I need some advice.
I am 23 years old and have had a problem with my spine for almost 5 years (in september), i don't actually have a diagnosis but have been told they think its a form of DDD (Degenerative disc Disease). I have had every non surgical procedure you can think off. Epidurals, facet joint injections, Physio, Acupuncture, Heat therapy, Massage, Exercise everything, i have even had a dyneses operation in February last year. I had my first baby 9 weeks ago, she was born a month early because i was in hospital from 1st December until the 7th Feb (when me and baby were released from hospital) with only Christmas and a couple of other days at home. I was in hospital because the baby was putting so much pressure on my spine i couldnt walk, so i had to have pethadine injections everyday for the pain. She had to be born via Caesarean Section which was planned to see if it would help, And it hasn't. I cannot move again, and to be honest if i didnt have my darling little girl to live for i would give up, i am so depressed because i can't even pick up my baby, im lucky because i live with my parents, and my mum cares for me, but i cry everyday because i can't pick her up, someone has to do it for me then pass her to me. My baby spent 8 days in Special care because i decided to have her born early hoping my pain would ease, so not only did that not work but now i feel like a selfish cow for putting my tiny little baby through those horrible 8 days.
I am seeing my consultant next week, but i know he will want me to have more injections, and to be honest i can't take much more, they didnt work the first few times, why would they work again. I had an epidural in December and i had pain where the needle went in for a week, a week of no pain then it all came flooding back, whats the point of going all through that for a week of no pain. I refuse to take the cocktail of painkillers i used to have before i was pregnant because i would be asleep all day and never see my baby. I am even having to move into a ground floor flat with walk in shower because i cant climb stairs or get in a bath, i feel useless, i feel like a shell with nothing inside and i am getting dangerously close to falling off the edge and i dont think i'll be able to come back.
Anyone feel the same or have any advice for me?