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flare ups

RefugeeRRefugee Posts: 100
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:35 AM in Neck Pain: Cervical
I havent posted in a day or two. I havent been posting here very long and i dont know very many people but i would like to. I have been in bad severe pain for a couple days now and last night i was up til after 1 and then back up at 5 and then 630. Thought about calling my pm it was so bad i was sick to my stomach and in tears. shoulders neck and both arms and left hand and fingers throbbing burning and aching. I figured if i called him probably wouldnt do any good or just make it look bad when i go for my appt this month but thats 2 weeks from now. i do have to call in refills and most usually i am asked if im doing okay hopefully they ask this time so i can say no please help. I dont have anyone to talk to about this or my other problems. I am married but dont want this to consume our lives. My husband used to not believe i had this pain and at times made some very hurtful remarks to me. Since then all has been pretty much forgiven. He went to doc last year and found he had ddd of the cervical spine and lumbar. his pain started and then he knew how i felt but during that time if it was ever mentioned about pain level it was like it wasnt as bad as his. Now i just dont say much at all and no info is provided about my doc visits. i keep it all in except here. to me doesnt matter each person is different in pain and where the pain is and what level it is. I take my marriage very seriousely so i keep my mouth shut about pain now. He is a very loving man i just need to blow steam i guess i dont feel well and cant take anything else for the pain as i have reach my limit. Guess im just looking for someone to talk to right now.
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Comments

  • Hello - I am the other half - I shield my family from my pain. They dont always know how I am doing,except when I turn ghost grey and I cannot hide the effects of the pain. Gent here, My sweetheart knew there was something wrong with me when we met cause I ate a bottle of T1's in a week trying to control this. That was 10 years ago.

    My sweetheart and I have been very open about the pain but it has only been the last 3 or 4 years that I could not hide it from her.

    I have learned to live with this and I have accepted this path for however long it is. My sweetheart my learn to live - with me-living with this condition.

    I don't try to explain to anyone what my pain level is, I don't compare myself to anyone. I know that I am blessed, my comes and goes.

    I do hope your feeling better - Sometimes from a guy standpoint - the hardest thing we see- is our spouse hurting and not able to FIX the hurt! We don't knwo what to do - and this can result in an ackward silence that is hard to break after awhile. But break it we must - and get a discussion going.

    Cheers - David
  • Thanks for the reply. I know guys dont always handle things well especially if they have no way to repair it. You are right i cant always hide it like today it shows on my face and in my eyes but when he asks i just nod and keep on going. I dont like for anything to consume us especially this and it can become so much a part of the marriage that it is the only meaningful conversation we can have and thats sad. Best if i post here and bite my tongue when asked about it at home.My pain is daily lucky i can get out of bed in the morning and then that long hour wait til the med kick in maybe someday ill know what will take the pain away instantly. anyway thanks a lot nice to know im not alone in this matter
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,060
    I look at flare ups as those times when pain strikes in vengence AFTER you have had your spinal surgery.
    You may be able to go for a couple of years without any problems, but then it starts. It might be something as simple as a little twitch going down your leg and before you know it you have the snap pain in your butt and the nerve pain traveling down your leg is getting more and more severe.
    In the beginning, many people think, Oh no, I just re-injured my back and I will need another surgery
    Fortunately, that is not the norm. But flare ups can happen for so many different reasons. We generally know if we do something, or more to the point over do something we will suffer. Buts its those times when we feel we have not done anything wrong but yet a flare up happens.
    The most important thing to remember with flare ups is that you do everything you can to prevent that flare up from getting worse. If you can keep it at bay, hopefully the flareup will be very short lived.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I also have a spouse who doesnt understand or acknowledge my pain. I posted last week about this problem and received lots of support. Sometimes we just need someone to say "are you OK" and that doesn't happen at home for me. My co-workers ask more than my family, but that is because my family expects me to be the strong one.

    I hear you when you say you don't want this to "take-over" your family life. I refuse to let the pain stop me and try to do everything as I always did. I just pay for it at night and that's when the heating pad comes out.

    I do plan to take my husband to my next doctor's appointment. I don't think it will change him but it might make it real to him.

    I'm at the beginning of the treatment road. I look forward to the day when I will be pain and meds free. Until then it's one day at a time. AA has the serenity prayer which says "give me the strength to change what I can and accept what I can't". My family understanding is something that I know I can't change so I try to accept that, as hard as it is to do.

    Good Luck and remember you can come here to bitch anytime.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,060
    then we do from our loved ones. Friends, Co-workers, etc, their feelings is thinking from the brain, where as our family feelings come from the heart. Thinking with your heart, things are not always black and white.

    Another aspect is that family members, especially our spouses can have a difficult time adjusting. Part of that can be fear, part of it can be a level of resentment. Fear in the fact that they do not understand your condition and feel helpless. So instead of doing more, they can wind up doing less.
    Resentment can come in the form of knowing that they will have to pick up the extra slack, be it in the day to day chores or from a financial aspect.

    I do believe that bringing your spouse to your doctor visits is so important. There they can hear and try to better understand your medical situation.

    Good luck..... Keep the communication path with your spouse open. Maybe its also a need for both parties to sit down and have a good conversation
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I sometimes wish they would listen and not just expect things to be fine. things are not fine. I dont like to bring it up with him its all about who is worse and since he is older he thinks he is so i keep quiet. Also it is hard to get a word in edgewise when it is all about them. I have told him my appt in a few weeks will be one that he attends with me. The problem i have is he has similar-problems so anything i say about it or know about it he knows more and suffers more. this is why i keep it to myself it causes problems for us and i dont want that i would rather vent online. thanks for the posts
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