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Once again CHAT room problems

dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,868
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:35 AM in Spine-Health Announcements
I am not sure WHY some members just want to destroy CHAT.
I have reviewed a number of logs for the past two days and quite honestly, those involved with wrong doings will be addressed and this is just taking another step to shutting down CHAT.
I really dont know what to do, I need the help of the member community. I have always appreciated Bubblegum... She loves chat, gets a lot out of it and would be hurt if chat was stopped. But we can I do? Continue to let a few people attempt to rule the chat rooms and demean and belittle another member. It is clear that those folks never read the forum rules.
Right now, I am letting our moderators and authority folks know that when we find out about a problem in chat with a member, I will make sure that member is banned and will do whatever we need to do to prevent them from re-registering.
This site is a support site and in addition to the forums, the real time chat rooms offer an extra benefit.
Please lets keep it alive....
I dont want to shut it down, but if people do not leave me with other choices, I will have to.
Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com


  • I have gone on the chat rooms a few times when I first became a member, and quite frankly was a bit put off by the other members chatting. I felt a bit too much like an outsider, of an "exclusive club" and I couldn't keep up. Much of that was my fault, I am not a fast typer! I guess, also, that once you know the people in chat that you get better at communicating, however, it does seem intimidating to new users. Just my humble opinion. Also, I would be upset if the chatroom was used to belittle and call other names, this is not the place. There is NO place for that on this site.
    Thanks for listening,
  • I completely agree with Eve's post. There are problems in the forums, there are problems in chat. Those of us who have been literally "saved" by the support provided in chat need the support of the moderators. My personal opinion is that if we are afraid the chat room will be shut down because of problems, we'll be afraid to notify the mods of abuse. Hope that makes sense.

    I have stated many times that many of us in chat try very hard to be supportive of newbies. Sometimes those newbies become regulars, sometimes the chat room isn't a good fit for them.

    As many here know, I met Liz here. She is from England and lives in Morocco. We've become very supportive friends. She came to America for the first time and stayed with me for 16 days!!! Best time I have had in over 2 years. Several of us came together to meet. How incredibly wonderful is that??? Without chat, it would never have happened.

    There are many who benefit from chat, a few who abuse it. Should we close chat because of those few?

    Best to all,

  • And went a few times since. But my computer or typing is too slow to keep up. But I always liked going the first few times struggling as a newcomer here and to spine problems. It would be sad if chat closed for some. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I have dropped into chat, a couple of times and have always been welcomed. I know that it takes a while to work on catching up on the theme of converations and what the short-hand messages are, but I have felt that it was worthwhile.

    On the other hand - use the BS cannon on those that abuse the situation.

    When I was in a high pain cycle, it was nice to chat with others that know what it is like. I was always treated with respect.

    Just my thoughts - David
  • ty for all that have helped me in chat. so many times i couldn't keep up or needed little guidence
    and most were and are so helpfull.alein lady u have always stopped in middle of chatting and helped me.
    hope ya dont mind me mentioning your name bubble.
    i was there for more than a few ppl havin, mmm words.
    and its hard when ya see same ppl doing it. i have only been here short time.
    few bad apples here n there shouldn't stop chat room.
    i say just chat with whom ya want.we all have bad,painful days,and its good for me to go to chat.
    i always find a nice listening hear.
    thank you for the great welcome and chats
    i really enjoy this forum and to laugh in chat room when no one around understands is such a rare treat for me. thank for the home away from home.
    aka watergirl-mary
    p.s going to pain doc today give her another try to help me.....
    neck,bone spurs pain started 04, back issues and fusion l4,l5 06~hardware removed.
    good few yrs. 09 pain sharp, numbness feet,legs, diagnosed fibro, neurop. legs.lung issues.
    daily goal do good thing for someone.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,868
    used to be like every day. But I know back then we had only 3,000 members and now we are over 11,000.
    That only can dictate how chats can be.
    When I first joined Spine-Health in 2006 and went into chat, if I didnt like what I was hearing I would bounce over to another chat room.
    Everyone can do that today.

    I just ask that everyone plays fair, abides by the forum rules and understand one another. You may not have to chat with one particular member, thats fine, but lets keep the chat rooms productive and friendly
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I like chat, it is a place where I forget about any problems I have going on that particular day. To be honest though I haven't been in chat for quite a while. Like Lisa, I have a hard time keeping up! By the time I read and comprehend the conversation(s) the topic has changed and moved on. The dynamic way that conversations move into different topics is one of the cool things about the chatroom! I have a *very* thick skin and honestly there is nothing that can be said that shocks or offends me. Anyway, it's the fact that I cannot keep up with the conversation(s) that makes it difficult to participate. I would be sad if chat were to go away but I fully appreciate from experience the position that the mods are in. I know they will do what's best for the Spine-Health community, I have no doubt about that.
  • I used to be a regular to the chat rooms, spent many many hours talking with people, making new friends, helping those just starting out or those who were scared, laughing and joking with others, and having people calm and support myself.

    Some may not know that you can have individual discussions while in the chat room, rather than following what everyone else is saying. There is a link for Private chatting that opens up a separate window. So if you want to chat with one specific member, you can meet in the main chat room and either move to another room by clicking the "room" bar at the top of hte chat window, or do a private chat with someone by right clicking on that member's name and sending a private chat message.

    When there are a dozen members in the main chat room at one time it can get very overwhelming. Especially when those in the room are well aquainted with one another. Many people change their font color so you can recognize them by color rather than having to read their name with each message.

    If you are one who loves real time chat, give it a chance again. Once you get the feel of how it works, it will get easier to use and keep up.

    This message reminds me how much fun I used to have in chat. I think I'll head back there tonight!

    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • Papa Ron, Thank you very much for creating such a room. When I was looking for information about anyone else out there in the world with issues like mine, in my darkest hours, knowing that I can be paralized even in my sleep, I typed in spine & found YOUR room. Having never been in a any chat ever before, it was a little difficult @ first to understand what the appreviatiations meant.Wende, took time out to explain them to me. I thought that was very friendly. She & I became very close. It was very funny. I would see her come in & say WENDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MUA (which has been my way of blowing kisses to someone on a text phone for a decade, & she would reply back, BECKA MUAH!!!! with a giant smile, always made me feel welcome. She would tell me about what was going on in her life,@ work, the war she has with her neighbors, everything. It was just our way of greeting each other.(later it became an issue. I am sad about this stil)
    Everyone was told about my spelling problems from my head trama, 14.4 years ago, no problem, they understood. (What a relief to me.)
    Others would help me with the appbeviatiations as well, biong very helpfull. Also, sharing their lives with me.
    It made me feel not so alone. (I sit alone all daay long since a injury in November on the 20th of '08, that has pervented me from seeing the light of day,any noise,because of cronic migrines!
    I have asked questions, gotten answers. Felt like I was very welcome. I am avoiding a cervical surgery, that DRs. want to do desperatly on me.So, I can not answer any surgery questions to newbes that come into the room, other than, by what I have been told. And, I do let them know them know this.
    I like helping people, with the information I do know, always followed by ask your doctor this. I do have a personal preferance to nerologists & nerosurgions over orthos, but I always let people know, It is after all their choice. Their body. I do recomened many opinions to them (if they stick around long enough).
    Recently something has changed in SH chat room. I really do not wish to even waste my breath or make any comment on it. I just want to leave it alone. Drop it. Move on.
    What I would like to ask everybody is to go back to chatting in this wonderful room that Papa John has created for us to be able to chat in.
    Let us all just enjoy SH chat. I sure want to. I know many people who want to enjoy SH chat. No games to be played unless we are goofing off.LOL
    Let us all live & let live. Make no judgements, for it is not for us to judge,as the Bible says. And if you are of another religion, it will still say, no fighting. Love is the answer. I do not care what anybodys religions is, sexaul preferanance is, or weather they have pink dots & green stripes. I take each person by their actions, & all actions should be out of love.
    I believe that is the core of why SH chat was created.
    Let us all continue in the spirit of love. Thank You.
    btdt/Becka ;-)
  • Chat is a great feature of the spine-health website. Ron is the administrator who manages everything here, but the chat rooms are provided here by the founders of spine-health. Ron just gets the headache of keeping it running, and dealing with the childish junior-high behavior going on.

    Also, for everyone to be aware, the mods have access to the chat logs, even when they are not logged in. They can access the records to know exactly who is being naughty, who is the instigator of the the cat-fighting going on. All the negativity will catch up with members, even if they think they are getting away with it.


    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • By all means, I hope I didn't offend any chatroom regulars. Any "problems" I had were really my own fault. Thinking it over and reading others' posts I realize that now. When I joined the site a few months ago I was quite upset with my newest diagnosis and was probably more "delicate" than I am now. It only makes sense that those who frequent the chat rooms become familiar friends, so of course my insecurities would make me feel like an outsider. Also, being a slow typer really held me back with following any of the conversations! Again, please accept my apologies if I upset anyone. I am glad that so many of you find help with the chat rooms.
  • Thanks for the support! Now that I know more of the "lingo" and abreviations I just may give chat room another chance, except my typing still stinks and I'll probably get lost! Thanks for replying to me, I feel better knowing that you were not offended. This January I am having another 2 level fusion and chat would probably help me deal with it from others' similar situations. Take care,
  • I came to this site to find more info on my neck problems and I did. I became so informed that my questions were answered. But I got more answers from the chat room. I was facing a c5-6 fusion within a month of coming here and had many things on my mind. I walked out of here the night before my surgery with a peace of mind and very many friends wishing me the best with surgery. I dont have the support around where i live but my support was my fellow chatters who are now very good friends. Sugery went great (so far) and my first week of recovery is great to and i know at anytime i have a problem or something come up i dont understand i have my "friends" in the room to go to for the help. It would be a great loss to close this room.

    Love to all ..thanks guys..
  • Hi All,
    I guess after reading all these replies, and some personal PMs from a friend, got me think about going back to chat again after 3+ weeks. This wasn't the only reason I decided to go back. I decided that if I gave up on chat, then the drama wins. And that's not right. There are people out there that need someone to listen, and to understand, especially when you are scared, confused, and hurting from pain.
    So I went back in, and my first minutes there were interesting, but our great mods took care of it in a minute. For that I say, Thank You Every Much!!! After that I talked, laughed, and had a good time. Just like it was a month or so ago. Everyone was helpful, kind, and friendly. I've been back twice now, and it's been very pleasent.
    I know everythings not fixed, but like they say, " your only as strong, as your weakest link!"
    Bobbi Jo
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,868
    Going back to our grammar school days, there was always a class bully. They (he/she) would bully people all the time and the more we shy'd away, the more the bully would do.
    Same thing here.
    We do have Spine-Health Member Chat-Bullies and YOU know who you are, I dont have to spell out your names.
    The more we get upset, the more unrattled we become, the more and happier these bullies get.
    But once, we say NO MORE, stand firm and still we are going to go into our chat rooms to do what we should all be doing and not be intimidating by those, the bullies slowly start to back off.
    After what is a bully, but a coward. They are not brave enough to attack someone face to face, so instead they use the avenue of online forums.
    This Moderator team will not stop until we get the Chat room cleaned up and we start to rid ourselves of the Chat bullies
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,868
    Ron DiLauro

    There is one method to help monitor and clean up the chat rooms. That would call for an immediate penalty of being banned from this site for days

    While room is donw - N/A
    First offense - 30 Days
    Second offense - 60 Days

    Doing that, we all assume that the moderator / admin team has access to those logs and others.

    Normally, the sausage theory apple and most peoples attitude

    And is it with other trial exceptions we will extend
    that punishment longer than

    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,868
    It has become clear that there are a few members that want to make CHAT an ugly place to be. No matter how many times we post about CHAT problems, the people who want to destroy CHAT surface.
    It happened again last night. I normally would not mention any member name, but this situation is different.
    REMZY was banned from Spine-Health because he refused to listen to the multiple warnings he received. It was clear that his only purpose was to cause problems.
    He was actually proud that he had been kicked out of another forum site. His next action was to create different member names and continue to harass in CHAT.
    Over a course of a month, he probably set up about 12 different member names and soon as we found out it about it, the member name was banned. That even has not stopped him, because he continues with this childish behavior.

    While in CHAT if you have a problem with ANY member, please do the following:

    - Save a copy of the CHAT log (Save button), a copy
    will then be on your computer.
    - Send a message to one of the moderators and make sure you imbed the chat log that proves the problem with that member.
    - We will handle that by banning the member when appropriate.

    In addition, we have made sure that complete chat logs are available. We will spend the time checking these to find problems.

    This is a very serious matter. It is unfortunate that there a few members who think this whole thing is a joke.

    I still can not believe some of these people. I do not understand what satisfaction they get from creating problems and hurting other people.

    This has to STOP
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I've been chatting two weeks now ,it is very helpful,sobering,funny chat site.

    I would hate to see it shut down,because of a bad seed. I guess I missed all the drama thankfully.
    I have seen one Moron since being here.

    And if I say somthing stupid I would hope to be called out right away and let's nip it in the bud...lol

    Yea,PapaRon I believe the good out weighs the bad here on this helpful chat site
  • You have become a wonderful addition to the chat room! Happy you are there, especially when we are both awake at 4 a.m., lol.

    Best to you,

  • I have only been into chat once or twice. I found that I prefer to search for the topics that interest me instead of getting bogged down by chit-chat that may get off on different tangents. I also find that the drugs I am taking make me a little slower in comprehension so even though I can keep up with the typing my brain just isn't there.

    I was wondering if there is a way to report an abusive member, either in chat or in topics? I have played in pogo for many years now and they have a simple way to report someone. It allows the moderator to investigate a problem as well as compile complaints from different members. Pogo also has different levels of "punishment". You may be warned or banned for a few days or weeks or have your IP address permanently banned. THis is also done at the league level in cases.

    Just some thoughts.
  • The best way to report someone is to send a PM to any moderator or authority member identifying the member and detailing the abuse.

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,868
    Some times it takes for one of us to be actually in CHAT to see a problem that people have complained about.
    Tonight, I witness this first hand. I saw that foe now reason, beentheredonethat made a totally inappropriate comment to Alexhurting.
    That was all that I needed, that user now has a formal warning and believe me I will be watching this member name every minute of the day.
    CHAT was a great safe haven for everyone. Three years ago, I was in CHAT every night and it was so much fun.
    Somewhere along the line, so disgruntled members decided to make a mockery out of CHAT. I will put a stop to that and CHAT will return to where it should be. There are so many members that enjoy it, like to see it but they never want to be harassed.
    That will stop.. No one on this site will ever be harassed as long as I am the System Administrator.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,868
    to see it first hand! What I saw last night is being dealt with, we will not allow anyone to use the type of language or gestures that the member used.

    And now today, I am hearing "What did I do?, others treat me badly also"

    This will not fly with anyone on my team.

    As always, Eve, thank you for everything you bring to chat. When you are in chat, I know that people automatically feel more comfortable
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • i absolutely think the chat room should continue. it is so cool to have instant feedback on issues that come up. and where else can you find ppl wo have been through similar problems. after a while your family only wants to hear so much about your spine issues cuz it seems to never end.
    i enjoy the levity as well. there are some really incredible ppl who are so funny but are right there for you when you need it.
    they helped me during my darkest moments with their kindness in the late hrs. there will always be a rotten apple in the barrel but it can be dealt with as stated above.
    glad you were there last nt to witness been there done that. hopefully we can maintain this chat room. i always welcome the newbies and try to help in any way i can without giving medical advise.
    thanks again ron!!!
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,868
    This past week there have been a number of reported problems dealing with inappropriate behavior in chat and some very questionable behavior.

    I will say that two people that I sent messages to about their behavior immediately apologized and took full responsibility for their actions. To me that is a sign of someone who does have integrity.

    But there are also some under lying tones out there from different sources that I am beginning to find disturbing.

    I see that we have 3 Options:

    1 - Having a Moderator, Authority or Administrator camp out in the chat rooms and review the chat logs on an hourly bases. We've done this before, but it seems like whenever someone like that goes into chat, there are no problems.

    2 - Shut down CHAT during specific periods of the day. Only allow CHAT entrance for limited usage.

    3 - Do nothing and let this member community take care of the problems themselves.

    At this point, I would take on any three of those.
    My objective is to have Chat returned back to appropriate order.

    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,868
    rooms do not matter to the members who have joined Spine-Health in the past 3 to 9 months. We have had problems in CHAT before, but they were easily singled out and resolved.
    This is NOT the case any more. For whatever reason, people come into chat to cause trouble. I am now convinced of that. Before I thought there was a conflict of personalities, etc. That is not the case. I have been reading enough CHAT logs that I could easily ban about 5 new members. But what bothers me the most, is that they really ENJOY causing trouble.
    My take is if you really want to create havoc, please do it on another site. Spine-Health is for people helping each other. Its not a site for people acting like child hood bullies.
    I am going to make the recommendation that the CHAT rooms be shut down. This is it. I have pleaded, I have begged, but you know what, the only people that respond are the people that want chat, love chat and behave in chat. Its the others, those that will not own up to their behaviors that cause Chat to fall apart.
    Its either Chat closes down, or I will have a moderator in each chat room, checking in people, verifying member names, change passwords, etc and then watch every word that is said.

    I really do not have many other choices. In the past, I've always believed that those that really wanted something fought hard for it. I still believe that, because I know the number of people that depend on chat... But as the increasing number of people who want to disturb that grows, it becomes impossible to manage.

    So, its either SHUT down CHAT or Police it every second of the day!
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • As a newbie here and one who has not been to chat here yet, I may be out of place suggesting this. However I do want to help so suggest I shall ;)

    I am a MOD at a diet forum, can you even begin to image the "issues" in a live diet chat room - it would make you sick!

    What we did there was the infraction rule.

    Chat could ONLY be open when a Mod ( or what other names sites call their staff ) is online and IN the chat room. The MOD opens the chat room with his/her key ( secret password ). They then police the room. If someone behaves badly they send them a instant PM telling them this will cost them an infraction. The second infraction equals a ban immediately!

    So any ways you know the situation here MUCH better then I do but I did want to at least make you aware of this idea :)

    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • i will be the 1st to admit i have made mistakes in the chat rooms. i have apologized for my actions. i did have a prob with another member and did not do the right action about it. i regret making that decision. i would hate to see the chat rooms shut down because of a few ppl and their behavior. i for 1 apologize for my childish behavior.
  • I'm relatively new to the forum and the chats, but have found them to be extremely supportive and have had no problems with any of the members. I vote for keep them open no matter what other steps have to be taken!
  • i am so very grateful for the chat.i have been so depressed at times and just chattin with so many different people views and concerns makes me have a smile for that moment.and really makes a difference in my day.
    we all are in pain at different times and truely this chat room helps so many.
    i know not all people can get along all the time in cyber world,but for most of us this place has been a great place to make close friends.
    i will help in any way to keep this open..
    and thank you all of you chat people you all have helped me in so many different ways.
    please ron and mods keep it open
    and sorry i do realize its alot of work..its so worth it to alot of ppl
    neck,bone spurs pain started 04, back issues and fusion l4,l5 06~hardware removed.
    good few yrs. 09 pain sharp, numbness feet,legs, diagnosed fibro, neurop. legs.lung issues.
    daily goal do good thing for someone.
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