I have been suffering from chronic pain since my teens. In my early 20's chronic fatigue set in then mid 20's cancer. From that point life has been a constant struggle. My body fell apart. I have had so many organs removed and so many surgeries on my stomach that I can't feel my stomach if you touch it.
I keep a smile on my face and a song in my voice. Every once in a while a person can see past it and notice that I am hiding something. I am tired and really do not care to keep up the act. I truly believe God hasn't given me more than I can handle but I can't let people know that this is getting to me either. I keep working after all of this. Doctors has stressed that I would lead a happier life if I would give up working and try to collect disability. I don't feel that I am that bad off or maybe I see so many people on it that doesn't appear to need it and I am scared I will be viewed the same way. I do require two surgeries a year for abdominal adhesions until they find a why to stop them from happening.
I do believe in depression but I don't believe the specialist care enough to treat the patient as a person and not a number. Twice I was treated with drugs that caused serious damage and I will not take antidepressants again.
My husband is the only person that sees the true side of me and the only person that I allow to see this.
Is there anyone else out there that hides the sadness and pain? My husband thinks I need to start letting it show some so people will give me a break when I am hurting or feeling down.