems stop very soon. Here's hugs from me to you, >:D< >:D< >:D<

    Take good care of yourself and God bless!

    Evelyn :H
    Had PLIF in 2008 and a Laminectomy. One level fusion, L4-L5.
  • I do understand what you are feeling because i have been there as well. Here's wishing you good health and a pain free life. >:D< Many of the people in this forum are very understanding and will be here for you anytime you feel like talking. We all know what you are feeling and care about your suffering. Here's wishing you a speedy recovery and no more pain! I will keep you in my prayers.

    Evelyn :H
    Had PLIF in 2008 and a Laminectomy. One level fusion, L4-L5.
  • You guys really are the best. I can truly feel your hugs and know that you well wishes are geniune. I hide out in my room most of the time sitting on my bed with my laptop on my lap watching tv snuggling with my kitties.

    Vuno,
    I am sorry to hear you don't have a good support system either and I am glad that you are here. Everyone here is so great and supportive and understanding.

    I just got a job with an insurance company and I can't wait to start. I can't give them a start date yet because I am still on disability but I don't want them to know that. I know that once I start feeling better, get back to work and making my own money again I can gain the confidence and independence that I lost while I've been laid up.
  • I am so sorry to hear of the abuse that you endure every day. Please try and make a change soon. If not for yourself than for your children. I have an idea that your husband is very insecure. Lots of times people will feel better about themselves by belittling other people. He also may feel that he needs to do this in order to keep you. (make you feel that you can't do any better). I know that you probably could not get him into counseling but maybe if you seperated even temporarily he may start to appreciate you more and maybe even agree to counseling. Life is so short. I would hate for you to spend the rest of your life being treated like this. Please know that anytime I can help I am only a PM away.
  • I'm so sorry about your husbands lack of support. I went through the same thing when I first got injured and was ready to leave my husband.

    What we forget about men is that they are "fixers". They want to be able to fix any problem that comes along and, when they aren't able, they tend to mock it, pretend that it isn't important or worse, take it out on us. It took a long time for my husband to come around and realize that he was harming me further by his actions. I started making him go to my doctor appointments with me and he really got an eye opener. It's still not a perfect situation but it's so much better now.

    Sit down and talk to him before you do anything drastic (unless he's physically abusive, if he is- get the heck out!). There may be more going on than you realize. Stop doing all the work...he'll start pitching in when he doesn't have any food or clean underwear LOL!

    We are here for you whenever you need to talk. This is a hard row to hoe and there is so much more to it than just our bodies. You have a support system here whenever you need it.

    Hugs,

    Griff
  • Thanks for your kind words. I started doing less around the house and refuse to go to the grocery store unless he goes with me and then we get down to no milk, bread etc so I give in. Anyway, now I just buy what the kids and I need and don't buy the things he likes specifically like whole milk (he hates anything less), beer, potato chips etc. I don't like having high fat and junk foods in the house and only bought them for him. He's 140# soaking wet and eats terrible ~X( it makes me sick. Anyway, I just ignore him now. I do make him go to my appts and have an injection this week that I'm making him take me to.

    I really hate being dependent on someone and not having control of my environment and situation. I know I am more irritable due to this and the constant pain, however I am not excusing his actions.

    No, he doesn't abuse me physically. I think I could still kick his a** 8> }:) even with a bad back since he is only 5'8" and 140 max. I am 5'5" but grew up with an older brother who was a jock and tought me to defend myself so I think he'd be afraid to touch me lol.

    Just being able to talk about this with people who care and are supportive and understanding is very helpful. I find myself hiding in my bedroom with my kitty cats and lap top to avoid dealing with his cr*p and sometimes that gets lonely and depressing. It's really great having you guys to chat with.
  • I'm glad that he's not abusive physically. There's just never room to maneuver around that.

    I go into the ignore mode when things get really bad too. We've come so far over the last few months though and I'm glad that I stuck it out. It's hard but we have to realize that we fell in love with this person for some reason and made those promises. I'll uphold mine even if I feel he isn't.

    Going to work is going to do wonders for you and your self esteem! I really wish I could work; I know that it would make a big difference in my attitude. Like you, I hate to be dependant on anyone for anything.

    Keep going gal, it sounds like you're on the right track. PM me anytime if you need to vent.

    Griff
  • Ming,

    The most important thing that you can do is take extreme care of yourself. When you go inside to find the answers, and really listen to what your "little" you (i mean your intuition) is saying you can't go wrong. When you take care of you, everything else will fall in line, or fall away. Indifference is just as bad as abuse at times. So, don't be indifferent to your own pleas for help from inside. Be your own advocate and your best friend.

    I think that Griff offered you some spectacular advice as well.

    One Love,

    Stephanie
  • You are his mother doing everything for him and those defined roles are disproportionate and you have accepted them when you were well, which was never fair and that is just continuing even though you look as if you could continue as normal. This change in roles and responsibility is always difficult as you are expected and have expectation of yourself, that you should be able to do this role and work yourself into a complete standstill.

    Children are everyones responsibility, even the good bits, when did you have time just for yourself, my wife will tell me when she thinks I am not pulling my weight and I am every thankful that she has taken on an large proportion of my tasks on the basis of the things I cannot do and I thank her.

    Bad backs influence all members of a family, in what is said and done, and what is not, perhaps he feels he should be able to give you the positive outcome you desire and although he could say it, would it be true. Most people have issues, could you write a letter of your concerns and worries for the future and how difficult you are finding keeping going. You have to be strong when you say no mean it, relationships have ups and downs and pain related one’s take time to develop, as things go unsaid.

    Perhaps he could find some support in how to help you, this is the first time for each new experience and living with chronic pain permeates all members of the family. Deep down he does care and just does not know how to show it, when it all comes out you will have similar fears, in securing your future and finding the right path together, this phase will pass hopefully.

    Good luck, hug the kids.

    John

    Ps My boy is disabled also and I met a limbless man and his family, he talked just about himself and his kids withdrew eventually looking at the floor and never said a word.


  • Gosh. I don't know what to say. Except: your husband's a jerk. A self-centered, narcissistic jerk.

    My first husband came from a family where his father was abusive - emotionally, mentally, verbally and even physically at times. He was from Mexico City and I am sure that was how HE was raised....

    He was berating my first husband once (one of many times in my presence) and I flat out told him "He's a grown man! You have NO right talking to him that way! That's MY job now!" and he'd never done that again in my presence. Of course, I was always supportive of my husband and all his faults: the drug/alcohol use/abuse; when he was "in between jobs" because he didn't like bosses telling him what to do. I had the steady income, working for the state. I carried the insurance and paid the bills. Cleaned the house; cooked the meals; washed the clothes; bought the groceries as well as his substances of choice. All this time, he treated me much the same as your husband treats you. He was very possessive. I kept telling myself: It's not his fault. He was raised this way. Yada Yada. My parents have been married 58 years (this December 4) and I thought that's the way it should be. Together forever. Better or worse; sickness and health. All that rot.

    Finally, I just had enough. We were in a knock down drag out fight. Literally. I got in my truck to leave and as I was backing out he picked up a concrete block and raised it over his head like he was going to smash the window. We locked eyes. Apparently, the look I gave him must have made him change his mind.

    I left. He called and apologized over and over and over. Begged me to come back. Over and over. Just like he always did. I did something different that last time we split - I filed for divorce. I probably would have gone back to him, except for one thing. While we were separated, I'd gotten pregnant (that's a long story folks, and I'll save it for another day). Had I NOT been pregnant for someone else's child, chances are I may have gone back to the SOB. I'd like to think I would have been stronger than that, though.

    The day comes for us to go to court. He was so self-absorbed, he did not even realize I was 8 months pregnant. After court, he called me all PISSED off because in the divorce decree, it stated I was to go back to my maiden name. I wanted ALL traces of him in my life gone. PLUS, our divorce was final on his birthday!

    I vowed I'd never marry again. I was not even looking. But then I met my current husband 3 years after my divorce. And life is so much better.

    And every year for 10 years, I celebrated my divorce. The last time I celebrated was 16 years ago.

    You don't need that crap in your life. He won't ever change. It's been the way he's lived all his life. He can be made to leave - with an escort in uniform. He can have visitation as long as he behaves himself. Just a thought.

    Good luck Ming. And, of course, when you need us, we'll be here!

    VUNO - How are you today?

    Take care buds!

    Jeaux
  • I just wanted to update you all and some of you may already know this so forgive me for repeating myself. I had an appt with a neurosurgeon for a new patient appt on March 23rd. I took my husband with me. The new doc pointed out that I had a failed fusion and 2 fractured screws. He pointed this out to my husband and showed him where the empty space is where my disc was partially removed and there should be bone there in order to fuse. As you can imagine, I was pretty upset from this news and scared to death of ending up in a wheelchair like my dad.

    My husband has been so sweet, gentle and supportive with me. He held me the other day while I cried and just explained how scared I was. He put a note in my dresser so I would find it when I was getting dressed this morning after he left for work stating he realizes he wasn't there for me when I needed him and he's very sorry for that. He said he will be by my side all the way now.

    It took a doc to point it out to him to get him to see that I wasn't making it up. I know he was getting conflicting messages before cuz he would be told by my surgeon that everything is fine and I just need to be more active and lose weight so it made it sound like I was just lazy.

    Don't get me wrong he still has his moments but I do realize he is not going to change 100% overnight and it's a working progress. I also have to change the way I respond to him as well. Together we are making progress in our marriage. I know I've stated in some of my old posts that I really wish he would just hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok and he is doing that for me now. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
  • I am so relieved to hear that things are changing. That is kind of how it worked for me. My husband was not helpful one frickin bit until my surgery got scheduled. Now he is an absolute help.

    Hey Vuno, I have a lot of friends who were right there the first few days after my surgery but now, no help. I am stuck in the house all day. I work from home and so does my husband. I need time away. I feel ya!

    Here's hoping change is permanent. I just don't know if I can forgive the past 7 years. we'll see
  • I am sorry you don't have the support you need but I am glad he is starting to change his ways.
  • Thank you so much for your replies and kind words. I'm so glad that I am able to help others. It truly means a lot to me and as janetatem said, it helps me and my pain knowing that I may help others or touch their lives in some way through my experiences whether they are good or bad. That is why I am 100% upfront and honest on here.

    Melswartz,
    I know exactly what you mean about forgiveness. I too still have not forgotten how lousy he was too me and it's hard to get past that at times. I'm so used to the distance between us that I'm having a hard time adjusting to the closeness he now wants. I know our marriage will be better because of that but it's still there. I'm still hurt by the words and he still has his moments where he slips backwards.

    I truly appreciate all your prayers, support and words of comfort. Just know that I pray everyday, sometimes several times a day for every single one of us "spineys". I also pray for all the docs and surgeons and scientists and any other professional that has to help us find comfort with our pain and make our lives manageable. I pray that they will come up with new technology to help diagnose us better and to find medicine that will make us more comfortable and have less side effects. Guess what I pray for is just short of happy ever after fairy tale life O:)

  • I am so glad that things are going better for the both of you, and I hope in some way this situation can bring you two closer together. I know I was harsh with your husband, but now it really seems that he is trying to make things right. Keep up the good work Michelle. BTW, how are you feeling lately? I hope your meds are giving you some relief. I went to see my surgeon yesterday and he said there's nothing that can be done for my damaged nerve and he thinks operating to take scar tissue out will do no good, but he agrees a morphine pump is the best thing for me. I hope it works. Were you considering an SCS trial or will you have surgery for the broken screws? Please let us know how you do. Take care buddy..
  • Thanks for the kind words. As I said before I always appreciate your blunt honesty. I would rather you be honest with me than sugar coat it. You know how I stand on that.

    Update on my situation......
    Some of you may know that I left for a trip to see my inlaws that live in NC on Monday(12 hour drive. We left there on Friday and went to VA to visit with my brother. Tomorrow we are supposed to go to DC but I can hardly get up off the couch right now so I don't imagine I will be seeing the sites other than from my car while my family goes and has fun. My husband has overbooked our week of fun and I'm seriously suffering from it. I've been trying to be a good sport about it and not complain. I figure this is my sacrifice for my kids' happiness and fun vacation.

    Right now we (hubby and me) are not speaking. I haven't moved much today other than to do 2 loads of laundry so I wouldn't have to do it when I got home. He's mad cuz he wanted to go drive around and go to VA Beach. He just took off w/o me cuz he didn't want to wait for me to get some rest and try to calm down the muscle spasms and this excrutiating pain in my @ss from walking and sitting in a car for hours at a time. At this point, I'm glad he left without me cuz I was in no shape to go anyway. I'm just so hurt and angry that he would be mad that I couldn't do anymore cuz of the pain.

    So Meydey, you may have spoke to soon. I sure hope after he drives around and comes back he will have come to his senses and realize how hard this whole trip has been on me. I haven't complained about the pain cuz I wanted the kids to enjoy themselves. The pain meds I'm on have been working pretty well up until today. Now I am taking the max of the BT meds and regular dosage of the rest.

    Next week I start aqua therapy and my first pain management appt. At the PM appt, I believe we may be discussing SCS or maybe they can increase the dosage of MSContin. I am only taking 15mg every 12 hours right now. I'm not sure if I will have surgery to take the screws out and do a 360fusion or not. I think the neurosurgeon wants me to try PT and PM to see how that goes and then see him if I still am getting no pain relief. He said they probably wouldn't take the screws out. I also forgot to mention to you guys that the screws are loosening up. I don't know why he wouldn't want to remove these cuz it seems they could come loose and press against nerves or something. Maybe it's not a concern because this was done anterior. I don't remember if the spinal cord is both anterior/posterior or just posterior?

    So Meydey,
    In a sugar coated, fairy tale princess and butterfly world I am doing JUST great :D , not [(

    I will update you guys again when I finally make it back home to upstate NY.
  • Hooray for you, you are a very strong and determined mom and wife to go through all this pain for your family! I know how hard it is and you must be at the point of no return from riding and sitting in the car and everywhere you go! Please take care of yourself! If you need the down time, so be it, your husband just doesn't understand because he can't even begin to imagine how bad your pain is. Luckily, he doesn't know this pain so he can work, etc. but some days I'm sure you wish he could just feel it for a few minutes so he could get it! Just try to tell him you want him and the kids to have fun, go enjoy themselves, try to explain that you are doing them a favor to stay behind because you don't want to hold them back.....maybe he'll realize how much you wish you could share all the sights and that you want to enjoy it with them more than anything in the world and that you are the one making the sacrifice by not participating in everything they do, how hard it is for you to miss it but worth it for them to go have fun. Tell him to take pictures for you to enjoy later or give the kids cameras to take pix to share with you later! I hope you can stay somewhere to rest while they go if you don't get some relief beforehand! I did DC back in better days and it was rough then so I wish you good luck!

    I am praying your aqua therapy and pain management can give you a sigh of relief until you and the Dr. can decide what will help you long term.

    Bless you, and remember you are very strong and courageous woman!

    Kathy
  • Ming, do at this point give your husband the benefit of the doubt. Remember this is all new to him and just because he has recently "seen the light," he most likely does not understand the far reaching implications of your pain. In fact for some people change is hard to accept and it may take some time him to adjust his reasoning and decision making to accommodate you.

    I hope he continues to participate in your discussions with your doctors and that you can enjoy open dialogue with him, that will help him with the adjustments.
    Jay
  • I'm sorry you know who was acting like an ox, childish and impatient with you. Didn't he hear what the doctor said? You really put yourself out there for him and your kids; I'm sure the kids appreciated the sacrifice you made for them. I hope this was just an isolated "me" incident and not a gigantic step backwards. Anyway, I'm glad you were able to take this trip and survive that long car ride.

    It is surprising that the doctor is going to leave those screws in. At least he wants you to follow up with PM so they can address your pain and get you some badly needed relief. Well, get some rest so you recuperate from this trip and I hope you get to feeling better. >:D<

    PS I sincerely hope I didn't speak too soon :(
  • Thank you all for your support. I do see it both ways, his side and mine. I was glad to stay back on Saturday and take time to rest but disappointed I didn't get to see the beach but we are planning to go there this summer for a whole week.

    We did go to Washington, DC and at first we tried to walk to some of the sites. I was starting to hurt pretty bad and I started to feel bad too. I told him that I will just sit in the car cuz I was holding the family back and that I felt bad that I couldn't enjoy myself as much as I would've liked to. He finally understood and we ended up taking the metro bus to see the sites. It was a beautiful day and we all had a lot of fun.

    I'm realizing now that the more I hurt and the more I feel bad about myself the meaner I am to him and I lash out. Instead of letting him see my hurt, I put my defenses up and try to act like the tough girl. So it seems I have my share of things to work on too.

    Thank you Jay for putting this in another prospective for me.
  • Hey there Ming,hope you get through all this ok. The worst thing about no support and then some abuse on top of it,is that stress takes a toll on your body as well. Sounds like you're doing what I do, you just keep going and trying to do it all. I hope your new job works out for you. And that your hubby gets a clue! Taake care Sagehen
  • Is easy to find when we hurt. Not that unusual a reaction.

    I try to keep it in check and be nice. It's very hard to find "nice" when we hurt. My anger at people here at work over this weekend is very dangerously close to boiling over. I can see their point of view entirely, but I have to live in this body.

    I want vulcan mind meld, so I can grab their shoulder and let them feel my pain. I don't much care anymore if it is mean.
    I better go calm myself down


    Ming, try to think happy thoughts!
  • Hi Ming,

    We haven't met yet, but I feel as if I know you. I read your situation with interest because it mirrored my own, but in a very different way (although the feelings underneath were the same). My heart goes out to you and your family for what you are having to endure.

    A few years ago, I met a man while I was already injured. At first he seemed so kind and caring and was not afraid to go out with someone who had a disability. I thought I had found the perfect man!

    Fast forward (too fast) he was living with me and telling me that he loved me and then he basically took over. He cooked, cleaned, did laundry, washed windows, rubbed my feet...well, I thought I was in seventh heaven.

    While I appreciated his help enormously and almost became dependent on it in fact, I started noticing more and more subtle criticisms and comments that would make my blood boil. He would say things like, "You know, if you just did the dishes as soon as there were a few of them, you wouldn't have this big mess all the time," or, "If you just picked up something each time you walked by, the place would stay neat and tidy."

    Then I started to hear things like, "It's mind over matter. I'm also in pain every day, but I ignore it."

    Over time, what had started out to be such a caring and supportive attitude started to become a little bit sarcastic and sometimes snarky, but I couldn't put my finger on it. All I knew was that I was becoming more depressed every day. My emotional meltdowns increased and often he would come home to find me crying.

    Anyway, he convinced me to start a new round of doctors because he was certain that a quick fix would do the trick. So I started taking him to the neurosurgeons, etc. and each time a doctor would say there was nothing they could do, he became more and more angry and determined because in his own words, "I want to travel. I won't accept what they have to say!" My pain became more about him and less about me.

    Finally, we had a big fight one night and he left. The fight wasn't even serious...it was over something so very trivial, I can't even remember what it was. I believe that over the couple of years, he always had a hope that I was 'fixable' and once he found out that I wasn't, it was going to ruin his plans for his own future.

    Needless to say, after being apart for a few months, I started to feel better. I took better care of myself, had fewer 'meltdowns' and generally felt less stress and guilt. He tried to come back one night and I refused. My body and spirit knew better.

    Sometimes having that outside 'kindness' that is a veneer on the outside covers up something totally different on the inside. I feel fortunate that I found this out sooner than later.

    My lesson learned is that chronic pain is difficult to describe to someone else. It's like trying to describe what apple pie tastes like to someone who's never had it. I think it really tests the strength and true love in a relationship and you never really know someone until you live with them on a day-to-day basis.

    My thoughts and prayers are that you can keep strong and that your husband can overcome his own anger and fears so that you can work together and maintain your loving relationship. If you both can survive this, you can survive just about anything together!

    Blessings to you and your family,

    Karen

  • Wow, your story is surely an inspiration to others out there. Thank you for sharing this with me. I am amazed by your tremendous will and strength to keep going and to not just take him back so easily. I truly hope that other women struggling with emotional abuse while in chronic pain can gain strength through your situation.

    BTW, it is a pleasure to meet you. I'm usually on here more but have been in a drug induced stooper for over a month and just couldn't shake out of it for the longest time. I am finally giving up the gabapentin but unfortunately have to wean myself off so it will take time.

    As for the hubby, he's getting back on track (the good one that is). We just got back from another appt with the original surgeon today.
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