Hello everyone! I hope everyone is doing well this Monday afternoon. I have posted on here a couple of times before without much response but, have read many many posts of others on here and am grateful to have the experiences of others to help me through my journey. I hate that anyone has to go through the pain and suffering that so many on here are going through but am grateful to have a place to vent about it and be supported.
I am writing today because I guess I am just having one of my discouraging moments. I had my surgery(as listed below) in February and am still a long way from recovery. But,I am, like so many on here, not just suffering from my back surgery. I also have 2 other deteriorated discs causing me pain and 2 autoimmune diseases--Rheumatoid Arthritis and Sjogren's Syndrome. I am only 32! The autoimmune diseases cannot be treated until my spine fuses and the RA is prety much in every joint of my body. Typically I can keep everything in perspective and realize that I am recovering and all will be better soon. NOt today! I woke up at four this morning due to the RA pain and walked to the kitchen. I slightly turned my head the wrong way and that was all it took for the deteriorated disc at C5-6 to be irritated and now I can't move my head or right arm without intense pain. So, for today I woke up with RA pain, back and leg pain from the surgery and now the neck and arm pain. It felt like more than I could take on this Monday morning. That is when the self pity really set in. I sat and looked at my 2 year old daughter as my husband dressed her to take her to daycare and wondered when I would be able to be a mother to her. I have been sick since before she was born and have never been able to fully enjoy how truly wonderful she is. I am feeling as if I will always sit on the sidelines and watch as everyone else plays with her. Will I ever be an active part in her life or will she always just remember me as the person lying in the hospital bed in the living room watching her grow up? I know so many on here have it so much worse than I do but I can't help sometimes but to feel sorry for my situation and wonder what I have done to get so ripped off? I have been given everything that I could ever want in life--a good husband, a beautiful daughter and the house of my dreams-only to not be able to enjoy one minute of any of it. please don't think I am being ungrateful for what I have or disrespectful to those who have worse conditions than I do. I just can't help but to get down sometimes. I want to live my life, be a wife and mother like everyone else I know. Instead I have become a burden to those around me and contribute very little to my family.
I am so sorry to unload this here but I didn't know where else to do it. I know this is long but I had a lot on me today. I know tomorrow will be a better day. Thanks to those who take the time to read and respond to this. I really appreciate a place like this to vent. Hope all of you have a wonderful pain free week.