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I'm at it again

meydey321mmeydey321 Posts: 2,435
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:30 AM in Chronic Pain
Sorry guys for complaining again but I feel so bad that I don't know what else to do with myself. The pain has been so bad lately that all I do is lay in bed day and night because it hurts to do anything. My meds don't seem to help me much and I keep waking up throughout the night. I notice that whenever the pain goes up that I have a headache accompanying it. My lower back gives me agony and so does the nerve pain and muscle spasms. This isn't just affecting me- it's my husband and kids too and it's so unfair to them. I don't want to go anywhere anymore, I'd rather stay in bed instead of making things worse for myself. The car is no more than a torture device to me; I don't want to even enter it. I got a call from this scooter place saying I qualified and hell, I'm about to jump all over it. Walking is a problem and I need my cane at all times. Well, I'll stop whining for now. I guess I needed to get things off my chest.


  • Meydey that's great news about the job that means that someone will hire you when you're ready to work. Do you feel ready? Or maybe be only available 4-6 hours a day to work? I'm sorry you're having so much pain. I have percocet for BTP but it gives me a headache most times but it does get rid of the pain. I really have to be in bad pain to take it. Even a short walk may help you heal if you're able to everyday. I understand not wanting to go anywhere also my husband compares me to others going to plays and church or somewhere but I never go anywhere too. I think you need to have your pain controlled. Are you seeing pain management? Do you have pool therapy near you? I hear it's supposed to be effective. What are you thinking of doing, take the job? Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • i was asked once why i did not go to the mayo clinic for help seeing as i live in minnesota...hard to explain that the ride there would be unbelievable torture!-is it worth it for someone else to say there is nothing we can do for you?

    i through an odd twist of fate have found a glimmer of hope. perhaps some counseler to come in and talk to myself/the kids to deal with our issues.

    i have a small apt and do not need the cane at home unless pain is preventing me from standing upright. the cane is used more for shopping trips where carts are provided as i have yet to plan how to place walker on little cart... :?
    the walker i despise! but i need if i plan on walking through say dr office, or any where else that it isn't cool to hold onto the walls... #o
    am trying to wait on the scooter untill i can get it tricked out really cool!(actually gunna walk til i fall!)
    hang in there!
  • I want to comment on your post, but I need to log off as my pain is at a 10 right now.

    I will post a reply tomorrow and will keep you in my thoughts tonight.

    Hope the pain subsides real soon for you. Take it real easy, keep resting and please try not to feel guilty for being down. We just can't control the pain sometimes and if it's rest that you need... by all means, stay put.

  • Aw Meydey..You know that you shouldn't feel bad for sharing with us...but I think I understand.I'm actually feeling the same way...almost exactly the same way that you describe right now.It started getting worse last night and I can't get on top of the pain at all today.

    I dread going anywhere whenever I get like this,and tomorrow I'm going to the hospital for more x-rays.I've taken the MAX of my meds today (norco 10mg x6) with some,but not enough relief.Tuesday I see my PM Dr and I'm going to have to talk to him about this.

    Sorry for going on about myself in your thread.I really just wanted you to know that I understand,and can empathise with you--but I know that can't help your pain.I bet we all feel helpless on days like these.

    Birds of a feather.image
  • Hey meydey,
    So sorry about your unbearable pain. You have been through so much. Pain has a way of making people want to just disappear from the face of the earth. If you can muster up any strength at all to walk (if the doc says its okay for you), it will eventually help to release endorphins that help with depression. I have heard it helps strengthen the muscles that support the spine--so in the long run it helps with pain control. My son walks with me most of the time, and he is an inspiration. Sometimes I only walk a few minutes. But its okay, I am not competing with anyone ya know? So, one day at a time and one step at a time. Also, I noticed that you are on Motrin. Is there anything that you can take that is a stronger NSAID? I know you can't if you have recently had surgery. Anyway, take care meydey and hang in there my friend. You are not alone.
  • Hi Charry, what I meant to say was that I got a random call from a scooter company wanting to sell me one, and I was really thinking about it since walking is hard due to this pain. I've been going to pain mgt for over a year and I was given the option of a morphine pump trial. I hope this will work to get me on my feet more so I can try things like aquatherapy. I know how much you'd like to go out with your husband, and I hope someday you'll feel up to doing things again.

    Tammy, I'm sorry you're feeling real bad too and I hope the pain subsides for you soon. Please let us know how you're doing and try to hang on as best as you can.

    Robin, sorry you're going through a bad time too and I appreciate everyone replying even when they aren't doing well. It means a lot. I'm being careful not to go over my allowance of 6 percocets a day too. Maybe your doctor will try something else than Norco so that you'll get better BT pain relief.

    Ouch, I know walking is so important and it's sweet that your son goes along with you. I hear about people walking miles after surgery and I'm impressed. Everyone isn't the same but we do what we can and little things do count. I had my fusion last June so it's okay for me to take a stronger NSAID. I have taken naproxen and even toradol tablets, and the occasional medrol packs.

    I still feel crummy today, but reading your replies make me feel better inside. I cried yesterday, wishing that I could physically be the wife and mother I once was. I'll never take little things for granted like sitting down comfortably again. I have to believe that something out there will make life a little better for all of us, but for now we must hang on and do the best we can.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,877
    figure out what is happening. We can go through periods when we are dealing better with our situations, but then there are those times when our pain levels increase, our anxiety gets stronger, out patience dwindle and things look gloomy all over. Its like we just went into a tunnel and we can not see any light or figure out how to get out.

    Please, here, we dont need to apologize for making posts where we talk about some problems. Everyone understands the ups and downs we all go through.

    We are here for each other the best that we can. Sometimes, its not saying anything, sometimes, its a pep talk, sometimes its a lecture. Who knows. Over time, I think we all get to know each other to some extent. We know our styles, what we can say to one person but not another one. Its perfect, its human dynamics in play.

    Wishing you the best and hoping that your cloudy day soon turns to sunshine.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I guess I try to be stoic but don't quite pull it off. Sometimes I want to cry but nothing comes out, and when I don't want to, the tears start to flow.

    I don't know how you've done it all these years with all the surgeries you've gone through, but I know it's had to be faith, courage, and strength to carry you through the most difficult of times.

    I have learned so much since I've been here and I couldn't imagine dealing with these issues without all the friends at SH. Well, thankfully my appt's next week and I'm confident that my doctor will come up with something else to help me out. Til then I'll just hang in there.
  • i Carnot help you but i could have written your post .as i feel the same way ! things got so bad today that on a short drive to my mother in laws house i had to turn around and get back on my recliner and have been there ever since ..so your not on your own
  • I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad. I've done the turn around and head back to bed routine many times. It gets old, doesn't it? Well, I hope your pain subsides so that you can do a few things you enjoy. I'm always happy to have friends who can relate and it does help to know you aren't the only one dealing with this suffering. Take care buddy..
  • Lost my reply, power went out, L)

    I suceeded today! I left work early, drove home, took meds and managed to cry till they took the edge off. I just could not think of a reason not to!

    I suspect if I quit working I would not be in so much pain. The having to work on a schedule in pain is just kicking my behind.

    I hope the rest of us and I get a better day tomorrow!

    This sucks...
  • is sometimes the only thing that helps! put in your favorite sad movie, grab the box of tissues, shut the door, and let it all out! >:D<
  • There once was a girl from the Midwest,
    Who cried to get things off her chest.
    Then she held in her whine,
    And told everyone she was fine,
    But kept looking for answers in her quest.

    OK, so this is a drug induced limrick I just made up and it's not meant to diminish or dismiss your issues, but it describes how I feel. It's good to cry and whine sometimes, but in the end, you've got to pull yourself up(sometimes literally) and keep on keeping on. If you don't find help for yourself, no one else will. Sometimes I feel so guilty about being the one who holds everyone else back(hubby and kids) but have to kick myself in the butt and remember that they love me and want me no matter what.

    I noticed in your meds that you are on Cymbalta. Were you put on this for depression or nerve pain or both? I ask because personally, Cymbalta didn't do anything for my nerve pain and it gave me wicked headaches. If you don't feel that it is helping your nerve pain or depression, you might ask your doc about a different anti-depressant. In my opinion, I think that counseling goes hand in hand with an anti-depressant. Does your workplace or hubby's offer EAP services(employee assistance program?) Mine does-it's a group of counselors that provide 6 free sessions to employees. Completely confidential. Also, it is 6 free sessions per problem. So, I go. My hubby and I went jointly for marriage counseling after my 1st surgery(fusion.) Having someone professional to talk to has really helped my sanity(or lack thereof.)

    When my pain flares up, I also get headaches. I was admitted for a pain flare up and had a wicked headache that the admitting doc attributed directly to the stress of surgeries and and chronic pain.

    My limrick might be poor, but my point is maybe you need a different anti-depressant and also counseling. It is normal among spineys to go through this, too, you are NOT alone.

    Refresh my memory, please. How long has it been since your fusion? You need some better pain control!

  • Sorry, I just flipped thru my PM's to refresh my memory. Once again, this stuff has been going on too long for you. You should be better, I would think. If I were you, I'd really go for another opinion in another surgeon's practice not affiliated with what you've already seen. Even if someone just wants to open you up and explore the fusion mess, if it were me, I'd jump at it. Got to think about quality of life even if they are telling you it's just scar tissue. Maybe it's not and maybe upon direct visualization the surgeon can see the things not able to be seen on CT and MRI. I'm sure you have some degree of scar tissue, how can we not???? But that may not be your only issue and you want to be sure before someone tries to convince you to do a SCS or just take more meds or labels you with Failed Back Surgery Syndrome(which is not technically a diagnosis, just a descriptor saying you hurt and they don't know why.)

    In addition, I've become a firm believer in scar tissue massage with a manual release technique NOT the metal instruments. Even my work comp nurse can see the difference in my back muscles/skin/scar and the movement. I have less spasms and pain which I believe is in part due to the PT doing these treatments. Is this an option for you?

    Feel free to PM me again if you need a friend.

  • My PM doctor switched me from Neurontin to Cymbalta for nerve pain because I couldn't stand the side effects (I felt like a robot- totally disconnected). It was helpful and I admit it improved my mood. I've been feeling down lately because of all the pain, and I'm sure it's a situational thing and not major depression. Emotionally, I am better today; we all have our good days where we cope with whatever life hurls at us, and bad days where we cry at the drop of a hat. I have to stay strong for my family because by doing so it holds things together and I have my kids to think about who don't need to see me fall apart.

    Well, my TLIF was last June so I'm close to hitting the one year mark. It's been 5 months since I last saw my surgeon and we have a lot to cover when I go back on Friday. My PM doctor said the scar tissue is moderately compressing the nerve and believes that it's causing all the problems. He mentioned that I might even need surgery but didn't specify as to what type. I already had an ESI which didn't help, and they are wanting to start a pump trial too. I am looking forward to what my surgeon has to say and we had already discussed doing the implantation surgery if the trial goes well. Yup, there's a lot going on.

    Oh Wrambler, I'm sorry you have to suffer during the day like that and I admire you for going to work everyday putting up with the pain. I know all about waiting in agony for your pain meds to kick in. I hope you feel a bit more relief now.

    Hi Hopeless, your idea sounds good and there is no better emotional purge like a tear jerker movie. Mine was Titanic, The War at Home (indie movie), Saving Private Ryan, and many others I can't recall right now.

    PS That was a cute limrick Angie; the only one I know is "there was a young lady from Nantucket.." :D
  • i have been under a considerable amount of domestic stress lately {my good friend Michelle {Ming} has been helping me out god bless her as i know she has problems of her own .and i think when you have a long term progressive illness and you dont sleep too well the slightest change in your situation can be traumatic .unlike well people ...i think that we take a lot longer to stabilise .last night when i was woken for my 3 am feed {cup of tea and some more pain killers!} i sat there watching re runs of jeremy kyle .{for the uninitiated he is a UK talk show host a bit like Jerry springer} so there i am watching this tosh and crying at the slightest thing ! its cold outside i am trying to quit smoking so every time i have one i hate my self even more .every day i tel myself right .things will be different today but because i dont sleep too well i spend the early to mid morning sleeping on my recliner so by 11.30am i feel like i have just woken up and feel grotty and just carnt be bothered doing anything ,even going for a shower is a trauma {please dont get me wrong i am not a dirt person in fact i am ridiculously clean i hate to be dirty} but having a shower is about all i will manage today then its back on the recliner and that's it .because i just carnt be bothered doing anything that will make me hurt any more than i already do ..last week i did not leave my home in fact i slept and showered and lay in my chair all week that's all i did .looks like i will be doing the same this week too ....o the joy..!! love to all my friend in pain .i never stop thinking about you ,,
  • Last night only because no one was home to see me!

    Not enough time to get a good depressing movie in. :''(

    I come to work because I don't know how to stop at this point? I stayed with it through all the worst of it, coming back after every surgery. Now I would just be a quitter.

    Does that make any sense at all? :?

    Is anyone elses day better? mine is ever so slightly better.
    I suspect it will not last long enough to get me home tonight.
    I feel the pain winning the battle, again. It is ever so much worse since the SCS trial...I suspect the nerves did not like the pulsing and are angry. If, I could/can just get to the permanent version, I think things will be OK.

    Standby for lots of whining till I get there L)

  • i saw him on tv last night and that started me off poor man .
  • Straker, the comment you made about showering being a big chore is so true. I thought I was the only one and that I was being lazy. I'm ashamed to admit I've gone a couple days without one because of the pain. I don't want to bother my husband due to his hurt shoulder and long hours at work. I too have woken up like clockwork around 3 in the morning to take meds and think about how it sucks to lay in the dark waiting for the pain to go down. 3 am tea sounds good, and I do like tea with milk even though I'm from the US.

    Wrambler, even if you were to retire, that wouldn't make you a quitter. You are a fighter and I know you'll do whatever it takes to get better. I hope the stim works great for you so that you stay at your job, and you won't collapse from pain at the end of the day anymore.

    I like The Beast too, and I feel sorry for Patrick Swayze too. He is so talented and it's sad to see him so sick like that.
  • I wanted to stop back now that I am home and let you know, no tears tonight! No ones home either! All to myself :D I guess if yesterday was an 8 out of 10 today must be a 7 #:S Not a big improvement, no tears though!

    How are you doing now?

    Personally I have an issue with Patrick, Mel Gibson and the dude from "footloose". My wife has a thing for all of them =P~ Particularly Mels tooshie in that cop movie I also can't remember the name of :?

    I do not know what they have over me :B
  • I'm glad your feeling a bit better and the tears have gone away for now. Pain level of 7 is still bad and I hope it subsides some more. Well, I had to go in for lateral x-rays of the lumbar spine today and the hard table you have to lay on is a real pain in the a$$-literally. I had to be pick up off of there, and now I'm in bed icing my back once more. I'm doing good in the mental department; I'm back to my laid back personality that keeps things in stride. For now.

    PS Tango and Cash is the movie you're talking about. Don't worry Wrambler, I bet you're a hell of a lot smarter than all those actors combined. ;)
  • Hey, glad you liked my limerick! I get really creative on meds.

    Sorry the ESI didn't work, but do you realize that a selective nerve root sleeve injection is totally separate thing? They inject a specific nerve root(say like L5 is your big toe hurts) in your back to see if a specific nerve is being compressed. You might ask your doctor about this Friday! Good luck, keep us posted.
  • But it's better than 8 ! Not a lot, but...somedays we have to take what we can get.

    I'm sorry you had to lay on one of those tables, I do so hate those things. I sure do hope the ice helps!

    I sure hope the (insert expletive here) insurance company approves my implant soon. My patience is wearing thin. I do not really want to quit. I am somewhat afraid of how I will fare if I admit to myself this is all real. I kind of keep pretending that it is all temporary and it will go away, :$ don't tell me I need to keep it a secret from me...
  • tango and cash had stallone and kurt russel,wrambler is thinking of either tequilla sunrise, or lethal weapon.

    wrambler...i'm sure that you have other qualities that these actors will never have! i personally love your sense of humour!

    glad to see you back!....all of us!
  • It was Lethal Weapon 2 ! Mel walks naked away from the camera in one scene in the rv trailer he lives in on the beach!
  • i know my tushies! =)) image:)" alt=">:)" height="20" /> =)) =)) :D
  • Wrambler, too bad those $^&#*$& insurance companies like drag their tails. I hope they don't take too long because you really need the stim to help you feel better. Anyway, I hope the pain goes down some more.

    Hi Angie, I'll be sure to mention that at my appt. No one has recommended that nerve block to me before. Have you had it done too?

    Hopeless-in-mn, my bad- I got the movies mixed up. 8}
  • Just realized there was a message on our answering machine!

    I'll post down in Treatments in a few minutes. Can't believe I sat here for 5.5 hrs and never noticed the flashing light!
  • there was a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!
    ---they just changed the color on ya!!! #o =D> :D >:D<
  • I was hoping to have replied by now, but I had "one of those weeks".

    How was your week, Meydey (and any others who would like to reply)? I know last weekend was a tough one for you and I have kept you in my thoughts and prayers. Dealing with chronic pain is one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced. I have always been a very sympathetic person to those in my life who have been faced with daily pain, but until you experience it yourself... you can't comprehend how much it affects you physically and mentally.

    Because my chronic back pain is the result of an accident, I had no time to prepare for this kind of life change. I went from having a wonderful marriage and life... to being bed-ridden in a matter of seconds. What my husband and family have had to deal with, makes me really sad. When I fell to the ground, I was not breathing and my husband had to keep me going until the paramedics arrived. My 9 year old daughter witnessed everything and I was talking to my 15 year old son on my cell phone when I fell. My son heard everything on the phone and couldn't do a thing. It took a while for my daughter to get rid of her fears, in addition to my son. My hubby wasn't able to talk about it for quite some time and to be honest... I really didn't want to hear all of the details for a while. We are now able to talk about it, which is good.

    Last week, I had two appointments... one with my neurosurgeon and one with my pain medicine doctor. The visit with my neurosurgeon went well, with the exception of him wanting me to stop my aquatic physical therapy for about 3 weeks. I have had a total of 11 PT sessions and although I enjoyed getting out of the house and in the water... I was unbearably sore after each session. My mind-set was "no pain, no gain", so I didn't really complain? My surgeon said I should not be feeling as sore as I was after the sessions and wants me to take a break for a while. He is very pleased with my progress and said it is not necessary to push myself like I was doing. I need to get to the point of "wanting" to go and my thoughts of "no pain no gain" does not apply to the healing process with my back. The pain management appointment went well, too. They switched me to Flexeril instead of Skelaxin and I have noticed a HUGE improvement with my muscles. I am also taking Lexapro now, too.

    Trying to find coping methods is sometimes very hard to do when my pain is off the scale. I know you can relate. There are times I feel like crying, but I can't because my little girl is home and I don't want to upset her. The same applies with my sweet hubby. He has been my "rock" throughout this whole ordeal and I don't want to put him through any more grief. Yes, there are times where I just can't fight back the tears... but his tears are the ones that really get to me when I break down. He has expressed feeling like he could have prevented my fall and that makes me feel terrible. We have a counseling session set up next month and I know it will help him to vent. He is amazing and I don't know what I would do without him.

    I take each day as it comes and I am making great progress. It doesn't look like I'll need any more surgeries, but if I do... I will do whatever is needed.

    I am pretty much out of my TSLO brace with the exception of any outings or car rides. Because I was in the brace for 3 1/2 months... it's going to take a long time to strengthen my abdominal muscles and back muscles. I have been doing the low impact PT exercises each day. On bad days I do them while laying in bed. Anything I can do to help speed things along, makes me feel better.

    Goodness... I have rattled on and on. LOL!

    I hope you had a good day today and everyone else.

    Take good care and thanks so much for everyone's encouraging words. They mean so much. :)


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