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WHAT THE HE!! ??????????????????

edited 06/11/2012 - 8:30 AM in Depression and Coping
Hey its just me again. I am so angry and frustrated with this dam* depression and anxiety. What's worse W/C seems to be playing a huge roll in it. X( I was supposed to have started work hardening last Thursday morning. It was to run from 8-Noon. I slept right thru my alarm. I am scared I will do the same this morning. It is 2:30 in the morning and I have to be up at 6:15 to get ready for my first counseling session. The nurse case manager called me Thursday afternoon and told me a ride had been arranged and she asked about my work hardening that morning. I explained I didnt go and why and that I had discussed it with my lawyer. We (the lawyer and myself) both agreed it would be best to wait until after I saw the psychologist today. She then informed me that the work hardening was doctor ordered and I HAD to do it. I told her I understood but that I was not emotionally able to do it yet. She then told me that because it was ordered and I didnt do it they would cut off my benefits. X( What is wrong with these idiots???????? :? ~X( I emailed my lawyer and let him know what I was told so he could talk to my adjuster.
Obviously these people do not know what it is to live with anxiety and depression. And I cant seem to make them understand that depression goes along with chronic pain but when a person has a predisposition for it - it makes it even harder to deal with. 8}
My lawyer was just as angry as I was about being denied my benefits. They say the work hardening was doctor ordered and it took them less than 2 weeks to line everything up but at the same time the counseling was also doctor ordered and it took us 4 months of fighting to get it - WTF? ~X( X( I cry alot these days even with my depression and anxiety meds. And sleep???? Is there such a thing??? I have my doubts. I called my surgeon and told them my mind was racing and I was having a lot of trouble sleeping and staying asleep. He prescribed trazadone for me. As long as I take a whole one (500 mg) I sleep well and I sleep soundly. Knowing I had to get up early and couldnt just sleep till I woke up I took only a half of one tonight. Guess what? IT DIDNT WORK. I am completely and totally physically and emotionally exhausted. I am not sure how much more of this my body can take. I am so sleepy now that I can barely keep my eyes open - as was the case when I went to bed. As soon as I went to bed I was wide awake with all of these thoughts racing thru my head. So many emotions and so many frustrations. Will it ever end?????????????????

Calgon cant take me away - is there anything else that can????


  • I missed an appointment once also but was not so detrimental as yours. Put the tv alarm on. Text your friends to call you today. I hope your counselling session isn't too long and you can get back to bed. I've gone days without sleep I hope you can get a nap now. Do you have a Union? Your Boss can't have anything to do with your care. Find out her email and contact her that way. The Counsellor can send a to do list to your Dr to get out of work. Good luck. Deep breathing okay? They won't have you if you're so stressed about it and brings your pressure up. I wish you healing thoughts. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I'm sorry you are being stressed out this way and it is aggravating your depression and anxiety. I couldn't handle staying up all night with thoughts racing through my mind; it's maddening.

    What exactly is a work hardening appt? Is it like functionality tests that long term disability policies make you go through? I hope your lawyer will be able to reschedule your missed appt so your benefits aren't cut. Hang in there..
  • I made it to and from counseling this morning and have been going on 1 1/2 hours of sleep all day. I had a lot to do today once I got home from counseling. I had to go see the lawyer, go to the bank, pay some bills, an errand for my sister, shopping, etc. The counseling when great. We have identified a lot of the issues - now we just have to work on them. I bought a used 18 speed bike today so I can get out and get some exercise. He wants me to get out of the house everyday at least once so I figured riding would be a good thing to do - it will help me pedal off some of this weight I have gained over the last 4 months.
    Work hardening is a type of therapy to prepare me to go back to work. Deals with the bending, lifting, standing, and all the other aspects of my job.
    I felt so good about the counseling that I decided I needed a place to go to escape when I am feeling stressed. This evening I have been "redecorating" my spare bedroom - in a Hawaiian theme. A paradise in the comfort of my own home. I have "hula" grass that I am putting around the whole room on my walls. 2 inflateable palm trees, 2 each of inflatable monkeys, parrots, and flamingos. A few battery operated paper lamps, A fountain centerpiece, lei's, and a few things to hang from the ceiling. I think it will be awesome once I am finished.
    My counselor is making me keep a journal every day so we can discuss what ever I write in it. The only stipulation he had was that I have to end each daily entry on a positive note. I will be seeing him twice a week for a few weeks and then it will be cut back to once a week after that.
    As for the work hardening schedule and not keeping the appt. well we are ok on that I think. The lawyer had already contacted my adjuster last week and informed her of our decision. He couldnt get her on the phone today so he left her both a voice mail and an email. We suspect we will hear something back tomorrow.
    Im feeling a bit better outside of being completely exhausted. It is far from over but at least it is a start. :)
  • I know this will help you so much with your depression and anxiety. Keep up with the bicycling and decoration. Take care :H
  • I am glad you are feeling better, emotionally. That is huge in/of itself.

    WC and Social Security Disability may be 2 different animals altogether, but when I worked for the disability office and had claimants who would call me the day of or before their appointments to tell me they just were not feeling up to it, I would stress to them how important it is to go - ESPECIALLY when they aren't "up" to it. My thought process was that it would be beneficial for the claimant if the Doctor/Psychiatrist/Psychologist could see them on a bad/usual day. Think about it - how many good days do you have? If you have more good than bad, AWESOME!! But, if the opposite is true, then this examiner needs to know that.

    The counselling session you had sounds like it was very productive. I LOVE the idea you have with the spare room!!! When my kids leave (or enough leave that I have a spare room) I may actually do something like that! And ending the day on a positive note.... I can't think of a better way to end a day. That's great!

    Best of luck to you FRUSTRATED. Hopefully soon you can change your name to HOPEFULandfrustrated. With the emphasis on HOPEFUL (rather than frustrated).... ;)

    Keep us posted on how you progress.

  • for the votes of confidence. I got some much needed sleep - 10 hours straight!!!!!!!! =D> I was still tired when I got up but at least I had the urge to do something productive for a change. :)
    I had planned to go for my bike ride after I went shopping but by the time I got home it was raining #o - so maybe tomorrow. I'm still working on the decorating - dont want to have too much fun all in one day - LOL
    Of course I cant be on my feet for more than 20 or 30 minutes and my back gets to hurting really bad so I have to stop. :( But that is ok. As each day I see progress so it is a good thing.
    I'll keep you posted.

  • Be careful, don't push to hard. Try and take it slow so you don't overdo and have to start all over!

    I like the Hawaii room! Sounds cool. We went in 2007, I'd go back in a heartbeat if I get the chance!
  • My Hawaii room is finished. I finished it last night. Of course, knowing how I am, as time goes by I will be adding to it. It was fun to let my creative side come out. It has been a long time since I have done anything as creative.
    The weather was great yesterday and was able to take my first bike ride in about 25 years. Knowing how out of shape I am, I only went a couple of miles but hey its a start!!!!!!!!!
    The work hardening has been rescheduled with no repercussions thus far. My attorney has been in contact with the W/C adjuster and she made no mention of the interruption of benefits and knows the dates and times of when it is scheduled to start.
    Maybe - just maybe things are starting to turn around for me.

  • That sounds G-R-E-A-T!! Hey - can you take a picture of your "island get-a-way" for us? I bet it is soooooo cool.

    Know what you need? A small plastic pool to complete it all. Wouldn't that be a hoot?!

    You keep up the good/hard work. A good mental frame of mind is a good thing to have.

    Wish you all the best!

  • But the day after I posted that I had finished my Hawaii room I went out and bought a 4ft. inflatable baby pool. I bought blue crepe paper and put it in the pool to make it look like water - and I bought another inflatable palm tree and set it beside the pool. LOL I have pictures of the room but I forgot how to post them so if you can help please let me know.

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