I am sorry to say that my wonderful, generous, loving and supportive husband died by a self-inflicted gunshot wound on a few days ago on April 3rd.
The stress of my surgery and complications that followed, the stress of his own father's very recent sudden death, the stress of the economy and God knows what else--was just too much for him to endure in such a short time. I knew he was worried about me and getting depressed, but I didn't know he was at risk for suicide.
I was so wrapped up in my own pain and suffering the past four months that I could not tune in to his pain, and I did not think he was a risk. I thought he was a rock, stoic, unbeatable. I did not see that he desperately needed me to be more supportive for HIM. My surgery and the other stresses was tearing him up inside and he would not open up because he did not want to add to my pain and suffering.
The shock of losing this wonderful man after 27 years of marriage is nearly unbearable. But now I MUST heal. I must find even more deep reserves of strength--and I know that I will, to honor him. He so desperately needed me to heal and be happy again--and I will do whatever it takes to do it.
I write this to warn you that because YOU, as a "spiney," may be suffering, you may not see the warning signs of your loved one(s). That is NOT your fault. If you are suffering, you can not take on the suffering of another. So alert your friends and family to pay attention to your spouse, or children. Tell them that they may be needing more support than you!
God bless you all. Life is precious. Be strong, fight on.