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Sick and tired of being sick and tired

nursedina001nnursedina001 Posts: 234
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:30 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
Almost 4 months post PLIF and I am slowly getting worse, not better. In the past few weeks I have developed a back aching that goes from my waist to my mid back, straight across. I have also developed a horrible burning pain in my right buttock that gets worse when I stand up.

Doc seems to think it is from SI joint and has ordered an SI injection and then try for physical therapy again (every time I try, pain gets worse)

I am just feeling so depressed and overwhelmed and I just want to be better again.

I am only 40 years old and I am spending my days laying on the bed with a heating pad.

I guess I'm just looking for a little support. No one out in the "real" world seems to "GET IT". They all keep telling me to hang in the there!! And not to get discouraged but they are not the ones in pain 24-7, they are not living on narcotics and can;t go to work to support their kids, they are not living this nightmare ...

thanks for listening to me blow off steam... :)



  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I'm sorry that you're having so much pain. I know how frustrating it is. Even more so for you since you had surgery to 'fix it'. I'm sure you feel like it was all for nothing. You're right about the people around us not understanding. I admit I was one of them until I started dealing with it myself. Now I understand all to well and I get so aggravated with myself because no matter how much I want to do things I just simply can't and it's hard to face that fact. I hope that they can do something to help you. If you want to let off steam or whatever feel free to pm me anytime. Take care
  • Sorry you are having these problems, being in constant pain is, well, a 'pain' :p

    Could you be having inflammation? You say you use a heating pad, have you tried ice packs instead? I find that when I use a heating pad, it increases my pain, but ice helps, just a thought. Also, I know many doctors say NO to ibuprofen, but mine is not one of them, and I use 600-800 mgs up to 3 times a day, and it helps some of my pain more than narcotics. Of course, my tens unit has also brought my pain level during the day way down as well (God, I wish I could use it all night!) Might not be a bad idea to ask your surgeon if taking ibuprofen is OK. (but don't take it until, I still don't understand why each surgeon is different on this subject, but it may have something to do with the way they do the fusions, your history, etc.)

    I, too, am dealing with depression, and finally went for an appointment with a psychiatrist. (intake, still haven't had the actual appointment to start therapy, waiting for their call). It's difficult to live with pain for so much of your life, and slowly lose the ability to do all the things you used to be able to do. Many of us chose surgery hoping to be in that percentage that everything goes perfectly, and it's very hard to accept that things are less than so, even when you know in your head that you really aren't supposed to be back to perfect yet. Just remember many of us are having similar set-backs and are here for you if you need us.

    Take care of yourself, and keep looking for that light at the end of the tunnel!

  • I'm sorry that you are in so much pain. Was there ever a time after your PLIF that you felt better and had no pain? Is your pain worse than it was before surgery? Have you had an MRI recently?
  • Thanks everyone for your replies - I'm in a big feel-sorry-for-myself funk.....

    Debbie - you are so right, it is so hard not to be able to do anything. My house is a mess, I do not have the physical strength or the stamina to clean it well, and it is so frustrating. I need to get back to work, but there is no way for that to happen right now. Thanks for the PM offer, I may take you up on that real soon :)

    Kat- yeah I know all too well about the depression thing. I have just recently gotten my zoloft dosage increased to help with the depression. I'm not a big fan of ice. I tried it and I'm not too happy with cold things against my body, but I am going to give it another shot tomorrow and see if it helps any. Thanks :)

    Pepper - yeah, I did feel better in the beginning. I never felt great, but I was doing wayyy better this whole time except for the past 2 weeks or so and it is getting steadily worse. Yes, I did have repeat MRI with and without contrast, 2 sets of xrays and a CT scan. She says they all look OK to her. The reports say otherwise though. I know each doctor reads them differently, but there are two pages of "things" that they have found wrong on my MRIs but she doesn;t seem to think that any of those have to do with my pain.

    I guess I will get the injection and see if that helps.

    I just feel like I am at the end of my rope and I know you all can understand. My family and friends are great, and they are very patient but I can tall that it is wearing on them and they are tired of listening to me complain all the time.

    Thanks everyone for giving me a shoulder to lean on :)
  • You are perfectly normal. You are really still at the beginning of your healing. It takes 1-2 YEARS to heal, sorry. Whatever your surgeon told you is not exactly true.

    Do you walk everyday? Walking everyday will help you heal faster, and doing "core strengthening" excersises.

    You just had a major surgery, and it's not going to get better as fast as we would like. But just to make you feel better, you're still early in recovery, and what your feeling is perfectly normal.... hang in there, and walk, walk, walk.....
  • Please do try an SI injection. I had a 3-level fusion, and later developed osteo in my left SI joint...I understand your pain - SI pain can really hurt, and it's frustrating.

    After I had my injection under flouroscopy, the pain went away (still OK for now).

    I would also recommend ice - and not heat. If you are having spasm, ice is much better in my experience. And as to PT, do ONLY what you are comfortable doing - don't push past your limits. There are "easy" SI stretches you can do.

    Hang in there - by the way, you are NOT feeling sorry for yourself - this stuff is all REAL.

  • Lynnsy is right - you are very early in your recovery. There will be many ups and downs, good days and bad. New and weird pains and sensations will crop up for some time - especially as you add activity and as your body adjusts to its new spinal alignment. I am sure you have heard all this before but sometimes it helps a little to be reminded how early you are in the recovery process. I also know that 4 months seems like a LONG time - I am almost 9 months post ALIF/PLIF and still have new pains popping up and am a long way from being able to do the things I want to. It is very frustrating, frequently depressing, and having patience gets really old. (And as for house-cleaning - I found that at 4 to 5 months I could do about one task then had to rest - sometimes I could only do one a day.)

    About PT - I, too, found that my pain got worse with PT - but after several weeks I realized how much more I could do than when I started. (I let them know when my pain had increased after a PT session or with exercises at home and they made adjustments each time). If you can get aqua therapy, it is wonderful. Until you get to PT walk as much as you can - even if it is only 5 or 10 minutes around the house every hour. Also, heat feels wonderful but ice may be more helpful. And you might try TENS if you haven't done so yet.

  • I hope the injection helps, I've found the various ones helpful facet joint inj. to ESIs and even trigger points a little. The injections could break up the inflammation there. Best wishes and hope it helps. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I know we spoke in PM, but I just had to say something here. It's taken you this long to get sick and tired of it all? haha! I was sick and tired of it all day 1 postop!

    Gotta have my Zoloft and my counselor(now referred to pyschologist.) "Normals" don't understand if they can't see blood somewhere or a cut off limb, they think we are fine because we become good actresses(and actors.) I get sick of the, "Oh, you look so good!" when I feel like crap.

    The tornado that hit the inside of my house and made a mess probably came your way, too. I've had to give up thinking that cleaning is a priority. My priorities include trying to make it one day at a time without crying(too much) and make sure I say something nice to each of the kids. Someone has a quote here, I do not remember who it is, but it's something like, "It's OK to visit pity city, but you cannot live there." Made me think.

    I keep thinking that sometime some monk is going to pop up and say, "Angie, you have finally learned patience and empathy, now you can move on" like this is a test or something. OK, I'm a bit delusional sometimes but that's what it feels like, like I'm living someone else's hell or trial.

    Anyway, read my PM on the medical stuff.

  • Thanks Dina for starting post, because I feel same as you...
    my situation is different in surgery procedure, but I feel the same as you,(to bad you were not my neighbor, you could exercise by walking over here for coffee and a cookie...I can not walk but a few feet at a time right now...I'm 45)

    ERnurse---Bless you too.. because you brought up alot of things that i think might help me....can you tell me my mom and sis take zoloft and my sis swears by it. and mom... well daddy passed thanksgiving and since then she just been a mes and doesn't take her meds as she spose too. I have some medical background... If you have to P.M. me for answer please do.. but I take ultram for 15 to 20 years started way back then for shoulder prob. when doc brings up antidepressant(I get chills) oh I have tried quite a few but last week he put me on celabrex I had bad reaction first same doc(rhumy)has me on ultram)and knows I have gastro, swallowing, no gag reflex prob.what a mistake.. had me take first and only one in office that morn. (The7th)i ususally read about meds before taking... now he wants me to start celexia.. i have script but scared to take. I asked him while in office cant I take one thats been around for awhile.. but he just went on talking as if i never said nothing. I have worked side by side doc.s and know how it all works.
    My sis takes both ultram and zolft.. I myself know that could be a big no no. but works great for her.what do you think about mixing the two? my script for ultram is 6 a day 2 @ a x. i only take 4 a day because if i take after 12 noon I will be up all night. it perks me up in the morning. I call it my two for one lil pain relief lil anti pill.
    Doc also just upped my neurontin from 2700mg a day to 3600 over next month.and he was ticked off phsic gave me klonopin for muscle pain in upper back causing migraines. I understand the klonopin stuff.. But it worked from day one for me not ONE headache. and that's better then Imatrex for me.plus when grandkids come over which used to be everyday. My nerves never bothered me. Now its completely opposite. its the Saddest thing in MY LIFE right now. I have lost so much and had to give up so much.... but the grandkids thing is the worse... I'm crying now and all the time.. and I have new grand baby coming in few months.My daughter needs me, she was so used to grandma helping with kids they used to be here ever day and spent night least 5 nights a week have there own room here with bed and millions of toys. now its been months since they spent night and visit for very short time. some times I can handle one alone for few hours but that only is maybe once a month. its hard on the kids too. They(daughter and grandkids) live 5 min from my house.My single Son moved in with us to help me while my hubby at work. I need help and I know it...
    I JUST WANNA BE THE OLD KIND CARING PATSY. just me i wanna be me.Patsy
  • Thank you all for responding. It really helps to know that I am not going crazy and that what I am going through is normal. (well, normal for us anyway)...I have been a relatively healthy individual working my tail off trying to get that little piece of the promised land and then WHAM!! Bent over a patient, blew out a disc, found out that the other ones are no better around it and that my years of smoking combined with some bad genes have earned me many degenerative discs and some instability.

    Since my husband died 1 1/2 years ago, I am the sole provider for my children, and we have been through ENOUGH, I don;t want to keep going thru this. Money is PAST tight, and I have a kid going to college this fall, and everything seems to be falling down...but I am determined to keep positive.

    Thanks Angie for that quote - I have visited pity city but I do not plan to visit there. I do believe in the power of positive thinking, and it is time that I put that plan to work.

    It helps so much just to have people who understand. My family is great, they really and truly try, but they can not totally understand the pain, the questions, the uncertainty, the ending of who I was before this accident. I was a nurse, a mother, a provider, a hard worker...now I've been told that I can not return to emergency nursing (which is my passion, my life, Angie will understand this).

    I just need to realize that the house can stay messy, it is not important, and that my family and friends still love me, and I have a lot to give and that it is not dependent on what I do or how much that I do.

    I just need to reorganize my priorities and my life. I did it a year and half ago after my husband died, an dI can do it again.

    I am a strong, capable woman with a big heart, and good friends, and many people who love me.

    Thanks for giving me a place to go where it is OK to be a pity party sometimes, and a place where everyone understands what it is like.

    I LOVE this board. You have saved me many times. Thank you.

  • Thanks for the PM response. I have read it all and I will keep you updated on what the docs find out. I really appreciate it and I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this all.

    Funny thing is - the thing I miss the most of all, is ER nursing. It becomes a part of you doesn;t it? Well, at least I have a list of good stories to tell and good times to look back on....:)

    Thanks again

  • I just had my Zoloft increased and it has helped me a lot. I still a lot of work int hat department but I am trying so hard ot keep it positive. I am going to start a new link about things I am grateful for - sometimes it takes a nice list like that to help remind me of how good life can be in the face of adversity.

    stay strong :)
  • Have you decided to have the SI injection? I have similar lumbar issues to yours -- had fusion at L4-5 for spondy and stenosis 15 months ago and recently had a foraminotomy at L5-S1 to see if that might relieve my continuing nerve pain in leg + whatever. I recently had two caudal steroid treatments and PM guy said if I get no relief from the second one, he wants to try a SI joint block. After 15 minutes, I think they are just fishing and really don't know what to do with me, but don't want to admit it...so we keep trying things.

    Looking back, I think it was a little after 4 months that I had a big leap forward in my recovery from fusion. I hope that is the case for you, too. I'm sure all the stress you are feeling cannot be good for your healing.

    Hope you have a better day today. It could be worse. We are supposed to have snow today!!

    xx Gwennie
  • Yes, I am having the SI injection next week. I hope it works!! I will let you know how it turns out.

    I am having the same doc who did my ESI at l4/l5 do this one, He was great and vert understanding as I was crying my eyes out..lol...

    Ugh...snow? where are you? 55 and sunny here..thank God!!
  • Sounds like you know you cannot take Ultram/tramadol along with anti-depressants or can cause serotonin response syndrome. Just because it's been OK for a while doesn't mean it won't happen sometimes in the future. I love Zoloft-doesn't have bad side effects for me like Cymbalta did. Cymbalta didn't do a darn thing for my nerve pain, either, and gave me bad headaches.

    Original surgeon(long ago left him) got mad at me too when pain injection doc gave me zanaflex to sleep. I don't care, it helps and that's what it's all about, right? Not the doc's ego but what works for the patient!

    It's a vicious cycle-pain causes depression and depression can increase pain. Surely there is a way to tweak your meds so that you can be functional(not in a coma) but comfortable and take anti-depressants if you need them. There's so many meds out there, there has to be a good combo for you.

    Hard not to play with grandbabies, but you have to remember-you have to take care of yourself first or you are no good to anyone else. I should practice what I preach, too!

    To me, it's a red flag if a doc pulls some kind of ego thing and gets mad if another doc finds something that works for you. Maybe you need a 2nd opinion? A new set of eyes never hurts. If you are happy with the guy you've got now, great, but doesn't sound like it. He really doesn't even have to know you go for 2nd opinion. But seriously, no ultram and anti-depressants!!!!!!

  • Dina, I was CNA for 10 to 12 years and had 2 years of schooling in my heart and soul(hard work) to work as nurse for elderly was my love of helping. Though you can understand I worked in E.R.(not as nurse)for over year worked in hospital where ever they needed that cna help. home care (my favorite)worked in detox for almost 2 years. back breaking nursing home. doctors office.
    I was really in school for being taught to work to help elderly as a nurse. It is what I loved and and what I miss helping elderly do there every day things.. I loved to read and back then I knew so much about nursing and when I did home care I was nurse, cna, friend,loved one, and at times the only human elderly would see for months at a time.
    I would help them get out of bed,lift, walk, wash, take meds,cook, clean.and much more you get what I'm saying.
    Now here I sit on my sofa and I need all the help that I used to give. I cant understand I was loved as a caregiver(Told so many times)and was good at what I did. loved it so much it was hard to even go to school cause I loved the one on one and I always thought if I was a nurse I would lose that. BUT I found out that would not be true I could still do what I loved. My shoulders where getting so bad from a problem that started many years before working and the heavy lifting(and I could lift what someone twice my size could do..(smiles)but that is what did it for going to nursing school. and I had a head start cause now and when I started you had to have i think one year of cna duties as a pre. well anyways my issues started when I noticed myself having balance problems while helping a lady with Parkinson,and that was over 3 years ago.I miss her
    I worked hospice and between all the diff duties I can honestly say I have held many hands while they passed.

    I want to give you my words of respect....and say Thank you

    I loved my job so much also... I worked so hard and loved it
    I loved going to work where most did not like going to work.
    I always thought how awful to have to go to work and hate it.where I could not wait and I can say my job was hard and back breaking what I would not do to go back. and even after 3 years and knowing the last 2 I would not be going back I still have not filed for SSD. its like another step backwards... but then not fair to family neither. Its nice being able to kinda like talk to others here because family cant understand and after awhile letting them know how much I hurt gets old and they will distance themselves from you. lots of things i learned from my background helps me when it comes to my family,
    I know you can make a family member depressed because there is not much they can do for our pains and just that alone can make them sad let alone everything else.
    I had said earlier how I loved to read and I would remember everything I read-about meds.. and Autoimmune Diseases, neurological prob.you can imagine when they said I had poss. M.S.and still after my surgery and all they know about my cervical area I about flipped when after my 6 week check up after surgery they still think I might have M.S.
    anyway I really have no desire to read any medical info except to do with my own issues any more and find I have forgotten so much of what I used to know.
    Do you find that you have forgotten some of what you would no by heart without even thinking.maybe I should just forget it and try to figure out something diff. it really bothers me. is it me? is it meds? do I have M.S.? I do not believe in my heart and from what I do know its m.s. I believe its the myeolpathy.
    I'm gonna stop. Thanks for reading my words...And one more time thanx for being a nurse and helping people...
    I know for my own self its different being on both sides at different times in a life.
    p.s. sometimes I realize I might not make since and seem confused and confusing but I can honestly say i type from my heart, and I mean well, Patsy
  • Hi Dina,

    We had surgery one day apart (12/18) and I could have written your post. The physical part is hard enough, but no one relates to the depression that sets in.

    I wish you the best and just wanted to let you know you are NOT alone!

  • Thanks :) It does make it easier when you know that others out there understand, It is hard to be in a room full of people and feel alone :)

    Thanks for helping me not feel so alone :)
  • I feel exactly the way you do-sick and tired of it all. I'm sorry you are having so much pain and I hope there is something your doctors can do for you. I've been in misery too and if I have my pump trial, I hope it does me some good. No one wants to live this way. We're here for you and you never have to face this tribulation by yourself. Feel free to PM me whenever and please hang on as best you can- I know how hard it is. Take care
  • our meds work well together!....that makes sense to me!
    ....its either that or great minds in broken bodies think alike! :D :?
  • Yup. I feel the same as you Dina, and apparently everyone else who responded to your post. I'm trying desperately to put on the "smiley-face" for the loved ones around me. I feel depression setting in, and every day feels more like a curse than a blessing. But I'm trying to have faith that this pain will pass, and this whole ongoing experience will make sense and have meaning some day. A wiser person than me once said 'pain cripples us mentally long before it does physically." I'm by no means saying this to minimize the pain you truly are experiencing. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. My own experience has shown that physical pain soon results in emotional pain, which then exacerbates the physical pain, which then makes the emotional pain worse, which then........(you get the point). They feed off each-other. I wish I had an answer that could take your pain away. For today all I can offer is my complete understanding of where you're coming from, and like the others before me, help you feel not so alone. Your story-your strength, and the strength of so many others on this site have been a source of hope for me, and that helps me greatly. For that, your life holds meaning in the truest sense. Thank you.

  • I wish we didn't all understand what we are going through. No one else does seem to understand me out in the "outside" world. I asked my boyfriend 3 times to lay down next to me till I fell asleep tonight because I feel so sad and cant seem to fall asleep and he chose to go abck to his room to watch a basketball game.

    Do you all think that everyone just gets tired listening to us? I am insinuating that anyone does this on purpose, but I truly think that they grow numb to the suffering and pain that we are going thru since even though they are sharing it with us, they themselves are not going through it.

    does anyone else feel like their loved ones just don;t understand. Not intentionally but unintentionally.

    I feel so down and depressed and have no one to share it with. I am siting here crying in bed by myself and feel so utterly alone. I knew you would all understand so I came here for a little understanding around my fellow spineys!!
  • HI Dina,

    I'm so sorry you're in pain.

    If I can say one thing and that is that not all Physical Therapists are equal

    You need to find one that is analytical and understands the mechanics of the back. A lot of PT's will just give you a book of exercises or give you copies of specific exercises and leave you on your own or send you home to do them yourselves.

    I found a PT that analyzed me, measured the angles of my limbs, how limber and strength tested me and came to sound conclusions of what was wrong and what I needed to do to FIX things.

    She gave me exercises and stood there and watched every move I was doing for 1.5 hours!!! She made sure I did not feel pain and most of all made sure I was doing things correctly and did not cheat! (Who's not guilty of that?)

    Also the ice packs coupled w/electro-therapy was just heavenly (and I don't usually like ice). She also work on me for modality and massaged muscles that were overworked by trying to compensate for my injured back.

    How about that!!! How many PTs do that??

    Make sure you find a PT like that. I think if I had found her a year or two ago I would not have had to have surgery. My husband now goes to her and I know he will "miss the bullet" thanks to her quality work.

    In the meantime, I also suggest changing doctors until you FIND someone who cares!!! I was at K----R for years and they did not seem to care - did not seem to want to fix things, only medicate. So I left them and it was the best thing I did. I now found great caring doctors and wished I had searched sooner.

    No one can be a better advocate then yourself or someone close to you. It's your health so find that doctor who will go the extra mile for you. They are out there!!!!

    Hugs! ~ Cece
  • and Dina.....

    that's why the forum is here because we DO understand...

    My hubby now understands because he is dealing w/chronic back pain. He didn't before...so don't hold it against your boyfriend.

    It's just human nature and men sometimes don't know how to come to our rescue emotionally. They just like fixing things like cars because they are mechanical by nature, not so nurturing.

    If it helps - I'm not a crier or a whiner but I was the queen whiner and crier post surgery. I kept apologizing to my hubby post surgery for periods of non-stop crying and saying depressing things that were real and really not real at all (like my hair weights too much, I hate it, I'm going to cut it all off or maybe if I go down to the local vet he'll euthanize me!). I was in crazy mode!!!

    So you are normal to be depressed.

    The forum is here and we are listening!
  • I'm sorry, I get how and what you say about family not understanding. but then again how can they. They have never walked in our shoes.
    I have said a few times If I was a horse they would shoot me.
  • I think that I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to my hubby understanding my pain. I rarely talk about my pain. He has no idea how I feel each day except if he sees me taking meds then he asks me if I'm in pain.

    Dina, maybe I do this because of the question you ask...are they tired of listening to us? I think so because like Patsy says, they have no clue what it's like. Kind of like grieving - people assume that after a certain period of time it should be over and done with.

    That's why I love the people here so much. Who else in this world could understand what we're experiencing? Who else could understand that to us, doing something that seems simple to them is a great achievement for us?

    Take care Dina. I hope you feel better. Gentle hugs to you.
  • Poor Dina! Poor everybody! Poor me! I understand. I am 5 months post op and my doc will only let me use darvoset (which are like tylenol as far as I'm concerned). He did approve me to use ibuprofen just now. So virtually no heavy pain meds and the pain is still there. Starting PT next Monday.

    My husband and I own a small business. I HAVE to be at the office every day for 8 hours. I am trying so hard to keep up with being "normal." I have never been depressed in my life and lately........well, I just had my mammogram and caught myself thinking "oh gosh, what if I have breast cancer on top of all this." Then my next thought was "well at least maybe I can just die and be done with all this suffering." The depression isn't about narcotics. I'm off of them except a darvoset daily. It's just about everything that everybody here has already talked about. Damn, I wish I still was on some pain medication. No fun at all.

    Dina, hand in there. Keep posting. At least when we express our issues in these posts it helps us deal with them emotionally and physically.

    Hang in there. Kathy.
  • Thanks again everyone for sharing your misery and pain with me. It does help. It doesn;t sound like it should help, but it does. I know I am not alone when I read your stories.

    I am trying so hard to be upbeat. There are so many issues I am trying to deal with at one time, that I think I am going to lose my mind sometimes. It is so much easier to just lay in bed and watch TV all day then it is do deal with all the reality of life.

    I have had my bouts of depression on and off my whole life, but this one is persisting. I have just had my Zoloft increased and it really seemed to be helping for about 2 weeks and then I just went right back to being a miserable person. I would be happy as a clam to just lay in bed under the covers and watch TV all day and let the world pass me by.

    I started physical therapy and I really like the new PT I have been sent to. The old one was a joke. I also have a follow up with my "second opinion" NS next week. He seems a little too eager to want to do another fusion on L5-S1, and I REFUSE to ever have another surgery unless I absolutely can not walk.

    So, for now, I sit here in bed and play on my laptop and watch as I feel the world is going by me.

    As I said, it is not only the surgery there are many things that are weighing on my mind. The surgery, my pain, my job (or lack thereof..), the fact that I will never be a nurse again, three teenage boys to raise on my own, my boyfriend who moved in 8 months ago and I dont know what the hell I am doing with him, no money, too many bills, creditors calling all the time, my husband passing away 1 1/2 years ago and today would have been our 10th wedding anniversary.....ugh....I could go on and on,,...but I'll spare you all....lol...

    I know you all are dealing with your own issues, and I really want to thank you all for sharing, I feel so much less alone when I come here.

    Thank you

  • Thanks for the reply,

    I am so sorry that you need to go to work even though you are in so much pain, This sucks doesn;t it? I know what you mean about it all. I don't think it all has to do with the narcotics- it is just this new life we have been thrust into. I don't even feel like I know who I am anymore...ugh,.

    thanks for posting Kathy :)

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