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Magic Bullet

William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,433
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:27 AM in Matters of the Heart
Nother friend, same old problems,well kinda.
She wants a "Magic Bullet" kind of bolt fromt the blue cure for pain, I try gently to tell her there is no such thing, only a kind of stopgap, to ease the pain, but never stopping the pain...she is the kind of person who medicates herself into oblivion, yea, you can say the pain is gone, along with most of her mind and personality.
know what I mean?
unwilling or unable to face reality, the reality of "you are here" and its not going to get better, you have this infirmity and thats that...she didnt take the realist view of her life too well.
yes life isnt the same, yes life loses something in the translation, but thats not all there is to life, well at least i thought so until i was told i dont know what pain is about, as she doses again..bummer,
William Garza
Spine-Health Mod

Welcome to Spine-Health



  • You could be talking about my mother. She has no idea what a "tolerable"level of pain is. To her, any pain is to erradicated immediately. I believe this is what has led us to battle the signs of dementia that we are now faced with. She is either in SOOOO much pain or is whacky and to the point where she can't make simple points in a conversation.

    Al you can do is have compassion for people like that and say to yourself "There, but by the grace of God, go I". Any one of us could fall into that trap due to depression and just plain giving up.

    I hope that your friend has a twinkle of life left in her and can find it.

  • There are just some people who will never accept their conditions and will go to all sorts of extremes to get rid of their ailment whatever it is. I for one NEVER thought I had a very high pain tolerance until life dealt me a blow and now I am in pain every day. But I'm of the attitude that it is what it is until it goes away or doesn't. Either way I'm still going to live. Remind her over and over about the beautiful flowers she will miss this Spring and all of great occasions that will only be a foggy memory if she continues down this path. And if YOU aren't convincing her then I don't think there's any convincing that can be done. We just accept them and love them for what they are. Just my thoughts.
  • she can't take the responsibility of life and what follows which is why she medicates in this way?

    I, like many, had a hard attitude to pain, until it hit me too.
    But I don't see the point of medicating so I am out of it, that is not living. If my pain was that bad that I needed to do that, I would head straight to the ER.
    My meds only push the pain down...not away. I tolerate it, I HAVE to.

    But at the end of the day, it is our choice how we manange our pain and our lives.
    that is just my own opinion.
  • Hiya Griff, I remember some of the problems you had in the past, I can sympathise with you on some of the behaviors. Dads in the same boat. I hear what your saying about sympathy, I guess mine burned out with the years. I have a different view now, and I think I may be wrong in judging too harshly of others IDK.
    Tonya, I try to remind her of the good things but self centeredness comes with pain, its not a bad thing to be introspective, its a way of coping, but dwelling on the self is self destructive in her case, she cant move on to life, know what i mean? youve got the main idea, i wish she would.
    itsalongwalk, you got it right on the head!
    Thanks for being reaffirming, its been cold lately, I dont know why I tend to gravitate toward hurt people and try to "fix" them, bad habit i guess, but someone took the time with me and I tryto pass on the gift..Maybe I should quit trying to "fix" people and just live life..again IDK.
    Thanks again for the support, it really means a lot to have my back covered! and I wont forget to have yours!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Ranch,
    It is human nature to help and support those who you can and we are mandated to try and encourage those for whom angst itself has become them and makes them, we all have differing needs and it is not that we want them to be like us, but just more positive and a better outlook. Some people see negativity in everything and that in itself has been the way they developed or encountered and we should try to help, that constant need for affirmation for the negative cycle they have is very difficult for them and becomes the norm. PM suggests that we only encourage positive objectives or comments and ignore negativity, that imbalance of seeking out conformation of us as the centre, could make some more needy than is realistic or healthy.

    Positivity is an outlook and perhaps a change in behaviour, although we could have similar symptoms that view of how we ourselves surmise its impact can make all the difference. Existing is not living and although that difference may be minimal it is important to us, hope includes a realistic solution however irrational that may be and when the realism that no satisfactory solution is possible it is easier to hide our truth for some, than face it every day.

    In that situation we should not blame ourselves we are doing our best in difficult situations, it is interesting where that concept of the magic bullet scenario comes from, how these expectations become real for some and how to encourage reality. We all have innumerable decisions to make and even if we make the wrong one that is less effective, we can retrace our steps and continue with more knowledge and experience.

    In my own “Wonderful life” podcast I will have tried every day and been supported and encouraged by many, at SH as well and they assist my support network. Ranch, we know being subsumed in pain is not living and you are to be applauded for trying to help and professional help may be more appropriate. A friend was in this situation, taking volume of medication that stifled his opportunity to live his life, for his own reasons he changed, is now driving and living more, I am sure his pain has not abated or changed in any way, he looks to the future every day now and I acknowledge the effort he has made.

    Helping others helps us, and if any of our knowledge and experience supports another from increased turmoil then we are doing the best that we can, we all have to seek our own path and a kind word or encouragement will always be appreciated, change does take time.

    Keep trying you will make a difference.


  • I think negativity comes with the territory. All the collective "negative" we experience in becoming newly infirm, or the endless series of dissapointments that line up and take turn at our collective soul, seem to breed and encourage the growth of negative thoughts. There is balance to everything, good and bad, sometimes I think to balance the scales once again, if not in our favor, it takes some measure of effort and will to fight.
    I wonder if we program negativity in, at some point of the journey? we become used to the bad,we normalise this behavior? or is it a natural inclination, inborn and genetically programmed, whereas the opposite seems to work in others.
    My friend seems predisposed to being negative, I wonder if this programming can be broken and good ahbits reinforced, kind of a social engineering of sorts I suppose.
    I am nearing the end of my ken and stepping into the realm of a proffesional,so this is where I stop,and hope help is sought soon to alleviate the inner infliction of pain she is putting/punishing herself with.
    what is so wrong that a person must needs to destroy oneself to get back at self for...?
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Ranch

    The occurrence of negativity and the challenges we face are more prevalent when in pain and that notion of normal accomplishments are omitted in our need to survive. We understand each other on the basis that our chronic achievements are not viewed in some spectrum of improvement only by us, enduring similar symptoms. Not only does chronic pain knock us down, it then proceeds to kick us while we are prostrate and we expect ourselves to adapt to this new challenge with limited knowledge.

    We certainly lower our expectation as the reality of the restriction increases and if we are to be more task orientated we need to set goals that are achievable given our ongoing circumstance, setting progressive improvement is difficult with the to and fro of success, and it has always been my understanding that if we can sustain some continuity we should expect no more of ourselves. Accepting our lot ourselves, is never easy and many continue to set high standards, finding that pace of achievement is problematic, given the fluctuating variants of our condition.

    We have to believe that we can be influenced and the concept of its creation in nature or nurture, CBT is looking for those positives that can be built upon, and minimise the negative in action if possible. It is never simple changing behaviour and seeing how negativity develops over time. My colleagues in the PM group all far exceeded what they thought they could achieve initially and even they were surprised of what they could actually do, some of these are our truths, not the truth. I try however misguided to see the positive things in everything, that in itself maybe my own delusion, I am acutely aware of allowing those negative elements to accumulate and develop into something bigger and more restrictive and am winning so far, today.

    Take care. John

  • I guess the problem with me is the enabling influence of the people here at S-H. being on the inside, i forget there are people on the outside whove never looked in and seen the possibilitys of self. I have support mechanisms here, that are not going on in the outside world, and I forget... people dont see like I can, the possibilitys available in life.
    its a journey i guess and i seem to have traveled further than my friend has.
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Yes Ranch,
    In helping my homeless friend I am accepting what is important for him and how he lives his life and who am I to say that for him is wrong, we rightly feel that we should be doing something and in our own way we are. That protective arm does and will help.

    His goals just relate to getting through and routine give him stability that he is in charge, from all that disappointment of being let down and judged by others. The future and the unknown can always be daunting and without recent experience of how it could be, making that hard first step beyond his reach. When life is a cardboard box and keeping dry, I find sleeping hard even in pain.

    I too am floundering in what to do next for my friend and imagining I should be doing more, he talks warmly and fondly of missed opportunities and how things might have been. We may all have been half full/empty people at times when the need arose and my progress has been a team event. I always tried to replace one restricted activity with another more in keeping with my new capabilities and as that choice diminishes those options become less and less.

    Pain is not a one solution concept, and keeping an accumulative strategy always on call never easy or achievable.

    Have a good day and take care.

  • I find myself my brothers/sisters keeper. Ime an idealog, i cant help the way I am made, many dont, wont or will not accept the idea and seem to test me all the time because of my ideology/ethos/pathos... whatever.
    ime glad you took someone in, another little light goes on in the world and makes it a little brighter at a time, right?
    I believe so!
    take care of yourself and yours!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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