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In so much pain, scared to start new job next week, need to vent

MingMMing Posts: 1,127
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:26 AM in Lower Back Pain
Hi to all my Spiney Friends. I just want to start by saying thank you for all the support over the time I've been on here. I truly appreciate all your help. I just need to vent...again and would appreciate any advice, help, support or anything anyone is willing to help with.

Let me start by saying I am just so frustrated with being in pain. Everytime I try to do something it HURTS. I just want to cry and give up and just lay around like a sack of potatoes sometimes. I've been resting for about a week now because last week, I got tired of laying around and decided to try some exercising. Well, long story short, it hurt like heck and set me into some severe muscle spasms. I was starting to feel a little better this morning and wanted to contribute to my home and life so I folded 2 loads of laundry, loaded the dishwasher, swept the kitchen floor, made my bed. Washed 2 more loads of laundry and vacuumed the living room and hallway and picked up my son's toys around the house. I am hurting so bad I am stuck to the couch. I hope it's not going to be another week of this. My muscles are spasming and the nerve pain is sever down both legs even in a reclined position. My lower back hurts all the way across and down my right butt cheek. I am supposed to start a new job next week selling insurance and I am scared to death! I don't think I am ready to do this physically but financially and mentally I really want to get out in the work force. I hurt so bad that I am just sitting here with my laptop on my lap and sobbing. Just typing this out feels better emotionally.

I try so hard to stay positive and not let this get me down but it is really getting to me today. Yesterday I had no energy and just wanted to lay in bed all day. I didn't hurt too bad but I just didn't want to do anything. Today I want to do everything but can't physically. Why can't my mind and body just get along and play nice with each other.

I feel worthless as a mother and wife because I feel like I can't do anything for my family anymore.

Thanks for listening and Thanks for always being there for me.


  • Has anyone experienced their foot being colder than usual when they are having nerve pain in their legs or increased back pain. My right foot is so cold and the right side is the side that is most painful and flared today. I guess I better go put another sock on it.
  • I hope you're feeling better. I haven't had surgery so I'm not sure about your foot. Soaking it in warm water may help or the heating pad. I think you're a great Mom from all I've read in your posts. It's not easy recovering from surgery and having to be a Mom too, it's hard enough to be a Mom without any back problems right? Don't overdo things. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Yes, my feet are always ice cold while the rest of me is usually a furnace. I have to be careful sleeping, if I touch my wife with my feet she just about levitates over the bed for a few seconds! :*

    Sorry you're having a hard time, I've had a horrible week and even had to leave work early today, my leg feels like I have my toe in a light socket. Counting down the minutes to my ESI Friday. These days I try and help out around the house but find it difficult to do for any length of time. If I try and do the dishes it only takes about 2 minutes until I can hardly stand. I can do some laundry sometimes but that's hard too. I hope you are feeling better for you start your new job, these days getting one of those can be quite a feat!
  • I'm sorry you're having a rough time. It seems nothing can go right and having pain all the time doesn't help either. Please don't vacuum, that's the worse you can do to aggravate your back. I retired from it and wait til someone else gets around to doing it. It sucks, I hate crunchy floors. It's good to vent, go right ahead. There has been UFO sightings in my home. Yeah, I get pissed off, who doesn't?
    Is there any way your doctor can put you on a long acting med? It's been so long and you should have to suffer like this. Just tell the doctor that you have to go back to work and you can't do it on the current meds. You need something else to get you through the day. I sincerely wish that you could stay home and rest and be with your children. You deserve pampering right now.
  • after major surgery, I think we all question ourselves and whether we have "what it takes" to get back to the life we had beforehand. For a while, though, I think we must accept our limitations and realize that is reality-whether we want to accept it or not. Everybody's recovery is not cut and dry, and many of us have a harder and longer recovery time period than others.

    From reading your posts, you are the glue holding your family together...I think that, as a mother, you feel obligated to try to continue to do as much as you can in order to keep the household running. You have done that and then some-don't let anyone tell you otherwise. When other family members don't step up to the plate, I think it makes us wonder just where we stand with that person. But, everyone reacts differently to our pain, suffering, and limitations. Sometimes we feel like slapping the h### out of them for not doing more...but we can only do so much. Remember that you are a valued person and are here for a purpose. Being a good mother is not just doing the laundry or cooking-it's being all you can be for your children at any particular time...and if you love them unconditionally (which I know that you do), everything else falls into place. Don't shortchange yourself, you're better than that
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,842
    Pain can continue and will hit you when you least expect it.
    Preparation for chronic pain episodes is so very important in managing pain.
    Do not rush going back to work. Hopefully, you have an employee that understands the situation
    Rushing back to work before it is time can be an instant recipe for a world of hurt.
    Do yourself justice, dont expose yourself to something that is going to cause more problems
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I took an extra does of the clonazepam and it seemed to help with the nerve pain. I called the neurologist to see if they could put me on a cancellation list so I can get in quicker. I also asked if it would be better to do the nerve test now so he will have results when he sees me on the 30th but they said it had to come from my primary doc. So I called primary doc and they won't order the EMG, they want to wait until I meet this doc first. I was just trying to push things along a little faster.

    I really appreciate all your support. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I think I may postpone going back to work for at least another month. This will give me a chance to see neuro and maybe he can find something no one else did and I can be on the road to recovery.

    I just felt so useless today. I wanted to do so much but I couldn't do it physically. I had to have hubby drive me to pick my daughter up from practice because I had taken the max doses of my meds today. On top of that, I got a call from my dad and was informed that my grandmother's cancer is getting worse and spreading and that she has about 8 months to live. I also heard that one of my friends who is in her early 20's has a brain tumor and is not doing well. She is not expected to live very long either and she has 3 very young children. The youngest was born severly premature. It's just been such a sad and depressing day.

    I hope all my spiney friends are doing well tonight. Do take care and thanks again for always being there for me with great advice or to pick me up when I've fallen.
  • it pours! I am so sorry that you are going through all of this emotional trauma on top of your physical pain. I agree with Ron. If you are not ready to return to work do not push yourself. It sounds like you are going through the same thing that most of us do in the beginning. You will find an even ground where you learn to accept your limitations and work with them. Maybe try and do just 1 thing each day. That way you will not overdo it and also have some sense of self worth since you did accomplish something each day. We have all had to come to terms with our limitations. It is not easy but it will happen for you too. I hope that you have a much better day tomorrow. You deserve it.
    BTW- I am so glad to hear that your husband was willing to drive you today. Maybe he is coming around too.
  • stronger than you know.you are a good mother. everyone here is rooting for you. it may not seem like it now but things will get better, when you hit bottom there is nowhere else to go but up. hang in there. >:D<
  • Ming, kudos for even trying to go back to work!

    It takes a little while to get used to the nerve meds. The first week I was on them I had a hard time talking. I could think but I couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth. But you get used to it, learn how to talk and it'll be fine.

    You're on my heart.

    Best wishes,
  • You are like I used to be until my husband sat me down and gave me "the talk". When I would have a good day, I would get up and try to do things, and all seemed to involve bending, lifting or twisting, all of which it sounds like you did. I just felt like I had to do it for my family.

    Then my husband would come home from work and see me laid out, dying of pain and he would ask what I did. And then he would have this look of utter devastation. This was not the wife he wanted. He was scared I would end up in a wheelchair (and we later found out I was one wrong move from a wheelchair, so he was having a premonition or something.)

    He sat me down and explained that he and the boys needed and wanted a mom/wife who was not crying, not dying of pain. It didn't matter that I couldn't clean like I used to. I wasn't earning "brownie points" by trying to overdo. (Which when we have major nerve damage/problems, almost anything can be overdoing it.)

    I decided I couldn't see that look in his eyes again. It devastated me to devastate him. Yes, it gave them tons more to do. But when he came home, I was able to smile, and chat with him from my recliner, where I spent the majority of my days.

    Last November, we finally got the diagnosis of permanent s1 nerve damage, which explained it all. Why sitting/standing/anything over 20 minutes caused me so much pain.

    I totally understand how you feel right now and I don't know how you will work. But if you must try, you must. Just promise yourself, us and your family that you won't over do. Take a gripper to work if you have to. You have to take it easy - nerve pain is something else, and as you know, can take days and sometimes weeks to recover from. The muscle spasms can be the worst!!

    Take care,

  • Life seems so unfair, why is it that tragedy seems to hit the good and innocent people get the worst. I am truly sorry about your grandmother and your friend and I wish there was something to make this all better. Please let us know how you're doing and I hope the neurologist helps you with your pain. Take care
    your buddy Meydey
  • You know what I've figured out? As long as the dishes aren't molding they aren't a health hazard and will wait until I CAN do it. Not until I feel like I have to do it. I will be sending prayers up for your friend and your grandmother. That has to be weighing heavy on your mind and heart right now. If you think you need to wait to go back to work then listen to your body. Your family needs YOU more than you think you need to go back to work next week. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  • i just want to say i feel EXACTLY the same way as you do on days i feel better i end up trying to do things around the house such as laundry or dishes and just end up on the couch in pain for days. i just got married in august and my back pain just got really bad a couple of months ago. i feel so guilty because on days i hurt i have no patience and im sad almost all the time. im only 20 and i feel like i shouldnt have to deal with this so young. but my husband does support me more than i could have imagined. i would be so lost without him. my family hasnt been too supportive and people at work just disregard the fact that i have back problems. if i come to work hurting they act like its a huge inconvenience. (at my job i stand ALL day and end up having to sit down in intervals) but anywho im praying for you and everyone on these forums. these forums are a gift to me. just knowing that there are people going through the same things and it gets to them just as much as it gets to me makes me feel less like im on my own. thank you so much!
  • Welcome to spinehealth and thank you for you kinds words. It is nice to know there are others going through the same thing and who understand and truly get it when you talk to them. Friends just don't understand and you are very lucky to have a supportive husband. Be sure to tell him how much you appreciate him and all he does for you and how much you love him.

    It really is tough because I don't have a supportive husband or kids. I have to beg my kids to help me and I don't even ask my husband most of the time unless its something heavy, although he wont carry the cat litter adn I buy 30# at a time so that's tough. Sometimes my son falls asleep on the couch and I'll ask him to carry him to bed but he won't so I do and he was almost 50# now and it hurts so bad to lift him but if I leave him on the couch he will pee thru his pullup and then pee on the couch. I don't know when he is going to grow out of that. I really wish I had a better support group. My dad lives next door. I think you know his situation. I'm pretty sure. It's just so frustrating. My gma was just told she has about 8months left to live. He lung cancer is growing. She is doing pretty good with it though and is in higher spirits than what I thought she would.

    I better get going cuz i'm having trouble typing. Must be ambien is starting to kick in for the night. I better go lay down. Take care and good night. Hope youare arms are feeling better.
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