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What is happening to me?

hisbeauty4asheshhisbeauty4ashes Posts: 182
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:27 AM in Depression and Coping

I am writing on this board because I have had more then I think I can take.

I was a missionary to Mozambique Africa. I had pain for fourteen years in my lower back and neck. When I returned home from Africa which was the joy of my life, I was hit with one surgery after another. I had a total of five surgeries in a fourteen month period.

On surgery was foot surgery then a week after that I had a major back surgery, then six months after that I had a second neck surgery, then I had to have the hardware removed from both neck and back because it was causing me allot of pain in my legs and neck.

After the neck surgery I have not been the same. I went in a month ago for another MRI because I was not only having spasms in my neck but my headaches were turning into Migraines, and I was having a horrible burning sensation from the right side of my neck that went through my shoulder and into my arm and hand.I went in to see my surgeon after he had me get two nerve block injections in my neck. He told me I had yet another disc that was bulging above the four disc's that were already fused in my neck. He also told me I had TOS. I must say I was taken back when he told me I had Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. Tears began to well up in my eyes as I seem to not win this battle. My surgeon is sending me to a specialist to see now if I need Cardeo Vascular surgery to open the passage way in my shoulder.

Africa may be a thing of the past for me now. I feel like my future has stopped. I am a very positive person and I am one who is always optimistic about things. I have never been a down person and now I am irritable and cry off and on all the time. I am like what is wrong with me.

Anyway thanks for listening.



  • I don't have any answers as to what is happening to you, but you sound as if your a woman of faith, from your screen name and being a missionary.
    It's as if your being attacked since being home from Africa. There are so many things going wrong with me also physically but I draw my strength from the Lord. If it were not for him, I would really be depressed. Could I ask you a question, how did you know that it was the hardware that was causing your pain in your legs and neck? I have severe neck pain and at first my right leg hurt, but now they both do. My calves kill me, especially when I first wake up ....I could barely walk. I put a call in to my Doctor's office about it and I'm waiting for a call back.
    Your not alone in this and you will find alot of support here.........keep venting.....keep the faith
  • Wow! You certainly have been going through a lot of trials! But, you will be victorious in this because of Who you belong to. Never forget that you are the apple of His eye and He has good plans for your life that you cannot even imagine! Your future has not stopped...maybe taking a new direction, but not stopped.

    I know how easy it is to get depressed when we go through all these physical limitations, but it won't keep us down. I've been through a rough patch here lately myself, but I'm getting better mentally and physically. Perhaps He just wants us to slow down and concentrate more on Him.

    Take care...
  • Hi Kimmyg,

    Yes I am a women of faith and believe me if were not for the Lord I honestly have no idea where I would be. But some times I get tired and feel as if I won't make it. There has been one attack after another and I am waiting for a breakthrough right now.

    I am sorry you are dealing with the pain in your legs and arms. I had bad pain in my right leg and that told my doctor that it was the hardware. As soon as he took it out my pain went away and my back is doing fine. As for my neck we thought the pain was the hardware now I am finding out it had nothing to do with it as everything has gotten worse.
    I would talk to my doctor and see what he or she thinks about removing the hardware or if it could be the hardware.

    I hope this helps and thanks so much for your encouragement.

    I pray for his healing touch on you as well.

  • Thanks Joy you are such an encourager. I know he is doing something in the midst of it all and it is nice to have encouragement from others who are traveling that same path in our sweet beloved.

  • Thank You for your encouragement as well.....I will lift you up in prayer and put you on the Prayer Chain at my Church.......Be Blessed!
  • Awe how sweet thank you so much. May we break through this in Him.

    Be blessed
  • Coming home from doing what you love and sacrifice for can be hard. It sounds like you pushed as far as you could in doing the work?
    doing what you loved and sacrificing yourself for that was a noble and worthy cause, find some of that strength and courage for yourself, youve earned it and deserve the best!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • We all go through this when things grind to a halt. We have to rethink our purpose and sometimes it is hard to reconnect.
    It is the hardest, I think, when you do not yet have a real timetable as to when or if you will get off this merry-go-round. Riding it makes us dizzy!
    One minute I was riding bikes with my teenage boys, 2.5 years later I am still trying to figure out how close to that point I can come again! We just have to live in the moment and try to find a way to wait for the answer. Looking for it as we go. For some of us it comes quickly, for others, well, we must endure.
    You've put your life into service of others, now you must let some help you! This too shall pass. It always does, in one form or another!
    Wishing you the best!
  • I agree with Wrambler, when you are the one who does everything foe everyone else it's hard to sit back and let others help you. This is perhaps the hardest lesson I've had to learn through my journey of injury, surgeries and pain. I was always the one that everyone came to for help, the one with the answers, the one who would find the time or the muscle to get things done. It's difficult to just STOP. But stop you must and accept that you have to take the time to heal.

    As a woman of faith you know that God doesn't give us these trials for no reason. There is a lesson to be learned from every experience in our lives and perhaps yours is to learn how to allow yourself to be nurtured as much as you've nurtured others.

    I'm here for you and feel your pain. Please let me know if I can do anything for you.

  • Hi everyone thanks for the encouraging words I have received they are such a Blessing.

    It is funny how life works even in my walk with Jesus.I loved missions and teaching missions school to people from all over the world. I so miss it.

    I know the Lord said in his word he turns everything around for good and not evil.

    I do not know if some of you have gone through this but you go through these surgeries and your friends are no where to be found. You find yourself hanging on to Jesus not understanding where everyone went. I tell you if I did not have Jesus I do not know where I would be.

    It is a battle daily but he has been faithful to carry me through it.

    I just found out more bad news and let me tell you tears welled up again in my eyes. A few months ago I woke up with horrible wrist and thumb pain that went up my left arm. I went and saw an Orthopedic surgeon to see why in the world did I have more horrible pain. It turns out I have what they call trigger finger. It is where the tendon enlarges and when it tries to move through the canal of your joint it gets stuck and your joint pops out of place. Let me tell you this is soooooooo painful well now we are talking about yet another possible surgery. I teared up and then began to laugh because it was like is this real! How can so much happen to one person, and where is everyone to help me get through this.

    Thanks for listening

  • Remain strong in your faith. As for the friends - well that is a hard one to swallow but I know exactly how you feel. Back when I was first diagnosed with Panic Anxiety Disorder it was all so new and strange to me. The company that I worked for had less of an idea about what I was going through than I did. But yet in their ignorance they volutarily and repeatedly violated both the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Family Medical Leave Act. I had what I thought were many friends at my job. I ended up suing the company for violating my rights and knowingly allowing fellow employees to harrass me. I won the suit but because of the ignorance of others I came out of it with only 2 "real" friends. And as a result of the illness it has happened to me more than once. My mom has been wanting me to try to get disability for the disorder (the history is certain there and it would make a compelling case) but I just can't bring myself to do it. In my mind I would be giving up and giving in to the illness. I absolutely can't stand that thought.
    Before I was diagnosed I was "superwoman". Could do anything and everything. I worked a very physical job that required a lot of overtime, I kept up a home, raised a family, etc. It was hard for me to have all that freedom stripped away from me in a matter of weeks. It felt like every place I turned I ran into a brick wall. I felt so helpless.
    Everyday is a struggle for sure but as I have said to others God will never give us more than we can handle. Stay strong in your faith. And you always have us - don't ever forget that.

  • Hi Jacque,

    Thanks sweetie for sharing with me. I have been on Disability since my late twenties. I was an upbeat fun person and very active in sports like softball and basketball. I am very out doors type of person.My life came to a major end to all those things I am a missionary and that came to an end so far. I believe I will be back out there.

    Thanks for the support.

  • I'm sure that's a comforting thought for some, but if that's the case, why are there institutions full of people who have complete mental breakdowns? Why are the cemeteries full of people who committed suicide?

    I'm glad that those who have faith are comforted by it. But sometimes spare a thought for those of us who don't buy into the concept of an omnipotent god who chooses to make people suffer.
  • Hon,

    God does not make people suffer.We have an enemy who does like to make people suffer.The Lord is one who desires to turn around what the enemy meant for evil for Good. It is up to us to come to him on own free will and ask him for help.He does not push himself upon us.He allows us to chose to come to him or not.

    I can see you are very angry because of the situation you are in right now, I understand that.I want you to know he is always there if we just come to him. I would challenge you to talk to him you might find something in your life begin to change and EVEN happen.

    Take care Jany.I SINCERELY keep you in prayer precious one.

  • who turned to religion in times of crisis. All of those (without exception) are now either dead or suffering more than ever.

    I'm sure he has a mysterious purpose for all of that.
  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    It seems as though your original post has gone a little astray but since it has I would like to add my two cents. I like your attitude as I quote you "I believe I will be back out there". What you have done in your missions in Africa is nothing short of awesome! Your contribution has no price and will have a life lasting effect on many.
    I come from a different religious upbringing and as time has passed I have for the most part abandoned those beliefs. On the other side of the coin my loving wife is a very spiritual person whom I have the upmost respect for as she is rock solid in supporting me throughout my who knows whats next in life.
    With all due respect Jeanie, Kim, Joy, Griff, Jacque, and others here, I can understand why your faith is such a big part of what you are. It gives you the strength to move on and stay positive. For me being labeled a "non-believer"
    maybe my strength comes from within, my family members, and friends. And yes, most all of my friends are strong in their faiths and I respect them for that. I've always said, "whatever gets you thru the night!"
    Janey, we all don't have to turn to religion in time of crisis but we have to turn to within ourselves to have the strength to overcome our issues. We also must respect our family and friends beliefs and faith.
    Best to you all!
  • Hi and thanks for the comments on here.

    I want to explain my faith did not come as a child who was always raised to know who Jesus was. I had an experience with death. I want you to know that I am not just one who believes because I read or heard about the Bible. I actually experienced dying and meeting Jesus face to face and then I was sent back. You can chose to believe it or not, but for me it changed my life from believing nothing to believing there is a true Jesus who lives and breaths and has his being. It was believing in myself that caused me to make the wrong decisions based on an unhealed heart that got me into trouble to begin with.So to share that it might help you understand I had an actual encounter that changed the course of my life and if I did not have that encounter I would be dead right here and right now, and I would not be in this website.

    Blessings and once again and thanks for the posts.

  • That must've been so rough to have so many surgeries. I feel for you to have to have thoracic surgery. That's very difficult, I'm so sad to hear that. But perhaps someone will come along whose had that surgery to give support. But if others are successful so you can be too. And recover fully to a more comfortable body. Never give up. Let us know what the Dr's plan is. God bless and take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Ranger,

    I think you misunderstood my post to Jeanie. I grew up with Catholisism forced down my throat and am now not "practicing" any religion. I do, however, respect that Jeanie and others do have such strong beliefs and would never disrespect that faith. I would not consider myself religious- not that there's anything wrong with it.

    I agree with your advise to Janey. My inner strength is what is taking me through this trial and will continue to. My family keeps me going as well, be it good or bad.
    Keep fighting to good fight and use all the tools at your disposal. That's the message.


    Sorry to hijack your post Jeanie!
  • Faith is faith regardless of where it comes from. Whether a person believes in a higher power or it comes from within. I have never (and never will) judge a person based on their beliefs. Just because a person does not believe the same way I believe doesnt make them wrong - on the other hand it doesnt make me wrong either. We are who we are and we believe the way we believe. It is who we are. After all if we were all alike the world would be a very boring place. The important thing is that we all remain strong in whatever we believe in to get us through our daily trials and triumphs.

    Take care all.

  • Frustrated and hopeful,

    I was not saying everyone should believe the way I do. I was just explaining why I came to believe or know through an actual experience. I am sorry if you are offended. This was not suppose to go into this. This post was suppose to help encourage and support me. I would like to continue on.

  • No hon, I was not at all offended. I think it is wonderful that we have something to believe in. I personally look to God for guidance and help. Without Him I would not have lasted this long. I know that. So no worries at all hon. Its all good. Hope you are having a good day. >:D<
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