Hey its just me again. I am so angry and frustrated with this dam* depression and anxiety. What's worse W/C seems to be playing a huge roll in it. X( I was supposed to have started work hardening last Thursday morning. It was to run from 8-Noon. I slept right thru my alarm. I am scared I will do the same this morning. It is 2:30 in the morning and I have to be up at 6:15 to get ready for my first counseling session. The nurse case manager called me Thursday afternoon and told me a ride had been arranged and she asked about my work hardening that morning. I explained I didnt go and why and that I had discussed it with my lawyer. We (the lawyer and myself) both agreed it would be best to wait until after I saw the psychologist today. She then informed me that the work hardening was doctor ordered and I HAD to do it. I told her I understood but that I was not emotionally able to do it yet. She then told me that because it was ordered and I didnt do it they would cut off my benefits. X( What is wrong with these idiots???????? :? ~X( I emailed my lawyer and let him know what I was told so he could talk to my adjuster.
Obviously these people do not know what it is to live with anxiety and depression. And I cant seem to make them understand that depression goes along with chronic pain but when a person has a predisposition for it - it makes it even harder to deal with. 8}
My lawyer was just as angry as I was about being denied my benefits. They say the work hardening was doctor ordered and it took them less than 2 weeks to line everything up but at the same time the counseling was also doctor ordered and it took us 4 months of fighting to get it - WTF? ~X( X( I cry alot these days even with my depression and anxiety meds. And sleep???? Is there such a thing??? I have my doubts. I called my surgeon and told them my mind was racing and I was having a lot of trouble sleeping and staying asleep. He prescribed trazadone for me. As long as I take a whole one (500 mg) I sleep well and I sleep soundly. Knowing I had to get up early and couldnt just sleep till I woke up I took only a half of one tonight. Guess what? IT DIDNT WORK. I am completely and totally physically and emotionally exhausted. I am not sure how much more of this my body can take. I am so sleepy now that I can barely keep my eyes open - as was the case when I went to bed. As soon as I went to bed I was wide awake with all of these thoughts racing thru my head. So many emotions and so many frustrations. Will it ever end?????????????????
Calgon cant take me away - is there anything else that can????