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Just want to be left alone

dmoonchildddmoonchild Posts: 383
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:28 AM in Matters of the Heart
Hello everyone. Long story short: Worked in my job for 15 years. In the last year I had to go out on FMLA twice and a personal leave. I was terminated 3 weeks ago because I could not do the job nay more. I was a Parole Officer. During the past year, Ive had some very mean things said about me while I was on leave, like I was in drug rehab, I was an alcoholic, I got fired... I had a nervous breakdown. All coming from one girl and our secretary at work. Im sure some of you have heard my horror stories. Then when I went back to work in Sept, My supervisor ( I worked in a satellite office)was throwing things at me calling me names as was our secretary. She was even calling me a nut job to my Parolees. I made several complaints to the higher bossed to no avail. All the while being in tremendous pain. Anyway, So I finally left on Jan 2. I had one girlfriend who worked in another satellite office who was very supportive but she was very angry when I decided to leave. She thought I should just sick it up, but I could not. I couldn't stand the pain anymore along with the mental abuse. Since I left, my stress level has gone down tremendously. My problem is is that she calls me everyday to talk about work and how miserable she is there without me. She also tells me what people are saying about me. Some people are still believing the rumors. It upsets me so much that I just cry. Soon as my husband comes home before I say anything he looks at me and says " you've been talking to Mary huh". She also wants to have lunch with me and all the girls from my old office ( who never once stood up for me during the harassment) I have no desire to see any of them or talk to any of them. It makes me sick to my stomach that thoses people got away with what they did to me. My girlfriend does not understand that my family is in deep trouble. We have 2 small kids ( she has no kids and a beautiful house in the riches part of town) no financial worries for her at all. I just sent her an email saying Im not really ready to talk to anyone right now and that Im going thru a very bad time. I also asked her to not relay this info to anyone as we know how people talk in work. I think I pissed her off. Im sorry but right now I need to worry about myself and my family. I don't want to hear about work nor do I want to hear all the gossip because I just doent care anymore. Im also still trying to accept the fact that im disabled. It hurts to even right that. Am I going crazy? Is this normal?


  • Hi dmoon,

    How terrible, so sorry to hear about all this. But no, you are not crazy! I had a friend who had a "buddy" at work who was like that.. they changed their mobile number!!, screened their calls, and eventually the interfering person gave up and moved on to somehting else. Best decision they ever made. Finding true friends who won't let us down when times are tough is the important thing! What's the old addage, I can count my true friends on one hand! It's not quantity, it's quality!
    Hang in there!
    L4-L5 fusion 1998; ACDF C4-6 2008; DDD
  • I understand this better than I can post on this forum as I know people in my case read it(I am work comp.) I had even gone to personnel over issues. Now, when you say the witch was "throwing things" at you, you do mean verbally, correct? Because if literally she was throwing things at you, I would have dialed 911 and had her butt dragged out in cuffs. Even if you have the fear that she would throw things at you, I would have dialed 911 and had her butt dragged out in cuffs.

    After a while, I began to feel like I was the crazy one until some others approached me and I got a reality check-I'm not the one with the problem-they are.

    I do have a couple of "friends" who just want to call and gossip about what's being said. There's one who was my best interests at heart-she actually is good to vent to and even gave me a shower postop! But there are a couple who just want to gossip and stir the chit.

    Who cares if you tick those people off. If they don't get it, they never will. Sometimes for your own health you have to cut people out of your life. Maybe someday your worlds will change and you will be friends again, maybe not. What is important is that you recognize what is healthy for YOU and your family does too.

    I'm not a touchy feely type of person and don't end posts this way, but I really wish I could give you a hug right now. I actually think you've helped me more with your post in affirming my own actions with "friends" than I could have ever helped you! :)

  • First of all there are employment laws that all companies have to abide by and it sounds like your employer disregarded one of the most important ones. Harassment. They are not allowed to harass you at work. Who do they think they are? I hate to say it but if I were you I'd talk to a lawyer. I mean you do have some time on your hands now.
    As for your friend. A friend is not one who would call and tell you things that they know would hurt you. I know how hard you took it when you first found out you lost your job. Why would she, as a friend, even begin to think that you would want to be with the people who tormented you while you were there. Stop taking her calls. Do NOT talk to her anymore. You said it best yourself. Right now all you need to focus on is you and nothing else.
  • Thank you everyone for your support. I love to come to Spine H to get support. No one understands us like we do. The part about "throwing things" at me was not just verbal. My supervisor "He" was literally throwing files at me and yelling to get this Sh** done ASAP. He was very angry that he had to do my work for me. I did make several complaints to the higher up's but unfortunately I work for a very tight nit county and my supervisor is the brother of a judge. He gets away with everything. He does nothing all day except water his plants and makes $60,000 a year. Its a disgrace. Im so glad im out of there. Im sad I lost my friend and I did send her an email telling her how I feel and I havent heard back from her so I did what I had to do. I have my awesome family and my husband is my best friend ever! Thank you all so muchfor all of your support. It means the world to me! I love you all dearly
  • Accepting yourself as disabled is never or those words and disclosure and never an easy transition, although you call them your friends they do not sound too supportive, that leave me alone concept is that little voice in your head and now may be the opportunity to find those who will support and encourage you in the right way. We are our jobs and for a while is does make us who we are and how we are perceived and the omission of that role and stature in any form take some time to readjust. Gossip is always ill-informed and it is human nature for some to surmise what is true based on misinformation rather than facts, you are not mandated to resolve those misconception and you cannot tell everyone your case and are entitled to some privacy, they can only misconstrue what you tell them, so only divulge this on a need to know basis.

    Society is imbued with the idea that everyone has a perceived remedy for our situation and our experience discredits that idea, remedies are not simple or based on time. Do not let small mined people dominate your thought, give it ample duration and then move on, you are better than that. You and we know when you look in the mirror, this is the truth and that illusion of continuing an unsustainable working mode something of a relief, in not having to keep up that pretence.

    Accepting the new you will take time and you are the same person your family love and support, your role now is to live and some acceptance of what is left and where you are going, use your experience and gifts to find a progressive role. Unexpected opportunities will arise and you will move on, nobody here will leave you alone, we understand that angst and regret, frustration and emotional turmoil and will help you as best we can.

    Take care, John

  • FIRST OF ALL IF THIS IS AN IOD CASE THEY CANNOT FIRE YOU AND U R entitled to FMLA long as u have enough hours,it took me 3 months of counsling last year because of my injury, and the bs at work. try and stay away from the gossip!! people places and things, you do not need to hear it , just like i did not me also a city employee.. gossip gossip, yhey r all jealous let it go you have to . i do have sum true co-workers like a dozen i CAN COUNT ON. you have enough time for pension dissability and or even social security make case is WC not sure what am going to do sure i miss my friends but dont need the DRAMA!! when someone calls me now i say dont want to hear it, its about me now and my recovery good luck. damm that crap pisses me off i have 16 years on the job !!
  • Thanks everyone, you all really lift my spirits. When all this started I thought it would be an easy transition ( because I hated my job so much). But it is really hard on me right now. I feel like everything I do is wrong. I went to do a little food shopping last night , just little odds & ends cause I cant carry much, and my husband questioned everything I bought. Now normally I would just tell him to shove it up his butt and we would laugh about it, but I broke down and sobbed for 1/2 hour. My kids even heard me. there are times , more and more frequently where I feel like such a failure. Right now this is the hardest time for me, the adjustment and all. I am planning on volunteering at the YMCA ( where my kids go for Daycare) in the spring. That will surely brighten my spirits. I'm just feeling very depressed and guilty. Im so glad to have you all to listen to me.
  • Who needs it? I'm sorry it's gone down like that for you. Like everyone said already, the best thing to do is cut all ties and move on. Don't torture yourself listening to that crap gossip from work, they're just out to hurt you. You deserve so much more and I hope you're able to find fulfillment in other things. You're absolutely right about family being first. I'm sorry you were let go but please follow up on what Claudia wrote. Maybe you can get something good out of this unpleasantness, like perhaps getting those people in trouble for treating you that way. Whatever you want to do, we're behind you all the way and we're happy to be your "new" friends >:D<
  • Ya know I really dont have the fight in me. The stress makes my back hurt 10 times more. I really never want to ee those people again. And unfortunatley, where we live ( our County) is run by a bunch of money hungry **** And the people that hurt me and very goog friends with the higher ups. Nothing woudlhappen to them anyway. Oh I also had another problem. I havent gotten my W-2 yet. I had to call the controller's office. They said it was sent to my old office. I bet the old witch put it right in the shredder. Id like to put her in the shredder!
  • They are breaking the law by doing that and can get in serious trouble. If you need the money right now, go ahead and file your taxes if you file a joint return with your husband. This happened to us long ago and my husband's prior boss was being a real d^%$. I volunteered to call him myself and I threatened to expose him. A week later the W-2 came in the mail and we returned to the tax office and filed an amendment. Remember that no one is above the law, even that witch ex supervisor. I don't know your total situation but this is how we handled this problem with a jackass ex boss.
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