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My youngest son

LeftbackLLeftback Posts: 404
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:32 AM in Water Cooler
Our youngest son, 19 yo, has decided to move out. He lived at home his first year of college but has decided so many of his friends live on campus or apts. that he wants to give it a try.

He works full time during the summer and almost full time during the school year. I just hope he isn't taking on more than he can handle right now.He's been paying his own car payment/ins for over 2 years,has good credit, and is responsible. But with the economy and having 2 room mates(3 bachelors...poor apt.! LOL) sharing expenses he will learn much more about being an adult.

I know from experince they have to learn on their own, most kids come home once before really making it on their own, and that life teaches you lessons.

He's always been self sufficient and busy, not home a lot. He won't be too far from home, school,and work so I'm sure he'll be home for dinner as often as he says he will! LOL! I'm sure he'll bring laundry home to do too. But he is my baby and I will miss him saying, "Bye, I love you" when he leaves for school or work in the AM, talking at night when he gets in, doing little things for us, esp. things I can't do, just knowing he was around when/if we needed him. He'll just be a call away. I need to get use to the fact he just won't be here. Every young one must fly away sooner or later! But I expected him to be later....



  • The next few years will go by quickly so enjoy all the time you get with your son!

    Yes, our door is always open. They do grow up too fast.

  • I'm looking forward to that phase of life too!

    Today we went to see the apt. which thrilled our son. He was so excited we wanted to see it. I had to walk up stairs (2nd floor, of course!) which is difficult for me but I wanted to do it do it at least this one time for now!

    It reminded us of our first apts. way back when....

  • I just saw this post. Kathy, I just had my oldest son leave the nest as well, but I am happy to say we are adjusting well. It was extremely hard the first week (he moved 772 miles away), but we made facebook accounts, and try to talk daily through gmail chat.

    I have to say, he has taken the reigns on his horse, and is riding smoothly now! (even talk of going OUT and maybe even a family some day!) He was housebound by choice, and always a loner, so this is exciting to hear! <:P

    Sorry, don't mean to hijack your post, I just wanted to show that even though it is hard for us parents, good things can and do come from our children taking control of there lives. :)

    I wish you the best, and I'm sure it will work out: you and he will get your own rhythm going and talk and it will be so much more fulfilling when you do... nothing like the daily:
    You: "so how are you doing today?"
    Son: "good" slams door to room/leaves house/etc. ~X(

    take care!

  • My oldest son moved out about 3 months ago. He just turned 20 a few days ago so it was time. But he too knows our door is always open. He doesn't care about that, just wants our workshop to be open when he needs to work on his car!

    It is so hard to let the kids "fly" on their own. Mike is actually a twin and his sister has been gone to school for a couple of years, but she comes home often, calls me all the time. It has been a bit different with Mike. He seems to want to prove that he doesn't need me anymore. Although he did call me the first time he did laundry! It is difficult to step back and not bother him, let him have his independence. He still gets mail here occasionally so that is a good excuse to stop in and see him without him thinking I am checking up on him. Parenting is sure hard!

    Thanks for sharing about your son. I sympathize. child number 3 will be moving out for college in August. I'm glad I will still have 2 at home. can't imagine if it were my youngest like you.

    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • Whyme, I think I read your post about your oldest son moving out and meant to respond then....I remember when our oldest moved out, he was 21. He is 30 already (I don't know how I can have a 30 yo already? LOL!) in the Navy, stationed in Oahu, and although he is thousands of miles away nothing makes our day like a call from him! We do have a good relationship which we enjoy.

    As you have found out already, as they find their "own" self they do develop a better relationship with their parents. They just need time and space to find themsleves and prove their independence. I hope you and your son continue talking and he'll know the door is always open if he wants or needs to come home.

    We can't believe our baby has grown up and ready to spread his wings alread. The good news is he will be close to home and we will see him often. I'm sad but also looking forward to watching him learn to fly on his own!

    It is fun to see them grow up and become the fine young men/women we raised them to be. Makes us proud! We are moms, so we will always love and miss them through all their ups/downs, we are here, that's our job!
  • Thanks for sharing. I remember when our oldest son moved out as if it were yesterday and here goes our baby. I'll give you a heads up that although it is sad when your baby annonces they are leaving the nest, by then we have experience from watching the older siblings move on, move home once, move on, from each of their experiences...I think the youngest has watched his/her siblings move on and learns from them too!

    Do you think girls are closer and don't feel the need to prove their independence as much as boys do? I see my friends with daughters and they don't seem to need as much space between them as boys do to begin with. Maybe I'm wrong. Our oldest son needed space at first but once he proved his independence we have had a good,close bond. At first he lived close enough to drop by for dinner, birthdays, holidays. But now he is in Oahu, thousands of miles and at least 14+hrs flights from home so we miss him more. It is different knowing they can drop by anytime compare to not knowing when they will be home again. Yea, I heard he might get leave in Aug.

    But I wasn't prepared for our baby to announce he was ready to leave the nest so soon.I should have known because he has always been one to do his own thing, independent and strong, a fighter (we almost lost him so we knew he was a strong little guy!) from the day he was born so even though he's the youngest he would spread his wings and declare independence younger! The good news he will be close to home so he will come by often. I know he will. We do have a good relationship, he just wants to prove he can do it. I hope he can because he will be disappointed in himself if he can't! Did your son move in with friends to help share expenses like my son or on his own/alone? I worry the friends will let him down and they will lose good friendships if it doesn't work out.

    You are lucky to have some kids still at home! Enjoy them! I miss those days because I was the kind of mom that loved time with my kids, longed for summer, any day off to have fun at home or doing something fun/special, after school,week ends. I really enjoyed every day, even the "this too shall pass" stages! My kids tease me about my job being over, I can relax, stop worrying, etc. but I tell them a moms job is never over! Moms will always worry, always love you unconditionally ...that's our job! And you know what? They know it and appreciate it! They really do!

    As you begin your journey remember I'm here to talk to. I'm glad your son has the workshop, that will help keep the door open enough for him to come in when he is ready! Our son had to leave his drums at home (can't play drums in an apt!LOL!) so he will be home for that! Good luck to him as he tries out his independence but good luck to you too...it is hard to be the parent on the outside looking in!
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    My son has just turned 18 and graduated highschool. He's going to community college in the fall so he can stay at home if he wants. He and I are so close. He hasn't ever spent very much time away from home. He's always been happy to stay here. I know I'll have to let him go whenever he's ready. I hope that time doesn't come for awhile. Our babies soon grow up don't they? Makes me feel old...
  • Thanks so much for your kind words to me. Yes, I do think the girls naturally turn to home more and don't need to "prove" that independence thing. This has been hard for me not to have Mike home. But I know it is a good thing to let them go, and I only pray that he will remember what we have taught him and that we have taught him enough to be a responsible adult. I think we have; so far he is turning out great.

    He did move in with another friend, and now a third boy, or I should say man (oh that is hard, where did my baby go), just moved in. They are all 19-20, and they are having a great time. He has learned that it isn't so fun when you have to pay rent and utilities as that takes away some of his play money. But this is a good thing to learn, and up to now he hasn't come home asking for money. I don't think he will, because again he is trying to prove his independence.

    I called Mike today to just ask how he is doing and see if he wants to come home for Sunday dinner tomorrow. He said maybe, so I'll just wait and see if he shows up. About 10 days ago he had a medical thing he was concerned about and he called me to talk about it. So yes, he still needs his mother. And I will just cherish every time he calls or comes home.

    Sorry to hijack this thread. It has been nice to read about how all of you mothers react to having our kids move out.

    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • Sharing! It's nice to have each other to share our thoughts and feelings about our kids moving on.

    Neck of Steel, my son, Eric, will have 2 other boys living with him to help with expenses too. I think that is the norm as my oldest son did that too when he started out and all of Eric's friends have room mates too. I call my sons my "man'child" at this age! LOL! I started it with the oldest when he was declaring his independence and now I tell Eric," You are my "man-child" now, still my child but growing into a fine man!" They do love us and need us from a distance!

    Sunny 1966, just last year I was where you are today. Our son lived at home while going to community college and working last year too. Eric shocked us when he asked about moving out, it came out of the blue. But many of his friends went on to college/dorms last year and several are getting apts. this year so I think he wanted to be independent too. They do grow up too soon! I feel old too!

    Eric is in the process of moving out so I'll let you know how it goes.

    Let's share this journey together, compare notes, we need to support each other and help each other with ideas.



  • Eve, You can lean on us. We're here for you, you can cry on our shoulder and we'll send you hugs! It is one of the hardest things a mom can do...we raise them to be strong and self-sufficient, independent, but then we dread the day they spread their wings to fly! Be proud of your daughter and be strong for her....because that first semester away from home is going to be harder than she realizes right now....she will need you to lean on, to keep her strong to make it throught it! She will be fine, you are a good, loving mom and you will have us! If only we wer well enough to work extra hours or have a hobby to keep us busy, right?

    Good luck and enjoy sharing time while buying everything she needs for the dorm!

  • I can post a picture of what our soon to be 19 year old sons mess looks like when he moved back in for the summer!

    I love him dearly, but not his mess!

    My wife wants to buy a small house or trailer for the boys to use while going through college so they do not stay at home or rent. I told her I don't want to OWN anyplace they are living! YUCK :sick: including the house we are in now =)) :O :?
  • Oh my Gosh, Wrangler! You are not kidding about the mess they can make! Last year when this son grad HS we had him gut his room. He(we did more behind his back..LOL) trashed years of school work,other unidentified objects from under the bed, closet, floor. Then painted the room. It was nice for a few weeks.He works and goes to college but never wants to take time to clean so the mess started to grow again! So we are looking forward to having it clean again! LOL!

    Previous experience has taught us what goes out the door doesn't come back in! Can you imagine? A bed that has lived in an apt. with 3 boys that don't clean well..YUCK....that's worse than a dorm! Apts. have bugs, probably smoke and other smells and who knows what else?

    When our oldest son moved out we learned that rule! They can store things in the garage if they clean them. But once we clean and re-do their room they can't change it, they are welcome home, the door is always open, but they use it as is and can't take the new bed,etc.with them when they leave again. They only get 1 bedroom set from us! We'll help them any way we can but like you and your wife we don't want the yuck back. LOL!

    I think that is why this one is leaving more than taking! He's smart. He wants to keep his foot in the door and stakes on his room! LOL! We bought him a new bed when we did the room last year. So far he took the mattress but not the frame/boxspring or his dresser,desk,etc.See, foot in the door! I think as much as he wants to move he will miss home plus he might need/want to come back. Here I thought I was going to get to re-decorate! I did give him the curtains to match his comforter. Then quickly put up new white curtains! WHITE? He was shocked, it's so bright! LOL! I told him I like light even though he and his brother always prefer dark curtains to keep the light out!

    But I will miss the mess too because he's a good kid and very helpful so there is good with bad. But he is close enough he can come by to visit often. Actually, he has always been mature, strong, determined, always wanted to keep up with his big brother so I think he'll make it on his own successfully if he keeps his job....the ecomomy right now worries me.

    Good luck with the boys...I hope you find a place for them to keep the YUCK! A trailer might not be so bad if you could afford it...just have it removed when they leave! LOL!

  • Kat, You have a few years left so just enjoy them! LOL!Enjoy every day because time will pass quickly!
    But the simple things are so much fun to do with a 10 year old....have fun!

    Soon you'll be thinking back to the good memories you have made together! I rewind memories of the past all the time while still enjoying good time in the present and wondering about his future!Just last night we were talking about all the things we did in summers past, the vacations and the simple things like picnics in the backyard, swimming late at night while looking at stars, walking the beach at night with flashlights and finding sea treasures, you get it! LOL!

    By the way Kat, a warning, so you can't say nobody ever warned you. Although we love our children and dread the day the leave the nest.....the only thing that helps make it easier is that they turn into "teen-agers", Aliens before our eyes! Luckily, it's just a phase but it I think God made teen years to help parents accept our kids growing up! And God lets them be little sweet fun-loving kids we adore first so we will still love them as teens and even more as we watch them grow and mature into fine young adults we are proud of and very close to!

    Have fun playing games and watching stars, etc.with him while you can!

  • Leftback, enjoy that special visit to the hilt. :D they only go to college once! LOL! take care! :D Jenny :)
  • Are you all telling me that one day my kids will leave home? Crap , I just thought they would stay forever..... :''(

    But seriously , my daughter is looking into what colleges to apply for now and I want soooo bad to say pick this one or that one because then she could stay at home and go to school but I keep my mouth shut and hope for the best. My hubby says let her spread her wings and I am like why can't I just clip them a little? I know that sounds terrible , shame on me but I am so not ready for any of this. I believe this is a thread that I will visit often....thanks for posting it Kathy. Take care....Miki
  • Thanks Jenny! I plan to enjoy every second! I always am encouraged by your support! Take care!

    Priestess and Bubblegum,
    I'm sorry they leave home and wanted to clip their wings too! They grow up too fast,don't they! I'm always looking at pictures of them as they grew up!

    My youngest son goes to community college close to home. I let him choose(with fingers crossed) and was surprised he stayed home the 1st year because he had options to go where he wanted But he decided to stay home..cheaper and he loves his job. But he is the one that decided to get the apt. with friend now. I think it is because all his friends are in dorms or in apts.so he doesn't want to be the kid at home. The good news is we are always mom, they always love us and need us and they come back often!

    I know especially with girls your girls will stay close to you regardless where they go! You are both good moms and your kids will soar as they fly! But they will always call you with all the details of their journey and let you in on their secrets. Maybe we do clip their wings a little unconsciously! LOL! I wish you and your daughters good memories and adventures together as they start this journey of their life.

    There is nothing more sobering than all the sudden knowing how our moms, parents felt when we spread of wings!Now we know exactly how they felt! What a reality check! LOL! How did I get old enough to be at this stage of life?LOL!

    Have a good day friends!
  • Moved out last fall into a dorm 9 miles from home!
    We saw him pretty often as both my wife and I work on either side of his dorm! So he never failed to find us when he needed a car, food, laundry done! Over the summer he has been working on top of the same mountain where I broke my neck and back! He never comes home!
    Well, once a month when he runs completely out of clean not smell too bad clothes!

    This fall we are purchasing an older fully remodeled townhouse for both boys to take turns using through college. We need it for the next 6 years.... :O

    Even if the kids stay in town, they don't want to stay at home! We don't intend to make them as the hills around here are pretty dangerous in the snow and winter, so we let them go to town.

    It's hard to let go, but it's all good to! :?
    I hope. :SS
  • So you are going to buy a place for the boys! Good idea! Especially with the weather, that would concern me, so I would have peace knowing they were close to school and safer in town too! What kind of work is your son doing on top of the mountain? Does it worry you knowing that is where you broke your back and neck?

    Now you and your wife will know the boys are ok and yet not so far they can still come home often! I have one son that is neat, organized and worries about things and the othe son doesn't care much about being neat or worry about anything! If they lived together the good news is the neat son would keep the place clean and the other son would make his brother "relax and chill" sometimes....LOL! good luck with the condo and the boys moving!


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