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please help

backpainishellbbackpainishell Posts: 969
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:34 AM in Chronic Pain
Can someone tell me why i have so much pain when i walk? :''( Its getting worse :''( , My fiance dont help and he dont understand the pain im in X( , he expects me to carry on as normal :OO , im at my witts end ~X(

Angie :S :(


  • Oh I know how frustrating and painful it is trying to walk. Have you seen a doctor again this year??? It sounds to me that something can and should be done. I know you have difficulties getting seen quickly sometimes in UK. Can you see a different spine surgeon for another opinion?

    I'm sorry your fiance is not being very supportive. So hard on you and so hard on him I'm sure.

    Best to you,

  • I'm sorry, I'm new here so I really don't know your story but what I do know is when we don't get the support that we need from some loved ones. Heck, just a little understanding and empathy would be great. Luckily my husband is wonderful and very supportive, he's been there from the beginning and has watched me go through so much. But I do have others in my life who are not quite as supportive such as siblings. It's like they assume that I'm just lazy or self centered. One of my sisters who's a nurse has gone so far as to tell me that I'm going to become an addict because I take Oxycontin. Maybe she needs to do her own research instead of comparing me to the pill shoppers who end up in the ER where she works. It's incredibly offensive! She has a few back problems herself and assumes that because she can work and doesn't need any pain meds that I shouldn't either, well maybe we have different problems? I had to give up a great job that I loved with great benefits because of this. Who in their right mind would do that on purpose? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, seriously, but a little understanding and empathy would sure go a long way in making us feel better. I'm sorry that your fiance expects you to "carry on as normal", I'm sure you would love if you could. Let me preface this next comment by saying that I'm certainly not suggesting that you dump your fiance or anything but, maybe you need to make sure that he fully understands what you are going through before you decide to get married. Your husband will be your soft place to fall on the really difficult days and I hope he realizes that and treats you like you deserve to be treated, like his most priceless possesion.
  • Angie, your condition sounds really awful and makes me ashamed to be complaining about mine.

    As for your fiance, the trouble is, no-one can 'see' pain, so they don't realise how much pain you're in. Have you tried sitting your fiance down and explaining it to him?

  • sorry that you are in more pain ..best to go and see your doctor ..you may need some new test doing {mri etc} did you ever get an acticare?
  • didnt know your walking had got worse. here's some good wishes for things to improve. you get pulled this way and that and its hard to stay in one piece. i thought fiance was helping when your washing machine broke down. sometimes all you need is a pat on the back to get your spirits up....
    how about meds any changes?.....pete

  • Val,
    It's difficult enough to be in constant pain but it makes it harder when you don't have the emotional support you should have at home.
    Is he always this way or is he usually compassionate and supportive? If he is like this often, you may want to reassess your relationship. If not, then you may want to give him a day and then sit him down for a open discussion about what you can and can not do, especially with your doctor. Sometimes , hearing it from the doctor instead seems to make a difference.
    I am loosing my ability to walk, more each day and have to use a wheelchair more often than not when it comes to going out, and now even in my home. I know how difficult it can be to deal with .
  • >:D< Hiya, :S I have a scan in september, as the august one was cancelled ~X( , thankyou for your reply >:D<

    Angie xx :( :H
  • Hiya >:D< , Thankyou for replying :D , I have sat him down many times tring to explain to him :? , but he cant see the pain ~X( , and unless you are here :''( , where we are,feeling the pain as we do, :''( then how can anyone begin to understand ~X( , i suppose :?

    Angie xx :H
  • so sorry you are suffering as you are!!! :''( i have no answers for you dear heart!!! ~X( rest and take care the best you can!!! :X L, Jenny :)
  • Hiya >:D< , welcome to spine health >:D< , reading about you we are so much alike where our siblings are concerned ~X( . My sister is also a nurse, and i had to give up a career i loved doing because of this ~X( , and i cried for days and beat myself up about it and still do in some ways :''( . As for my fiance i totally agree with you :? , and dont worry he does know now hes on his last legs with me ;) .Thankyou for taking the time out to reply >:D<

    Angie xx :H
  • Please remind me atricare? :? the meds block my memory sorry :S . I have an MRI booked for september :S :?

    Angie xx >:D<
  • Hiya Buddy >:D< >:D< , He helped when the washing machine broke, but that was it :( . Nobody can understand what we go through ~X( . The meds are not helping much at all :S , the spinal headaches are getting worse too :S , but i think they are coming from my neck :S , i just want to be sorted out :W , i am fed up :( , but i have to keep smiling and stay strong :)

    Angie xx >:D<
  • >:D< Thankyou for your reply >:D<

    Angie xx :H
  • >:D< Thankyou >:D<

    Angie xx :H
  • I know how frustrating it is to hurt and not have the empathy of the ones who are suppose to be there the most. The desperation and feelings of being a burden can become overwhelming sometimes.
    I felt that way until I found this place a few days ago and the people here have literally let me take a load off my back and have pointed me in the right direction.
    I hope u get the help u need and until u do take care of " u"!!!:)

  • I presume that you are under the NHS and that you have bee routed through your GP to your spine doctor?

    While I now live in the USA I originated from your part of the world and I was just wondering where you are being treated as there is a really excellent National Health Institution in your area specially for spine problems called the Birmingham Spinal Centre,at the Royal Orthopaedic Hospital. If this is not where you are being treated then it sounds like you should ask your GP to get you in there.

    Sadly, back problems can go on and on in the long term and you may wish to make that clear to your fiance too before he and indeed you commit to marriage which is also meant to to be there for the duration. If his feeling don't quite properly match yours then that is real red flag and you may be well advised to reconsider the idea of marriage before going down that long road with someone who may not be on the same page as you.

    I am very fortunate in many respects as my wonderful wife is a fellow sufferer and we both support each other due to the fact that we both have compassion and very clearly understand what real pain is. Co-incidentally, like you we were also in a car accident which took place just after we both had surgery a few months ago and as a result of the accident, I have just had knee surgery too as both my knees went through the dashboard in the accident which was caused by an 83 year old lady who could hardly see over the steering wheel. She totally wrecked our car and almost wrecked us too. Thank goodness we survived with only minor injuries. Seems like we had a similar experience to you in that regard, only the other way round.

    Anyway Angie, I sincerely hope that you make the right decisions both medically and personally and more importantly get out of pain soon.

    Take Care

    John B
  • Take care of you and dump the bozo.. Unbelievably I have been married almost 20 years to a fella I really love, but after I had spinal fusion and later on started having serious issues - the support is gone. If he doesn't have it now, forget about him.. I am considering being on my own at this stage of the game because i never get a drop of support only have to listen too, "You are always whining about your back". I don't even talk to him about my back - ever unless I am running short of pain meds, then I may say well I don't want to go sit outside or do something because it hurts my back to sit in that chair, or to do that activity. Then I am "whining about my back". I have had a gutfull of it. I have considered plugging myself because of this GD back and nerve pain and the fact that I can hardly do a damn thing that I love anymore, and I have to hear that I'm "whining"... If I were you I would try again to really talk to him, I have to no avail, he don't want to hear it, maybe yours will. If not, cut the bozo loose and move on to someone you can count on because in the end, that is all that really matters when your hurting and crying, someone who cares and I mean really cares and at least tries to understand.. Good luck..
  • Hollie >:D< , Hiya >:D< , Thankyou so much for such a lovely message >:D<

    Angie :) :H
  • Hiya thankyou for your reply >:D< , i am so sorry that you both have gone through so much >:D< >:D< , but at least you do have each other :) .I have recently been reffered to Birmingham Royal Orthopedic Hospital :) , which is an excellent place :) ( i feel this is a good move), if they can not sort me out, then no one can! :S (fingers crossed) I asked to be reffered there after my local hospital was unsympathetic to my situation :''( .The doctors are so pleasant at the royal :) , and its a refreshing change after my experiences at my local hospital :O .I have an MRI booked for 17th september :D , I just want to know exactly what is happening to me. :S

    So how are you and your wife doing now? :? Where did you live in the UK? :? Hope to chat soon :D . >:D<

    Angie x >:D< >:D< Hugs for you both >:D< >:D< :H
  • I am delighted that you are now at the best hospital in your area. I am also quite sure that you will be well looked after there and that you will get the very best attention.

    I have had some reasonably recent first hand family experience with that hospital in another department and they were just absolutely brilliant in every respect. You are without doubt in very good hands.

    As far as my wife and I are concerned, we do indeed have each other and I am deeply grateful for that. She is a real trooper.

    I left the UK many years ago and I lived in the Cotswolds. It is still a beautiful place.

    Anyhow, I wish you well and I am so glad that you are on the right road now.

    Take Care

    John B

  • Thankyou for your reply >:D< . I do feel more like i have more confidence in the doctors there :D . If they do say (after i have the MRI scan :''( ) that they are unable to do anything because of any reason , then i will be satisfied with there answer :? . Last time i was there just upon examination he said i may need 2 possibly 3 operations :S . But all depends on the MRI on the 17th september :SS . You are right about the cotswolds it is a beautiful place :) , and its peaceful there too, quite rural 8> .

    Love to the family >:D<

    Angiexx >:D< :H
  • I am brand new here and hope it is ok if I but in ;)

    My hubby is "OK" support wise. He will do anything I ask him to do for me. But he will also stand by and watch me suffer and offer nothing. Frankly I think he does what he does do, as if I asked him to help and he said "no". Our ( adult ) daughter would kill him lol and he knows that. But other wise he turns a blind eye to me. He claims he frogets. I lose it when he says that. FORGET - how can you forget when this is my WHOLE life - every step I take is all about THIS and you forget!?! Yeah I can be a real itch when he says that. :P

    I also want share something with you that has worked wonders for me for walking. I fully understand each of us are different, even if we have the same injury. What works for 1 does not always work for another, so please don't take this as me telling you - it's just me sharing.

    walking poles - walking sticks. They are kind of like ski poles but with different ends. They are made to take the "force" of walking off our back, knees & hips. Mine works very well for me. I who could not walk 1 block without a great deal of pain, an walk about 1 mile now with these. I got mine on ebay. I am not sure if I am allowed to post a link here or not, so I will just suggest you go to ebay and search walking poles walking sticks. You will get a lot of canes pooping up as they too are listed under such, but keep digging & you will find these ;)

    My thoughts & prayers are with you ♥

  • Be sure to get the correct ones for your height.
  • Hiya, >:D< Welcome to Spine Health >:D< , I am sorry (dont take this wrong) that you have the life you have :( , but i do know how you feel ~X( , it does hurt :''( . We have enough in our everyday lives to deal with plus our pain and struggles, without our kith and kin being obnoxious ~X( . I do have a stick :? , but dont use it all the time :$ , but when i go anywhere i dont go alone so i always hold on to who ever i am with :? . I have been told to where this neck brace i have not so much for the neck pain but to relax my spine :? , i can feel this getting worse day by day :''( . >:D<

    Angie x :H
  • so good to hear from you!! :H i hope you are not geting worse and are only in a rough patch!! ~X( take good care of yourself! :D rest, take your meds, and check into the forum once in awhile!!! Hugsssss, >:D< >:D< Jenny :)
  • that you do not have the support that you need at home. It is so hard dealing with daily chronic pain all by itself. My husband has been supportive but I think it really helped him to understand when I explained it like this. He has had a kidney stone (they actually said it was a boulder) before. I told him to imagine the worst of his pain with that kidney stone. Now imagine that the only thing that could be done is to give you enough meds to barely take the edge off and then tell you OK that's it, all we can do and expect you to carry on with your life like that. I think that analogy gave him a whole new respect for my suffering. I can't help to agree with some of the others about kicking him to the curb though. Life is hard enough not to have to deal with somebody that has no compassion. I hope things do get better for you.
  • First of all I'm sorry you hurt sooo bad! I hope you get results at the new hospital. May I suggest you take him with you. It's so hard to feel like no one especially your hubby,understands.
    I'm in my 30's and when I started this new journey of more severe pain after just having to deal with it for many years and constantly had no help and support from my parents who didn't get it or didn't know how to deal with, except my husband, who I felt was not getting it completely... I made sure they were all at my Nero appointments so they could all here and see for their selves. Yes, 30+ and had mommy and daddy there, LOL but not real funny. I needed them to see with their eyeballs and hear the dr say how bad it was,and all the the details of what had to be done. But it did help them understand and help me with questions I would not of thought to ask. They couldn't believe the truth I have been telling everyone for years. It really helped them. But still I felt alone alot. My hubby was a great help. But I know my constant crying and depression and hopelessness was wearing on him. We had talks, but no matter what he said to reassure me 'I' still felt like a burden and thought he couldn't understand. How could he really when he doesn't feel my pain. I was angry at my situation and angry at everyone around me. He couldn't say or do anything right. 'I' eventually, after a couple of years of back and 2 neck surgeries and many pain management proceedures and still in pain, couldn't take the burden I felt I was,the loneliness I felt, and still angry about my life in pain.So it drove us apart. We divorced. But what a mistake. It was horrible for both of us. Because it took that for me to realize what I truly lost, my best friend. I learned how the meds and pain were causing the feelings I had. And realized he was there, just he just didn't know what to do to take it all away or what to say or anything. He was more there than I could see through the pain I was in. Being in such agony on top of moodswings the pain and meds caused 'I' drove him away. After months of seperation and then a divorce we got back together. I needed time to get it myself and took total responsibility for my own actions. We have been back together for a year now. Better than ever! This pain takes just as big a toll on our bodies as it does our minds.
    I learned it wasn't that he didn't get it... He didn't know how to take it away, and that was hard for him. So don't give up on your hubby! Understand he probly feels helpless about the whole thing and doesn't know what to say or do to help you. And when it's so bad we all end up saying and doing things we regret. Let him or make him go to those drs with you. Understand it is hard for him even if he doesn't know how to express it. Sometimes just saying nothing and listening is all you need, let him know that.
    That is all it takes for us sometimes, just to have someone listen and shut up, and if you need more.. Tell him what you need, whether it's an ear, a shoulder or just a big hug and kiss with I love you and I'm here for you. Understand his side of helplessness.
    Sometimes we want to just freaking cry and go off on somebody, let him know you need him to know it's just the pain and you need to get it out, that it's not him.
    It's hard to lose our ability to work, do the things we use to, deal with it everyday, but it's not him.... It's the pain. Maybe he'll get it all then.
    But don't give up when your in the midst of suffering. Break down and cry whenever you need to, sometimes it help get it all out and get right up and get to fighting back at the whole ordeal and put things on perspective.
    Good luck sweety, hope things start getting better! You're in my thoughts! And I'm here for you. And having others who do truly get it,can really help take that load off! Not just you but friends and family that truly don't know what to do or say!

    Feel free to pm me anytime
  • >:D< thankyou for being there >:D<

    Angie x >:D< :H
  • Hiya , Thankyou for your reply >:D< , that is one way of putting it :? and a good way of describing it too :) >:D<

    Angie :H
  • Hiya >:D< Thankyou so much for sharing your story with us >:D< I cried when i read your post :''( , but what a lovely outcome for you :) and thankyou for the advice i have certainly taken it on board >:D< How are you now? :?

    Angie :H
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