I'd guess I am not the only one who has this question.
What time is it anymore? I have an SCS trial under my belt awaiting the approval of a permanent version, or perhaps a denial by my HMO? Yet, there is a lack of caring. I feel very tired. I do the stuff of days and nights. I can have fun, laugh, converse with people, but there is not a spark, a motivation, an event on the horizon that appeals to me...
How do we get to this spot? Pain? familiarity? Contempt?
A job? woopie!
I suspect it is merely the kickback, whiplash of a week in disneyworld! Who could escape that place unscathed ? I seem to be not that strong. I had a good time. Honest I did! I took my meds, I paced myself, I rode every ride I wanted to, did all the things my wife asked of me. Slept in, shopped, etc, It all felt good, the pain was rough from time to time, but I did not allow it to rule me or ruin the trip.
So, I wonder, why do I feel so down? Is it the return to the drudgery of the "real" world?
I have contacted my PCP and he has nudged my PM to get my SCS approved, I am awaiting the answer on that. I try and come over here and read, but I am having trouble not getting depressed when I read the pain of others so I am not doing much posting anymore, I can see that I am slowly retreating from the things I enjoyed. I am simply doing what so many of us do.
I'm surrendering, I'm waving my little white flag. I want so much just to surrender and tell this all to go away for a while.
I'm also going to hope that once I rest up a day or so I'll feel more alive again.
Nothing like a good vacation to beat the snot out of a depressed chronic pain sufferer!