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What are you angry at?

dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,875
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:30 AM in Depression and Coping
After dealing with chronic pain for a while it is easy to see how sufferers can start to loose their patience and take a cynical look at so many things.
Angry being the opposite of Happy is a powerful emotion. Some may use it as a defense mechanism, some may use it because they want to lash out at others, still others may feel this way out of pure frustration.

I believe anyone that has suffered for a while understand this and also that at one or more times directed this anger to loved ones.

Emotions are so very strong... Positive or Negative. I do believe though it is so important to allow those emotions to come out. Keeping them inside does not do any good and I think that it just stores up those feelings to be let out at another time.

So what are we really angry about?
Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com


  • Great post to start Ron...I'm gonna stay out of this one but I cant wait to read all the responses.. Patsy(crying)
  • Good question Ron. I could write a novel here, but I'll stick with just a couple of things.

    1. I'm angry that my kids don't have a vivacious energetic mom who can play softball with them on a sunny Sunday afternoon as we once did. Angry that I spend more time laying down than caring and nurturing them.

    2. Angry that because of my loss of income, our finances are down the drain and there isn't anything I can do about it.

    3. Angry that when I had the whole world at my fingertips, career going well, family doing well, marriage great, etc. I was hit with a mac truck and everything came tumbling down

    But the flipside...
    I am thankful for a husband who understands and never complains.
    thankful for beautiful responsible children who seem to be growing up just fine.
    Thankful to be walking rather than sitting in a wheelchair
    Thankful for this site who gives me free psychological counseling.

    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • I find that the anger I entertain from time to time, is directed at myself and not my situation or others. I get angry at the way I do or do not deal with certain situations or individuals.

  • but the thing I can say that bothers me the most is not really that Iam angry but more frustrated that I can not do the things I used to do. I loved to be active and do alot of work outside and now Iam unable to do that. With Spring in the air it is even harder.With my being unable to work my husband works 2 jobs plus having to pick up all of the outside chores that I used to do, it is frutrating to me and makes me feel uselesss at times.
  • i am angry that although i can feel my body slowly failing me, there is nothing i can do to stop it much less quantify it on a test...nurses, doctors, ect, see the pain, problems walking; but i maintain reflexes.

    i am angry that after working for 20 years through both physical and emotional pain, when i finally admit to myself that ok its been almost 2 years now and 2 spine doctors re saying there is nothing they can do for me i just need to learn to "deal with it". "have weight loss surgery". and to call them if i develope CES.--ssdi denies me again!

    i am angry that it took a year and a half for a doctor to find a nerve pain med to help me lose weight not gain!

    i am angry that to find out why a surgeon won't talk to me when i'm in the hospital, i have to make an a clinic appointment with him so the jack a can get paid again!

    most of all i am angry because i believe that my children deserve better than this.
  • I am angry because I am 28 and disabled.
    I am angry because every day i go to work, I am Made fun of because of my limp.
    I am angry that my boyfriend left me because of my injury (it's been a year...I'm still mad).
    I am angry that my Dr only gives me pain meds and will not try anything else, even referals or injections.
    I am angry that I can't get a new Dr (canada-major shortage).
    I am angry that I have to put so much on my boys, they are 9 and 11, without them I'd be emotionally and physically lost.
    I am angry that my Dr won't consider me for a handicap parking "thing"(sorry the word escapes me right now) because I can walk 50', with a cane, in about an hour.
    I am angry that WCB ignores me.
    I am angry that I can't garden without hurting soooo bad the next day.
    I am angry that I can't be the Mom i once was.

    I hope that I can deal with this anger soon.
  • I am angry at Ron for starting this post.

    Now I am trying to figure out what all I am really angry at?

    Stupid post anyway..... :?

  • The Social Security Dept. I hate all the red tape, and I hate that people that really need it get denied. I realize you have to weed out the ones that don't need it. I think that they should have a shorter way to get to an appeal. There must be another way to do this. I guess its not worth getting angry at but as i have been without income for 8 months and have been denied everything I have ever applied for. I hate that my husband has had to have the burden of all the finances. I am angry that I can't even as much as send money to my son in college. He at 18 has paid his way through college all by himself. It just makes me feel so bad that I can't help him. I am very happy that I have a wonderful family and thank God for them.. I continue to pray and thank God for the good, the bad and the ugly, I just get so confused about his answers at times.
  • The fact it took this ACDF to get me to quit smoking after 33 years and I'm only 46 years old. Despite the fact I have wonderful wife and three great kids, I never quit. :( Despite the fact that I'm a cancer survivor for 16 years, I never quit. :S It took the Neurosurgeon to tell me if I didn't quit, my bones had much less chance of fusion to make me quit .

    (So in a way, My ACDF was a blessing because I haven't smoked for almost a month now. :| )
  • at the man who hit me with his truck and changed my life forever. I never got so much as "I'm sorry" or "I apologize for my negligence." Some days I really hate him and then I think of people so much worse off than me. I ask questions of God, but get no answers.
  • If one more person tries to console me with "Well, I know a friend of a friend and at least you're not paralyzed" I swear I am going to pop them in the face; I realize it could be worse, but that doesn't take away from the feeling that I am scared and in a lot of pain and maybe I just need a Godda*n hug and a "I'm sorry you are going through this." Why is it so hard for people to just LISTEN?!?!
  • There, There,


    Tell us all about it We're sorry you are going through this.

    But, we do have thie friend who has...

    Oh, I just wanted to add, you have no idea how hard it is to type while this trashed on Ambien,desipramine,Neurontin,Norco. bedtime meds don't you know
  • Let me see...what makes me angry:

    A.I.G., OctoMom :sick:, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Bernie Madoff any money-loving greedy clueless CEO with a golden parachute, the damn economy, bad drivers, raised toilet seats, slow chatty cashiers.....I know, I'm a bit off topic but it aggravates the crap outta me and it transforms into more back pain. ~X(

    Seriously, a lot of the same things that make me sad also angers me:

    -My kids miss out on a lot due to my pain. The last 2 summers sucked for them because I had summertime surgeries

    -I can't do anything without it hurting me

    -I can't help my mom out like I'd like to; I should be taking care of her and not vice versa

    -Monotonous days and sleepless nights

    -Boredom; everbody's got a life except me

    -Reruns; I've just about watched every show on tv because there's not much to do

    -My couch because it's uncomfortable on my back and I don't hardly sit anymore

    -My weight gain

    -I've let my looks go. I'm a hunchback beauty now

    -I can't make it to school functions like other parents

    -Long waiting times at doctor's offices. It adds to my misery

    -I can't keep up with the house cleaning. I was a perfectionist

    -The thousands of dollars in medical bills

    -Falling in a doughnut hole because of over priced meds

    -The stairs in my home

    -I feel like I'm old before my time

    I guess I'll stop now. It does feel good to get this off my chest and I want to thank Papa Ron for this therapeutic topic. I do find that having a sense of humor is essential in dealing with anger. Hell, we gotta laugh about something, right? :D

  • I am angry at myself for not paying better attention to where I was walking when I hurt my back. Now I don't feel as though Icanbe the BF that I need or want to be to my girl. And I am mad at all the people who think that I am a total invalid or totally paralyzled. Just let me find out on m yown what I can and can't do and stop trying to pitty me! If I want or need help I WILL ask for it i promise you that. good post and thanks for starting it dilauro!

  • hundreds of trigger point injections and ESI's and facet joint injections. I'm angry that I didn't get a microdiscectomy right away to relieve me of this pain so I could go back to my life. I'm angry I gained so much weight being on lyrica and pain meds that don't take away the pain completely. I'm angry my family never calls or send a get well card. I'm angry that I had so much problems with my Dr getting me referrals or even the MRI to begin with. Thanks for letting me vent. But I'm happy I'm feeling much better. aometimes we don't know why but it's great to feel just a little better. It's also hard to be mad when the nice weather is coming, birds chirpy, squirrels running in the backyard. I'm learning to be thankful for alot of things after being so angry initially. 'With wisdom comes much suffering'. Quote-the Bible. Have a nice day everyone. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I think anger is misplaced fear for the most part.Think of all the things you are angry about,and I bet there is a lot of fear and pain there at the head.

    I'm afraid that I may have missed my calling-lol.

    Seriously though,I'm fearful of many things,but right this minute I don't feel any anger...but then,Michaels not home from work yet either...lmao

  • I think I am more sad because I know that the life I knew will never be again. It's hard to let go of the things one is familiar with. It is so much more comfortable with what I know instead of learning to do things in a different way, but like everyone else, I will get up and try and make it through another day and make it the best day I can. For every day I am given I will try to find something to be thankful for and remember to count my blessings. :)

  • Having a sense of humor can be great therapy.

    BTW~You fib,You said everyone else has a life except you..and um...I do NOT!

    And as for reruns,I can MOUTH most Frasier & Golden Girls episodes.

    I AM old before MY time.

    Still-no anger.One day I'm gonna blow.... :))(
  • Anger is like gas...it hurts to hold it in and it's hard to, no matter how hard you clench your butt cheeks together. :))( They say it's not good to bottle it up..better out than in...let it RIP =)) That's how you spell relief and it feels good to be rid of it <:P Besides, if you hold anger in it can cause health problems. It is good to have a way to vent it in constructive ways. We can't exercise but having a hobby and even expressing your feelings here is beneficial. I hope you all will pardon my quirky sense of humor, thanks O:)
  • I agree with you totally on being angry about not being able to do the things we used to do so easily. I get so mad and frustrated when I can not keep my house up and when I can not go out and have fun with my guy. We tried dinner out last night and it wore me out and I was in so much pain until we got home it only upset me more.
    Today I was lucky to get a post from a young lady with many more problems then me and she told me I need to remember I had a major surgery and need time to recover. Her words helped alot and perked me up for today at least.
    Always available to chat.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,875
    I realize that I started this thread to find out what people were angry at.
    There is no question, that anyone dealing with Chronic Pain, Anyone dealing with the lact of compassion from your doctor or the lack of understand from your loved one ... Has a lot of built in anger for so many different reasons.
    On the flip side of this, can we take the anger we have and redirect it in a more possible way?
    Can we take that negative and change it to positive.

    There are always a few known facts, so lets skip these for a minute.

    - There are good doctors and their are bad doctors
    - Not being able to isolate your medical problem
    - Everyone handles anger differently, some keep int inside and others let it ou.

    I just want to see what is causing some much pain and anger ans how we can turn into better things
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I honestly do think we can,but it's not always easy and it usually requires some deep introspection.

    Lack of compassion or understanding from Drs.,and people we care about does not instill anger in me.When people in the world dismiss me I can handle that without difficulty,but whenever people I care about dismiss me it hurts deeply.I live my life in a good way,and I've overcome many obstacles along the way.So whenever someone who knows me is disrespectful,I cannot allow them close again without a sincere apology..because I deserve to be treated with respect--from people who KNOW me...and they should know better,otherwise they don't really know me at all.And if that were the case,they could not have hurt me.

    Respect is the only real rule in my life.Whenever people have respect for themselves and those around them it just becomes a lot harder to get or be hurt.

    Whenever it does happen that a person angers me,I reflect on it and almost always there was something that I could have done differently--it almost always takes thought and effort to understand all sides of a situation so that I can learn from it.

    And I have my bad days too-so I am responsible for some of my own making,but I try.Also I try not to sweat the small stuff anymore.
  • See Meydey,this is exactly why I keep gas x in the house.I'm tellin' ya-it's gonna blow!



    ok now
  • I am only angry at one thing - all be it a very large thing...........insurance companies that cover injured workers. I have waited so long for anything that remotely offers relief. Two long years of waiting and doing the same procedures, meds, and therapies over and over that never worked. Two years of waiting for work comp to approve my SCS when they finally had no other choice thanks to the court system. Im angry that no one would listen and have now suffered permanent nerve damage. Im angry that most likely I could have recovered and been back to work a very long time ago had they just listened to their doctors. Im angry at their lack of caring and concern. Im angry that there stalling forced me to live on $278/week. Im angry that I have listened to their lies for the last 3 months and was denied much needed psychological treatment. Im angry at the panic, anxiety, depression, and stress they have added to me unnecessarily. Im angry that I have had to adjust to a "new" normal life............well still adjusting to a new normal. I try so hard to remain positive - before my injury I could find a positive in every negative -- sometimes now it is a struggle to find that. Hopefully, that will be changing soon to where I will again find positives everywhere I look.

    And hopefully I can get rid of some of this anger soon.

  • I agree with so many of the already mentioned reasons you have already brought to light.

    I am angry that the Drs. didn't pay attention to my symptoms to begin with so I might have been treated properly beforehand. Mostly I'm really angry at myself for not paying attention, being more pro-active about my own symptoms and health. If I had done so, I could have asked questions, tests, answers, sooner.

    Coulda, woulda, shoulda.....oh well!

    However, I agree with Froggal about being sad.....I'm really sad that I have had to give up my "old" self. I really miss me!! I'm very sad for my family as they are sad for me, miss me too, and they suffer too because I can't do what I use to do. There are many more reasons to be sad than angry. But time to move on....LOL

    I am thankful for what I have, can do, and when I am angry and/or sad I try to put things into perspective and move forward. Most days I can, as you all do, but sometimes it is hard, even when we know it could be worse we have to mourn our hard times. old life, the losses.....that is when we look on here for the friendship, compassion, and understanding from those that can understand the emotional roller coaster we live.

    I do wish we didn't need SH for the reasons we do. But I'm glad we have SH to share our good days, bad days, pain, and happiness. Thanks to all SH friends here everyday!


  • That I can no longer see the good things, my wife told me that today. I am angry that she is right, she can list them. I can see them, yet they are hollow victories of some other man. I am so angry that tomorrow I am going to contact my PCP and ask him if he can prescribe me valium to last until the surgery for the SCS before I lose my cool in the wrong place at the wrong time. If my PCP tells me no I will contact my Shrink. If he says no then I will of at least wasted several days trying!

    I only need to calm down till next Monday. then I think I will get started on the rest of my life. I hope!
  • At my anger, it all consumes, it leaves me a shell spouting swear words, cursing at inanimate opbjects. It has my blood pressure high, it has me stress rocking my workd, worried about everything, it has my sleep time spent tossinf and turning.

    I am angry that my anger has suceeded in making a bad time for me become worse.
  • Of frustration at being denied surgery that hopefully will keep me a chance to stay out of that darn wheelchair. The anger at playing political games in order to hopefully get any further treatment or w/c funded.I'm mad at myself for not being able to remember what its like to be able to walk, remember the happy funny "good-worker" I used to be. Most of all I'm angry that my life is so different, my independence is so much less.
    Wow, never knew I was so angry-kinda like the feeling as now it can be used to fuel improvements in my life. My mouth still works, can tell the people I love and respect the value they give me-must admit doing a bit of the crying stuff as well
    Thought provoking stuff-Thank you, Hugs n' Loves Paula
  • However I do have my days. I guess I would say I'm angry or maybe sad when I manage to work all day but then only spend a few minutes in the garden before my new limitations keep me from doing what I love. I was always taught that if you want something bad enough you can make it happen. Maybe that is true to a point but there are some things that just will never come easy again for me. Maybe I'm just angry that I never can just forget that I had surgery on my neck and that I have a lot of other spinal issues. I have to take this into consideration each time I make a choice to do something active.

    I always have one thing that keeps me going (I know how lucky I am), because even on my worst day, there is someone out there who has more pain, or feels worse or is less able to do something they want to do. Someone who would be happy to trade with me, so what right do I have to be angry? This really hits close to home because I have a SIL who has RSD and is in a wheel chair. Not only is she is worse physical shape then me, she is also about 10 years younger. When I want to moan about how I feel, I think of her and know that I really don't have it that bad at all. I can drive, I can work, I can walk upstairs (not always much fun). I can go out with my husband (sometimes I'm witchy if I don't feel good, but he loves me anyway). I can spend time with my kids. I can spend time gardening. Guess I'm not angry after all.
  • I think I'm just tired of being in pain. I've had two surgeries, one less than a year after the first and soon it will be a year out from the last one. I'm just so tired of hurting. I take the meds to help with the pain and it kills my stomach. I'm thankful that I'm not in a wheelchair or paralyzed but the pain just gets too you after awhile. I would give anything for just one pain free day.

    God Bless,
    Christina >:D<
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