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Not me

jay911jjay911 Posts: 540
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:30 AM in Depression and Coping
Ever since my discogram (which, as the doctor said, looked as normal as any he has seen) I've been real depressed and can't get out of that funk. Writing isn't my strength so I don't think I can truly express how reading everyone's posts about their successes and even their trials really does make me feel better.

I got to see my doc yesterday and he took me off the Norco and put me on MS-Contin & Valium. He called me "his enigma." I can't believe I said this, but I told him I'm glad I was able to pique his interest and I can make doctor co-pays for a long time. But only if he names a wing in his office after me. What a f'n loser I am, he and his staff are always the nicest folks! L) That's NOT me, I hate this.

Add to that, I've fallen a couple times at home and even at work once last week. You should have seen a couple guys I work with, they about freaked out! Luckily it was no big thing but apparently it's something I'm gonna have to deal with. I'm getting a cane to try out in the next few days. I can't believe the freaking train wreck I'm turning into and how everything looks great according to the doctors.

Gosh, I so sorry to dump on everyone! But I wanted to say how glad I am you all willing to share and how much it is helping me right now! Like others I think we share more here than with our own loved ones and I very much value the trust and friendships I've developed. For that I thank each and every one of you.

Your doped up, gimpy, depressed, spiney friend,

P.S. Saw some of my firefighter buddies the other day, you would not believe how hard it was for me not to climb the aerial ladder... climbing in the cab brought back a flood of many cool memories though, I nearly cried.


  • i dont have any answers or good advice jay ,just a freindly hug :*
  • Hey there, my friend. I'm sorry for the depression that's set in lately. We mourn our old life and try to keep going through the new one even though it can really take its toll.

    That is such a common theme here in the SH forums. If only there were a magic pill, a switch - something - to make it better someone would be very rich.

    I guess all we can do is plug through the day and try to find inspiration and hope where we can. Sometimes it pops up in the most unsuspecting places.

    Take care, old buddy, old pal.
  • I love my cane, i've gotten real good at spinning it in my hand and hardly ever hit one of my cats when it flies out. I think House ripped me off, plus I do have a yo-yo next to my chair on the windowsill too!

    Don't think of a cane as a 'new' limitation, think of it as an unusual weapon - a hidden weapon... but try not to get caught by the fuzz when you have a specially made/ordered sword-cane delivered to your house (make sure it has a silver wolf's head with LED light-up eyes and a mouth that moves so you can practice your ventriloquism...;>)

    And no, Bobo the clown making a cane from balloons with a giraffes head doesn't count!
  • Thank you all for the hugs and encouragement!

    Darn it Jim, I guess I gotta cancel Bobo the clown... I decided I need to get a cane like Snoop Dogg has in Starsky & Hutch.... and of course the purple leopard print hat & cloak.
    Maybe something like this?

  • My cane is Pink leopard print and I love it. It offers that bit of security I need so i do not fall. I already did that twice so am a bit afraid of falling again. I have to admit it was hard to admit I needed this but now I am fine with it and know it is there to help me.
  • I'm sorry you're feeling down. It's normal to go through and to grieve the loss of how things used to be. I use my cane all the time but at first I felt like a loser, like I somehow gave up on myself..but that isn't truth. It's just a helping "hand" to get us around better and help us not to bust our tails. I'm glad your doctor's trying you on an extended release med and I hope it does the trick. Hang in there buddy and I hope you feel better soon. Take care
  • Yes,a cane can be helpful,and nothing wrong with using one.Whenever we moved into this house this past Feb.I asked Michael why my cane was in the spare bedroom (I had it in storage),He said,'Oh,well I know that cane is special to you because it was passed to you from your grandfather after he died,so I put it in there where you could see it." I'm like WTH?? My grandfather didn't give me a thing when he died,not a dime-lol.

    Ok,so obviously,whenever I first met Michael,I told him this story..er,lie,about my grandfather passing me his 'special' cane.My grandfather never even used a cane!


    Well Jay,as you are probably aware-I have matured immensely since then-I met Michael over 9 yrs ago.So,let's hope so.

    It's a transition I think we go through with this CP we are in.It changes our lives and it changes us..also it's hard at times.I still have grandfather moments with new people ;))
  • Hmm, A hollow plexi-glass cane to hold my ashes when I die..
    The handle/knob on the top would be a plexi-glass sphere encasing one of my eyes in a liquid medium. It'll act like a compass and always look northwards towards Bar Harbor Maine...;>)

    It'll be a sword cane too as my ashes will hide the blade and be twice as deadly if used as my ashes will blind the enemy when the blade is whipped out!

    Unless your standing downwind then i'll get in yer eyes...

    Hmm,... I wonder if I could pre-sell the idea to prospective mortuary inhabitants...?

    The cane part could also be double shelled with a mixture of oil and water in between with little plastic fish (or bones if you've a mind too...) floating around, maybe some glow-in-the-dark solution too as that would look really cool at night as you twirl the cane while walking through the park. Maybe put an LED bulb or laser pointer in the eyeball too...?

    Sorry, meds kicked in...:>)
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