Unlike many of you, I'm not even in a lot of pain (not yet at least). I had a surgery on L4/L5 due to cauda equina but the surgery was 99% successful. 7 years without any worries and absolutely no pain. Now I find myself in a new country where I don't speak the language (makes for very interesting hospital visits!) - and in mild pain. The most worrying part is that my back feels like it's going to give out any minute. I'm walking around with a scarf tied around my waist because it helps a tiny little bit - but it makes me feel completely ridiculous.
We moved to this country with plans on exploring the Caucasus/hiking the lovely mountains etc, and now I feel like I can't do anything. I hate the way I feel, especially at night, when the fear creeps in. What if tomorrow I won't be able to walk? What if tomorrow when I get my MRI results back, it will show something that will undoubtedly get worse? What if I have to go back to Canada? We just got here, I don't want to leave already and begin a life in misery. I'm 23, been in a relationship for over a year and I feel like there's so much more to this life that I would like to do. The past few days however, have each taken a bit of hope away from me. I have a wonderful boyfriend who has been very supportive so far, but if this will begin a downwards spiral, I don't want him to go down with me. And at the same time, I don't want to find myself completely alone.
I don't KNOW what's wrong with my back yet, but I know that it's not good. I've been reading this website the entire day, and it looks like once you have a surgery, you're bound to have at least another one. 7 years with no pain after the first surgery should be considered a blessing. I just don't know how I can deal with it all if my life will suddenly change. I don't know if I am strong enough to overcome such a drastic life change.
I'm sorry for this rant - I just had to get it out. Thank you for listening. I hope whoever reads this is having a better day.