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Happy bleeping anniversary

WramblerWWrambler Posts: 1,588
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:33 AM in Depression and Coping
Anyone else ever wonder if we sub consciously give ourselves a crash course in misery around the date of our accident? Providing you had one of course!

I seriously think I am nuts....which probably means I am not.

I'm real tired of chasing the new "me".... Told my wife I feel like I am chasing rainbows while stepping in cat crap.

I'm trying to get into to see my shrink after avoiding that option for weeks now. I finally realize that what I am currently thinking is to distorted to continue on with.

Life has gotten me down and kicked my behind.
I'm two months out from my SCS and while it manages my pain decently I feel like screaming at it because I need to use it.

There are so many variables hitting me right now I can't think straight.
My job is still in limbo waiting to see if it will be rewritten, if H.R. will accept it. Will ONE or of ANY of my doctors even agree I am limited? Do I need that? I don't know.
My oldest son is going into his Sophomore years of college and wants a place to live. My wife wants to buy him a house or mobile home since we will have sons in college for the next 7 years.
My Mom-in-law has a resort property with a very old cabin that needs lots of work. MIL wants to sell it as taxes run $6k a year, well my wife wants to buy it TOO!
I'm sleeping about 4 hours a night then I toss and turn as I have so many aches and pains I can not sleep well.
There are like a million projects around the house I have not been able to do that are haunting me.

Does anyone see a pattern here?

Tomorrow marks the 3 year point from my bike ride <:P

Sorry for dumping this all here, but I need to put it somewhere...

Don't worry, my PCP is aware and working on getting me in to see my shrink asap. He wanted me to see someone else sooner, but I ain't going there. I think if I had to explain all this to someone new I would go 8}


  • i believe there is a link between accident aniversaries and pain. years ago i had a scary accident that caused my vehicle to burn up. around the aniversary date each year i would get severe migraines. and i wasn't even injured just frightened.
    i guess being in an accident is like being in a war. there are emotional and physical scars. there is post traumatic stress. guyscoming back from the war are in need of councelling. i'm sure it will take time. but with good councelling and good medical help and support from friends and familly you will hopefully put this bad stuff in the back of your mind.
    i guess its a case where you wish you didn't remember the damned accident.
    good luck wrambler.

  • I was in a bad car accident almost 3 years ago. It was 6 days before my 25 birthday. I had a few drinks, got made at my boyfriend and left my house for a drive. Very stupid. I know. I blacked out from anger and the alochol. It was late at nite and in the back roads in the country. I was the only one out driving. I crashed my van that I had. It was determined that I was doing about 60mph. Totaled it. Smashed all the windows out, pushed the engine foward. I hit a telephone, tree and a ditch. Dont remember anything about it. So I was lucky that I didnt get killed and not badly hurt. Just knocked around good. Started college a few days later. Now because of this accident, I hurt my back( which I found out later), totaled my vechile, lost my licence, and I still am on probation. I have suffered everyday because of my own stupid choices. My family has suffered because of my choices.And needless to say, I dont drink anymore. So I feel for your depression and just how much it can hurt emotionally. Time heals all wounds
  • Sounds like you have a "perfect storm" brewing in your head. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, but it's good that you recognize that you need help getting through it!

    I know this will probably meet with a brick wall on the way to your eyes, but:

    Try to relax, listen to music, burn some incense, or a candle, or spray some sent in the air that brings back good memories. I bring it up again and again, because it really does work: try meditation, look inside yourself for your strength, and tap into it.

    I'm thinking of you, and sending you positive thoughts.
  • Yes, my injuries were from a car accident 3/10/04 and I've been in pain everyday since. I am bitter toward the man who carelessly slammed into the rear of my car and changed my quality of life forever. I mourn the old me and sometimes it seems so hard to just get through the day. I do have a good support system though, a good husband and a little dog who I adore. I think about all the people on this wonderful site who have it much, much worse than I do and am thankful for what I have and can do.......much easier said than done I know.
  • I can relate. I've only had 2 anniverseries so far but each of them found me angry, seething and pissed at the world. Both times it took several days of this for me to realize what time of the year it was...not that it helped. The rage often lasts for the better part of a month.

    Give yourself a break. It wasn't your fault then and it isn't now. I'm glad that you're going to see a professional to help you deal with your issue though. My therapist has been a great deal of help.

    You know I'm here for you,

  • It helps, I'm still having some "issues" but it is a little better. I can't see my shrink because he is booked solid till August 6th.... I can see "someone else" sooner, but that would entail telling Mr, or Mrs, Else the whole story... That would take at least an entire visit, then we would do the med thing. Which would take another visit to weed through that story.

    By then I will be able to see my regular Mr. Shrink, arg....

    Todays story; 5:55 am, the dog start whining, he has been doing this at this time for a week now. he whines and whines, then rattles the door knob with his nose at the front door till my wife lets him out. Now, you are wondering why I don't let him out? Well, I will tell you why. This morning I think I am not listening to this, so I get up and go out to let him out. HE IS LAYING ON THE FLOOR AND REFUSES TO GET UP AND GO OUT FOR ME! ARRRRgggggg. Even the dog is screwing with my mind...

    You know it is bad when the dog has outwitted you.
    I got a call a few minutes ago, then a voice mail...It was the dog, he was giggling into the phone....

    I'm going to rename him Satan...

    Honestly, I know I need some restructuring of my mind and a purpose to how I will get back on track. or something. I hate the idea that I may have to chase the rainbow for a while longer yet. While watching out where I step.

    EDIT; <:P Happy anniversary to me <:P
  • =)) Thanks for my morning laugh -- gotta love the dog! You, my friend, are not cracking up -- you're just overwhelmed my your huge list of things to worry about. (I'm so bad about doing that myself). My advice is to break things into manageable components and you do that by taking things ONE DAY AT A TIME. You can't do anything about yesterday or tomorrow. If you're able (depending on how you're feeling each day), tackle one thing on your list. Any little victory and progression in working on a problem with empower you and give you a more positive outlook. :)

    I was thinking yesterday about how I get so much anxiety about certain things that I have to do (for example, an MRI because I'm claustraphobic). A little valium and I got through the MRI just fine. What I'm trying to get across is that so many things I fret about are never as bad as I anticipate. And, then the things that come out of nowhere that you have to deal with without prior knowledge, you always handle.

    Don't know if I'm making any sense -- It's my morning coffee psychiatry session!

    Take care Wrambler,

  • Hey Wrambler--it sounds like you still have a sense of humor after all that you have been thru!! It show a lot of strength! Know we are with ya!---Mazy
  • you tell the story to shrink about the dog having it in for you and they'll be getting the white coats out. so lets just keep that one here at slineyville.
    keep on treckin. better days ahead!!!
  • You know when I typed that up I thought "hmmm, I wonder if anyone will think I actually believe the dog has it in for me"?

    I do hope I would recognize that as a serious problems, not pass go, not collect $200 and head directly to the ER for a little one on one counseling.

    he's just an old dog who knows that when I get up before 6;00 am I am going to be angry, so I think he was trying to ignore my presence so he would not get in trouble :))(

    I'll bet money that he either won't whine at all tomorrow as he will remember me coming out today, or, if he does my wife will quickly get out of bed and let him out so she won't have to listen to me swearing when I come back to bed.... =))

    At least that is my plan. I hope. Still trying to figure out how to brighten my own days, feel al ittle better today, maybe I'll quit my job, that would be fun, for about 20 minutes till reality set in and I have to tell my wife. :?
  • I think your dog and my dog are long lost twins. She's the same damn way and does stuff when SHE feels like it. She's had me waiting by the door while taking her sweet time to pee, but if I let her out and shut the door for a few minutes, she WON't do anything unless I'M watching. Yay! When she's done, she strolls regally into the house (taking her sweet time again) and stops so I will pet her and tell her "good girl". Then she heads straight to the kitchen for her gourmet filet mignon breakfast. Afterwards, she insists on laying in MY bed for her midmorning nap. Isn't she precious? Yeah, that's my baby :X Do you like the way she posed for my avatar?

    I'm just trying to make you smile and cheer you up a bit. I've been feeling bummed about my canceled surgery but the ball will start rolling next week- I got to start the process over again but it isn't a terribly big deal.

    Hang in there buddy, we're here for you. Take care >:D<
  • And a little bit better, not much, just taking it day by day. Trying not to freak out as we are about to embark on placing a mortgage on the house we paid off TEN years ago. Very, not happy about this. It should in the long run be a smart move. But in today's economy who can say? We've done a bunch of math and numbers crunching and alternates such as renting rooms etc will cost us upwards of $30,000 in unrecoverable money over the next 7 years of boys in college. This way we are risking $80,000, but, it has a good chance of being mostly recoverable money when the townhouse sells.

    I'm actually quite surprised I am not freaking out more about this than I am....

    The mortgage goes on our current house because we will have a very easy time borrowing 1/3 of it's value, be able to write off interest on our primary home loan and save many thousands over the life of the loan due to lower interest rates on a primary residence.

    Anyone have any Valium? :SS :?
    Don't go flaming me, :T O:)
  • I understand completley about some dates being more painful. I myself had a drunk driver hit me 2/24/88 that almost killed me. Then on 2/24/08 is when I first found out about my neck problems, so I think I will just call that day off from now on.
  • >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D<

    Hang in there. I had to laugh at the dog story.
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