My name is Allie and I'm 23 years old. I've had sciatica for almost two years, in addition to having clinical depression for over ten years. Throughout my short life I have had to deal with a lot of hardships, including being made fun of ruthlessly by other kids in middle/high school, and being abused. It is so easy for me to look at other people and see how happy they are (or appear to be) and therefore become unhappy and unappreciative of what I have. Here is a current example:
I've been with my boyfriend Will for almost two years now. He is very loving, caring, and is totally sympathetic to my chronic pain problems. Will's brother Lucas just got married last month. He has only been dating his now - wife for three months longer than Will and I and they are already married. This concerns me and makes me wonder why Will hasn't proposed to me. It's true that Will is about to start his last year of college, but I've known plenty of people who have gotten engaged during this time period. I didn't go to Lucas' wedding because I was insanely jealous of him and his wife, even though they invited me. I feel like such a horrible person for having these thoughts, but I really feel so inadequate that I'm not engaged by now. Although I realize I've been blessed with a wonderful boyfriend, family, and friends, along with the many opportunities I've had in my life, it still isn't enough for me. Have any of you felt this way?