I'm sorry but thought this may help by putting my feelings on paper. Being fed-up with the world today and guilty for making my family worry about me. Surgeon told me I needed back fusion etc last Nov. but due to insurance issues am trying to be exited from the system. My employer is putting on the pressure to attend work for various special assignments, even though I have medical cert. and take quite a bit of narcotic meds. Unable to stand-up straight since May 08, severe muscle spasms, pain etc etc...
Unable to drive and find using wheelchair increases my inability to make my legs work.I wish my boss would live my life for just 1 day, then perhaps she would stop putting me in "guilt-city". My job is still very important to me and mentally if they let me go it would be just another blow.
Realised Valium is a depressant-just started them for help with constant muscle spasms with movement.
Sitting here crying, cos I can't remember what it was like to be able to stand-up straight yet alone pick-up my 2 granchildren, born since my injury.
Sorry for being so pathetic- I used to be the person who cared for others. Being powerless in a system sandwich is not nice. Thank-you for letting me be a "Whining-Winnie"