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urgent, suicide alert!!!

DanaDDana Posts: 60
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:30 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
I am sorry to say that my wonderful, generous, loving and supportive husband died by a self-inflicted gunshot wound on a few days ago on April 3rd.
The stress of my surgery and complications that followed, the stress of his own father's very recent sudden death, the stress of the economy and God knows what else--was just too much for him to endure in such a short time. I knew he was worried about me and getting depressed, but I didn't know he was at risk for suicide.
I was so wrapped up in my own pain and suffering the past four months that I could not tune in to his pain, and I did not think he was a risk. I thought he was a rock, stoic, unbeatable. I did not see that he desperately needed me to be more supportive for HIM. My surgery and the other stresses was tearing him up inside and he would not open up because he did not want to add to my pain and suffering.
The shock of losing this wonderful man after 27 years of marriage is nearly unbearable. But now I MUST heal. I must find even more deep reserves of strength--and I know that I will, to honor him. He so desperately needed me to heal and be happy again--and I will do whatever it takes to do it.
I write this to warn you that because YOU, as a "spiney," may be suffering, you may not see the warning signs of your loved one(s). That is NOT your fault. If you are suffering, you can not take on the suffering of another. So alert your friends and family to pay attention to your spouse, or children. Tell them that they may be needing more support than you!
God bless you all. Life is precious. Be strong, fight on.


  • I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.
  • I am so sorry for your loss. This must be such an unbearable time as you have to deal with both emotional and physical pain all these time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please keep strong. Anytime you need to cry, vent, whatever emotions you have to deal, don't deal with it alone, we will support you all the way. God bless you and your family.
  • =((
    wow, Dana, I am sorry for your loss.
    On the sunny and mild Central Coast of California

    L4-L5 endoscopic transforaminal microdiscectomy June, 2007
    L5-S1 endoscopic transforaminal microdiscectomy May, 2008
  • I too am soooo sorry for your loss!!

    I know exactly what you mean about being so wrapped up in your own pain and almost forgetting what others may be going through, it is so hard not to.

    Again, sorry!

  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Husband. To cope with so much must be so hard for you. We're all here for you and you can borrow whatever strength I have to give to get you through these hard times.

  • Dana I am so so so very sorry for the loss of your husband, what you must be going through must be unbelieveable, I couldnt even begin to imagine.............you and your family are in my prayers, I am going to church later on today so I will put up a candle to Jesus for you all[there is a statue and people refer to in as the healing Jesus in our church and beside it a place where candles are placed.........I will place one for you all there.
  • Dana that must be so difficult for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Know that God has mercy on those who aren't well enough to handle this life. My condolences to you and his family at this trying time. God bless and keep you and yours. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • that anyone can say that truely make a difference at first but long term they may be of comfort. I am not a great believer in God, but I do send my love, and you should already know everyone on this site will be here for you when you need us. Ian
  • I am so sorry to read about your loss :( . Take one day at a time :? , be stongand stay strong O:) , i admire you for talking about this to us >:D< , because it can not be easy for you :) . Your an inspiration. O:)

    Angie xx >:D< :H
  • I am so sorry for your loss, it's truely a tragedy.... I remember all too well when I first had my 3 level fusion surgery, I saw my husband cry more than I've ever seen him cry, especially when he was watching me try to learn to walk. He would even leave the room cause he just couldn't handle it. He took two weeks off of work to be with me after I was finally home. I was in the hospital for 5 days, couldn't walk so they put me into a re-hab center for 7 days to learn to walk. Then I finally got to come home.

    He had a really hard time dealing with seeing me in so much pain. I know he was going into the bathroom to cry at times, cause he would be gone and come back with red eyes. He did a lot of praying for me during that time, but he really had to dig deep for strength, he loves me so much.

    I am so sorry, this has got to be so hard on you, not only the greiving, but your healing too.

    God bless you and give YOU strength. It's going to be so difficult for you to think about your health right now, but you've got to. Hope you have children and family to help you through all this.

    You take care...
  • i am sorry for you loss .as a family we have been through a suicide that came from out of the blue {it was my father in law} 6 years on and he is never far from our thoughts .i think that if you could interview all the families in the world you would fine that they all have problems .some worse than others .i myself am going through a very tough time {not illness related} .all i can say is my thought are genuinely with you and i wish you all the strength you need for you recovery both physically and mentally .all your friends are here for you at spine health.i have someone looking after me at the moment so i know that there is help out there .keep strong
  • I am so sorry for your loss. You are indeed very strong as it could not have been easy sharing this with us. God Bless you and your family. >:D<
  • Thank you for sharing. It must be very difficult for you but your words may help others and that is a great thing for you to do. We all need to remember that we do not suffer alone. All of our loved ones suffer with us and we need to make sure we pay attention. A great message for you to share at this incredibly difficult time.
  • I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I will pray for you.
  • I join with your other friends on the board in expressing my condolences and my sincere sympathy in the loss of your husband. May you find strength in the love and support of your friends and family.


  • God Bless you for sharing and thinking of others in this difficult time. Know that we will be thinking and praying for you.
  • I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. It's a very, very difficult thing to deal with and I'm proud that you have the strength and courage to post here.

    I know somewhat what you're going through, as my best friend and sister did the same thing six years ago.

    Surviving suicide is a journey and, although it's not one we would ever choose, it's a journey we must take and it's not an easy one - I pray for you to stay strong.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I'm sending hugs your way.

    We are all here for you any time you need us. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
  • thank you for taking the time to share with us something that must be completely heart shattering for you. We are all here for you , you do not have to travel this path alone....if there is anything that I can do for you then please just let me know....take care and I will be praying for you....Miki
  • Dana===You are a strong person to experience the loss of your loving husband AND reaching out to help others. That takes courage and strength. Thank you for sharing your story and your grace.

    Please come here for support.

    I'll be thinking and praying for you!
  • I am so very very sorry to hear of your loss. My husband died 1 1/2 years ago in a car accident. If you need to talk, PM me any time. I am always home and if you want, we can talk by phone also.

    I don;t know exactly what you are going through, but I do understand losing a husband, your life partner.

    PM anytime - my thoughts are prayers are with you.
  • There aren't enough words to express what you're going through and I am deeply sorry for the loss of your husband. It is courageous and brave of you to share this pain with others, and you also have the strength and foresight to warn people of this situation.

    Please believe in your heart of hearts that this isn't your fault and you didn't cause this to happen. I'm sorry that your husband wasn't able to reach out for help when he needed it so desperately- everything was pouncing on him at once and it is something that is too much for one person to bear. We all need help from someone because we can't face what this world throws at us by ourselves.

    I hope you have family and friends to stay with you during this difficult time because you need people around all the time now. I understand how stressful it is for my husband to care for me, work long hours with all kinds of pressure, take care of the kids, and worry about what the future holds for us. He likes to work out a lot and it's fine because he needs an outlet for his stress.

    Again, I am so sorry for your loss and you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. We're here for you whenever you need us and we're deeply saddened that this happened. I hope that one day you can attain inner peace. Take care
  • I am truly sorry for the loss of your husband. Thank you for sharing this with us, as we are here for you...If there is anything I can do, just let me know. My husband is going through a lot lately, and no one can seem to cheer him up. You have given me an inspiration to try to do anything I can for him now, as you have made me aware. God bless you, and you are in my prayers,
  • I am so sorry for your loss. The death of a loved one is painful enough & the added sorrow of suicide makes it that much harder. My brother committed suicide 4 yrs ago & my uncle before that. Please take care of yourself & know that you are in my thoughts & prayers.
  • Dear Dana,
    I am so sorry for you loss and also so amazed by your will to share this tragedy with us in hopes that it may help others. I pray that you don't feel this is your fault or that you were responsible in anyway. I can't imagine the hurt you are feeling...emotionally and physically at this time.

    Please know that I am just a PM away. It is so great to see the support of all us spiney's coming together in your time of need.

    My prayers are with you and your family.
  • Wow, what a terrible tragedy you are living through. I will surely be praying for you and his family through this rough time.

    Hang in there - God doesn't give us anything we can't get through. (even if we don't believe it at the time)

  • Dana, so sorry you have to go through such a huge loss on top of everything else. I wish you well in your trying times ahead, take care and may you be blessed with the strength and courage to get through this.

  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Dana, I'm so sorry for your loss. There's no words to express how much sympathy I have for you. May God bless you and your family. If you need to talk anytime PM me or just post. We'll all be here for you.

  • to post about this on the board to alert everyone to this issue. In some ways, our spouse does suffer with us and it's harder for them, cause they can't make the pain stop and all. We are all here for you and the many many good folks here are all thinking about you. You sound like you've made a sort of peace with yourself and that's so good right now. I hope you continue to heal and find relief here and with family.

    Hugs! Melisa
  • I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I can sympathise with you as we are in the same type of situation. I also have been suffering for 2 1/2 years and just had my surgery on Dec 11. I found out today that I might have a tear in the disc above my fusion and the news was very distrubing. I am so sorry for you and will pray to give you stregnth to carry on. I dont know the words that can help you at this time, but know that I am thinking of you and wishing you better days ahead. We lost my husbands brother on Easter last year, the same way. He had been dealing with cronic pain from an accident for 15 years. It is devastating to a family.I cant imagine what you are going through. God Bless you and your family.
  • I am so sorry for your lost. Please do not beat yourself up it is not your fault!! May you be strong and please talk or write about it too me when things happen it seems to help. We all are here for you. G-D Bless you and your loved ones
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