My name is Jennifer, I am 29, and live in Illinois. I have been suffering with back pain since I was 22. At the time, I worked as a bartender in a restaurant and as part of my normal duties I bent over to pick up something and couldnt get back up. The next day I couldnt do anything, every time I moved I felt like I was stuck in one spot because no matter how I moved, it hurt. Anyways, the pain got better and so I returned to work. Skip ahead a few months later and the pain is back and getting worse. Ever since then, the pain has not stopped, just progressively getting worse. I didnt know what was wrong and without insurance, I couldnt afford to go to the doctor and workman's comp wouldnt cover it, because they said I got better and returned to work.
Well thank god for my dad, he cashed in some of his 401K to pay for me to go to the doctor and we found out that I have a herniated L5. I have had three injections and nothing worked. I take a lot of darvocet every day, even though I tell my doctor that it just isnt helping with the pain anymore. I have constant lower back pain, I can't bend over at all, and the leg pain that I have is excruciating. I cant sit for more than 30 minutes and as soon as i stand, I want to drop to the floor from the pain.
I am ecstatic that in 1.5 more weeks, I will be meeting with a neurosurgeon to see what he can offer me. Since, I have limited income I have qualified for charity assistance to help with any doctor visits or procedures, so I am hoping that something might finally happen to take away this pain.
I have felt so alone for the past few years and felt like I have missed out on most of my 20s. I had so many expectations for my life and really expected myself to be in a different place at 29 and instead, here I am 4:52 in the morning, in pain, not sleeping, and just feeling miserable. I feel like a big let down to everyone in my life because I cant do things that they take for granted.
I don't think that they understand that I wish I could bend over and put my own shoes on and that I didnt have to ask for help.
I felt like there was noone in the world that could understand all of these feelings that I have about this chronic pain but I have found all of you, and I am so grateful. I've just been sitting here crying thinking about how there are people that understood and Im not alone. I feel so overwhelmed with all of the support that I see is out there that you all offer each other.
While, I am so sorry for all of your pain because I understand how much it hurts, I am so grateful that i can read you all expressing feelings that I havent been able to figure out on my own.
I have isolated myself from the rest of the world the last few years. Im afraid to try new things, because of not being able to do them and feeling like a failure. Im afraid of making committments because I dont know how I will feel and i end up canceling. I have lost many friendships because I have just pushed them all away.
I guess I am really hoping to find some new friends on here that can help me deal with all of the emotions that i have and help me get the confidence to get out there and live life again!!
Thanks again for everyone being so honest and open with your feelings. You have already helped me so much in the few hours that I have been reading your posts.