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A question for those that work...

broskisrbbroskisr Posts: 52
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:34 AM in Matters of the Heart
I just wanted to ask those that work how to deal with the stress. I have some boss's that sometimes (ok most of the time) come to work in just a foul mood. My job is very stressful to begin with, but coping with the pain and stress makes it worse. Sometimes its all I can do not to cuss and raise h*ll back. My question is how do I handle this or suggestions. It cant be go to HR dept because one of my boss's owns the place. :(


  • Well I think I just had a bad day period when I posted this question this morning. Pain level has been higher today and I think I have just been a little "cranky" if that makes sense. My boss is almost always a jerk and normally it dosent bother me. I am usually one that can just let it go in one ear and out the other. Just hoping for a better day tomarrow.
  • Bosses are human and have lots of personality defects like the rest of us. Some studies put the highly competitive nature to get to the top and desire for contol as almost pathalogical. In some larger companies unfortunately there is a desire to show strength of character and demonstrate the ability to take tough decisions and ocassionally they sacrifice a few staff to show they are in control (often to higher management). I was running an employment training programm once and was asked by a department manager to dismiss a girl being trained that had spina-bifida because she was unreliable (by one of those Jerks who continued to be promoted). I spoke to the girl and then rang the taxi company in front of the girl. Advised the taxi company manager that I had asked the girl to keep a diary of when she booked a taxi, when it arrived and when she arrived at work and that if she was late more than one more time I would dismiss the girl in the offices of the local newspaper, that I know thier taxi license was up for renewal and the political ramifications would also cost me my job but didn't care. She was never late again (although resigned for surgury before the training was complete).

    Generally managers have the same worries of family, finance and the ups and downs. Once coping mechanism I was once told is to always try to think of one good thing you like about the person (hopefully you can find one) and focus on that (rather than the overall view of the Jerk). Keep that in mind and just consider yourself as being above a Jerk and hope you have a better day.
  • Jerk Bosses....been there, done that. You have my sympathy.

    My advice is to try and remember that it is likely not about you at all. It is more likely your bosses are small children inside, trapped in something they don't understand and are unwilling to change, so they yell, swear and stomp their feet.

    I worked several places with these "children" for about 10 years of my life. I never realized how miserable I was until it was gone from my life!

    My last bit of advice is to do EVERYTHING in your power to leave these small minded people behind and move on!

    Stress only makes the pain worse. My worst days usually include stress induces from something other than the pain. The pain hurts, stress feeds it. viscious ugly pair these two!
  • Some bosses have no empathy. In the back of my mind, I secretly wish my issues would trap them for a week. That is my evil-twin side. With that, they would never again question my actions to get through the day. LOL- some days I would wish this on my Dr. And sometimes, the boss is having his/her own issues and thinks that they are not affecting the rest of the environment in the place.

    However - my adult side also knows that no-one except myself can handle what I go through. I have done it for 20+ years and I can handle it right now and know how to sort out a bad episode. At the end of the day, I would wish this on no-one else, because no one could handle it.

  • I have been with my current employer for 14+ years. I think it just bothers me more when I am feeling bad and dont have control of the pain.
  • It all depends how heavy you want to get and employment law and the equal opportunity especially against disabled individuals is quite stringent. Pain itself is stressful and although you ay think you are winning in addressing this head on, it is not doing you or those around you any good in the long term. We have all had these types and he will be affiliated to an organisation that has some rules and regulation if not inferred standards.

    You could try writing a letter or get your doctor to do this in your name, you could ask an outside agency to guide you, a union or association, you could write him a letter asking for his advice on the pretext of what to do be vague, ask him what union he would recommend.

    In reality you would have to honestly acknowledge your part and see if you could get some additional support for you dealing with your pain and working also, you are to be applauded for trying knowing that each day the pain is in front of you and still you expect of yourself to perform normally which in the long term is a very difficult expectation of oneself.

    I gave an employee my disabled badge on the basis that they were always parking in it, I did it in a public arena it did work and made me feel I had been proactive. You are doing well to manage your emotions and I have had the occasional outburst that was more to do with me and my issues that any outside influence, get some more support these are the first signs that you are not coping however well you think you are doing, you owe it to yourself and those around you. I work in excruciating pain some days unable by lunch to communicate or interact, this is the price I pay for trying to work in this condition I am aware of the impact and the benefits of inclusion far outweigh the alternative of staying away.

    Acquire as much information as you can and most HR department are part of an association, do your homework and get some support and allegiance. We too have a manager of this type from the old school, we told our employer if he continued to behave in this manner we would all go home, that collective opinion helped and his behaviour if not attitude changed, faced with the group even he though a change was preferable.

    Good luck and keep us informed, do something for your own sake.

  • I just posted about how I don't think my employer fully understands that I am still in recovery mode. I completely understand your frustration - especially when you are hurting physically, things tend to hit a little closer to home emotionally.

    I am sorry you had a bad day and I hope there is a looooong string of great days befor ethe next yucky one.
  • I have mixed feelings about this. As I have been in horrible chronic pain, I know how this skewed my perceptions, sometimes to the point of making a bit of managerial oversight seem worse than it was. Moreover, let's face it, I wasn't as productive when I was in pain and my superiors knew it. Hence, I was never going to use my pain as a crutch or approach HR looking for some medical disability angle.

    I simply resolved to learn to work productively despite my pain. I did. I also eventually recovered to the point where pain was no longer an issue. But even if I didn't, I like to think I would not resort to the threat of HR litigation. I either would find a way to be competitive in a competitive enterprise...or simply leave and look for positions for disabled people and deal with it that way.

    I don't want to sound so harsh, but businesses are competitive endeavors where the contributions of every person counts, especially in small businesses. Nobody owes anything to us if we are disabled. True, disabled people have every right to fight back against discrimination when they are in fact productive...but I draw the line at using disability to excuse a lack of production.

    Like I said, I got lucky and healed after my surgery. But if the day comes when I need more surgery and suffer for it, I will seek alternatives if I cannot handle my job...be it finding a new job as a disabled person, going on disability, or relying on family to help out.

    Cheers, Mate
  • If I may quote you:

    "I don't want to sound so harsh, but businesses are competitive endeavors where the contributions of every person counts, especially in small businesses. Nobody owes anything to us if we are disabled. True, disabled people have every right to fight back against discrimination when they are in fact productive...but I draw the line at using disability to excuse a lack of production."

    I agree with you; those with disabilities should NOT be discriminated against. And those who are disabled should not play that card.

    I have always thought of what is best for "the company" for whom I work. If I turn out to be a liability more than an asset, I will be the first one to bow out. I love to work. It's how I define who I am. Whether the task at hand is for pay or not; I always do the very best I can (do it right so I don't have to do it twice - which kinda came from my Dad who always said "Measure twice, cut once" for everything...).

    BUT, on the THIRD HAND, there are those who have no choice but to work. Maybe they don't have the luxury of a second income from a spouse; perhaps employment pickins are slim.

    I too have mixed feelings.

    BUT, to those who HAVE to work after surgery, I say this: Pace yourself. Be sure your work station is set up in a way that is healthy (the computer monitor should be at eye level where you don't have to look up or look down for long periods, your chair should be set to where your legs are at a 90* angle, etc), and if you have a "desk job" be sure to get up and move around at least every 15 minutes. Use that time to pick up/distribute the mail, make copies, do some filing or go to the rest room. ANYTHING to get away from the desk. Take baby steps; give your body time to ease back in to the routine it has become accustomed to before your surgery.

    Above all - listen to your body. Take breaks as necessary.

    Good luck to every one who has had to return to work before you felt you were ready.

  • Somedays when I know my unit is snickering and being snide because I am once again late because my pain was worse and getting up an hour early to make sure my meds take affect was not long enough... I HAVE wished that each and every one of them could have this butt and hip and arm for about a week each! I would enjoy that - sick as it sounds but after hearing this judgemental BS it gets that way! I have been a great employee for the past 30 years, then I have an issue and I'm crap? Not likely... You have my sympathy..
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