I'm in the final countdown stage. My TLIF with posterior hardward is scheduled for Monday, 1/12, at 1:20 pm (Eastern). I need to be at the hospital by 11:20.
I know that I need to do this if there is any hope that I might feel better one day. But I'm scared to death. My kids are young (just turned 4 and almost 6). The only time I've been away for very long was when I gave birth to the youngest. Otherwise a night a few times with my hubby for New Year's Eve and that's it. I'm trying to prepare the kids for this and find myself at a loss. I don't want to scare them. I don't want to lie. They know mommy's back hurts a lot. They call it my boo boo and kiss it to make it better. I don't now know to tell them that the doctor is going to make me better so I have to be gone for a few days and will come home being able to do less than I can now and will have a lot of pain in the beginning.
I'm really scared about all of this. I know this will be a painful recovery. But that's only part of the problem. Losing my independence is the biggest problem. Not being able to drive will be really hard on me. Not being able to take care of my house or kids at all when I get home. Not being able to take care of myself as I'm used to.
Trying not to think about all of this because I end up breaking down in tears when I do. My family is no help. Thank God MIL is here to help for the first five weeks. DH has been told to work from home whenever he needs to plus I have great neighbors and friends. All comes back to my problem of being dependent on others. (long long story there that I won't bore anyone with)
I'll be online when I can after Monday. May everyone be pain free!
*****I am home from the hospital and in pain. More info to come.*****