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Why the devil am I weeping??

patwhite101ppatwhite101 Posts: 1,213
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:31 AM in Chronic Pain
Why the devil am I sitting here weeping??
Yes, my foot and leg pain is the worse as it has ever been today.
I am not depressed. I went through a very bad spell of depression severl years ago when i was married to a very abusive man so I know what depression is.( I knew he was going to kill me,I just did not know what day it was going to be)So I know what depression is.
The girl that cleans for me one day a week was here today and my house is sparkling clean. Clean sheets are on my bed, pillows plumped.
Meals on Wheels delivered my meal, so I do not have to hobble around, cain in hand, trying to prepare something to eat, then trying to clean up.
Tammy also ran errands for me. Picked up my refill script at the Doctors office, took it to the Drug Store, (they will not fill until tomorrow) so she is going to pick it up in the morning and bring it to me. (It's for narcotics so it can't be called in.)
My Rose bush is in full bloom filling my house with it's lovely aroma, a warm breeze blows it through the open windows.
I will be getting my permanent SCS implant about the first of June. Joy of joys.
Savage pain aside....life is GOOD!!
So why do I set here weeping...so unlike me.
I must admit that walking sends shock waves up my legs and they burn!! But I am no stranger to pain. it's nothing new to me.I never feel sorry for myself. I have wondeful friends and neighbors that call daily.
Oh yes....I almost forgot. In my meal was a lovely dill pickel to munch on!! What could be btter?
Have any of you ever set and cried for no good reason or have i flipped out?? :?
Hugssssss to all >:D<
Paesy W


  • It is so normal to cry for no reason in my world. Of course being an emotional head case I guess it would be. But you have stress. Even on the days that I think who's life could be better than this, I still cry for no reason. My husband thinks I'm crazy when I say there is no reason but really sometimes I think you just need to cry. You have an amazing outlook on things, just let yourself cry a little today and maybe you tomorrow you will feel better. I know sometimes after I just let myself cry I feel better afterwards, the need to cry just goes away and i'm able to get on with it.
  • for the soul I think. It does give me a whicked headache after though :T . I tend to cry a lot when I just cant take it anymore, or when I am severely depressed. Take it easy today, smell those wonderful roses, and don't have a care that you are crying at all. Embrace it, you are a woman, a woman in pain. I hope that you have a better day tomorrow >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D<
  • hi! :H what a joy that you have so much happiness in your life besides the pain. =D> i weep sometimes. :''( it helps to relieve anxiety and even bad pain times could use a good cry. sometimes it just happens. i look at it as just clearing the heart a bit. :X so cry and i don't have to tell you, tomorrow will be a better day! :D Jenny :)
  • Crying for no reason -- but, of course! Anyone who is touch with their feelings is going to cry for no reason -- probably those who are the most joyous about life or the ones that will cry for no reason. Sometimes it's just the way your mind balances out your emotions -- maybe your tear bucket was full and needed a release! (LOL)

    I cried yesterday because I was frustrated with feeling ill and really missed my dad (the one who could fix things) who passed away a few years ago. I don't know about you but a good cry, aside from giving me stuffy sinuses, really gives me a sense of calm and peace afterwards -- hopefully it is that way for you.

    Sending you a big bear hug and the gang here is always by your side.
  • Sometimes I cry and dont know why. Alot of times I think we just need the release. I am sending you a big hug back. I had another IV treatment today. Not feeling better, but will see what the morning brings. I am so glad you got meals on wheels. It is so important to have a balanced diet and being alone, it is, i'm sure easy to not feel like cooking. I hope that you get your SCS implant soon. And that it gives you lasting pain relief. It sometimes just is hard to sit back and let others do for us. Hope that a good cry makes you feel better again. Take care,my friend.
  • Sometimes I cry for no reason too. Even on a good day when everything is right in the world, or should be and seems to be, I'll find the tears rolling down my face for some unknown reason. Or sometimes a thought or sight will trigger it.But usually it does feel better afterward!

    Maybe all seems well but the pain is really aggravating your nerves more than you realize and maybe inside you are a little sad and lonely becuase of the pain and now your help is gone and you are alone, it built up all day, so let it out and I hope you feel better soon! Or maybe it built up because all this time of suffering alone without a clean house, food, etc. and now your house is clean, you have help, good food, beautiful roses,and meds being delivered tomorrow so you just can't believe the goodness today has brought you! In fact, I'm getting a little jealous when I think about it! LOL! Just kidding! I'm hoping things fall into place daily and the days pass quickly until June!

    Happy thoughts!

  • I do sometimes when the weight gets too heavy...but guys dont call it "weeping" and if you tell anyone we told ya we did.....we'd have to come do bad things to you.

    Keep your mind right ,Pat....its only a few days until that permanent install.

  • Whew.. #:S Thank goodness I am normal. Thank all of you so very much for taking the time to leave a comment!!
    And you know wat?? I DO feel better!! <:P Perhaps I should have sat down and had a good cry brfore now.
    Life really is good and I have so much to be thankful for despite the constant pain.
    Everyone here is just wonderful!!
    Ezra..You are correct. Tomorrow WILL be better. Thank You Luv.
    Heidi......Thank you for all the hugs and yes...I too was left with a headache but a light heart.
    Jenny....Yep, my heart IS lighter. Wise words my friend. Thank you.
    Deltalady....What a darling little dog in your pic!! Thank you for the kind words. Ya know...I need to post the pic of my little dog instead of my ugly mug. Hugsssssss
    Iowarobin....Oh dear....wish you were feeling better, Yes tomorrow will bring a better day. I know it will. I should be getting my permanent implant about the first week in June. Yippeeeee I am so very lucky, I got 100% relief from my foot and leg pain with the stimulator!!
    Hi Kathy...Thank you for the encourging words dear. Tomorrow is going to be a good day for the both of us.
    Thank you every one. Your words have helped sooooo much!!
    Patsy W
  • Thank you for the chuckle my friend.
    Nope...it won't be much longer!! Yip Yip Yipppeeeee
    I can hang in thare that long, Yep I CAN!!
    Sending ya hugssssss >:D<
    Patsy W
  • Patsy, I think it is good to have a Good cry every now and then. When I feel one coming on I tell my Family I am heading to my closet for a cry and they know what I mean. Your surroundings sound so nice and relaxing, I hope you can soon enjoy it with out all the pain.
    Sending you Hugs back, I think you need one today! >:D<
  • Thank you for the hug. I am a great believer in hugs and everyone who comes to my house first gets a hug as long as it's not a stranger.
    Today is a better day. Foot and leg pain is still pretty savage AND the drug store will not have my pain meds until Monday!!Ooooooo man...that means I have to go without!! Now I have a good reason to cry.
    I hope your day is going well.
    Sending you a hug right back.
    Patsy W
  • I feel for you with the percription problem. My Dr is 2 hours away and so I must call in time for them to send them Always scary when you get down to the wire. Is there anything your Dr can substitute for you until you get them, so you will have something. It is worth a thought. I hate to see you go without if there is a alternative. I am sending you a big hug >:D< for being such a great friend. Hope you find something to get you through. No fun having extra pain to deal with.
  • Yes...It scares the devil out of you when you are out of meds and then get word they do not have it in stock and won't have for several days!!
    Tammy.(the girl who cleans for me) is taking the script to another drug store I use sometimes so I hope and hope it will turn out well after all.
    My legs and feet hurt so very bad. :''( I keep changing shoes in the hopes that will help. I have a huge stack in front of me now.LOL Sometimes changing shoes does help for some reason but not today!!
    I will call my Doctor if I need to.
    Thank you for your kind words. Thanks for the hug.
    Hugsssssssss right back
    Patsy W
  • I'm like Debbie - when I know it's time to "let it all out", I tell my hubby that I need to be alone for a while. I go upstairs and usually take a shower and just bawl like a baby. And I mean just BAWL! It really does help. I know when it's time: When I start wanting to cry during stupid commercials. LOL

    Anyway, I hope it works out with your meds. I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch with your legs and am sending you big (but gentle) hugs.

  • Boy it feels goodto know I am just normal!
    My life is good despite the pain. Every day I find a reason to be alive and happy dispite all the pain. Right now my rose bush is in full bloom and the smell is wonderful. That makes me happy. I love roses that smell like roses.
    Tammy just brought me my pain meds. They had them at another drug store. #:S I hate it that I have to take pain meds. I know all of us do. At first I panicked coz these meds looked different but they are name brands. I have a problem with generic meds and the last time the Doctor did not write "name brand only" on the script.I believe it's why my pain has been so bad. Generics just do not work for me. Hmmmmmmm I wonder how many other people have this same problem? I am going to "pain management" and see if I can find a thread on this subject.
    Thank you my friend for your lovely words and the hug.
    Hugssssssss right back >:D<
    Patsy W
  • We have electronic perscriptions allowed in WV now. Even for Narcotics!!! At least they worked for my Norco?

    Anyway, if your doctor can do it they send the script electronically straight to the pharmacy! It is WONDERFUL!

    I call PCP, he files the electronic script at my pharmacy, sometimes days in advance! I usually do a followup call to the pharmacy to make sure it has been received and exactly what day I can pick it up.

    It is soooooo great to not have to run around. I know I, or another adult can just stop one time and pick up the script! The place I use even has a drive up window!

    It may be unavailable with your doctor, insurance or pharmacy, but certainly worth asking about.

    Crying is great when it works right! I get a sense of release. Being an almost 48 year old man, I need to be alone and I have to do it just right. Jim is right we don't weep, that is not allowed. ;)

    Hope you feel better, I do! I got all 12 staples out this morning, came home and took a shower after 10 days of sponge baths, YUCK :&
  • Thanks for the comment my friend. Oooooo I know how good that shower felt!! After my trial I think I showered until all the hot water ran out!! :))(
    Here in this small town they have to have the paper script...no calling or faxing...just the paper. And boy it better be readable. I have had to go back and pick up a new script just coz a 4 did not look like a 4 or some other silly things.
    Okie dokie...I get it, men do not weep! Not a word from me feller :$
    I am happy to hear you are doing better every day!! Soon you will be feeling so good and be to busy for us here!! :''( It will be a great loss to us so promise you will pop in from time to time and let us know how you are getting on?
    But isn't it a wonderful thing when people improve so they no longer have the time to sit in front of the "pooter" as they did?? That is what all of us prey for and want for each other isn't it???
    Hugsssssss >:D<
    Patsy W
  • Crying is good it alludes to the fact that we are unhappy with our lot and I would be more concerned if you were not crying periodically. If you are doing it in private and it is never easy where you start crying in public, for no apparent reason.

    Those tears hold all that angst and frustration of keeping going in difficult circumstances and as said, you need no excuse just the reality of the need for some change and we are forced to have some acceptance of the journey we are making, normally not of our making or by choice. My doctor would say and how are you! even that would set me off and he supported the effort we continue to make to endure this lifestyle, perhaps the key is not to keep crying about the same thing and move forward through that watery vision.

    Sometimes a kind word and supportive ear is all that is needed, we are made of tough stuff, we survive every day, in at times our own private existence, and we should all look in the mirror and say today, I tried my best, whatever the outcome.

    Be kind to yourself.
  • Made rhubarb upside down cake yesterday and was thinking of you and how hard it is for you to cook, so I am sending some to ya, over the net. (wish I could) Enjoy and have a good day, and heres a hug >:D<
  • Oh my goodness......How did you know i LOVE rhubarb???? I can taste it now!! Yummy Yummy My mouth is actually watering! :D
    I love to bake and sure miss being able to do much now.
    Just wait until I get my stimulator...I will be kicking up my heels won't I?
    You are such a dear! Thanks for the hug too.
    Am sending one rite back at ya >:D<
    Hope your day is a good one.
  • Boy, how I miss my grandma's rhubarb cake!!! ;)

    Patsy, I cry, too, for no apparent reason. Some of it I think was pain related, but mostly because of my anxiety issues. It would upset my boyfriend so much though, when I started to cry out of the blue, for no apparent reason, and him being upset would make me cry more!!! What a cycle, lol!!! But, after changing my anxiety meds, it's a rare occurence now.

    I just wanted to say I'm glad you found out you're not alone in this, and how much your attitude and outlook on life is an inspiration!!

    May we all be as positive as you, thank you for sharing!!

    Big hugs, good health to you!!!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • I am sending you some rhubarb cake over the net too. I am gonna have to make some more if I keep giving it away.LOL =)) You gals are the best! Make me smile and some days that is difficult. :H
  • LOL, AWESOME!!! But don't send too much, as I need to lose the 20 lbs I've gained over the past year!!! (cuz even the thought of it will make me gain 5 more!!!) =))
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Boy...I can just close my eyes and see and taste that cake!!
    Jack and Kelly...Woun't you come and enjoy my slice of "net" cake? I will be happy to share.
    Thanks to all of you for your lovely comments. :*
    Kelly....I LOVE life and I will not let this pain get me down. It could be so easy to give in to it but I refuse to. I just aint gonna let it take over my life. I may not be able to walk much but I can still set on my front porch swing and listen to a Mocking Bird sing. Their singing is so amazing. I love it.
    I can still set and listen to frogs chirping in the pond over the hill. That is whare I sit and talk to friends and neighbors. I love to laugh so we are always laughing about some silly thing. Small things make me happy.
    Now I am off to bed whare I will read myself to sleep. Tomorrow will be a good day!!
    Luv all you lovely people. You are the greatest!!
    Hugssssssss >:D<
    Patsy W
  • Preferably easy on the frosting please! :D

    I'm so happy to hear you are feeling better Pat! I don't cry often anymore but when I do, BOY OH BOY LOOK OUT!!! I usually end up crying myself to sleep. And yes, I, too, get the dreaded crying headache!

    I've been thinking, maybe your tears chose to come out when everything (besides pain) was looking up in your life because it's the times when things are good that it hits home how much we've been through, continue to go through, and all the repressed feelings that come along with pain, limitations, not being like everyone else, and you know, all the rest of that darn stuff. Maybe you never felt good enough to cry until now. Sounds strange, but when you are feeling TOO down and focusing all of your energy on just surviving with pain, sometimes people can't cry until things get a little better. It's kind of like being in shock when someone dies and only crying long after the funeral once your brain stops protecting itself so much. The only difference is our shock has lasted as long as our pain with only little breaks for crying. Having a great day to look forward to, your SCS day, might have finally made it ok to get it out, kind of like spring cleaning, so you could be prepared to move on to the greater times in life with less pain. Of course, this is only my hypothesis and I really hope it came out making sense!

    I hope you continue to flash that great smile I can see through the computer! (And from what I can see from my bed here, you definitely don't have an ugly mug!!!) You have a great energy in your soul that will keep you going!

    Much love and understanding,
  • I like the "spring cleaning" thought. Thanks for the comment and understanding.
    Pain is pretty bad today so I am off to the recliner and some down time.
    Sending you a hug.... >:D<
    Patsy W
  • I feel you today, it's damp and cold and about to rain here, mine started up again last night... But, my mom brought me some rhubarb custard pie, so I'll send some to you and Robin, as she hasn't been feeling well either!! Rest easy, peace and love!!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • P.S. How did your appointment go yesterday
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Patsy- take it easy and I hope the rest helps plus a big ol hug never hurt >:D< >:D< And Kelly ,the pie is awsome. I was so hungry and tired I wolfed it down :D Thanks for thinking of me. Have a great weekend and I will keep checking in on all my freinds here as I have to take treatments all weekend so the ol girl will stay home, =)) Mayvbe tip a couple of cows and plant some potatoes! :D
  • Rhubarb custard pie!!! Awsome. I use to bake them a lot back in the day.
    My appointment went great yesterday! No problems at all. They figured out I was not a nut.LOL I was thare no time at all.
    I am beat today. Am at my sisters. I live 50 miles from the Doctors office.Should hear from the Pain Clinic next week about the date for my implant. I can't wait coz the pain is savage now.
    You guys are the greatest here!! Don't know what I would do without you.
    Kelly...hope your pain eases up. The damp weather is a bummer isn't it?
    May the sun always shine on you..
    Patsy W
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