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Looking for some encouragement

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:32 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
Hello everyone! I hope everyone is doing well this Monday afternoon. I have posted on here a couple of times before without much response but, have read many many posts of others on here and am grateful to have the experiences of others to help me through my journey. I hate that anyone has to go through the pain and suffering that so many on here are going through but am grateful to have a place to vent about it and be supported.
I am writing today because I guess I am just having one of my discouraging moments. I had my surgery(as listed below) in February and am still a long way from recovery. But,I am, like so many on here, not just suffering from my back surgery. I also have 2 other deteriorated discs causing me pain and 2 autoimmune diseases--Rheumatoid Arthritis and Sjogren's Syndrome. I am only 32! The autoimmune diseases cannot be treated until my spine fuses and the RA is prety much in every joint of my body. Typically I can keep everything in perspective and realize that I am recovering and all will be better soon. NOt today! I woke up at four this morning due to the RA pain and walked to the kitchen. I slightly turned my head the wrong way and that was all it took for the deteriorated disc at C5-6 to be irritated and now I can't move my head or right arm without intense pain. So, for today I woke up with RA pain, back and leg pain from the surgery and now the neck and arm pain. It felt like more than I could take on this Monday morning. That is when the self pity really set in. I sat and looked at my 2 year old daughter as my husband dressed her to take her to daycare and wondered when I would be able to be a mother to her. I have been sick since before she was born and have never been able to fully enjoy how truly wonderful she is. I am feeling as if I will always sit on the sidelines and watch as everyone else plays with her. Will I ever be an active part in her life or will she always just remember me as the person lying in the hospital bed in the living room watching her grow up? I know so many on here have it so much worse than I do but I can't help sometimes but to feel sorry for my situation and wonder what I have done to get so ripped off? I have been given everything that I could ever want in life--a good husband, a beautiful daughter and the house of my dreams-only to not be able to enjoy one minute of any of it. please don't think I am being ungrateful for what I have or disrespectful to those who have worse conditions than I do. I just can't help but to get down sometimes. I want to live my life, be a wife and mother like everyone else I know. Instead I have become a burden to those around me and contribute very little to my family.
I am so sorry to unload this here but I didn't know where else to do it. I know this is long but I had a lot on me today. I know tomorrow will be a better day. Thanks to those who take the time to read and respond to this. I really appreciate a place like this to vent. Hope all of you have a wonderful pain free week.


  • You go right ahead and vent. That's why we're here. Not the ONLY reason, but one of the important reasons just the same.

    Us mommies know what you are going through and how you are feeling. We can so relate to you.

    For sure there are some people here who have it very bad. But does that make your suffering any less severe? I wish that WERE the case because then it'd be a piece of cake for me!

    I don't mean to make fun; I mostly just wanted to give you the other shoulder to lean on since Eve already offered one to you...

    Take care. Vent here any time.

  • I hope you have more pain relief soon from having your surgery. Sometimes just being there for your husband and child is enough even though you're not able to do many things right now. We have tomorrow to look forward too. Just little things like brushing your daughter's hair or holding her in the bed may be enough to make you a good Mom and wife. I hope your Dr. is giving you sufficient meds to feel less pain. Chronic pain sure isn't fair but it may be easier tomorrow and when you get sufficient rest. If you don't get a response bring it to the top again by editing something in it. So many posts are missed as we can't get to all of them. Try to get some buddies and we usually read our buddies post especially one of the moderators will answer if you're in dire need of support. One day at a time I try to live by that and hope for tomorrow. We couldn't have children I'm married 17 years as I miscarried a child at 32. It must be so wonderful to be a Mother. My neices promised to look after me when I'm old. How sweet. Take care and keep us posted whenever you want. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Just wanted to send a thanks out to those of you who have sent me words of encouragement. I really do appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to me.
  • I'm sorry to hear that you have so much pain and I wish for your continued recovery! That said...good mothers come in all abilities! Don't you forget that! Being able to run around or lift your child isn't what makes you a good mother. Your love and understanding and attention toward your daughter is what she'll remember and cherish! You can still touch her and read to her and spend time with her...those are the things that give her comfort and make her feel loved! Stop beating yourself up...that's an order!!
  • Alaskagirl--thanks so much for those encouraging words. You are right. as my mother-in-law always reminds me "It's the quality of time not quantity" My littlegirl knows I love her and that is what matters. It does get hard at times though to not be able to play a more active role in her life. I know my day will come. Today is just one of those feel sorry for myself days but tomorrow will be a better day I know it.
  • your love whether your running or on your back. love always comes through.
  • We all have moments that we think life has sent us too many lemons to even make lemonade. I have felt this way recently also. I think the recovery from this surgery is so long and painful at times, that it makes it hard to keep smiling. I have had lots of set backs after this surgery, 2 months of pnuenmonia, pain, and now a bone tumor behind my eye. Today my mom in law was put in hospital. I see my other ortho for knee surgery and carpal tunnel on Weds and Iowa City for tumor on Thurs. I also am ready to crack. Hold your daughter and tell her you love her. Tomm is a new day, and we both will be better, hopefully. Heres a big hug >:D< >:D< >:D<
  • I am so sorry for your pain and suffering! You said you "wonder what I have done to get so ripped off?" and you are not alone, every one of us has felt that way at one, two, 2 million times (or another), as you can see from my "name", I was having one of those days when I returned to the SH community.

    You also said "I have been given everything that I could ever want in life--a good husband, a beautiful daughter and the house of my dreams" even though you are unable to enjoy it, it gives you an anchor... hold on to that, and try, hard as it may be, to remember, you are NOT an OBJECT in that life. Your husband is there for you, your daughter loves you, you belong to them and are a very important part of their life, and they are a very important part of yours. Give what you can, and take everything they have to offer, it will lift you up.

    "I am so sorry to unload"... Think of it as a download, out of your mind, onto the page, and let it go, let us collectively absorb it. And never apologize for your need for support. We are here to give you (hopefully) what you need to go on.

    I wish you all the best, and wish I could do more.

    >:D< >:D<
  • as the others have said Tomorrow is a new day... we are not running a sprint, we are running a marathon. Everyone (even those without spine issues and chronic pain) have the poor pitiful me days. From a Dad prospective (my daughter was 2 when I had a L4-S1 TLIF 8 yrs ago) I would have my wife pick her up and hand her to me in the recliner or the bed. I would also have her be "Daddy's little helper" she loved that, as she felt a part of my recovery. To this day (she is almost 10 now, she brags to her brother, who was not born yet, that she helped me get over my back surgery). I am now scheduled for an ACDF on C5/6 on July 20th. Both of my kids are very active in sports so I have had the creeping fear that I will not be able to participate with them (I coach their teams). I believe fully in the power of positive thinking, and that has helped me get through the days when I just wasn't feeling it. You are a strong person, you will defeat this pain and enjoy those things in your life that you spoke about. Keep your chin up, and feel free to vent... it helps get the negative out and let the positive flow in. as someone above said... we as a group can absorb it... Be well and best of luck to you.

  • well today is a new day for sure. Physically I still feel just as bad as I did yesterday but emotionally I am at least 75 percent better. I would like to think that a lot of my feeling better is from the support I received on here. I have support from my family but it is so hard for them to truly know what is going with me and understand the full extent of my pain. You all understand and it really helps to know that you do know what I am feeling. Thanks to everyone and I hope that I can offer the same kind of support to you all when you need it. I am here for anyone that needs an ear or shoulder.
    Thanks again
  • you said on an earlier day that better days were coming. i think you were right!!!
    best pete
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