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can't stand it, feel so horrible

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:31 AM in Depression and Coping
i am 25. having L5/S1 surgery on friday. engaged to be married october 24th. fiance is the type who could have a room full of flu patients all sneeze on him at same time and he would never get sick--ever!

i have suffered from chronic depression for probably 10 years, but diagnosed at 20, since been medicated and hospitalized in mental ward twice--just to give you background.

when i met fiance, depression lifted. the fact that he had never been to an ER til he met me and has now had to take me 4 or 5 times in two years-- has caused depression to return. i am so horribly depressed and feel guilty that he has to "care for me." and after this major surgery he will have to literally be like my home nurse for quite a while.

friends and family say he loves me, he won't care. he says same. i am afraid he will grow to resent me--his life was so carefree before.

any comments, similar stories or worries?


  • Congratulations on your upcoming wedding <:P I know you'll make a beautiful bride.

    I certainly understand how you're feeling and the worries you have. Chronic pain and depression go hand in hand, and if the depression was already there from a long time ago it surely brings more challenges. Are you seeking professional help for this? They can help you to cope with the pain as well. I'm on Cymbalta for my nerve pain but it also works for depression, and my doctor says it's the best antidepressant. I've done well with it and it's kept my mood afloat.

    Are you having a microdiscectomy for the L5-S1? Is it for a disc herniation? I had this surgery before when I blew out L4-S1. Unfortunately I reherniated L4-5 a month post op and developed other complications, and wound up having a fusion later on.

    It's difficult when you hurt all the time and you can't engage in activities like you once did. My husband is so supportive of me and has done a great job taking care of me when the pain gets horrible. He is also very active and outgoing like your fiancee.

    It's normal to worry if your loved one will get tired of being a caretaker; I sure have and I admit I can be a pain in the a$$, but I know he loves me just the same. It's for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health....those vows certainly nail it down. No matter what, a couple stays together and if one falls down, the other picks them up and carries on. That's what it's all about.

    O:) Hopefully you'll feel much better after your surgery, and you will recover enough to walk down the aisle in style. Take care
  • Doesnt come with any clauses or contracts. Take the love embrace it fully and completely and make it your own. The other half is here coz they want to, i imagine you would..right now...rush the gates of hell itself to come to their aid. just as they would do for you..
    heres a thought, you rush over and offer your undying unequivocal love!
    and they dismiss it. turn it down
    it'd hurt no?
    when ypu deny yourself of them, your also telling them in a way that they are not good enough.
    hurts no?
    heart to hearts are wonderful
    open your soul to them
    tel of fears of the flesh, of the heart
    and see what truth really looks like when you BELIEVE! that they are there for you through thick and thin.
    brave enough?
    love is.
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • LVBride,

    Keep your head up. Caring for each other is what people do when we love each other. I have had major spine problems most of my marriage and my wife has had to literally lift me outta bed after L4-5-S1 fusion 8 years ago. The good news: There is a light at the end of the tunnel. After my back surgery I was able to return to playing baseball (my favorite sport) and Golf and whatever else I wanted to do. I am now dealing with Cervical issues and am scheduled for surgery on July 20. I am very optimistic of recieving the same results. Keep your thoughts positive. Envision walking down the aisle pain free. Let me ask you this... if (God forbid) he got injured tomorrow and you were the one that was healthy, wouldn't you do whatever it takes to get him back to health?. Well without knowing him I am sure he will do the same for you... Happily. Have him be a part of your recovery. You will have to do alot of walking so incorporate nice walks to the park with him into the routine. Encourage him to talk to you if he is feeling overwhelmed. Encourage him to push you to do what your doc or PT has prescribed (walking, exercises). Let us know how the surgery goes and best of luck to you.... THINK POSITIVE!!!

  • just a thank you for all of your encouragement so far.
  • Hi Im newly married and have had back pain since i met my hubby 6 yrs ago!! So he knows what its like. however since we got marrrid 6 months ago i have become more like a 85 year old than a 25 year old!!! He has to help me into outof the shower dress me lay out my shoes so its eay to put on!! He is been an angel.
    Now this is the bit u cant tell him, i know ive be such a bit*h to him because the pain i have is so bad somrtimes i just take it out on him. I know he doesnt deserve it, also as for nookie i feel now i just do it to please him i usualllly end up in tears in pain after it which makes him feel bad!! and me horrible.
    I feel like sometimes to call it quits, i dont think he deserves me anymore he can get someone who really can be a wife to him
  • Beware of self fulfilling prophecies! Sometimes if you tell yourself enough that things will end badly then you unwittingly make it happen. Each of us deserves to be loved and respected no matter the condition of our bodies. Tell yourself that each and every day... and believe it.

  • I am stoked about your upcoming wedding, and will pray that your surgery goes well and your recovery is nothing short of miraculous. What a blessing your fiance' is, and just take it a day at a time for awhile and let yourself heal after surgery.

    background: anterior and posterior cervical fusion c3-7 post and c4 - 7 ant in Nov 2006
    Fusion failed Sept 2008 - had old hardware tore out and now fused from c2 -T1 posterior and c3 - c7 anterior with prosthetic disc in c3-c4.
  • Can't see a way to delete this! Arg!
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