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Husband Needs Help

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:29 AM in Lower Back Pain
Hi everyone! I need to find some answers for my husband. He had a microdisectomy 15 years ago, then L5, S1 sequestered disc surgery 14 years ago. He went to rehab, and they told him swimming was a good exercise, but he only went a few times. He does no exercise, and has sat in his lazyboy chair, played videogames, drank beer with codeine and muscle relaxer chasers since then. He complains his back hurts - I've tried to encourage him to swim, yoga, tai chi, gym, walk - nothing is working - I need ideas on how to get him out of the chair, and back into life.



  • It sounds like your husband is depressed, and I do agree that he needs professional help. Mixing alcohol and meds like muscle relaxers and pain killers is dangerous and this has to stop. I understand how discouraged he is because I go through the same emotions and frustrations of having chronic pain. When you're depressed all your motivation goes away and you don't want to bother with anything. Is he still going to see a specialist? If you can, go with him to his appointment to get him the help he needs. I'm sorry that both of you are going through a rough time but you can help him to see that there is more that can be done for him. Chronic pain and depression can go hand in hand and the sooner your husband sees a doctor, the better he will be. Take care
  • Bachachewife

    Well done you for trying to help, over time that pain we endure naturally limits what we do and we become more sedentary as a reality of increased pain and the trying to do any activity when your last memory is that it increased the pain is more of a psychological and to some extent a physical hurdle.

    When activity is suggested and it does not work it is far easier then to do nothing and as has been said it becomes routine and we envisages as patients then any activity is impossible.

    What things did he like doing that he not does not do, could you together adapt something that you can both share and include family members, all of this take time and concerted effort and it is not always possible to do this alone of even with close support form you partner. Existing is not living and I have lived with pain for many years, try to find an opportunity when the pain is less. Our PM sessions included those who were trying to support us and that feeling of not be able to do or say the right thing an ongoing problem.

    Perhaps the time is for action is here and hiding away although understandable will not address any current issues and we have to manage that mode of disappointment and keep going at all costs. R Sternbach wrote a good book on managing chronic pain, honest and heartfelt, encouraging positive elements of behaviour and ignoring others, this sounds easy but is hard to do, has he tried CBT if he went to a pain clinic 15 years ago much has changed.

    From a patients perspective, I would like to thank you for trying and it is hard for you sitting and watching a loved one in pain and feeling that you can do nothing to help, a joint approach is always needed however reluctant at this moment your husband is able or capable of helping himself.

    This site is all about people like you, trying to help people like us.

    Thank you John
  • i see this is your first post and i want to welcome you to the forum! :H we are here to offer you support and answer what questions we can. most motivation must come from within. :? all your prodding and poking won't do much good except to go from one ear and out the other. :T maybe if he starts to feel bad enough, he will decide it is time to exercise and treat his body right. i wish i had more to advice to give you. hang in there and i hope something rings true to your husband and he turns his life around.. :D good luck! drop by anytime you need to chat!! :D Jenny :)
  • Thank you to the folks who wrote to me re:my husband. I can see by your diagnosis, that my husband is far better off than alot of people - I wish he could get that. The only thing he used to do was work on his car(s). He still does that now, only after medicating beforehand however. Does sitting for extended periods of time (reclining in the lazyboy chair) actually help anyone, or does it more hinder? The only exercise he gets is from going to work (sitting in his truck alot of the time.) Thank you again for your support.
  • It is a balance for everyone and research suggest that sitting for longer periods is damaging in the longer term, part of that difficulty is when driving is your job and this increases the stress on the spine itself and perhaps increases legs pain also.

    For some, equating difficulty for others is a very personal perception and although I have had my pain for 20 years this year, I try not to expect others to equate that in relation to them. For me having pain from no pain was a bigger transition than the mode and collective strategies I have now developed.

    Having a hobby whatever that is a good thing and it is not easy adapting to new techniques that are imposed on how we have to work now, based on what we could do, which for some may have gone never to return.

    Does the car thing get him out of the house and meeting others, as many here when activity itself become restricted some friends tend to shy away as we cannot do things and need them to help and support us more at this time. Healthy people in general tend not to want to hear that pain mantra and living outside the pain even when constantly in it, a skill that always need to be developed and nurtured.

    How are you…..

    Take care John

  • I was wondering if there is anyone out there that I may be able to talk to about these things. As i recently my left foot began to drop after having a great deal of pain that ran from my knee to my ankle then it had foot drop.
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