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Our support peeps

Cath111CCath111 Posts: 3,702
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:26 AM in Matters of the Heart
A very interesting thing happened last weekend that got me thinking about all of our support peeps.

Last weekend I said to my husband "I think I've got a little arthritis in my thumb" because it was hurting a bit. I really thought this was just a little passing comment. Then he said to me, "You can't hurt anymore. It's my turn to hurt." I was just shocked and speechless. What a pitiful thing to say and I can't even put into words how that made me feel. Since last April he has listened every time I've complained of pain, discomfort, expressed fear about surgery, etc. and I can probably say it was a daily occurance. And he was there, every day.

After he said that, I decided I needed to put away my pain for a day or two (or at least don't talk about it) and do nothing but listen to him and make of him, be my old self. I did that and on the second day he started talking about my neck and asking how my pain was that day. I answered him, but didn't linger on the subject.

How interesting. Just hearing those words again in my head breaks my heart and makes me want to hold him. :X

Anybody experience something like this?


  • I often think about how others in my family feels hearing me complain constantly about how much my back hurts. I don't even mention anything else that might be hurting at the time like headache, shut my finger in the door a couple weeks ago, fell down steps about a month ago and hurt ankle, knee and back. I am so clumsy and always hurting myself. My grandma is a one-upper if you know what I mean. If my back hurts, her's hurts worse. I don't even talk to her about how I feel. My dad is in a wheelchair due to low back condition so I try not to complain to him either, at least I can still walk. I do however, see my husband roll his eyes or my kids just look at me with this here we go again face when I say, mommy's back is hurting really bad today so I am resting. It's almost like they are thinking what else is new. Now I just write out my feelings and aches and pains on here and it feels better getting them out. You guys are truly wonderful and supportive.

    I can tell you really care about your husband or else this would not have broken your heart so much. He is very lucky to have you in his life.
  • In the last several years, I have gotten to where I just don't talk about it much anymore, unless I'm talking about how good I feel. I thought that would take more burden off my family and my poor husband, whom I know would do anything he could to take my pain away.

    However, this new plan hasn't always worked for me. If I have implied all day that I am fine and then hubby comes home, sees me get up to go do something, and I can barely walk or I'm hunched over, he gets upset. He wants the truth, and I just want to stop talking about it some days.

    Does that make sense to anyone else?

  • :) there are days i don't want to say how i feel. ~X( my back hurts, i have sciatica in my leg and on and on. it doesn't change much, only in intensity. i would just prefer to not say how i feel. can't it be private just for me sometimes? :T i have the "I'm fine" which i use as well!! atleast it gives everyone a break. take heart that men are like little boys and he wanted his day. now give him a kick in the rear and tell him you still need him. :X sometimes reaffirming what your needs are, leave no doubts. same for him. good luck as you try to work through some difficult questions. Jenny :)
  • When I first saw the message, my thought was, what are those? I have a very dear friend who lives two hours from me who is so much more supportive than my own family. I live alone, but have a sister and a brother, both within about 20 minutes drive of my house. They don't come by. They don't call very often. I'm seven weeks post op. I saw my surgeon last week (had to drive myself to his office, two hours from home). My sister called me that night and asked how it went. I said, well, the drive was awful, but the doctor said it would probably be another six months before I really begin to feel well. Then she says, "oh, it's too bad he told you that, now it WILL take you that long to feel better." X( Yes, I get a lot of sympathy from my family. I've always been very independent. I've had surgeries before -- never anything quite this serious. I guess they just think I'll take care of myself and that's that. I'm not usually such a whiner, but I'm feeling really down today.

    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,842
    When you live in chronic pain for a period of time, two things can happen:

    1) You get tired of talking about your pain

    Sometimes talking about it brings it to the forefront.
    While we all now that we have medical problems, saying it outload time after time makes it more of a reality.
    We may not want that reminder.

    2) People around you get tired of hearing about it.

    Its not that they do not care of love you, but in so many ways its natural. Take an analogy. If you hear someone talk
    to you over and over about how great they are, after a while you just dont want to hear it any more.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I think #1 and #2 have happened in my house. I'm so darned sick of my neck and the pain that I don't even want to talk about it any more. My husband asks me how I feel almost every day, but I do what Jenny does - "I'm fine." I'm sure this makes hubby happy too - like you said, I'm sure he's sick of hearing about it.

    I've let my neck (and everything that goes with it) run my life for too long already. It's time to live life and ignore the neck when I can.

    I've never had chronic pain like this before (and I anticipate I won't have it forever), so it's new to me. My heart goes out to those that have had to suffer with chronic pain for years (and more years to come). You are the real champions and heroes and I admire you for waking every morning with the attitude that you're going to conquer the day (assuming you got some sleep :))( ).


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