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I feel so alone

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:36 AM in New Member Introductions
my name is ryan. no one in my life seems to understand what it's like to be in pain every second of every day. or what it's like to be in bed 90% of the last year. even my girlfriend seems to be growing tired of me being in pain. i'm surrounded by people but feel isolated and alone in my suffering. i'm just dying for someone to understand what i'm feeling, and how much one's mental state is affected by chronic, debilitating pain. i just NEED someone to understand what i'm going through.


  • You aren't alone. Many of us here on this site have the same issues. Its tough to feel so isolated.
    You need to give us some more info on your situation, maybe we can help you.
    This site has many caring and empathetic people who are willing to listen and help.
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Welcome to spine health. You don't need to feel alone any longer. We're here to offer support, understanding, or suggestions. We've all been where you are and understand how alone you feel even when you're surrounded by people. I'm sure your friends and family want to support you but maybe they don't know how. If you're like me I often expect my family to know how I feel but I don't tell them. I guess we sometimes expect them to read our minds...then other times thank God they can't. lol. Please let us know what kinds of problems you're having. Whenever you need to vent, chat or whatever we are here and will help if we can.
    Take care,
  • Welcome to Spine-Health.

    Im so sorry you feel alone but you have found us now and your not alone anymore. We all understand what it is like to feel pain and think that no one understands. I had that problem also but im not alone anymore since i came to Spine-Health. It is such a wonderful site with so many nice members always willing to offer whatever help they can. If you need to vent thats okay we all do sometimes and everyone here understands that with chronic pain we have good days and bad days.

    Please feel better and just know that you have came to the right place for support.
  • hi and welcome to the forum! :H we are here to offer you support and answer what questions we can. i am sorry you are suffering so, both mentally and physically. you are no alone anymore. you are with others who know exactly what you feel and how alone and painful it can be to have pain all the time.talk to us. join in and let us hear how you are feeling. you don't say what you are doing for your pain? that is another part of the problem. please join in and make yourself at home. :D we are all here for you! >:D< Jenny :)
  • Ryan, I am sorry that you are feeling so alone. I hope that you've read some of the responses and that has made you feel somewhat better. You've come to the right place in searching for support and understanding with your chronic pain. That's what we are here for too.

    Can you give us some history as to what conditions you are dealing with? Did you have surgery?

    It's very difficult for others to understand what you are going through unless they've been through it themselves. Even our most loved ones sometimes don't understand and that can be the most hurtful and as you mentioned, lonely feeling. It' is great to be surrounded by those who do know what you are feeling and are here to offer support and advice.

    My prayers to you.
  • just like the rest of my good friends above i would like to say you are at the right place .if you don't mine me asking ..what is your pain ..back/neck? have you had any operations etc the more we know about you there is a better chance that there will be some one here to help you
  • Hello Ryan, First =WELCOME! - There is a lot of good info on the front end of the site. Search for chronic pain and some peer reviewed articles will pop up. They will give you some idea of what you should be getting for treatment from your Dr.

    You may use these as ways to educate your present Dr, or go find another one.

    I must admit that I do not have a large need to be understood by my close family/work environment. That said, there is a large group of people here that do understand what this is like. Its not nice, grates on you and sometimes you don\t want to communicate that.

    You are not alone! Hope things are better -\david
  • Hi Ryan,

    I know how hard it is to feel so alone. When my back issues started, I saw my friends vanish! This forum is the "GREATEST", so "A BIG WELCOME"! Tell us about your problems, and what you are going through. We are always here. I have learned so much through spine health, and it has helped me knowing that I am not alone, and the members here do understand and have answered so many questions for me on this journey. Keeping you in thoughts, and let us all know how you are doing. Also, if you can, let us know what your health problems are, back, neck, have you ever had surgery, etc. It might help us help you! sweetpotatoe57
  • Hi Ryan.

    I'm pretty new to the forum. Only a bit over a week, but I have met a great group of people and they are very supportive.
    It is hard to blend in with a new group. give it some time; keep posting and you will find the caring and understanding you need.
    I, like the rest, would like to know what you're dealing with.

    I have bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome (along with a HOST of other back, neck, nerve and debilitating conditions, but I am too lazy lol to write them all down. Maybe someday I will be able to type well enough to list them all)
    So far, no surgery...I am in the PT part of therapy, so hoping this helps-along with epidurals, etc., and I won't have to HAVE surgery!

    Again, welcome, and as others have said, it is a great place for help!
  • Understand your pain and your loneliness. It is so hard for others to understand our pain when they can not see it. You have found a great place for understanding and support.
  • Hi Ryan,

    Trust me, I know exactly what you're going through. I watched all my friends walk away one after the other. You will know who your TRUE friends are when you have a chronic illness such as chronic pain.

    Other than my online friends, I still have a couple of good friends I know will never leave me. You see, they chronic pain patients themselves.

    Use this board as much and as often as you can to relay information, vent, whine, or whatever. That's what we are here for. We all do it, so don't hold back.

    Again welcome to the board and I hope you find a healthy, compassionate place here.

    God bless,

    Patty >:D<
  • Ryan,
    That was sweet to recognise the needs of your girlfriend over the trauma of what is going on in your life, I have witnessed lots of pain patients and some as you confined to be more bed ridden than others it was perceptive for you to understand the impact on your overall mental health with is an integral part of pain itself.

    You have been honest and constructive in your assessment of you own situation and some of that improvement will be how you develop an array of coping strategies.

    Who would not feel sad and lonely in your situation, the key is what you are going to do to help yourself, many good ideas and support are here and the optimum recipe for the best quality of life possible are written in these collective pages.

    You have to find something that works for you through trial and error, many understand and acknowledge what and how you feel, the important thing is that you get the support and encouragement and some practical ideas for continuing improvement.

    Take care and write again soon.

  • Hey Ryan, how about the people who think you're just trying to get pain meds? Do you have them in your life as well? Bottom line it sucks and you're far from alone my friend. It's just one of those things that no one will ever understand unless they go through it. Wish I had some advice for you, but I don't. All I can say is that there are A LOT of us in the same boat. All you can do is try to educate the people around you and hope they somewhat grasp what you're going through. Maybe check in to your local hospitals to see if there are any support groups? Heck, I'm 30 years old and last year had the doctor talk to my family and fiancee about the severity of what I'm going through and that without the pain meds, I wouldn't even be able to walk.
  • Hi Ryan!

    Lots of folks are here for you. Me too!

    My husband is a great guy but has never had surgery or really been sick. He wants to understand but he just can't. I'm so glad I can come on this site and so many know what I'm going through.

    I don't know your story but it sounds like you're having a really rough time. I will through good thoughts your way!

  • gethealthy said:
    Hi Ryan!

    Lots of folks are here for you. Me too!

    My husband is a great guy but has never had surgery or really been sick. He wants to understand but he just can't. I'm so glad I can come on this site and so many know what I'm going through.

    I don't know your story but it sounds like you're having a really rough time. I will through good thoughts your way!


    This is my first day on this site and I'm so glad I found it. I can relate to exactly what Ryan is going through because it's a mirror of my situation. Even reading responses such as yours to someone else's post is so refreshing. It's like deep down you know that you're not alone but when you're out and seeing everyone else go on with their lives, you can't help but feel like you're the only one going through this. I don't understand why there's not more education about chronic pain and what people like us go through. Anyways, it's nice to have a site like this, especially for those days when you truly feel like you're the only one.
  • I just wanted to chime in and say you are definitely not alone. I'm having a really hard time with some of my "best" friends right now. They haven't even expressed any sympathy and I just found out I'll need surgery soon. Hang in there, they just don't understand how serious it is and how much pain we truly feel. I'm also starting to feel like nobody cares but then I have to remember that it's only important that I believe in myself and hang in there because it WILL get better!
  • in how you're feeling. in the span of a year I went from a very social person, who spent lots of time out with friends and also being active - working out and playing softball several days a week, to someone who was barely able to walk even with large amounts of pain meds. I went from being incredibly independent and self sufficient to being unable to walk long enough to make a 10 min grocery run. I lost all but about 3 friends, all of which I've known for many years. Everyone else all but disappeared. And my relationship has suffered terribly too. This time last year mypain had just started, and my gf (who has back trouble and has had 2 microdiscectomies herself) was super supportive, understanding and amazing. Now I'm spending every ounce of energy I have trying to be positive and heal from my recent surgery, and doing it basically alone because my gf couldn't handle the stress and everything else that came with the nightmare that was my caused by my back pain. Instead of just focusing on healing I'm having to try to figure out where I'm going to live, etc., as I gave up my apt, and everything I had to buy a house with the person I thought would always be there for me, but isn't any longer.

    Anyway, point is you're not alone in your suffering, and we know how hard it is to go through the pain - both physical and emotional. Hang in there and know that there are many of us who understand.
  • Grammer is not always the best here LOL but no one cares about that either. Mine gets pretty crazy when I'm pounding out a feeling.

    I'm with you that more needs to be understood about those dealing with chronic pain. I admit on days when I have no pain I can quickly forget what the days are like when I do have pain.

    It's so hard for people to see your situation if you don't have a visual issue. My brother has Parkinson's which is sad but at least people can see there's something unusual going on in his life.

    He has such a great attitude and he makes light of his situation but still for those that look fine but inside are crying it gets tough and can easily cause unhappiness to come knocking on your door.

    I hope you get the inspiration you need from this wonderful group of people.

    Some posts are hard to read because you want to just wave a wand and help the person but at least accepting their situation and sending them a message will make you feel better in the long run too.

    Funny how that help some else and it helps you thing goes.
  • I was about your age when my back started getting really bad. I couldn't do all the fun, active things with my friends that I used to. I could still do some things though. It wasn't until I could no longer work that all of a sudden my friends disappeared. I worked at an insurance company for over 11yrs and thought I had made some great friends. Even one girl I considered one of my best friends and was even in my wedding. She hasn't talked to me since I was unable to work. It's amazing how that happens. I always tried not to complain about my pain so I wouldn't be a bother or burden to my friends. I guess not being able to dance at the bars and ride my 4wheeler made me a boring person to them. I don't understand why so called "friends" do that to us. The same thing happened to my father when he became disabled about 3-4yrs ago and he still has a hard time accepting that.
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