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Does anyone feel not supported?

charryccharry Posts: 5,652
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:28 AM in Depression and Coping
:(
DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
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Comments

  • Yes....especially tonight..It has been 5 months since my accident and I think my family especially is tired of mommy not being like she used to be...I feel like no one does any additional help since my accident and I have to beg...I try to explain that I am exhausted and I hurt..It is so hard as with depression, pain does not show...I have both and I don't feel like anyone close to me gets it...And tonight I was so upset..I started on methadone yesterday...I was freaking out anyway having to take this but then I started having wierd side effects and they laughed at me when I called the doctor to see if my symptoms were not dangerous..the doc told me to discontinue...So to answer your question I DO NOT FEEL SUPPORTED...I'm assuming you feel the same as well...Good luck with things...Thanks for letting me vent...Amy
  • Charry and Amy, I completely understand the feeling of not getting any support. For a long time I felt like I was just beating my head against the wall when someone tried to understand what I was feeling and what I was going through. And it seems the ones that understand the least are my co-workers. They say I am faking all of this and am "milking" the system. If that is what I am doing why would I go through 2 very painful and unsuccessful surgeries, 10 stellage ganglion nerve blocks - which are terribly painful, repeated PT, splints - you name it I have been through it. If I was faking the injury why would I put myself through all of this knowing that pain is a trigger for my panic attacks??? People just dont get it if it not happening to them. Hang in there. We are not alone in our pain and you have all of us for support so vent all you want.
    Hope it gets better for you.

    Jacque
  • Every now and again I see signs most of my so-workers get it. Today I was standing talking and I had raised my bad arm up and hooked my fingers in a piece of wire mesh that forms a cage around an area. When I wanted to move my arm I reached over with my good arm and lifted the bad one up so I could let go of the mesh and lower my bad arm supporting it with the good one. At that moment my co-worker asked me what I was doing. So I explained that I can hook my fingers in the mesh and stand there comfortably, but I can't raise of lower the arm withoue pain. So I use the good arm to lift it! He was amazed I had to do that, but I could see he got it, he understood that I wasn't making it up.

    I honestly see more support and understanding from my work place than my family at home.
  • I feel support only here on these forums and chats
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,045
    This topic has been discussed many times on this board as well on the older Spine-Health site.
    I cant even begin to figure out why, what and how this happens.
    I think part of it is because many people can not completely understand what a person with chronic pain has to deal with.

    I've been lucky, I have received tons of support from my family and friends.

    So often, the lack of support comes from the fact that unless you have walked the streets of chronic pain, you dont understand and therefore you may not receive support
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • charry,i receive lots of support from my husband and my dog!! :X the support on the forums is sorely lacking for me. i don't even ask for it anymore. i find it better to give than to receive anyway.. =D> less broken hearts that way!! i know many people on here receive lots of support and for them i am very happy! :D i am here for you!! :D it sounds like you feel as i do tonight! [( Jenny :)
  • That you're not supported at home. No one can imagine the pain we're going through and we wouldn't want to wish it on anyone. I hope the methadone is working for you now, is it? Thanks for sharing. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I bet are painful. I get facet joint injections and they're very deep injections and uncomfortable. I know I've had a coworker who's been supportive sending me get well cards but it slipped out she would like to get a couple of paid years off and then go back to work. I know she didn't mean it but hopefully my co-workers aren't thinking I'm faking. Not much to do about it anyway that I can't work. I hope it gets better for you at work. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I'm glad your co-workers are starting to be supportive. I guess it's difficult for family to deal with long term pain and not able to be supportive for some reason. Take care and hope the SCS is a success for you. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I get most of my support here also. I wish some family members were able to understand more also. What is your history again Craig? It's hard to remember everyone's dianosis and treatment although we're all spiney friends. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • this site here so we can get support we need. Really for all Mods here that give your time to help out. I wish I had extended family support but when there's been divorce in the family there's still a rift between Mother and her siblings. Which is just passed on to us not having Aunt & Uncle or cousins support. But that's another story. Thanks for answering. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I'm sorry you're not getting much support from a few here but I'm here in case you need my support. Thanks for your pms also. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I'm lucky that my husband, most of my family, and friends are supportive. I've had total strangers ask if I'm ok because of the expression on my face. But none of them, except my dad, can understand living in pain every day. They try and offer to do anything at all to help. They forget that my nature is one that doesn't ask for help. My past made me into the person I am. I had to do for myself for fail in everyway. Sorry, going off topic here.

    Just remember that we are here for you. I pray that we all are pain free one day. >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D<
  • I live with the judgement of my oldest daughter. She seems to think there is nothing wrong with me except that I am a crazy B**%*. I bet you she couldn't tell you what is actually wrong with me. It is so very frusterating. She is really the only one who is like that in my life, so I am trying to not let it bother me.
    I seem to have a hard time getting her to understand, but all she does is mock me. Believe me I could also be judgmental of her but I don't want to go down to her level.
    If she refuses to educate herself on this I can't help. I do have the support of everyone else in my life.
    Thank you for all the posts on this. I couldn't have discovered this site at a better time in my life.
    H
  • ...if every time she says something to you, you just look at her and smile and then move on. :?

  • Exactly the same thing! Exactly. Just smile and ignore her. I wonder is she around enough to ask her to help everytime you need a hand?

    If she is adding to your stress level too much you may want to just steer clear. Stress only makes the pain worse.
  • try to do nothing for her that causes you pain. If you are pushing your self to do things while in so much pain that are for her, I would recommend that you stop doing them. I don't know how old she is so I'm assuming late teens or even young adult. Don't do her laundry, clean her room, cook a morsel of food, or anything that most moms would do. When she complains about it, tell her that you can't do it because of the pain you are in and your health conditions.

    Maybe make her go to a doctor's appt with you and have the doctor educate her as well might help.

    So sorry she's not there and helping you. We're all here for you. >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D<
  • My family is supportive and I feel blessed. They don't always understand what is going on but they are there for me
    Glad I found SH because it has given me a place to learn and share So I consider myself extremely lucky
  • Ty for all your comments. She doesn't live at home anymore she is 22 (and not very happy in her own life). She causes her greif by phone calls. I had to tell her I was going to hang up on her the other day because I didn't want to talk to her unless she had something nice to say to me. So she left the most nasty message on the answering machine. What a loser mom I am and when the going gets ruff I just hang up. (in differant words of course).
    I will also ask her to go to my next appointment with me. She needs some education. I don't think she will go though.
    Thank you all for your words of kindness i love it here.
    H
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Ever have anyone tell you that?? Don't you just love it?
  • As sad is it is you can't fight both sides of the battle. Have you tried asking her if she is happy with the way you two converse or get along?

    What about counseling? just thinking mind you. If she is angry at you then a third party may need to help you get past that?


  • yes I have had a tonne of counselling, as I have battled depression for years (So I have heard the expression alot "it's all in your head" nice huh)remember those people are uneducated. Lots of trauma in my life. She as well has had trauma in her young life. I had her in counselling when she was 9-15 years old. But she resented it. She is not ready so she refuses to go. She mocks me for it so she would never want to admit she has a problem. Everyone else is the problem in her world.
    I have found a place where I can finally say what I feel and it feels good.:) I woke up this morning happy to see who had responded to me, so thankyou all again for being there for me.
    H
  • You know what it sounds like to me? It sounds like she is harboring a lot of anger and you are a convenient outlet for her. It would be much healthier for both of you if she found another way to channel it - like in a gym or jogging. Or even putting her face in a pillow and screaming like he!!.

    Cath
  • Thank you Cath111 you made me laugh out loud. That felt good.:)
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I can't even begin to imagine how it makes you feel to have your daughter talk to you like that. I only have one child, a son who turns 18 next month, but I can't imagine what I'd do if he disrespected me that way. I'm so sorry you have to deal with the pain of that on top of your chronic pain. I wish you the best and maybe soon your daughter will wise up and help you instead of trying to hurt you. Take care
  • When your daughter gets rude with you on the phone, tell her that you will not be talked to like that and hang up on her. Nasty messages, don't listen to them and delete.

    I think she definitely has some issues to deal with but until she is willing to address them don't let her take it out on you.

    I like the screaming into the pillow idea. Or call a close friend that will support and understand you to talk.

    Hope you get relief soon.
  • Thank you :) Until I found this site I really felt alone. I have only been here a couple of weeks but the support I get is wonderful.
    I phoned and asked her to go with me to the Dr.s today, but she couldn't so there you go at least I tried.
    It really is her problem and I do at least have the support of the rest of the family. So I will try to focus on my 11 year old, who is still at home. She is learning to help.
    And hopefuly one day the oldest does get the help she needs.
    Thanks
    Heidi
  • I'd try to let her be, don't accept her abuse, just hang up. Maybe with time she will understand. Try and let her know as often as you can that you love her. Whatever anger you may hold, do your best to let it go. dIn time with any luck something will click and she will come around.

    I have not been here on this site for long either. I refused to accept that I was going to be this person. I fought it tooth and nail. I was not going to be here doing this. I asked Dr. Shrink, Dr. PM and Dr. PCP if there was a group here in town that helped people cope with a loss of ability and chronic pain. They looked at me like I was an idiot! I then just muddled along for about 2.25 years! Then I looked for online help, the first forum I found kind of sucked... Lucky for me I found this one while digging for facts and people who had an SCS. Wanting to be truly informed I did not want to simply contact people off Medtronics website I started searching and found this forum!

    Yay, it is truly a large group of people who will tell you what you need to hear, not always what you want to hear though!
  • You should tell her "You've only got one Mom, and Mom's going through a hard time right now with backpain" "And I really need you to be there for me" Tell her "I remember the day you were born it was a beautiful day one of the best days of my life" I'm telling you this Heidi because my Mother used these sayings to me. It shook me up a little and now she says it every year on my birthday and it's the best thing I ever heard. Other than that it sounds like she needs counselling. That's good your little daughter is helping you out. It's rough to go through that grief. I hope things improve with your daughter. Take care Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I was reading through posts tonight...came across this one and was sitting here :( ......... :''( .

    It took me back in time thinking of my boys and how much they had to go through with me because of all of my operations.At times they were so young,but always bringing me water.....dang near drown me to tell you the truth.Here mom,drink this..drink more mom...and getting up to go pee was a nightmare because I had to go up so many steps,and use my arms to to it.I went up backwards.

    They still remember those days and sometimes say things like,"oh mom,we didn't help you at all and it was so hard for you." But they did help me-just by bringing me water,or putting cold cloths on my head (they thought this cured everything-lol)..I would have to say that they helped me the most by just being pretty good kids.

    Charry-That's beautiful what you said,and that it meant so much the first time your mom said those words to you.No doubt they will always have the same special meaning and you will carry those words in your heart forever.

    I think some people get more support here in the forums than others because some people are such obvious givers and just don't either seem to need as much support,or maybe because they aren't coming right out asking for it.Everyone needs support though from time to time.I don't really talk about my conditions outside of here...I guess I feel like it'll get old for Michael if I talk about it too much-so I come here to read about others and share some of my own personal experiences.

    I hope everyone has a good day with little pain.
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