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Playing nice in the sandbox

NumbskullNNumbskull Posts: 1,526
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:34 AM in Matters of the Heart
I have learned so much from this site, and have "met" some really fantastic people. They have kept me going, and got me through days that they don't even know about. The thing that gets me, after not having visited in a while, is reading up on the posts, and seeing so many where people just aren't playing nice in the sandbox.
Aren't we here to help and support each other? In so many threads, all I see is name-calling and mud-slinging, and words along the lines of "well, my daddy is bigger than yours" (ie my pain is worse than yours). And then to see the friends come out and gang up with the people who are calling the names and slinging the mud. To an outsider, it seems so "high school" and clique-ish.
And then my favourite sentence: "well, if you're on the computer then you can't be in that much pain". How judgemental is that? Are we here to judge other people's pain, or support them in their journey, or direct them to a better path, to find relief from their pain? I am on my computer when I'm at my worse, it keeps my mind occupied and distracted from my pain. I also have a laptop, so when I'm on, I'm laying down. How do these people know that the person they are talking to is sitting at a desk, or laying down with their laptop?
Not to say that no-one should ever play "devil's advocate" or not voice their own opinions. Where would we be without ever hearing the other side of the story? I do appreciate the posters that I usually disagree with. At least I'm exposed to a different perspective, and have even changed my course of thinking due to that on occasion, or have learned something new because of it. Life is not all roses, and therefore posts shouldn't be as well, sometimes the truth hurts. But there is a way to portray a point, with diplomacy, and without digressing to schoolyard antics.
I just wish that everyone could play well together, cite their opinions in a mature manner, and think about the words they are typing and proofread their post before clicking the submit button. I guess all the other stuff is the downside of these forums, which I admit, I don't have much experience with. I've seen people come and go in the relatively short time I've been a member here, and it's a shame to have seen some of those people leave. This is a fabulous site, with terrific members, it just really bothers me to read some of the things that I have the past few days.
I'll spare you all the "let's all be friends" lol, this is the real world, and that won't happen. But let's be fair, and what this site, if I'm not mistaken, is all about - supportive and informative.
Sorry for my little rant, I just got a little discouraged by some of the things I've read over the last few days, and had to get that off my chest.
I wish you all peace and well being.
APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own


  • I totally agree with what you're saying and that we all need a kind reminder now and then to keep things pleasant and be open minded.
  • by the way i love the way you write...and proofread...
    with large group of painful people some or most on narcotics there has to be some anger. the anger will rise and sink from week to week. when we feel the anger lets just try to help that person because they too are suffering....
  • I too totally agree with you. Alot of people post here out of Desperation, and dont need people being mean to them. I understand that medication can make you upset like pet said, and everyone has bad days. but dont post that day or proofread like kelly stated. There are alot of good people here, and i think of this place like my second home.
  • You are so totally right in that this is a place - a haven - where someone who is thrown into the world of chronic pain against their will should be able to come. Yes, we should all be able to get along. Or at least respect the opinions and experiences of those who come here looking for solace. Thank you for your post.

    Only downside is that sometimes (not always) people who are stuck at home without a support system, hobby, etc. tend to get bored. And maybe through no fault of their own (or vice versa) want to stir up the pot a little bit. I've personally known one or 2 like that. They come in to a situation and see everything going smoothly, rainbows and unicorns... then decide to throw a big ole rock into the mix just to liven things up. There have been people like that here. I applaud those who have stepped up to the task of weeding out those individuals. Sure, they may have made friends here, but caused more trouble than they may have contributed assistance. But, I for one will not lose sleep over any one of the trouble makers who have left. There are plenty of sites out there for people like that. THIS, however, is not the place for individuals like that.

    People's ideas, perceptions, feeling, experiences, etc. will differ. That's okay. Diversity is one of the great things about this site. If someone disagrees with a comment I make, I surely do not mind them stating that fact. Heck, I may have just been having a bad day at the time of the post. Or, if I say something in a forum/thread that I think is correct but turns out to not be, I WANT someone to correct me (and this happened just the other day). BUT, the person who corrected me did so in a PM, was very nice and diplomatic about the whole thing, I thanked them, learned something new, and that was that. No harm, no foul.

    The moderators and system administrators have the task of weeding out those individuals who are here to cause trouble. Have you seen how many members we have? That's not an easy task. We will not allow someone to come in and mess up what I think is a great service. We (CPers) have enough on our plates as it is; we don't need dissention.

    Oh - sorry. Went waaaaay off on a tangent there. I said all that Kelly to say "GREAT POST" and "CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?".

  • Because I realize that my pain is not as bad as what some others are dealing with. On the other hand, I have had days where mine just went into the heavens and I am trying to LIVE through it.

    I try only to talk about what I have experienced, because that is all I have to share, the years of living through this and finding ways to get through another day. Is it hard, yes! Is it worth it, Very much so!

    I came here during a high pain cycle cause I needed to know that I was not alone.

    I ignore those who are having a hard time, because I know that I can be there too. It is just that I don't post, when I am anywhere near having problems like that!

    For the most part- all of us are interested in helping each other get through all thier issues and for that I am very thankful that this place exists. It is a welcoming place that has Mods that do care.

    As I said - I am very lucky! And I enjoy coming here and sharing a bit of my life.

    Thank you - Hope all have a good day - David
  • All I Really Need To Know
    I Learned In Kindergarten
    by Robert Fulghum

    - an excerpt from the book, All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten

    All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten.
    ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW about how to live and what to do
    and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not
    at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the
    sandpile at Sunday School. These are the things I learned:

    Share everything.

    Play fair.

    Don't hit people.

    Put things back where you found them.

    Clean up your own mess.

    Don't take things that aren't yours.

    Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

    Wash your hands before you eat.


    Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

    Live a balanced life - learn some and think some
    and draw and paint and sing and dance and play
    and work every day some.

    Take a nap every afternoon.

    When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic,
    hold hands, and stick together.

    Be aware of wonder.
    Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup:
    The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody
    really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

    Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even
    the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die.
    So do we.

    And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books
    and the first word you learned - the biggest
    word of all - LOOK.

    Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.
    The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation.
    Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

    Take any of those items and extrapolate it into
    sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your
    family life or your work or your government or
    your world and it holds true and clear and firm.
    Think what a better world it would be if
    all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about
    three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with
    our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments
    had a basic policy to always put thing back where
    they found them and to clean up their own mess.

    And it is still true, no matter how old you
    are - when you go out into the world, it is best
    to hold hands and stick together.

    © Robert Fulghum, 1990.
    Found in Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, Villard Books: New York, 1990, page 6-7.

  • YES! I love it! Especially the line that said:

    "When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together."

    Hold hands; stick together. Some days, we are all we have. Thank you to everyone who has ever been there for me.

    Especially to those who did not even know they helped me!
  • for showing me another perspective. I will definitely remember that the next time I read one of those posts. Hopefully other people will, too, and keep the mud-slinging from developing into a nasty mud-slide.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • This site is tame by most standards. There really isn't another site I visit anywhere near as tame as this one. Some are fairly civil but personalities rub sometimes. Some people are more aggressive and others more passive. The "Why can't we all get along?" question is rhetorical. Not real.

    Most of the noise will actually settle itself without getting all worked up over it. When it doesn't. That is a reason for Moderators. To moderate.

    Just another opinion.
  • Going to buy that book! I am a firm believer that if you cant say some thing nice dont say any thing at all.I woke up crying so hard this morning that i could notstand my self,then i came here and all I can say IS GOD BLESS EACH AND EVERY KIND LOVING SOUL HERE!!
  • Welcome to SH. It is our main goal here to support each other. This site has been such a blessing in my life.

    Best wishes to you,

  • i am glad i have not seen any of this mudslingling and hatefulness... :''( why even come on here if that is your intent? :? why bother to sign in if not to have a pleasant time? :D why even engage another spiney if not to laugh and share good times together.. :X we have too many bad times where there is pain and suffering!!! only by looking upwards can we hold any hope of getting better both physically and spiritually. :X hugssss and hope to all, >:D< >:D< Jenny :)
  • =D> =D> =D>
    You get a standing ovation from me! That was very well put and I agree that we all need to be here to help others as well as to get help and support from others. I too like to see other views as, like you said, it has or could change my perspective and views on things.

    I'm always here for anyone who needs some support, comfort or have any questions.
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