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drug addled friend

William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,195
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:26 AM in Matters of the Heart
My oldest friend told me how he tried "ice" the other day. He expounded the virtues of the rock with the zeal of a new convert. He rationalized it this way and that, he told me of the medicinal propertys of meth,and weed put together, and in the very same breath said he wasnt doing weed anymore,and later as he "confessed" to me that he did smoke weed,and then begrugingly told me, that none of his "friends come around when my car is in the drive,coz they are all druggies and that they wont come around when ime here,he said petulantly.
He went on to say,he "tried it" four more times that day,tried?
Ime watching him spiral openly into heavier drug use, I knew of his noxious weed habit, but this?
there are ripples of causality from this?
how am I supposed to tell him,when he uses every excuse in the world for his drug abuse?
he sells hat he gets from the docs, he tells you to your face he is clean, when the smoke lingers around you.
He told me he is going to try foe the SSI mental disability, I think he is partly playing the part, the other half of the equasion(sp) is that he is finally showing his true face to the world.
The final cut, is how he treats his friend who always stood by him, thick and thin, who decided not to be "cool" anymore by bending to his every word,
is going to ask cps to have the 2 girls of his taken away.
I dont want to see the angels lost to the system, but both parents are not worthy to have and shouldnt have bred and had the two girls...
so now i get to be the bad guy right?
he already emotionally abuses them,what next?
Ive known him for over 35 years,he is a bad man, and deserves better than this,
but what about the kids, they deserve a fighting chance right,no dont answer that, ive not given you all the details of his sorry drug addled life.

I told him as soon as the girls came into his life that anything "him" is over, its all about them, he told me I dont understand life, Ive not been around, i dont have kids etc,
Ime going to talk to the attorney ad litem for the girls, I pray every night for protection and a fighting chance at thm staying "little girls" until its time to grow up,at a normal pace...you know what i mean?
thanks for the bent ear.
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Comments

  • That is a hefty load to carry on your shoulders. You are doing the right thing. Some addicts do not want help and there is little you can do to help. But, if you did not help the children, how could you live with yourself? As hard as it may be, you may need to just write this guy off of your list of friends. If you are not able to help pull him up out of the life that he is leading he may just pull you down. Crack is an extremely addictive drug and you can bet that it will go nowhere but down from here. I don't envy the situation that you are in at all. Good luck with at least being able to get some help for thise innocent children. I bet that one day they will thank you for it. Please keep us posted.
  • The only reason I had left to check up on him? its the charitable thing to do, everyone else who isnt a druggie has left him in a self sustaining prophesy of sorts, he wizzes off everyone around him so he can have an excuse to say everyone leaves. two. he like the company of like minded losers like him to help him carry the fairy tale he calls his life sustainable. the hard stuff has been coming for a while and isnt unexpected, its just sad watching the wreckage of a viable human person crumble before you..
    he wont come out of this one intact,
    I tried so long to point the way out, but he is bound and determined to self destruct all his family has been driven off, I was the last of the old gaurd, and I will not make an emotional suicide of tryin to rescue him...again. He tryed to tell me another episode why didnt no one help, staring me in the eye.
    He doesnt want help
    the girls a re little angels, I wonder if i could get thier mom to straiten up, but she's almost as screwed up emotionally, like I said, tey shouldnt have bred.
    I hate to think what will happen to the girls if they go into the system, coz their 41 year old dad wont grow up,doesnt want to grow up..
    Monday will tell.
    drugs destroy people
    drugs destroy people around them
    he doesnt want to see his dependency, thats what I dont understand, how can a person rationalize their addiction?
    tell me its medicinal?
    he started with marijuana,to him it was a cure all, per what all the propoganda says,,,you know how? word for word he would recite the usual dribbling blather said by every druggie trinig to legalize weed.
    He's in a smoking downward spiral and I wont let him ruin his girls lives.
    Ive no problem doing whats right,its gonna hurt him, but at this point, he's"all growed up" and doesnt need to be told what to do,
    its a waste of a perfectly good person, bummer
    thanks
  • I feel sorry for your friend. And you, but his life is going no where. Also, SSA does not award druggies. If there is anything in his records about drug abuse, forget it. They don't do random testing (although I've always felt they should - if I am footing the bill for those who are abusing the system - I feel like I am within my rights to ask for random drug screening).
    You, on the other hand, don't need this drama in your life. You have enough on your plate already. You are a great friend to worry about him. I hope he can get some help and get clean.

    Hope you have a Merry Christmas!

    Jeaux
  • The problem is playing judas to him. He wont take the hint, he knows he is screwing up, he's telling me he;s screwing up, what does ranch do???
    he intervenes,and gets a lecture from a loser who has no real logic based on normal,reasonable and prudent basis in reality.
    The Judas part is aking the girls away, what will happen to them in the system, he just wont take any hint...
    Like painintheback said, its hard living with a concience,
    I'll give him a last chance,again its my concience giving him the benifit,yes, he counts on that,every body giving him another chance.
    Ive done my part.
    thanks for the concern guys,and I hope there is Much merry in your christmas!!!!
  • .. not on their own. They are notorious for blaming others for their plight, and for neglecting their own children. They live in a fantasy world-you would be doing a diservice to the children not to have them taken away immediately from this household. Sure the system is not great but perphaps a family member will step up and take the kids. At least they wouldn't have doped up parents driving them around town, not feeding them properly and not keeping them away from other meth addicts-some who may be so far gone they might hurt a child. I don't know about your state, but in ours if we don't report child abuse or neglict-we are just as culpable.

    This is not the same man you had befriended 35 years ago-meth has changed his brain and personality-maybe if he becomes clean he can earn your friendship again because he is trully sick and deserves a chance, but only if he is drug-free.

    Good luck and thanks for caring but this is a job for professional drug abuse counselors, the police and social services.
  • Honey, you are one of the kindest souls I have ever had the privaledge to meet, let alone have in my life. You give so much of yourself to others, no matter where you are in your own personal struggles. But know this..... there are some people we simply cannot help, not until they want to help themselves. I say this because I don't want to see this have an effect on you that takes away from all of the great things that make you 'you". You can love and care for someone always.... but sometimes those people are toxic and the best thing we can do is cut them off. Help them to reach that "rock bottom" that needs to be hit. It is the hardest kind of love to give, but I know that you have it in you. You are a rock to me and many many others. You have broad shoulders and a level head. I love ya so much!!

    At the top of the list, for sure, is to take care of YOU. This is a huge thing going on in your life... but keep it in perspective. For some people the best thing we can do for them is to turn on the tough love. Its friggin hard as hell, don't get me wrong, but sometimes is the most loving thing you can do for them

    I'm sending you a big bear hug, and praying to give you the strength to do what you feel you need to do. Know that it is done out of love..... remember that when it gets tough.

    Here for you always, as you are always here for me.

    Sending you much love,

    Amy :X
  • Don't beat yourself up, buddy. I don't think the term "Judas" applies here, though. You are doing this for any type of gain, just because it's right. Besides, if he is as bad off as you say (and I have never ever doubted anything you have ever said), then those little angels are better off without him. If they stay with him, what do you think will happen to them? How do you think they will turn out? Like their parents, that's how.

    I wonder if the courts could take them temporarily, and give him and the mother a chance to clean up their act. Maybe getting the girls back could be contingent upon his getting some rehab and getting clean? And if that's not reason enough to be clean, well, they don't deserve the kids. True, there are horror stories about kids in CPS custody. But - here in Louisana - there are more horror stories of kids who were allowed to stay with their parents when everyone around knew it was not the right decision...

    It's always a hard decision to make - to become that involved in someone else's trainwreck. I wish you luck, and support in your decision.

    Take care, Ranch

    Jeaux
  • I agree with above whom ever said most do not quite on there own. Very heavy load indeed. I have a family member who is the same. She has given and then lost the privilege to parent 3 beautiful children. Lost many homes, been put in jail many times (never her fault of course) and the list goes on and on...... All of us have lost, there are no winners. I personally have not had a sister in close to 20 years.

    I made a call like that to help the children as well, very hard to do. I have never regretted it at all. I also called the children's school, so that they would have a safe place and counselor to talk with if they chose too. My niece did, the boys did not. At least it was there for them. The sad thing is ( or good) is that some schools have support groups for the kids, so they also help each other.

    Please go to any length to help the kids, they deserve better, and hopefully another member of the family will take them in. sometimes mom's and dad's are not the best to parent.

    The drug your friend needs to quit is a hard foe,very cunning and patient. I wish you luck, and peace at this time

    Happy holiday's

    j
  • I'm sorry you have the weight of your friend's dilemma bearing down on your mind and soul. And it's very thoughtful of you to care about his daughters; it's probable that you feel more for them than their dad ever did. I have an inlaw that put drugs and alcohol ahead of his family. After any resemblance of a family vanished from him, nothing ever changed. Guilt ate away at him, and he could never face his children without getting stoned and drunk before. I thought he contradicted himself because he cried for his kids, and when he got to see them on supervised visits, he was never sober.
    I know you care very much what's happened, but you also need to not get pulled into this. This is your friends problem and he's the only one that can fix it. You can't make him quit, that's something he has to want for himself. I pray that the girls have their mother or relatives to raise them b/c I surely don't want them in foster care. All this guy is going to care about is his ICE and nothing else, and will do whatever to feed his addiction. I don't want him coming around to use you so that he can get to your meds. He will eventually get caught selling his prescriptions on the street, and I'm sorry to say that by him doing that, it makes it harder for you and everyone that needs pain medicine for legit reasons.
    Please realize that I know how you feel and on some levels you feel torn. He is a friend of 35 years and it's not easy to sever a friendship like that. But he must hit rock bottom before he does something to break his habits. I truly hope things fall into place and I pray for the welfare of those girls. Take care of yourself Ranchhand.

  • Ranchhand,

    I am so sorry your friend has found his path in life interrupted with one of the worst street drugs around.
    Meth/Ice/speed, whatever the flavor is a vile drug that takes one soul and sends it to a very private hell.I have seen many friends lose the battle many times over, its a drug that takes all rhyme, reason and caring from a person-hence his rationale and lack of caring what happens-although you have some hope because "He wont take the hint, he knows he is screwing up, he's telling me he;s screwing up,".

    Is it right to help take the kids away? In this situation I agree 110%, the kids should always come first.I don't even have kids, but I feel that way and always will.Your friend is at the proverbial "razors edge" and you are to be commended for trying to help, druggie friends will not and eventually will abandon him when he has nothing to offer.

    But, you cannot let his world invade yours completely either.He is a grown man and if the lose of his kids is not enough for him to seek help or ask for a friend to help then it may be time to move on.Captains ares supposed to go down with the ship, your not his captain.
  • Do they have family that is caring enough to have an intervention? I think you are doing the right thing by reporting this to CPS for the childrens' sake. This is such an unsafe environment for them. Going into the system is not good either. I hope there is family that can help with them or could you step in and help out with the girls? That would probably be too much with your condition though and you need to worry about taking care of yourself. I've seen many lives and families destroyed over meth addition and am just glad that my family (as far as I know) has steered clear of this. It is popular in our area because we live in the country. I guess it is everywhere though.

    I am so sorry you are faced with this choice. Don't help the friend out but do try to be there for the girls in whatever way you can even if it is to let them know they are loved and cared about.
  • smoking The Stuff will make him do anything and everything to be able to get another hit...he does not currently consider you his friend...you are a means to an end. Don't put up with his shenanigans and keep and eye on his little girls...and be careful that you don't end up as a victim of circumstances when he gets busted
  • I too was going to mention what scinmyheart said. Keep a good eye on your pain meds when he's around too.
  • My husband and I were foster parents for many years. Usually when we got the kids, it was in an effort to help the parents get straightened out...sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. I loved those foster kids and treated them as my own. We made the decision to get involved because we believe that all kids need a CHANCE in this world to see that not everyone lives like they do. We received such a blessing from those kids and I know we had an impact on their lives.

    The system is not always bad!
  • I want to say that I really appreciate what you and your husband do to help foster kids. It takes special people with a big heart to take in kids from troubled homes. Thank you :H
  • I sent you a Private Message. Check your inbox.
  • Unfortunately, my hubby passed away 10 years ago, and I no longer take in the foster kids. The last girl we took in turned out to be 3 months pregnant when she came to us. No one knew she was pregnant. Since the social worker pushed for an abortion, we offered to adopt her and her child. She stayed with us for about 2 years after her son was born and decided she'd rather go back to her previous life of sex and booze. Thank God we had adopted her son! That way, when she left, she couldn't take him with her. He is now 23 and has a child of his own. God works in mysterious ways, huh?

    Sorry to ramble!! My point is that there are decent people out there who are foster parents. Unfortunately, this is not always the case!
  • Ice users NEVER quit. They just take breaks when they can't afford it. I've yet to see an addict get clean from meth, ice whatever you wanna call it. They may go to rehab and stay clean for months or even years but I promise you if you put it in front of them and tempt them with it the NA chip may as well be thrown out the window because it's back to day one for them. Go live your life. It sounds like you have a lot of great friends here on this board. Sorry we had to meet like this. You did what you could. Have no regrets and do what you know is best for these girls please. If you don't want to be the bad guy just give me his details and I'll turn him in for you. ICE addicts should be dropped off on an empty island and left there until they can learn to be humans again. Sorry if I sound hard but I have no sympathy for these people. And I had someone say to me once, "You don't know what it's like to try to quit." Darn tootin I don't. I never would have touched the crap because I love my children and my life more than any dumb drug and especially that one.
  • Joy, your going to be the light for many others beyond your own mortal lives. i am humbled by the amount of love a heart and hearts can give to the world!I didnt mean to denigrate or be derogatory toward wonderful foster parents every where, it is not my intent. I had close loving friends because of foster care. Here, though, in this area, there is a deficite of loving people, most just want money that goes with the kids...bummer.
    I went over last night, the girls are happy and healthy,
    my buddy"has moved on to calling the ice...medicine,
    REALLY NOW... i have to catch him in the act, he says he does it every 3 days. its about solid evidence thats all.
    Jeax, Amy,Tonya,ming frustrated, meyday,scinmyheart, and others thank you for your loving wonderful hearts, you give me great strength and courage,Ime not afraid of doing, its the gathering of real solid proof.
    thank you for loving and caring!
    I hope the new year is soft and gentle to your guys
    ranch
  • I understand about getting the proof. You don't want it to be a "he did" "I did" kind of thing. You go, fella! Make sure those kids have a chance for a better life. My prayers will be with you!
  • Hi Ranch and others,

    Most everything you all have to say is wise sound advice. I grew up in an alcoholic home. My sister got the disease. I didn't. I have three kids, one straight, one a big time addict and the youngest is more than likely on the edge.
    I hear your use of the words, 'proof' Ranch and it worries me. :/ Maybe that's something best left for the professionals. I say that because I would hate to see you caught up in this as any kind of accessory, which can happen and also because 3 times in re-hab and not once did my sneaky addict sister provide any proof. WE ALL KNEW. WE ALL CONFRONTED HER and just like your friend it was excuse after excuse. You can't prove their lies.
    I commend you for hanging in there and hope you do contact CPS (it's CSB) where I live.
    I say that because my oldest son, (my ex got custody in divorec) the one who is the big time addict, ended up spending much of his time at his best friend's whose parents were addicts. It wasn't even his family and the life he was exposed to became the life he is living. The sooner the girls are out of there, the better in my opinion. The saying "Children learn what they live" certainly did come true in my case. :< And, unfortunately I was not in a position where a phone call to any agency could have changed things.
    Also, hanging in and caring about an addict is probably one of the most emotionally draining, frustrating things I have ever done. :SS They will look you straight in the face and LIE. They will look down at the floor and LIE. They will beg, borrow, steal from anyone look you straight in the face and say it never happened. They will find a way to blame you.
    Proving anything is almost impossible. Intervention whether done in a personal way by you saying listen: "I know what you're doing and I can't stand by and watch anymore. If you don't get some help, go into treatment I will have to safeguard your children whatever way I can. I will not watch as you destroy your life and theirs." Or something a long those lines. There are places you can call: Narcotics Anonymous and possibly a Crisis Intervention in your area. They are professionals and in dealing with these kinds of things it's best to get all the advice you can from them, before you do anything.

    May the sound judgement I have heard in everyone's posts and the sound judgement of a power greater than ourselves guide you through this difficult life reality to bring about the best for all concerned. That includes you, Ranch. Don't forget to take care of yourself.

    BEEN THERE...
  • Hi Ranch and others,

    Most everything you all have to say is wise sound advice. I grew up in an alcoholic home. My sister got the disease. I didn't. I have three kids, one straight, one a big time addict and the youngest is more than likely on the edge.
    I hear your use of the words, 'proof' Ranch and it worries me. :/ Maybe that's something best left for the professionals. I say that because I would hate to see you caught up in this as any kind of accessory, which can happen and also because 3 times in re-hab and not once did my sneaky addict sister provide any proof. WE ALL KNEW. WE ALL CONFRONTED HER and just like your friend it was excuse after excuse. You can't prove their lies.
    I commend you for hanging in there and hope you do contact CPS (it's CSB) where I live.
    I say that because my oldest son, (my ex got custody in divorec) the one who is the big time addict, ended up spending much of his time at his best friend's whose parents were addicts. It wasn't even his family and the life he was exposed to became the life he is living. The sooner the girls are out of there, the better in my opinion. The saying "Children learn what they live" certainly did come true in my case. :< And, unfortunately I was not in a position where a phone call to any agency could have changed things.
    Also, hanging in and caring about an addict is probably one of the most emotionally draining, frustrating things I have ever done. :SS They will look you straight in the face and LIE. They will look down at the floor and LIE. They will beg, borrow, steal from anyone look you straight in the face and say it never happened. They will find a way to blame you.
    Proving anything is almost impossible. Intervention whether done in a personal way by you saying listen: "I know what you're doing and I can't stand by and watch anymore. If you don't get some help, go into treatment I will have to safeguard your children whatever way I can. I will not watch as you destroy your life and theirs." Or something a long those lines. There are places you can call: Narcotics Anonymous and possibly a Crisis Intervention in your area. They are professionals and in dealing with these kinds of things it's best to get all the advice you can from them, before you do anything.

    May the sound judgement I have heard in everyone's posts and the sound judgement of a power greater than ourselves guide you through this difficult life reality to bring about the best for all concerned. That includes you, Ranch. Don't forget to take care of yourself.

    BEEN THERE...
  • Ime goint to try to record a conversation about the drug, he's like a new convert, he is trying to play up his new "med" unquote. he drops drug references around his kids to. Ime good at hiding emotions, it disgusts me to here this stuff. growing up i watched people...human mines self destruct, usually taking out everyone around them in a self riteous indignation at the world...hmmm.
    ime good though, i watched too amny paople self destruct as a kid i was inured.
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