I only picked the topic name, because I always wanted to use it...dumb huh?...That seems to be me lately.
I am depressed and in pain.
Been trying to sort it all out for weeks, or is it months now?
How did I get here? I can't help but wonder? I have the SCS in place and it acts like fingernails on a chalkboard to my pain... My doctors, my rep, Pfffft! I can't really say much as swear words start flowing.
I have chosen to assault the depression as it seems more likely to be possibly fatal than the back/shoulder pain right now. The depression is so far winning the battle. My shrink and I have increased my meds and I am trying to stay with it, but I have an awful metal taste in my mouth, my eyes burn, I can't find words when I try to speak and often the words come out wrong. Lost for words, seems to be the norm for me now. I just want to find a place where I feel I belong. I am so tired...
I haven't posted here in weeks, it all seems so wrong? so not me.
What exactly am I needing? I do not know. I am only posting this because I feel the need to perhaps let others know they are not fighting this type battle alone. typing that feels right, so I guess that may be what I am after?
Please, unless you have been "here" in 'this" place called depression, don't tell me to cheer up, or ignore it and it will go away. I don't need to be told that, I have tried telling myself that. My wife has told me that. I can see the door, but it seems to be stuck closed right now.
I just need to hang in there till I figure out a way to get the thing open. No one to talk to here. Not a soul seems to know how to help this, not one I have found, YET.