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I am new to the depression forum at SH

yoyoyomonicayyoyoyomonica Posts: 28
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:29 AM in Depression and Coping
I have had depression, anxiety and panic disorder ever since I was little. And just recently I was also told I am bipolar too. Life is just all to overwhelming anymore. I just had back surgery in January 09 I am on all kinds of new medication and just got diagnosed with MS in September of 08. I feel like my life is caving in. I cant work (disabled) i dont qualify for disability or ssi my hubby just took a pay cut at his new job. We are still picking up the pieces from when he lost his last job last January (08). We lost our home had to give a van back to the bank and we are feeling the crunch. I realize that there is alot of others in the same boat. I wish I could go and get a job or at least do somthing to help. I am just no good.
I look at pictures or hear stories of how people are doing with thier lives and i just sit around stuck in a downhill neutral position going nowhere fast. sigh. Is there any hope?


  • I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. Trying to deal with chronic pain alone can be depressing but you add on history of depression, anxiety, BP and now MS. You certainly have a right to be depressed. What kind of meds are you on for depression/BP/anxiety?

    Sometimes when I feel really down I will sit and think up the most bizarre "it could be worse" scenarios. Just thinking up some of the silly things I do come up with makes me giggle and I start to feel a little better. I do this with one of my best friends and at times we will just out of the blue text each other our "it could be worse" scenario. Then the other one knows that the other is not having a great day.

    I too have battled with depression and anxiety all my life. I was diagnosed with BP at one point but then it was changed to chronic depression. Winter time seems to be much worse than summer. Dealing with failed fusion and chronic pain has increased my depression making it harder to fight. I feel that I have been given this situation so that I can help others through my experiences. Knowing that I've helped others, actually helps me.

    Monica, I guess what I am trying to say is to look deep in your heart and find what gift you can give to someone else so that their lives may be enriched through you.

    PS it was nice chatting with you the other nite. I don't go to chat rooms too often. Feel free to PM me anytime you'd like whether it's to give me your "it could be worse" or to vent or if you have any questions.

    Take care my spiney friend and God Bless.
  • so, you know you are not alone, yet, I don't really have many fluffy happy thoughts to share today :( Ain't that just grand! I leave for Orlando and Disney World tomorrow at 6:00 am and I am not happy! <:P

    All I can really say is hang in there, spring is sneaking its way in and we'll find something to make us feel better.

    I expect I will be better once I get the traveling behind me. I'm always nervous about the travel anymore, the beds, will I sleep? Will I screw up the trip for my wife. All that stuff, sucks, I loved to travel, now, not so much...

    Anyway, don't give up! Hang in there for your husband and take each day as best you can!
  • Monica,

    There is always hope. Hope that things will get better, hope that things wont get worse, and hope that you will be able to cope with all that you are having to go through in your life at the moment. You WILL get through this. God never gives us more than we can handle although we have our doubts at times. I suffer from many of the same emotional issues that you do and I know it is not easy. Couple that with physical health problems and it is much worse. A lot of days it is a struggle to even get out of my bed. And to be very honest with you - the only time I get dressed is when I have to leave the house - which for me a lot of times is once a week. I just have no desire to go anywhere or do anything. I just hope that with the implant of the spinal cord stimulator things will get better for me.

    I also understand about the financial issues as well. I am happily divorced but I live on workers compensation pay. Almost half of my monthly income goes towards rent alone. Then of course there is utilities, insurance, food, and all the other fun stuff that goes along with daily living.

    Hang in there kiddo. Just live one day at a time - that is all any of us can do. Know that we are here for support anytime you need to vent.

    Hope you are having a great day.

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,875
    anything, I just know that for whatever reasons some people are put to the test more than others. They suffer through many different obstacles and hopefully, one by one they overcome them.
    I dont know how to overtake them, but I do know that you need to keep a positive approach and just knock down one obstacle at a time and dont try to do it all at once.
    Hope things work out for you
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< Those are some hugs from me to you. I do know how it feels to be depressed. I have had depression for so long, panic attacks, and diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago. I am not feeling up to par at this moment so I do know how it feels :S .
    I am here if you would like to chat, it is hard to live with pain, and depression.
  • The best way to get over stress and depression is to take a break from your regular schedule, go out, and take good sleep. This helps in clearing the mind and try consulting a specialist who can suggest you as how you can get over your problem. There are various prescription drugs to get over anxiety and depression, but these should only be used in accordance with the instruction of a physician. There is a lot of fake selling of such medicines on internet, so before you can order it online just make sure it is a real pharmacy.

    Spine-Health does not condone the purchase of any medications on the internet.....Paul (moderator paulgla)
  • I try to keep in mind that there is sombody much worse then me. I try to embrace that. Sometimes it is hopeless tho.

    Ming. I am glad I have so many here that can relate with me. I am on tons of meds. but the depression ect meds are buspar, cymbalta, abilify, and lamectil so far. I am sick of being stuck in my mind. it feeds me crap all day long. I was glad to chat with u too. I wish we all could be better and not suffer with this crap anymore.

    Wrambler. GOSH dude... u have been through the wringer. just reading what u have surgically been through just kills me. I am so sorry... do u feel any better from all of those surgerys? How was disney? I hope u had a good time. I LOVE that placen. Would u belive we are still waiting for spring here? I am tired of winter.

    I can relate to alot of things u have said. I to never dress unless I leave the house it is a waste of energy. And somdays all i do is sleep. ALL day long. Somtimes for days on end. I think that is a MS thing. I dont know for sure. I pray that this SCS will help your back feel better. It feels hopeless somdays i will say prayers for you. I dont know how u do it girl on that lil bit of money. That is where u know that God is working in our lives. HE WILL PROVIDE even before we ask him.

    Ron U have KNOW idea how many things I try to take on at once. I kill myself with just my racy thoughts alone. it is a daily battle to keep myself in check. for sure. Thank you for the nice letter.

    Heidi... thank you for the many hugs. I sure needed them :) yes. it is so hard to live in pain with depression. I wish none of us have to suffer. This is Just not living if u know what I mean. Constant struggle to even get your teeth brushed in the day. I am hurting pretty good this week. So things have been much more difficult for me. sending hugs back to u ((((((((((((( Heidi )))))))))))))))

    I have givin up everything. I dont craft anymore, or sew or scrapbook. I am selling all of my stuff. I need the money and I cant waste energy on those things anymore. I have tremendous gulit becuase my husband is working so hard and I am sitting around doing nothing. So I am working on surveys and looking for online work. (I dont even know if I can do online work I am afraid of people) (((((((( Jane )))))))) it is hard when our friends just drop us. It is to bad. I just have internet friends anymore. I too love my lil furry friends. they love me unconditionally. Infact my ripley comes to me when ever I am crying. (I dont think he like me crying)

    symoand. thanks for your words of encouragement. I appreciate that.

    thanks for all the prayers and hugs, Monica
  • Surgeries? Help? yeah, I guess, Three out of Four where definitely needed, no doubt about it at all! I could have skipped the first shoulder scope though... Now, did they help pain? Not so much, No one really knows when it happened or even exactly where the damage lies. I suspect thoracic outlet syndrome or some such thing, but I have no intention of letting them do more surgery for that. I hope the SCS will be good enough!

    Disney was actually great, I only had a few bad hours or stretches and for the most part it did not slow me down, so that is good!
  • You sound like you have a wonderful hearted soul. My sister in law that is just like a best friend and mother that I never had has MS. She also takes injections, she used to do them daily but now it is once a week. She walks with these special canes, and she does have her really bad days. I look up to her so much, she is so strong. You are also strong, you are trying your best to get better. There is nothing better than trying to get yourself better.
    There are days(like lately) that I get up, get the kids on the bus and just go back to sleep so that I don't have to feel the depression, but it doesnt really help in the long run. I hope, and pray daily to get better. It has also been a very long road, and struggle for me. I hope that you are having a better day today. ((((((((Hugs)))))).
    p.s Maybe you shouldnt get rid of your stuff you enjoy doing, it will keep your mind busy to do these things!!!!!!! Please don't say you are no good, that is not true. That is negative thinking(I know all about it too well), and you will make yourself belive it! You are a woman that is suffering, and need some helping hands. You are never no good hon.
  • Wrambler i am sorry u have not gotten as much out of surgerys. that reallly sucks to go through all of that for nothig. I hope u get well soon.

    wow thanks so much. U have lifted my spirit today. Many many hugs back. I am going to try to get a craft finished today. I have made a major mess in the guest bedroom. The compliments have have gotten are so wonderful. It has made my day.
    Thank you Heidi Lynn. BTW lynn is my middle name.
  • That's rough all you've been through and I can't understand why they won't give you disability. Have you got legal advice yet? I'm not sure if that would help but sometimes the consult is free. I wish you all the best. My GrandMother had MS. It's a terrible condition and see what a struggle she went through. I hope you can find some work. I have been duped by some online websites. Do be careful and always go for a place that gives you a refund. I misunderstood some fine print and lost some money. I hope your MS goes in remission and you have some more freedom of movement. Good luck with your crafts. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Monica,
    I know how hard it is on the worst of days to even see a light at the end of the tunnel. It would be great if we could all live in a perfect world but we have to learn to work with the hand we are dealt.
    I have days that all I do is cry because being 3 weeks post op for 3 lumbar fusions I feel so useless. I have always been a strong willed independent woman and have found this experience to upset my energy level. I am becoming better since joining this site and finding my feelings are normal and all my pain is normal.
    I will send good thoughts for you and your family and please believe it will all get better. Positive attitudes often make the biggest difference. ;) :H :)))
    Add meas a buddy and we can talk anytime.
  • I'm sorry life is weighing heavily upon you and I hope your situation gets better soon. My husband took a pay cut too and I also feel guilty that I can't contribute financially. He works long hours and has had to cook dinner some nights. This makes me feel worse about myself but he understands and knows I'd do things when I can. I stay alone most of the day and my Pekingnese keeps me company; she follows me around like a shadow but I draw the line at the bathroom. Anyway, I'm here if you feel like talking. Take care sweetie
  • HI Monica,

    I just read your post tonight. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I am so sorry that you are being hit with so many major challenges at once. They are major. You are a very strong person. I don't think that I have the right words to say that can change anything. I just truly feel that you are one of those people that are stronger than they even know. It amazes me how well you recovered from your surgery.
    I also want to remind you that there are many other ways that you can help and support your husband other than working. I am sure that he is so happy that you are there for him and loving and kind and supportive when he gets back from his new job. This is a big transition for him, and he has you to count on for emotional support. Your time and attention goes a long way!

    We are all given many different gifts to share with this world- some of the best are intangible- like the gift of a kind heart...

    - Thinking of you-

    Lots of Gentle Hugs,


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