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Family and Meds

ernurseeernurse Posts: 790
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:26 AM in Pain Medications
I take the minimal amount of meds that I possibly can, even tho it still leaves me in pain becuz I want to try to be as mentally alert to enjoy life. But, if my husband sees me take meds, then later he says, "What did you take, you seem really drugged up?" If he doesn't see me, he doesn't make that comment. He totally agrees I need the meds and thinks I should take more than I do, but I just don't understand why the heck he only seems to notice these "effects" (sometimes I don't tell him but I was only taking a birth control pill) when he sees me take meds.

Anyone else have something like this?


  • If Michael said that to me I would probably say something like,"Why don't you tell me how you really feel"...lol.

    It sounds to me like he's noticing a 'placebo' effect if you are sometimes taking a birth control pill,and something about your medication is bothering him? This is only my opinion after reading the info you mentioned in your post.

    It's funny-Years ago when everyone in my family knew that I was on medication they all had their own opinions,either positive,negative,or nuetral.Now..nobody knows that I take pain medication and nothing is ever mentioned about it,even though I take my pain meds EVERY day.Sometimes something will be said like,"Robin,remember when you used to have to take those pain pills all the time..aren't you glad those days are over?"And I smile and say,"Boy how time has changed me"..which is true.

    I suppose my advice would be to take your medication whenever he is busy doing something else.Even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with you taking them,some people simply have issues that we cannot work out for them.It's just my opinion of course,but I really DO understand ;))
  • Before I started on the ER meds, my family members would ask me that same question. It was interesting because I started tracking in my pain journal and they were consistently telling me I was acting dopey and asking when I had the last pain pill about 45 minutes to an hour before I took anything.

  • Suggesting that maybe I take less of them. I have now found the perfect answer for them. I suggest that they turn around and I will take a wooden baseball bat and hit them across the shoulders as hard as I can and let's see if they would like one of my percocets after that. So far no one has taken me up on my offer. :D I love my family but especially my dear Mother doesn't get it. She thinks because she lives with Rheumatoid Arthritis that recovering from ACDF surgery should have been a walk in the park. I wish it had been as it seems to have been for many.
  • Taking pain meds has really been an issue in my house because, my husband is a recovering alcoholic, my sister is an addict and my oldest son is an addict. My sister has tried to compare her drug use to mine saying she started using again because of physical pain. I'm no different than you, she says. Okay!!??? When did taking 5 times higher than a prescribed dose mean the same thing as pain management?
    My daughter, bless her, she means well says, "do you think the medication has anything to do with it?" Ah, yes I"m sure it does dear, do you hav any suggestions??? Then her friend was in an accident and was able to get off pain meds in about a year. So, I of course got the lecture on if he could do it, so could I.
    My husband, the alcoholic in recovery has been the only who actually understands and does his best to help and be supportive. He's been very protective when I've had problems with PM docs, especially most recently when the doc screamed at me for taking less than sometimes.
    My only suggestion for you is to find some way to ignore it. If someone has never been in chronic pain they can't understand how even the side affects we sometimes have to deal with are less to deal with than the screaming monster pain. It's one thing to be annoyed, quite another to have pain screaming so loud you can't hear, or function.

    GOOD LUCK :) to you!
  • same with me. When my pain escalates and I am not treating, my mind seems to "go". Hubby will be asking me what's wrong, is something wrong, yada yada. When I take the meds and they kick in, you almost can't tell I've taken anything at all. But the immense pain causes the changes described.

    As a result, my hubby encourages me and helps me remember to take my meds. He has watched me struggle many times when I got "behind" the pain and couldn't get it under control, even at the ER or hospital. Not a good place to be.

  • I see that you are getting you SCS later on today (if not postponed).Good Luck and I hope everything goes smoothly for you.

    When I'm in really bad pain & Michael asks me what's wrong-it's like...you know how you're choking on something and CAN'T talk...yet the person is all up in your grill asking if you're ok and knowing full well that you cannot answer..lol,that's what his "what's wrong" question sounds like to my ears.I have to grit my teeth and fake it till I make it at those moments-because after 8 and 1/2 yrs he ought to know better.I know it's just his way of saying he cares,but why not just say the words...dang.
  • I hardly ever take meds in front of anyone in my family for exactly these reasons. It has such a stigma, and I'm trying to avoid getting into it with anyone, particularly my husband's family. I remember when I had my fusion and a few weeks later, his mom's cousin, (very close family) asked me if I was still taking pain pills and that I better get off them right away or I was going to get addicted. I was still in horrible pain (mine was anterior) and I was offended. I never mentioned it to anyone, but I certainly never told her I still have to take them. I don't lie about it, but I don't offer it up either. My husband knows I take them and knows I need them, but if he sees me take it, he will make a comment about "getting all hydro'd up". He's kidding, I know, but it bugs me.
  • What a great topic. I've talked about this to others before. My husband is a down right @ss about me taking meds. I have to hide them from him and go in the bathroom to take my doses. If he catches me he makes comments about me being a drug addict and even tells the kids your mom's a drug addict. I really hate when he brings the kids into it. They know I am in pain though and I explained the difference between a drug addict and taking rx meds. I don't take more than prescribed and I don't take to get high. Anytime my husband thinks I am acting moody or we are arguing he tells me to go pop another pill. He doesn't even seem to notice that we fight because of his attitude but instead blames it on my "drug use". I don't even talk to him most of the time anymore. Only when necessary. He is even mad that I spend time on here now. "Talking to your real friends now" he says. I said that atleast they understand what I am going through. My dad is in a wheel chair due to lumbar pain and peripheral neuropathy and has never taken narc pain meds. He's against them. So, my family thinks because he's strong enough to take them I should be too. Maybe I should just become an alcoholic like him and get off the pain meds ~X( . Will that make them happy :? Can you tell I needed to blwo off a little steam? X(
  • ...... to be made to feel like we have to hide something only reiterates the feeling like we are doing something "wrong", you know what I mean? It's terrible that we have to make sure that no one is looking or we might be judged. Would someone walk up to someone taking an insulin shot and say the same? Or chemo for cancer? Or Dialysis for Kidney failure? It's the treatment that works best for our condition, and that is unfortunate.... unfortunate because of ALL of the media hype and demonization of taking a prescribed medication even if it's for a diagnosed condition.

    This is a feeling that I will never ever get used to.... being looked at that way and being made to feel as though I am doing something wrong.

    Peace and painfree days to us all,

  • Hugs Ming

    >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D<

  • I'm so sorry you all have to go through that. I don't have any family members around to say anything and as for my husband, he seems to understand that I do what I have to do to be comfortable. For a while there, when he'd get home from work, he would ask me how many pain pills I took that day. So after a couple of days of that, I started offering up to him how many I took that day before he asked. He had such a hurt look on his face and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to monitor what you do - you don't have to tell me what you take." And he's never asked and I've never offered again. (Well, except for those fantastic days where I only needed one pill and I'm running around like superwoman - he hears about that, alright!)

    There are times now when he sees I'm in pain and he tells me I better take something before it gets worse.

    It's been pretty easy for me, and I see how painful it can be to be judged and have your spouse, especially your spouse, say something so derogatory about meds that you need just to function. Why can't some people just mind their own business and let you mind yours?!?! ~X(
  • my wife has never questioned the amount of meds I have taken unless I am grumpy. My problem is that I get to be really unpleasant to be around if I am in pain. My wife knows that and knows the warning signs. She will then ask me what I have taken and do I think maybe it is time to take another pill or maybe a breakthrough pill. I have such problems with my breakthrough med that she usually has to berate me for a while before I will take it. Too much manly pride here and thinking I can tough it out.
  • I never had a problem with my medicine use with my husband or immediate family. If I'm in a lot of pain, my husband asks if I took my meds or if I need them now. My mom is always telling me to make sure I take them. They know that I am responsible and take them as prescribed. I also know that they rather me take pain meds than suffer.
  • I have found that people that don't have the pain don't understand and for people that have the pain and don't "believe" in med's more power to them. Recently my brother said he thinks i'm addicted to pills and I simply explained I take my med's as told nothing more and for about a week after my last surgery but before I reherniated I stopped all med's didn't get sick or anything . There is a difference between being a addict and just needing some relief from the constant pain and discomfort.
  • Isn't this so sad? I even hate to depend on the medication, but unfortunately that is where I am. And unfortunately they are the type that our bodies get addicted to...not b/c we WANT to. Plus, b/c people without problems abuse, we get a bad name. My mom is the one I have to be careful with...I usually share with only my husband and mom. My mom googles and then tells me how horrible it is and then shares with her friends. That hurts. I learned a long time ago not to share this type of thing with friends. They don't even know the extent of my discomfort. I don't offer the truth when asked the familiar question, "How are you"? :)
  • I would give my pain meds up in a heart beat if I could get to a tolerable pain level. It seems that people think we are taking them because we want to. It's so we can cope and be able to some what function. It's sad that we even have to deal with this stigma of pain meds while we are trying to learn to deal and cope with our chronic pain. I wish that there was more understanding from others that don't have chronic pain. I find that if I do say something to my friends, they are asking me for some of my pain meds because they have a headache or stiff neck or just because so I don't tell anyone anymore. I have one friend who asks me every time he sees me if I am still taking vicoden, how many I take and makes fun of me. His uncle just got out of rehab for abusing pain meds. I had another "friend" who used to try to get pain meds off me all the time and she even wanted to snort them with me. I just kept telling her that I only get enough to take them as prescribed and my doc monitors them and I don't get enough to share with anyone.
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