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WandtmacWWandtmac Posts: 122
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:36 AM in Depression and Coping
I have been suffering from chronic pain since my teens. In my early 20's chronic fatigue set in then mid 20's cancer. From that point life has been a constant struggle. My body fell apart. I have had so many organs removed and so many surgeries on my stomach that I can't feel my stomach if you touch it.
I keep a smile on my face and a song in my voice. Every once in a while a person can see past it and notice that I am hiding something. I am tired and really do not care to keep up the act. I truly believe God hasn't given me more than I can handle but I can't let people know that this is getting to me either. I keep working after all of this. Doctors has stressed that I would lead a happier life if I would give up working and try to collect disability. I don't feel that I am that bad off or maybe I see so many people on it that doesn't appear to need it and I am scared I will be viewed the same way. I do require two surgeries a year for abdominal adhesions until they find a why to stop them from happening.
I do believe in depression but I don't believe the specialist care enough to treat the patient as a person and not a number. Twice I was treated with drugs that caused serious damage and I will not take antidepressants again.
My husband is the only person that sees the true side of me and the only person that I allow to see this.

Is there anyone else out there that hides the sadness and pain? My husband thinks I need to start letting it show some so people will give me a break when I am hurting or feeling down.

Thanks Ya'll


  • I call it my "PINK FLOYD" moments, "THE WALL".

    That is a fair description of my desire to keep others out of what I have going on. Many times as well, I shut out my sweetheart, only to realize that I am hurting her too. The lack of communication with her, is what hurts her and there are times, that I fall into this without realizing it and so I must be diligent to not clam up!

    Meds have their place, but the side effects can be harmful. It is a matter of finding ones that control without doing more harm!

    It happens to us guys too! David
  • Yes, I too try to hide the pain. It isn't easy. On a rare night out with a dear friend I told her about moving up my surgery date. She had no clue when I told her I was in terrible pain at that moment.

    I don't want to appear so fragile to others, especially to my horrible Mother-in-law, who has had spine issues for many years. All she does is say, oh yeah, "I've got it worse type of nonsense"(well she isn't 43 with 2 young kids!)

    However, there are times when I'd like to wear a sign or t-shirt telling everyone to back-off, I have pain issues!

    I think we all need to find a middleground where we are comfortable in letting others know what we are feeling, or when we need help.
  • To let everyone know to leave me alone. If I ignor my phone they call my husband to find out why I am not answering. I am not supposed to drive. I have had to run out 3x to get my autistic nephew because other people have had other things to do. I am not talking things that are urgent either. I just need to find a way to start expressing myself. I tend to hide now because I am known to be an aggressive person. I have tried to stop being that way and hate to go back but I feel I have no choice. If I try to tell them the pain I feel I have to hear how much older they are than I and that I can't be hurting if I decide to keep going. I don't reside myself to a bed. I guess I can make them believe more if I were to kick and scream and lay in the floor and cry like a baby like most of them when they get a cold.
    My father can be the worse. He has back pain and has to tell me all the time how he hurts. Well hell, I have had surgery on mine and he still won't believe mine could hurt worse. I tell him to get his butt out of bed and stop staring at that tv. He tells me he is too tired. Well, I get tired too but I do keep myself in bed all day. He has given up and thinks that I can't hurt since I haven't.

    I am glad to hear I am not alone.
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