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NOW I know pain

griffggriff Posts: 496
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:30 AM in Depression and Coping
Sunday my daughter tried to commit suicide.

I got a call from her friend telling me that she had been taken to the hospital. I packed a small bag and my husband drove me the 12 hours to her city. On the way I found out that she was on a breathing tube because she had gone into respitory arrest. The nurse asked me what to do if she coded. I told him to do whatever it took to keep her alive until I arrived.

She survived and is now in a treatment facility. I'm staying here, seeing her as visiting hours allow and trying to get her things in order so she doesn't lose her job, her new apartment, everything she's worked so hard for.

My strength is waning and I hurt like I have never hurt before, both physically and emotionally. I'm not looking for sympathy or comments really, I just had to let this out. I haven't been on the computer until now and probably won't again for a few days. I simply don't have the energy.

That is a phone call I never wanted to get. I don't think I'll ever forget that moment.



  • My heartfelt sympathy to you in order to help you recharge and find the strength with which to manage through this. It's awesome that your daughter has survived this and know that in time it will only make her stronger!

    I'm glad you posted. People here do care.

  • i have 3 daughters i can not start to feel your pain,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,hugs to you and your daughter .jan x
  • Griff~You are such a strong woman,and I know how strong a person has to be in order to open up as you have,and share your thoughts here with us.

    I am very sincere whenever I say that my thoughts and prayers are with you right now.This is not me trying to give sympathy,as I myself do not like sympathy-but more like I'm trying to send some energy-good energy-your way.

    Peace be with you.
  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    My heart goes out to you and your daughter. From what I have gathered here is that you are a very strong person and I am sure you have brought up your daughter with similar attributes. None of us ever know what we may face down the road of life. I just hope for the best for you and your family!
    Take care,
  • I am so sorry to hear of this, I don't have words to express how sorry I am that you have this to deal with.
    I am very glad that she is getting the help she needs.

    Stay strong, do the best you can, we can't do any better than our best.
  • What a horrible thing to go through. I'm sorry for your pain, as well as your whole family.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  • It is certainly a terrible phone call to get. I wish she has a complete healing. I will say prayers for her. My brother tried to do the same thing 25 years ago but he's completely healed now. My heart is broken for her. God bless you and yours. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I just got to go online, stay strong and i hope the best for you and yours in this trial. ime here for ya mama!
    hugs like crazy, K!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I am so sorry. This has to be a really hard thing for your family, but I am proud of you for standing by her and being there to help her. The pain must be almost unbearable. Please let me know if I can help in any way. I have 4 daughters and a son, and seeing them go through trials is hard, I can't imagine what you must be feeling!

    Remember to take care of yourself through all of this. If you are like me, you carry your stress in your neck and shoulders, and that is exactly what you don't need to be doing with all that you have going on in your neck. But I don't need ot remind you of this, you are a pro at dealing with neck stuff by now!

    Remember I'm here for you like you've been for me through the years.

    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • I can't begin to understand the pain you must be feeling. I have 2 daughters and one son and it is so difficult to see them going through their trials in this life. Please take care of yourself!
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,848
    this one.
    No words can describe the pain you are feeling now.
    Like you, I've always dreaded those certain phone calls.
    Hope and prayers to all in your family
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Griff,
    You are in our thoughts and prayers. Wishing you and your family well.

  • Griff there is just not much i can say. I feel so bad for you and your daughter and can't imagine the pain you are feeling at this time. I'm so happy that she made it through and is getting the help that is needed. Take care and sending positives vibes your way.
  • I am so sorry. I'll be thinking of you and your daughter and keep you in my prayers.
  • im lost for words....but just to let you know im thinking off you and i shall light a candle for your daughter today in church.
    she has came throught the other side here so that means god is on her side and she got another chance.
    love her nuture her do what ever is possible to prove to her she is loved by all around here especially her mothers love.............an undying love that we all share with our children.
    good wishes going your way griff and ill be thinking of you and your family.

    LOVE P
  • I'm back home now, with great reluctance. My daughter is stable and in a program that is right for her to teach her how to learn the warning signs and lead a happier life. I'm very proud of her, as strange as it sounds, and know that she will work hard to achieve that freedom that she deserves.

    This event has made me realize that I need to focus differently and probably need to back off the board for awhile. I'm emotionally drained and feel that I don't have much to offer right now. I know I'll be back and will read posts from time to time but selfish me has to give my soul to my family at this point in time.

    Again, thanks to all of you who responded. it made me feel good to read your kind words.

  • I'm sure I can speak for many, if not all, of us would of course want you to spend more time with family. I hope you continue to heal after your surgery and wish you all the best. We'll be here if you need another prayer for family. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I'm not good with words at times like these, but your in my prayers.
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    I am so sorry for you! My brother just got the same call. One of my twin nieces did the same on Easter eve. There were no warning signs. Not even her twin sister knew that this was brewing.
    Please don't try to blame yourself or anyone else. Just be there for her and thank God she didn't succeed.
    Good luck, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • My daughter is doing well. She's working in her mental heath out-patient program as well as doing individual counseling and seeing a psychiatrist. She's taking more time off work than planned; she feels like she's just not ready to go back quite yet and her employer is very understanding. Luckily she has short term disability that covers mental health so she isn't worried financially.

    I plan on going back to see her as soon as I am able. I have many, many doctor visits coming up and various tests as well so it may not be as soon as I'd like. We speak every day and this has made our close relationship even closer. I still worry 24/7 and don't know if that will ever stop but I'm so proud that she's doing everything that she can to get healthy.

    Every visit to my therapist I am asked if I have had thoughts about suicide (I had thought about it seriously at one point). After getting back from my daughters she asked me and my answer was "I think about it constantly! I realize, though, after what I've been through with my daughter that I could never do that to the people I love no matter what my situation was. I will live my life in terrible suffering if necessary to spare my loved ones the pain of hearing that I had taken, or attempted to take my own life." That phone call was the singular most painful event in my life and one that I will never recover from, even though my daughter is doing well now.

    I'm rather astounded at the closing of the thread about suicide, especially given the link with chronic pain. There is so much for all of us to learn from discussing suicide and not making it such a taboo subject. We are adults here and, while I agree that it is a subject that needs to be handled with care, I have to remind you that there are many, many sites that make suicide "ideas" easy and accessible to anyone with internet access. We can (and should) advocate for the treatment of depression and lead those who feel like taking their lives to a safe place such as the suicide prevention hotlines. Sitting on the wall like a bunch of "See no, Hear no, Speak no Evil Monkeys will not go far in aiding those who are in emotional pain.

    How I see it,
  • I'm so glad to hear that your daughter is doing well. Sending love, peace and warm thoughts to you, your daughter and your family.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • It's good to hear your daughter is doing better.
  • Grif,I sure am thinking about you and your daughter.I am hoping for the best for you both.
    How are you feeling? Don't forget to take care of mom. Sagehen
  • I'm glad to hear that your daughter is doing well and is(still)in therapy.It's good too that this has brought you two even closer together as mother and daughter.Strange how these things happen..and it never fails to amaze me when something good comes out of something so painful.

    Everyone is different-we all know and maybe get tired of repeating that phrase,but it's never so true as in the cases of parenting and the emotions that go into being a worried and concerned mother.I have no doubt that you will never forget that phone call,just as you will always worry.
    I'm a concerned and worried mom myself.

    I agree with you on the suicide thread.The subject of suicide should never be pushed 'under the rug' or dismissed here at S~H,as if it is a liability.The people here deserve more than to be insulted in such a way,and the subject touches our lives and is a real part of us or our thoughts.If not in the present,in the past.Our past is gone,but some of that knowledge can be a powerful tool in helping those in need today,or in the future.Awareness is so much better than ignorance,or simple denial.

    Good luck to you in your healing.
  • I think about you and your daughter every day. I am glad to know she is doing better and is going to her therapy sessions. Glad to hear that you have a therapist, as well.

    I completely agree with you and Robin about not dismissing the topic of suicide. This thread is a good example of how much support we have to offer up, to those who have had close calls with suicide.

    This subject has personally touched my life in the past, with a family member and a best friend. Both individuals are still alive, thank God. I attended therapy sessions with both of these people during their stays in the hospitals and gained a lot of knowledge. You learn everything from warning signs to coping skills.

    Suicide is understandably uncomfortable for most people to talk about. It will always be a delicate subject for me to discuss. But, it is real. The topic should not be brushed under any rug... it should be openly discussed when concerns arise.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you Griff, as well as your daughter and your extended family and friends.

    Much love,


  • I will not sit here and say I understand how you feel because that is just not true - as a parent anyway. But I lost a brother to suicide just over 17 years ago and for me at times it is still as painful now as it was then.

    I am so glad that your daughter is getting the help she needs. There is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting you have a problem of some kind and need professional help to deal with those problems. I have seen psychiatrist's and psychologist's off and on for 13 years now and I am truly grateful that I am aware of my own personal warning signs that lets me know when I need that extra help.

    Hang in there........it will get easier but you will never stop worrying. As parents it is part of our job and I would say that most of us do that job quite well. I know sometimes I worry way more than necessary but I just can't help it.

    I admire your strength and the strength of your daughter. Best wishes to you and all of your family.

  • Tammy and Robin, thanks for understanding what I was saying. It's a fresh, open wound and I'm still willing to talk about it. I think that we need to brush off the shame and fear and bring it to the forefront.

    All of you, I appreciate the support you've given me during the rough time. My daughter deserves all the credit here; she's taking charge and trying her hardest to get her life back in order. It's remarkable that she, of all people, isn't afraid to talk about what she's been through but people who have no dealings with it are. I'm in fear that the younger generation will see more suicide attempts than we've ever seen before and we can't bury our heads in the sand about it. As a parent I always want to know more than my daughter and, realistically, how many of us parent do about this topic? Just do an internet search, it'll scare the pants off of you.

    I'll keep you updated on her progress. I'm sure proud of her :)


  • I have just read the posts from the beginning and what struck me was the insight that both you and your family have gained. Although it was a devastating situation the steps forward in so many ways are there. Your pride in your daughters courage, the depth of understanding between you that comes from difficult times. I have had an occaision where my daughter was seriously ill and I couldn't imagine my world without her in it. Through it all came a richness of a relationship which I cherish. My thoughts are with you and your daughter and I send as much love and Hugs as your hearts can handle- Thank you for sharing - Paula
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