Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Veritas-Health LLC has recently released patient forums to our Arthritis-Health web site.

Please visit http://www.arthritis-health.com/forum

There are several patient story videos on Spine-Health that talk about Arthritis. Search on Patient stories
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
Attention New Members
Your initial discussion or comment automatically is sent to a moderator's approval queue before it can be published.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

I can't stop comparing my life to others'

Allie KAAllie K Posts: 33
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:33 AM in Matters of the Heart
Hi Everyone,

My name is Allie and I'm 23 years old. I've had sciatica for almost two years, in addition to having clinical depression for over ten years. Throughout my short life I have had to deal with a lot of hardships, including being made fun of ruthlessly by other kids in middle/high school, and being abused. It is so easy for me to look at other people and see how happy they are (or appear to be) and therefore become unhappy and unappreciative of what I have. Here is a current example:

I've been with my boyfriend Will for almost two years now. He is very loving, caring, and is totally sympathetic to my chronic pain problems. Will's brother Lucas just got married last month. He has only been dating his now - wife for three months longer than Will and I and they are already married. This concerns me and makes me wonder why Will hasn't proposed to me. It's true that Will is about to start his last year of college, but I've known plenty of people who have gotten engaged during this time period. I didn't go to Lucas' wedding because I was insanely jealous of him and his wife, even though they invited me. I feel like such a horrible person for having these thoughts, but I really feel so inadequate that I'm not engaged by now. Although I realize I've been blessed with a wonderful boyfriend, family, and friends, along with the many opportunities I've had in my life, it still isn't enough for me. Have any of you felt this way?



  • Oh how I remember feeling that way at the age of 23! Its been a very long lesson for me to learn to not live my life for others or through others, to cherish what I believe in, to not manipulate and try to control things, and to step back and let God take over my destiny. I am now 52 and just "got that" in the past couple of years!!

    Best wishes to you............

  • do you really feel that having an engagment ring would change your life or how you feel about life ? i doubt it. be glad to have a boyfriend who truly understands your pain and your needs, so many people meet the man or woman of their dreams and when the pain train hits their relationship breaks down, at least for you when or if your boyfriend proposes you know he is gonna be there for you for all the right reasons.
    you have been blessed with a good man, a piece of metal does not change his feelings towards you.
    hope you can see this as a positive thing ;)
  • society force you into believing that you have to be married at such an early age. I think many of us fall into that and some make the mistake of getting married for the sake of being married. I finally got past that and had fun just being me and when I was in my mid 30's I found and married the right guy. I got married when I knew that it was right and not when I felt I "had to".

    If you are that concerned, then talk to Will and ask him yourself. Women can propose just as easily as a man can.

  • gotta agreed with above. I got married, not for a wrong reason but not a veryy good one. Years later - I met someone once[to say hello and nothing more] and never thought about it until
    I was separated for quite a while. I had my 2 kids and sole custody. paths crossed with this lady from 10 years before, and today - I have had 10 years with her and if time could roll back, they would have been 25+ now. When we got married this time, both ot us married for the right reason. Even with the back, I would never trade my time now.

    Hope that helps let you know that things change in time. BTW - I made a list of 10 things I wanted in a mate. And when we both met again, found that both of us had lists and knew what we wanted. It was really funny.
  • Perhaps your boyfriend needs to finish school and get his career going. He may feel inadequate now to provide you with a home with no money. I met someone and dated him for 10 years. I thought I would marry him but he gave me the run around and finally gave him up and met someone else. I got married at 32 and wonder why I wasted so much time with the wrong man. I still love him but it was time to move on. If things are going well with your relationship let it alone. You're very young and should concentrate on your own career and you won't feel so much anxiety to get married. If you're disability makes it so you can't work do what you can to help others out and it will make you feel less wanting. Once a man sees a woman get busy with her own life you'll find maybe he'll come around. My sister in law and my brother lived together for 2 years and finally married legally and have been married 20 years and lived together for 2 years and they're very happy. Don't rush it. It'll happen if it's meant to be. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    are all so different. It's not fair to yourself to make any comparisons. You are a 1 of a kind as is your boyfriend. So is his brother, and his wife, And me, and everyone in the world. So comparisons are just a waste of your precious time.
    Time IS precious, don't waste yours on comparisons!
    Good luck, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Thanks so much everyone, I really appreciate your feedback. My boyfriend and I had a long talk and decided that we definitely shouldn't rush into getting married, since both of us have a lot of emotional issues to deal with. I also need to get my health/pain under control; I can't imagine planning a wedding while I'm having such terrible pain! I suppose my time will come, I'm just super impatient if you haven't noticed! :-)

    Thanks again!

  • hi!! :H i am in the same boat you are. :W i was planning a wedding after being together for 29 years and i developed stomach problems.. :''( may have my gallbladder out.. anyway, only you two know what is right!! :X there is plenty if time!! all the best! :D Jenny :)
  • We understandable compare ourselves with all the success around and although some never mention what has happened to them does not mean that it has not, we all compare and contrast in differing ways. Many on this site have unimaginable lives and through the words that are sometimes not said we get a glimpse of how problematic those lives are.

    I have always been an advocate of pain is pain and who is to say that my pain of two decades is any more relevant that all those newbies starting the journey and the road in front of them.

    At least you are aware of how things should improve and emphasising the negative aspect is our reality but should not dominate out outlook for the future. We are all individuals my life may well not be what I had hoped for and with some knowledge I know that others in differing situations are worse off than me. By all means compare, my own place in the hierarchy may be deemed by me to be the worst and in my heart I know others continue to have unimaginable situation before them, we are not psychic and nobody know what anyone’s situation is until we tell them. We should order our plight for it grounds the reality while having compassion for others.

    Keep the talking going it builds the foundation for the future and one dominated by pain an equal test for both individuals.

Sign In or Register to comment.