I haven't written in a very long time because I just feel like when I write I am just whining. Today is my two year anniversary of my cervical spine surgery and while I know that I am in much better shape tonight than I was two years ago tonight,I am certainly not where I thought I would be. The first year was the worst, but now I guess I have to resign myself to living in chronic pain. My surgeon feels the surgery was a success. It did what he set out to do. But I, the patient, have been left with daily pain that builds until I just can't wait to crawl into bed where I can lay my head down. There isn't a day that goes by that I am not thinking about my d*mn neck. It just really hurts. I was going to massage every week, then every other week, and now every three weeks or so. It doesn't seem to make much of a difference - it helps for a while but doesn't last. I am taking muscle relaxers at night (zanaflex) and pain meds when I don't need to get behind the wheel of a car. It seems like a heck of a way to live. I know that I am not alone and that many (if not most of us) live like this. I guess that is why I knew I could write about this anniversary and you would all understand. If I told my family what this date was they would look at my like I lost my mind.
I am so depressed by the way this surgery has changed my life. I realize that NOT having the surgery had a laundry list of risks that the doctor told me about, but he never told me that I'd be left like this.
Thanks for listening.